One for the road, apparently

megk8oz · December 2009

So the Best Man was just over our house (Getting in one last wedding-free hang out with FI, I guess, lol) and that his FI is in OH right now visiting family. Apparently, she doesn't want to cut her trip short, but also still wants to attend the wedding (Because now that she's engaged, her FI is just not "allowed" to attend a wedding without her). She doesn't have a car out there, because she's just been relying on whomever she's staying with for transportation. They have plans to spend NYE in their respective locations (So she's in OH, he's in NJ), because they don't want to compromise on their own plans to be together (Whatever). So the current plan (I can't believe 2 adults thought this up) is as follows:

On New Year's Day (As in the day of the wedding), Best Man is going to drive out to OH (Which is a 10 hour drive with no stops, traffic or weather delays), pick up his FI and then drive back (The 10 hours) to our South Jersey wedding.

Something tells me, we're not going to have a Best Man.

Which, even 2 days ago, I'd be having a conniption over this. Today, I had a glass of wine after hearing this genius plan, shrugged and said "What the hell". If he doesn't show up, oh well. I know he has the best of intentions to do right be everybody and that the 2 of them are kind of "not smart" when it comes to stuff like this (In a "nobody can tell them that they might want to reconsider logistics" because that's just "underestimating their intelligence").

FI knew he was like this when he asked him to be the Best Man, and I've been predicting that there would be some insane reason he wouldn't make it (Though this is a doozey, lol) due to other issues in the past. He is who he is. If he can't make it, there's going to be issues with the friendship, but FI and I said we'll deal with those after the HM.

Anyway, we're still excited as hell, nothing but nothing is going to bring me down.

Yay wedding!

mbcdefg · December 2009

Geez, she can't buy herself a plane or train ticket?

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

Yay wedding!

They aren't the brightest crayons in the box, are they?

Just enjoy the wine

megk8oz · December 2009

Dude, I have no idea why they're doing it this way ... and I'm seriously hoping that in the next day or so 1 of them kinda wakes up and realizes that this is probably not going to go well.

Especially since BM pretty much figured out to make it to our venue on time, he'd have to leave at like 3am (AFTER partying on NYE).

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

If it makes you feel any better, one of our GMs got arrested 3 days before our wedding. If I wasn't a criminal defense lawyer, he would have been in jail while we were getting married

gottahavashorti · December 2009

That's some pretty interesting logic. How did she get out there? Plane and train tickets like PP said are pretty easy to obtain. And Greyhound or even Chinatown buses, even if it has to be from OH to Pittsburgh and then Pittsburgh to Philly could prevent 20 hours of insanity..

banana468 · December 2009

Is this a "good" plan in their minds or this this "her" plan and he gets no say?

Either way, you can just smile and know that it doesn't matter.

Although I do think that's one lousy way to treat a friend.

mags0607 · December 2009

That does not sound like a good plan at all. I commend you (and the wine) for your attitude about this. something tells me that driving at 3 am after partying till about 3am on NYE is probably not the brightest idea.

Blame this next question on me being from the DEEP South, but what happens if its snowing? Is it supposed to snow any time between now and the wedding?

LarissaAnn · December 2009

Wow, that scenario makes me want some rum-spiked eggnog, and it's not even my wedding! Hell, I got married already and had been skeptical about the ability of the BM to show up on time but he actually made it. Maybe you'll have good luck too.

Is this chick of his a real winner, or what?

stina93446 · December 2009

20 hours of driving?! Is she nuts?! It's called airplane and train!

lauralaur · December 2009

Couldn't she at least take a plane or a train or something to somewhere at least half-way? So that the Best Man has 10 hours round trip instead of 20? Or hell even 12 or 14 hours roundtrip at this point anything is better than 20. This is just such a bad idea. Dude's going to have one beer at your wedding (presuming he makes it) and hit the floor hard.

LarissaAnn · December 2009

I read this to H, and he had a good point. If your BM leaves NJ at 3 a.m. & drives 10 hours to Ohio, he arrives there at 1 p.m. Unless your wedding is at 11 p.m., there's no physical way he can drive back the 10 hours and make your wedding. It's impossible.

H said if it was his BM, he'd tell him, "look, you made a commitment to be in my wedding. If you ditch for something as inane as this, our friendship is shot."

banana468 · December 2009

Yeah, Larissa I have to think that this could be a huge issue if it were my MOH. If she said, "But I HAVE to go drive out to get him!" I think I'd let her know that she needs to do what she needs to do but she made the commitment to be in my wedding on that date a year prior to that date.

It's one thing if there's a family crisis happening but if its 'just cause' I call foul

megk8oz · December 2009

I know that the whole situation sounds totally insane.

The fact is the BM is 27, his FI is 19 ... which, it's sad, but her age fits the beebee stereotype.

This is the same guy that (after FI had already asked him to be BM) wound up bailing on being a GM in our other friend's (Who is also one of our GMs) wedding last June. When asked why he missed the last wedding (He had initially told our friend it was a gas money issue), he said that his FI sprung it on his "last minute" that they'd also committed to go to a benifit dinner the same night for a friend of hers that had had a stroke.

For a while all effected friendships where shakey, and essentially, everybody's been considering BM in a "trial period", with our wedding being the final test.

For those of you at home that thinks the whole thing sound like BS, welcome to my world. Where my reality consists of associating with people that have no concept of "real" reality.

I'm not going to lie, FI and I both hate his FI, and we're pretty sure she's not so fond of us (Thus the "You can't go to their wedding without me, but I'm not changing my plans and you have to get me" logic). But since BM is our friend, we obviously are nice to him about the whole thing. We're pretty sure this whole thing is a ploy for her to get out of the wedding and BM is just sabotaging his own chances by thinking she's legit.

Again, if he manages to pull a miracle out of his ass: hooray!
If he winds up missing the wedding, then the friendship is over (At least on my end), but it will be dealt with post-Disney

banana468 · December 2009

Yeah, if our BM did that I'd have a hard time just saying one phrase,

"BM, I'm very disappointed in you."

I'd say it in a quiet tone and then I'd walk away. There's no need to entertain a conversation on why his actions were poor and ill-thought.

aerinpegadrak · December 2009

So where's the teleporter and/or time machine that your BM is apparently sitting on? Because he's totally holding out.

If it makes you feel any better, FI's BM hasn't been returning his calls in at least two months. We think it's because his wife is pissed that we could have a Catholic ceremony if we chose (I'm baptized and confirmed), but don't want to, and they wanted a Catholic ceremony, but weren't able to because of his divorce. At this point, we're acting under the assumption that he won't be coming, and that FI's best friend of about ten years pretty much abandoned him.

So you're not alone in Best Man drama. But good for you for keeping it in perspective. Your ability to do that in the face of stark raving insanity never ceases to impress me.

emilykathleen511 · December 2009

But really, the math does NOT work. How does he figure that he can make a 20 hour trip in 14 hours? It's just not possible. Has anyone pointed out that the math just doesn't work?

megk8oz · December 2009

My mom just heard the story as well, and she immediately asked me "So who's the back-up GM?" (Assuming that FI's other friend would step up as BM).

Me:"Um, nobody Mom, the wedding's in 3 days"

Mom:"But you already ordered his tux ... do you know anybody who's his size?"

Me: "Mom, what part of 'wedding's in 3 days' didn't you hear?"

Mom: "Well, the sides need to be even. What will people say?"

Me: "If they say anything, I'm going to tell them the truth: The BM's totally whipped by his FI and couldn't make it".

Mom: "But ..."

Me: "No. 3 days. Not hunting down a new guy 'cuz you're neurotic".

Mom: "But ..."

Me: "Ok, if for some reason Older Sister was hospitalized and couldn't make it, would you honestly be telling me to find a back-up BM at this point?"

Mom: "Well, no ... but that's not the same thing".

Me: "It's exactly the same thing, I'm not finding a back-up, I'm going to go have some more wine. 'Bye"

megk8oz · December 2009

Which, for the record, we did order the tux, but the BM is paying for it, so it's not like we're out the money if he doesn't show.

banana468 · December 2009

LOVE the way you handled MOM (that's Mother Of Meg)!!

megk8oz · December 2009

Banana, I love Mom 'o Meg to death and she's got enough drama going on right now, but for cripe's sake, asking me to find a "back-up" GM on what is pretty much 2 days notice at this point, who's roughly the "same size" as BM is just ridiculous.

And seriously, if this guy really doesn't get his FI is totally playing him (Because, I'm more than aware that it's physically impossible for him to make this trip and get his way about his NYE plans) and my WP is suddenly not symmetrical, then oh noes! Nobody will notice and if anybody does, I can honestly say "Well just 3 days ago, he said he was coming, I have no idea what happened. Isn't this DJ awesome?"

emilykathleen511 · December 2009

Andplusalso, it makes absolutely no sense that he refuses to leave before New Year's because he won't let picking her up ruin his super important plans. HOWEVER, he WILL allow her to force him to drive 20 hours in order to pick her up to attend a super important wedding that he won't make it back in time for anyway?! What the heck? He needs to leave Thursday morning, ring in the New Year with his FI, and then drive back on Friday. Or, don't go and get his FI. DUH. Gosh. Ya can't have both buddy.

Edit: Yes, I know you all realize this too, but I just can't wrap my head around how someone could miss all of this logically.

emilyinchile · December 2009

Ohhhhh Meg. There had to be one last little bit of crazy, didn't there?

BM sounds like a great guy. What's a 27 year old doing with a 19 year old anyway?! I hope he gets his head together, ideally before your wedding but even more importantly before going through with his own wedding!

Good for you for staying calm about it. HAVE FUN at your RD tonight, then NYE and YOUR WEDDING!

caymans_christy · December 2009

As an Ohioan, this chick is giving us all a bad name.... BTW it is supposed to be a crappy night here on NYE... temps are supposed to DROP and there is supposed to be additional snow/rain through the next day. I don't plan on venturing out and driving 10 hours through that crap.

Also, there is really nothing that fabulous about a NYE in OH, or anywhere for that matter, that you should be risking life and limb to drive through potentially bad roads the next morning...

PS Does she not have a drivers license? Why can't she drive somewhere?

megk8oz · December 2009

The Best Man really is not a jerk ... I know he sounds like one (And right now that I'm a little hungover, I'm thinking "I should eat a cheeseburger and go smack this guy", lol), but "everybody's got a story that could break your heart" and he's definitely got his own issues going on.

Like I said, he's 27, he met his FI at a Ren Faire (Hello? We run with nerds, lol), when she was actually 17 and he was 25. At that point in time he'd just finally gotten over a very bad break up from a 9-year relationship ahving minimal luck with the ladies (He's a nice guy and good-looking, but he's just got a habit of picking the bat sh!ttiest of the crazies) and he was in between jobs, so his self-esteem was in the toilet when he meets this girl, that thinks he's awesome. Mainly because, like. he totally had a car ... and her parents would "just die" if she started dating somebody older than her. So they get together.

After being together for 6 months, his dad dies suddenly (Tragic motorcycle accident), and this girl stands by him through the whole thing. They've been "serious" ever since, with him popping the question last spring.

I know another big thing is it's not just FI and I, but a lot of his friends (Quite a few whom are younger than him) are all doing the "getting married" and/or "moving out" thing, while he's still living at home with his mom and still having trouble getting and keeping work (Which, most of it's been getting little jobs just to get a paycheck until he lands "the real thing", but as soon as these places need to cut hours, they go for the new hires and he winds up getting laid off). I know it bothers him a lot that he's the only one that doesn't seem to be progressing at the moment, so I really think he only proposed so he could "keep up".

He's not a bad guy. He's just extremely mis-guided. His priorities (Not even touching on the wedding) just are way out of sorts. Like he's very "I would do anything my woman asked me to, because that's what a real man does". But then, like with NYE, since he made plans and she made other ones, he's on his soap box of "Well, I made these plans, you can't expect me to break them" just to show he still has a set.

Yes, you read that right: he's not compromising on NYE to show her he has a set, but he's driving out to get her in OH on the wedding day because she said he can't go without her. Like I said, his priorities are a tad out of whack.

In the past, he's always made stupid mistakes, they were just with different women or life choices (Such as jobs, cars and living arrangements) and he has been known for flakey-ness when he's going through a cycle of bad decision making, so it's not like FI asked him to be the Best Man and this guy just totally lost his mind. He usually gets himself put back on track, and we just kinda don't rely on him until he's out of the phase. And FI had already asked him to be BM when the incident with our other friend's weddding happened, so it wasn't like he was going to "take it back" ... we just hoped he'd have gotten this under control with her by now. Clearly he hasn't.

The big difference between this girl and the others he's dated is that she openly hates all of his friends (Well, all of his friends that aren't in their "Ren Faire" crowd-which includes FI and I, as well as that couple whose wedding he missed last summer) and pulls crap like this all the time where if it involves her being in a room with people she doesn't like, she'll just make it so either they can't attend, or if they do make an appearance, they'll only stay for 10 minutes (Even after over an hour's drive) before she'll pretty much announce she wants to leave or she'll sometimes do the "classy" thing of loudly whispering him that she's "in the mood", so he'll just bolt and think "Well my friends are guys, they must understand that". Which, the guys are just as disgusted by it as I and the other wives and gfs are.

Which all that stuff aside, I'm still maintaining: if he can pull a miracle out of his ass, then YAY. If he really ends up missing this, then FI and I (And our other friends) will be very dissapointed, and we've all decided we're "done with him" at that point. But, that will not matter on Friday, it will not matter next week. It will matter after we had a blast on the HM and we're home dealing with all the other realities ... and winter weather.

megk8oz · December 2009

Christy, she's actually from Jersey, but

(ok, this is really going to sound like MUD, but it's second-hand MUD, because this is the exact story BM told us his FI told him ... so actually it's third-hand MUD).

She's adopted, her adoptive parents live in NJ, her birth mom lives in OH. Apparently at around Christmas every year, she and her adoptive parents go and stay with her birth mom for 2 weeks. All of the parents have cars, but they pretty much told her (Smart parents, I must say) that there was no way in hell they were letting her (Who's not that great of a driver) drive either of their cars to NJ "just so she can stay with her 'boyfriend' that she'll just have sex with" (Which, everybody knows about the engagement, but nobody's happy about it, so they call him 'boyfriend' ) and then drive back. And even if they liked the guy, they still wouldn't allow her to take their cars because, duh, it blizzards in OH ... and blizzards aren't "safe" driving conditions even to people that can be trusted behind the wheel.

So they apparently told her the only way she could go was if he drove her ... and I think that's where the "I already have other plans for NYE, so you can just wait for me" soapbox came into play.

caymans_christy · December 2009

OMG... I don't think you could make that sh!t up! So... if they don't like him, are they okay with your BM picking her up and taking her to NJ? What about concern for his driving in blizzard conditions (not going to be that bad, but it should be icy)? I guess, I am wondering if her parents are going to throw a fit when he shows up to wisk her off... Seriously, I need an update on this situation because this puts my minor family drama to shame.

BTW... Aren't you considered an adult and capable of making your own decisions at the age of 18, or is that different in NJ (sarcasm)? It sounds like she has some parental issues of her own... They won't acknowledge the engagement... WOW...

megk8oz · December 2009

No, you're right she legally is an adult in NJ. I'm thinking that this whole thing is 1 of 2 (Possibly a combination of both) truths:

1) She really just doesn't want to go to the wedding (Again, he'll never admit it, but she's already made him bail on being a GM very last minute for a good friend) and she figures if she makes it enough of a pain in the @$$ to get her there, he'll either go without her, or just skip this one, too (Which, he's totally dead to me if he skips, lol)

2) Her parents really don't like him, and they really don't like them together, so if they make it really difficult for her (She'd pretty much have to steal a car to go even to an airport at this point, since they're not letting her borrow one of theirs) then the 2 of them will give up on going to the wedding (Where, you know, she'll see the "glamour" of being a bride and be set on going through with getting married).

And honestly, as much as I keep saying this guy is a good guy, just a little "lost" right now, if my 19 year-old daughter (Who's college education I'm paying for) was engaged to a 27-year-old that hasn't had a steady job in almost 4 years and is still living at home with his mother, with no real goals in life (It's sad, but really, he doesn't have direction right now) I'd be pretty "against" the marriage myself.

caymans_christy · December 2009

Wow... I think that the two of them have a very tough road ahead. Eight year age difference is a lot when, well, it is almost half of her life. I can also understand that the parents wouldnt be pleased that their 17 yo met a 25 yo and has dated him exclusively for the last two years...

Either rationale you posted is crazy and is going to cause serious problems down the road...

Let us know if he shows up to the wedding... I'm betting he does, but spends the entire time texting/talking to her b/c she is piissed that he went without her. But as you have already proven in this post, the truth is better than what my imagination can come up with...

Good luck and have a wonderful wedding....

megk8oz · December 2009

Hahaha, thanks, I will. I'm really not going to worry about it. Like I said before, ever since he bailed last minute on the other wedding ... and lied about it ... I've been bracing myself for this to happen with ours.

I will be sure to give everybody updates if anything further developes today (RD is tonight), and when I get back from the HM, I'm telling the whole story anyway, so this will definitely be at least mentioned.

One for the road, apparently

Re: One for the road, apparently

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