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Also in Re: to Rehearsal Dinner

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
in Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul
...How much (if any) involvement do/did you have in the planning of the RD? 

We have assumed we are paying for everything right from the start and hadn't been told otherwise so recently we started looking in to the rehearsal dinner location.  It came up in casual conversation with FI's parents, at which time they let us know they would cover it. 

I am unsure if I should back out of the planning of that from this point forward, or continue to search for a venue that meets our needs, decide on the menu etc and then let them know when it's done?
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Re: Also in Re: to Rehearsal Dinner

  • martiac225martiac225
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Traditionally the groom's parents are the ones who host the RD.  We wanted some say in where it was going to be, so we looked into some places and found where we wanted it, gathered the info (cost, name of coordinator and contact info, menu, etc) and gave this, along with the WP list to FI parents when it came up.  FI has been talking to his parents about this, since they are kind of private when it comes to money, but they seemed happy and willing to go along with what we wanted. When it comes to picking out the food (doing ours at Pizza Luce), I'm sure we'll get together to decide.
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  • bellaxanthebellaxanthe member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I left it all to my MIL. I provided her with a the OOT guest and my WP info.  She researched the venues and costs.  I threw a couple ideas at first to her - but let her run with it.  She invited me to check out the finalists and look at the menu a bit.  But I was hands off. I had so much to do - honestly it was nice to sit back and enjoy the night at that point.
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  • emilykathleen511emilykathleen511
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I would straight-up have a conversation with her and find out. "MIL, these are the venues I have been looking into so far. Would you like me to continue looking, or do you have other ideas in mind?" And take it from there.
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  • shan87shan87
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well since FI parents are putting in 40% of the wedding funds they said they didn't want to do the RD. Straight up are not going to plan it, or fund it. Which is fine - my mom decided to take it one and really hasn't let me have much say. I wanted it casual like a BBQ in a park but she shot that down. So I dunno - she also wouldn't allow me to plan it or cover any of the costs. So that tells you how much I am involved. :)
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  • graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FILs originally wanted to do this huge thing on a riverboat for us till we told them how much it would cost. We aren't able to rehearse until the morning of the wedding, so we wont be having an RD as such-- just sandwiches or something delivered to the venue for lunch. We actually told FILs this and I think they're fine with it. 
    If I were in your situation, I would talk to your FILs and tell them what you've come up with so far. They will then let you know if they have their own ideas, if they want to pick up where you left off, or if they will just pay for what you plan. 
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  • beka0404beka0404
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We had our own ideas and assumed that we'd be covering it until my MIL stepped in. Once it was clear she was footing the bill, I gave her complete control (I was glad to have one less thing to plan). My husband helped pick the menu but really, it was all MIL's work. I had wanted something casual (not what we got) but ultimately I was happy to not have been involved - there would have been potential for A LOT of drama. I know my MIL pretty well - yours might be more relaxed and willing to combine forces on planning. Good luck!
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  • I Want CakeI Want Cake
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We're leaving it up to FMIL, since she offered to host.  The only requirement we have is that it's got good fish/vegetarian options since it's during Lent and my family are Catholic and adhere strongly to "no meat on Fridays."  We're not sure if she's going to want to invite all the OOT guests, too, so that's up to her to figure out and budget for. 

    I am going to give her some ideas, though.  I know the area much better than she does, and doubt she wants to do all the legwork on her own. 
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  • leggwilliamsleggwilliams
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    FMIL just offered to host recently so I'm planning to research some places with a wide variety of feels (casual to more formal) and cuisines (steakhouses to latin to asian) and see what she's thinking. I'm open to helping her but fine with her taking charge to so I'm just going to play it by ear and see how much input she's wanting

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