Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding

R&CHillWedding · September 2012

My best friend just let me know of the good news and asked me to be her Maid of Honor. I'm very happy. She wants the wedding in mid November. I know it is do-able and I am getting everything in order, but I could really use any tips or concerns to look out for. All helpful tips & advice will be greatly appreciated! The wedding will be outside but I am in SoCal so hopefully the weather will be nice still.

zitiqueen · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ecstatic-moh-but-i-have-2-mo-to-plan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6a5285a-7413-4152-a6ee-f4af9b031ccaPost:1aaf6fcc-c6c5-4f74-91d5-cfc475f5c08b">Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]My best friend just let me know of the good news and asked me to be her Maid of Honor. I'm very happy. She wants the wedding in mid November. I know it is do-able and I am getting everything in order, but I could really use any tips or concerns to look out for. All helpful tips & advice will be greatly appreciated! The wedding will be outside but I am in SoCal so hopefully the weather will be nice still.
Posted by R&CHillWedding[/QUOTE]

Why isn't her FI helping to plan HIS wedding?

Miss Esa · September 2012

The bride should be having her FI help plan not you.

All you need to do is buy a dress and show up on time. If you want to throw her a shower or B-party you can, but it is not your job.

StephJean83 · September 2012

I helped my friend plan her wedding in 3 months WITH her FI's help. We did an outdoor wedding in October in WISCONSIN(we lucked out and had beautiful weather!) and we kept it simple as far as food/drinks. We had a very limited budget to work with so we bought premade bouquets at WalMart and added ribbon and glued gemstones on the petals to give it bling. Only the mom's got real flowers(part of my gift was buying them, I paid like $15 for the 2 with red roses vs $30 for carnations that the bride was going to order). I bought champagne glasses at WalMart for the B/G and since I'm kinda crafty, I engraved their wedding date and some cutey sayings of everlasting love.

It is definately doable and if they have a decent budget it helps alot too! I'd look at catering, photography and a venue PRONTO just to make sure that she can get the date she wants. My sister wanted to do her ceremony at a park and her DH's grandma went to book the park on the first business day of the year(per Park/Rec regulations) and she was the THIRD person in line. Someone booked the park my sister wanted for the same day/time so they found a cute little UU church where they could bring in their own officiant. I also recommend looking into an officiant or having someone get ordained soon too, to make it legal.

gurrlballa10 · September 2012

Why are you planning her wedding? Are you getting paid for this?

R&CHillWedding · September 2012

Wow, I thought the response would be more positive like,, make sure not to invite more than the capacity of the venue.

I'm sorry if I didn't give enough info. Both the bride and the groom will be helping in all planning they just don't have that much of an idea of everything that goes into a wedding.

Again, I'm sorry but my definition of a maid of honor is someone that is dear to you that stands by you and helps in nearly all aspects of the wedding; not just the act of showing up and holding the boquet.

Again, thank you for all helpful tips.

R&CHillWedding · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ecstatic-moh-but-i-have-2-mo-to-plan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6a5285a-7413-4152-a6ee-f4af9b031ccaPost:c0f29311-e4c3-40ed-9c26-b91ba2987f2d">Re: Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I helped my friend plan her wedding in 3 months WITH her FI's help. We did an outdoor wedding in October in WISCONSIN(we lucked out and had beautiful weather!) and we kept it simple as far as food/drinks...[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much! Yes, we are getting the venue and those other items booked pronto! Both our parents are pastors so we have an officiant and a back up as well, lol.

lifeonthehill · September 2012

Really be supportive! I am a bride to be who has a fiance that is not living around here. It has been an unbelievable help to have supportive bridesmaids!

Go to any appointments you can with her and have an actual opinion! I think my only complaint is when people say everything is nice and no other details. haha.

Your bride is so lucky to have a MOH who wants to help her so much! She is blessed! Dont listen to the other ladies!

SJM7538 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ecstatic-moh-but-i-have-2-mo-to-plan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6a5285a-7413-4152-a6ee-f4af9b031ccaPost:79bfb0a9-a410-40db-ab03-623efae0a203">Re: Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I thought the response would be more positive like,, make sure not to invite more than the capacity of the venue. I'm sorry if I didn't give enough info. Both the bride and the groom will be helping in all planning they just don't have that much of an idea of everything that goes into a wedding.<strong> Again, I'm sorry but my definition of a maid of honor is someone that is dear to you that stands by you and helps in nearly all aspects of the wedding; not just the act of showing up and holding the boquet.</strong> Again, thank you for all helpful tips.
Posted by R&CHillWedding[/QUOTE]

I would just like to personally thank you for this post. I know that technically all a MOH is supposed to do is buy a dress, show up and stand up there. But I feel like when you say yes to this role you should expect to put some effort help into the wedding. At least this is how I felt in the role.

I have been a MOH twice and BM about five times and each time I did not take the responsiblity lightly. I knew planning a wedding was stressfull on my friends so I was there to my fullest capacity for them. And now the favor is being returned for me by my sister (MOH) and my friends.

I see so much negative response on these boards when brides ask if they are out of line by asking for help from their bridal party. So I just wanted to say thanks for being an awesome MOH!

LDubHawksFan · September 2012

Just be there to listen to her and give an opinion. Two months isn't a lot of time to plan a wedding, so just come to appointments when she asks and any projects she can hand off, offer.
Once they book venues, you both should head to DB or other salons asap to try to find a sample or off the rack dress for her. Actually, department stores are great too.

R&CHillWedding · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ecstatic-moh-but-i-have-2-mo-to-plan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6a5285a-7413-4152-a6ee-f4af9b031ccaPost:902edee2-3d41-4047-be6a-5d5f6a43ec14">Re: Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Really be supportive! I am a bride to be who has a fiance that is not living around here. It has been an unbelievable help to have supportive bridesmaids!...[/QUOTE]
Thank you so much! =) Yes, I totally agree to show your opinion, in a nice way of course. For Ex: It's a country theme and the center pieces are shiny metalic cans filled w/ mini daisies. She kind of also wanted tall candles but I let her know it would not go well and we should opt for mini tea lights around the edges of the center piece.

R&CHillWedding · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ecstatic-moh-but-i-have-2-mo-to-plan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6a5285a-7413-4152-a6ee-f4af9b031ccaPost:adf26583-50c1-494f-8995-9e50d8e0c182">Re: Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding : I would just like to personally thank you for this post....And now the favor is being returned for me by my sister (MOH) and my friends. I see so much negative response on these boards when brides ask if they are out of line by asking for help from their bridal party. So I just wanted to say thanks for being an awesome MOH!
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]
You are very welcome, and thank you. Because you showed care and thought, others will show you care and thought. I just think, well on my day, I don't want to worry too much but I do want to share decisions and special moments with those I have specially chosen to be in my bridal party. The ones I choose will be b/c they are special to me and will want the best for me.

SJM7538 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ecstatic-moh-but-i-have-2-mo-to-plan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6a5285a-7413-4152-a6ee-f4af9b031ccaPost:ac4b04e4-9b8a-4d31-a196-a765bc5d2ed9">Re: Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Anybody who needs "support" to plan a wedding is doing it wrong. It's a celebration. A PARTY. "Support" is for tragedies, like a car wreck or a death. Remember that it's a party, when all is said and done. The couple are saying vows and getting legally married, but that's all that's necessary. Anything else is a frill. If someone is getting "stressed", then what they really need to do is cross that thing off the list, because they don't need it anyway. Decide what the budget is. Then the guest list. Remember that the reception is three-fourths of the budget. Figure out about how much you've got to spend per person, and then look at venues. An all-inclusive venue (the place, food, service) are usually the best bet. Nobody here bashes an MOH who WANTS to help. What we dislike is this slavish belief to the industry-sponsored notion that an MOH is the bride's free personal assistant. Remember that weddings ARE an industry, and it starts programming women from cradle onward that This! Is! The! Most! Important! Day! Of Their! Life! and it's all about the bride. The industry wants the bride's friends to believe they are "bad" friends if they aren't willing to be her labor, because that involves spending money. The industry wants everyone to forget that the tradition of bridal parties is not to honor loved ones, but to spend money, and unfortunately they have done a very good job of it. Understand now?
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

I've always understood. I in no way would ever expect anybody in a WP to be a personal assistant or spend tons of money or put their life on hold and be there for the bride at the drop of a hat.

That isnt what I was getting at. What I was trying to say is that when you say yes to being someones MOH I would just think you would expect to help out in some way, shape or form. Even just with little things. My sister is very opinionated and is offering up ideas left and right and is so ecastic to help out. And I can't imagine not having her there when it comes to important wedding stuff.

She came on her asking for ideas to help her friend out who wants to get married in two months and the first two responses were negative. Thats all, not wanting to start a giant thread debating what a MOH should or shouldn't do. I just thought she should get some kudos for being a good friend.

R&CHillWedding · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ecstatic-moh-but-i-have-2-mo-to-plan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6a5285a-7413-4152-a6ee-f4af9b031ccaPost:ac4b04e4-9b8a-4d31-a196-a765bc5d2ed9">Re: Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Anybody who needs "support" to plan a wedding is doing it wrong. It's a celebration. A PARTY. "Support" is for tragedies, like a car wreck or a death. Remember that it's a party, when all is said and done....[/QUOTE]
Thank you, I do think need to change the tone and make it a celebration and not just a wonderful traditional process. =)

We are working as a team! (bride, groom and party)

R&CHillWedding · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ecstatic-moh-but-i-have-2-mo-to-plan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6a5285a-7413-4152-a6ee-f4af9b031ccaPost:fe242a52-fe35-4731-ad55-62c329169b17">Re: Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding</a>:
[QUOTE].... She came on her asking for ideas to help her friend out who wants to get married in two months and the first two responses were negative. Thats all, not wanting to start a giant thread debating what a MOH should or shouldn't do. I just thought she should get some kudos for being a good friend.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]
Thank you =) After reading the first few responses, I thought, I was just looking for suggestions so nothing important is missed. It's better safe than sorry and wishing there was that one thing you should have done or had at the wedding.

EK2013 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ecstatic-moh-but-i-have-2-mo-to-plan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6a5285a-7413-4152-a6ee-f4af9b031ccaPost:957af05c-1f47-45db-9ec5-9a91d180c08d">Re: Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding : Thank you so much! =) Yes, I totally agree to show your opinion, in a nice way of course. For Ex: It's a country theme and the center pieces are shiny metalic cans filled w/ mini daisies. She kind of also wanted tall candles but I let her know it would not go well and we should <strong>opt for mini tea lights</strong> around the edges of the center piece.
Posted by R&CHillWedding[/QUOTE]

<div>Make sure someone is tasked with changing out the mini tea lights--I'd recommend at least once an hour.</div>

SKPM · September 2012

In Response to Re:Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding:[QUOTE]I think you should be aware that it is unusual for a MOH to be planning the wedding.nbsp; I would caution you to be careful.nbsp; Some brides might not want this.nbsp; I have seen posts from brides who complain that their MOHs are interfering too much in their wedding plans.nbsp; Good luck. Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
Ditto this. I really enjoyed planning my wedding, mainly alone, with the most input coming from FI and secondarily from my parents who funded a lot of it. I picked my BMs to honor them. For me, some of the most help they provided was accompanying me to happy hour to get away from wedding planning.

bgrjourney · September 2012

In Response to Re:Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding:[QUOTE]Really be supportive! I am a bride to be who has a fiance that is not living around here. It has been an unbelievable help to have supportive bridesmaids! Go to any appointments you can with her and have an actual opinion! I think my only complaint is when people say everything is nice and no other details. haha. Your bride is so lucky to have a MOH who wants to help her so much! She is blessed! Dont listen to the other ladies! Posted by alyssaames[/QUOTE]

I'm in the same situation as you. My fianc lives 600miles away and the best thing in the worldis my moh who is with me every step of the way bless her! He can't be here but her support and help is just out of this world! So your doing a great thing!! Being a moh is like being a best friend so much more than showing up!!!

R&CHillWedding · September 2012

I'm not making exact decisions, I'm doing a lot of the foot work to show her where the best places are to buy things quick and inexpensive; things that will tie her colors and her theme together. Also to help ease anything she might be worried about. We've always been open with each other (been bf's for 17 yrs now) & I will make sure to be there for her but not be overbearing. (^_^)

calliopeia2013 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ecstatic-moh-but-i-have-2-mo-to-plan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6a5285a-7413-4152-a6ee-f4af9b031ccaPost:f75c944e-d900-4f19-92fb-c56230f3f6f7">Re: Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should be aware that it is unusual for a MOH to be planning the wedding. I would caution you to be careful. Some brides might not want this. I have seen posts from brides who complain that their MOHs are interfering too much in their wedding plans. Good luck.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

Thirding this. OP, I know you're saying you're trying not to be overbearing, but I know for me my wedding was something for my FI and I to plan together, without much input from others. My MOH, who is wonderful, has offered repeatedly to do whatever she can to help, and I'll certainly be taking her up on that closer to my wedding. But if she were suggesting things or trying to plan with me, I would find that interfering. (And we've been best friends for well over two decades- this doesn't really have to do with how close you are.)

I think it's really nice that you're trying to help. You obviously love your friend a lot. Just make sure you're actually helping, and not making things harder.

GoodLuckBear14 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ecstatic-moh-but-i-have-2-mo-to-plan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6a5285a-7413-4152-a6ee-f4af9b031ccaPost:9ad7af08-bd40-4834-a782-3cbba9fb11cf">Re: Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding : Thirding this. OP, I know you're saying you're trying not to be overbearing, but I know for me my wedding was something for my FI and I to plan together, without much input from others. My MOH, who is wonderful, has offered repeatedly to do whatever she can to help, and I'll certainly be taking her up on that closer to my wedding. But if she were suggesting things or trying to plan with me, I would find that interfering. (And we've been best friends for well over two decades- this doesn't really have to do with how close you are.) I think it's really nice that you're trying to help. You obviously love your friend a lot. Just make sure you're actually helping, and not making things harder.
Posted by calliopeia2013[/QUOTE]

This. I'm sorry OP but unless the bride specifically said she wants your help, I'd butt out. I didn't want the opinion of anyone but my DH when we were planning our wedding.

R&CHillWedding · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ecstatic-moh-but-i-have-2-mo-to-plan-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6a5285a-7413-4152-a6ee-f4af9b031ccaPost:de3a366e-b312-4303-94c7-e9ac44a9ef36">Re: Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Determine budget Determine guest list Find officiant Find venue Select menu Select cake Decide decorations (including flowers) Look for attire Send out invitations
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
WoW! The past 4 days have been so busy but soooo fun! Got a lot of things done. Went to L.A., the theme changed, got the dress, venue, guest list, photographer, church, cake decorator, some of the items for the centerpieces and registry. Invitations will be sent out w/in the next few days. Thank you everyone for your kind words and great suggestions. =D

erinlin25 · September 2012

I think its sweet that you are so willing to be there for your friend and helping her out, especially when there is a time crunch

There is a lot to do, and in short time, but having your help/support with definitely help the bride and groom. Bravo to you for being a MOH that goes above and beyond to make your friends day a success

I agree that a MOH should be there to help the bride IF they need it. I get that its not a requirement, but I too feel its exciting to be a part of the wedding and if my friends ever needed my help I'd be there in a second to help out. Have fun planning!

Ecstatic MOH, but I have 2 mo. to plan wedding

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