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Should I give a bigger gift?

andra loves andreandra loves andre
100 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi there :)

We've been invited to participate in a wedding: I am a bridesmaid and fh is a groomsman. The couple has been super amazing to their bridal party, we were only asked for 2 things: to attend the rehearsal dinner, and for me to find a long  pink or purple bridesmaids dress. I didn't even have to buy anything because I already had such a dress dying to be worn. Fh didn't have to pay for his suit rental, as the couple covered that. We've had absolutely no financial obligations towards the wedding so far, as the couple didn't want any showers or bachelorette party. 

I'm wondering, since we didn't spend any money on stuff most bms and gms pay for, should we give a bigger gift? I'd like to, but I'm not sure how much of a bigger gift is appropriate. 

What do you ladies think?
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Re: Should I give a bigger gift?

  • Meegles4Meegles4 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    You should give whatever you feel is appropriate. There's no rule on this. If you'd like to give more than you typically would, go for it. I'm sure whatever you do, the bride and groom will appreciate it.
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  • andra loves andreandra loves andre
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-give-a-bigger-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ed5e0be-4381-47c1-be4c-0c4436b42ba6Post:438ddd6d-2424-4d26-8d1b-6e217d133bbd">Re: Should I give a bigger gift?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You should give whatever you feel is appropriate. There's no rule on this. If you'd like to give more than you typically would, go for it. I'm sure whatever you do, the bride and groom will appreciate it.
    Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

    <div>My biggest worry is that we have several weddings from now until september, and the couples getting married are all friends and talk. I'm hoping that this couple wouldn't tell other couples that we gave them more. It's just that we didn't have to invest any money to be in the bridal party for them, whereas for other weddings, we did have to pay for stuff (even ourflowers and limo ride!). Do you think it'll be an issue, or am I just overthinking?</div>
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  • LeiselEBLeiselEB member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Give whatever you're comfortable with. 

    If your friends actually sit around discussing what amounts of money they got for their weddings, they're not nice people. I wouldn't worry about that - just give them what you're comfortable giving. 
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  • ericaandtom2012ericaandtom2012 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-give-a-bigger-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ed5e0be-4381-47c1-be4c-0c4436b42ba6Post:c8694c84-3873-4ed9-98fd-1e68e6dabbfc">Re: Should I give a bigger gift?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I give a bigger gift? : My biggest worry is that we have several weddings from now until september, and the couples getting married are all friends and talk. I'm hoping that this couple wouldn't tell other couples that we gave them more. It's just that we didn't have to invest any money to be in the bridal party for them, whereas for other weddings, we did have to pay for stuff (<strong>even ourflowers and limo ride!</strong>). Do you think it'll be an issue, or am I just overthinking?
    Posted by andra loves andre[/QUOTE]

    <div>The bolded is SO wrong.  You don't pay for flowers or transportation that the bride and groom want.  You pay for your dress and contribute to shower/bach party if you want (and buy a gift - if you want). </div><div>
    </div><div>As far as how much to spend on the couple, spend what you're comfortable with.  I have plenty of friends getting married, but I'm not going to tell them, "Oh, Susie spent $150 on our wedding gift, how much did she spend on yours?"  That's weird and rude. If they do that, it reflects poorly on them, not you.  I'd be inclined to spend a bit more on the people that I didn't have to spend money on to be in their wedding, but only if my budget allowed for it. </div>
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  • andra loves andreandra loves andre
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-give-a-bigger-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ed5e0be-4381-47c1-be4c-0c4436b42ba6Post:b0c13303-5c65-47ae-8ff8-e1d083cbb28d">Re: Should I give a bigger gift?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Give whatever you're comfortable with.  If your friends actually sit around discussing what amounts of money they got for their weddings, they're not nice people. I wouldn't worry about that - just give them what you're comfortable giving. 
    Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]

    <div>You're right, I hope they don't! I know I wouldn't. </div><div>
    </div><div>Thanks :)</div>
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  • specialk84specialk84
    2500 Comments
    How do you function without TK? You seem to have a buttload of questions about really simple things, the answers to which should come easily to anyone with any common sense.
    Report Reply
  • gurrlballa10gurrlballa10
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-give-a-bigger-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ed5e0be-4381-47c1-be4c-0c4436b42ba6Post:a7425803-b7ec-4ea0-b485-f54221afdc22">Re: Should I give a bigger gift?</a>:
    [QUOTE]How do you function without TK? You seem to have a buttload of questions about really simple things, the answers to which should come easily to anyone with any common sense.
    Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

    I heart you so much right now.
    Report Reply
  • Meegles4Meegles4 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    If your friends compare notes on what you give them, and then get mad at you for giving them less than you gave your other friends, you can do the following:

    Smile sweetly, bat your eyelashes, and say "if you didn't make me pay for my flowers and limo, you would've gotten a bigger gift, too."
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  • andra loves andreandra loves andre
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-give-a-bigger-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ed5e0be-4381-47c1-be4c-0c4436b42ba6Post:9664342c-4521-4bf4-a894-08f146ad8403">Re: Should I give a bigger gift?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I give a bigger gift? : The bolded is SO wrong.  You don't pay for flowers or transportation that the bride and groom want.  You pay for your dress and contribute to shower/bach party if you want (and buy a gift - if you want).  As far as how much to spend on the couple, spend what you're comfortable with.  I have plenty of friends getting married, but I'm not going to tell them, "Oh, Susie spent $150 on our wedding gift, how much did she spend on yours?"  That's weird and rude. If they do that, it reflects poorly on them, not you.  I'd be inclined to spend a bit more on the people that I didn't have to spend money on to be in their wedding, but only if my budget allowed for it. 
    Posted by ericaandtom2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thanks for the advice erica. I figured that it was wrong to ask the bp to pay for flowers and trasportation, but didn't want to cause drama over it so we ponied up the money. </div><div>
    </div><div>I really hope that people don't compare wedding gifts. I do think that it would be weird and rude, but I have heard of it happening before (not in my group of friends, thankfully... but I'm still a bit worried about it as I don't want to offend anyone!). </div>
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  • andra loves andreandra loves andre
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-give-a-bigger-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ed5e0be-4381-47c1-be4c-0c4436b42ba6Post:9a837b62-7ed1-44a2-b9d6-95d6fe0a728b">Re: Should I give a bigger gift?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If your friends compare notes on what you give them, and then get mad at you for giving them less than you gave your other friends, you can do the following: Smile sweetly, bat your eyelashes, and say "if you didn't make me pay for my flowers and limo, you would've gotten a bigger gift, too."
    Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

    <div>ahahha that would be quite the response! and it is true... I really would have given a more generous gift if that were the case. As it is, I only have a set amount that I can spend on weddings (especially since there are so many lately!), so the more goes towards paying for stuff the less I can spend on a gift. </div>
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  • specialk84specialk84
    2500 Comments
    You can delete extra posts.
    Report Reply
  • andra loves andreandra loves andre
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-give-a-bigger-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ed5e0be-4381-47c1-be4c-0c4436b42ba6Post:23983984-8126-4a89-86f4-01e0343ce6d9">Re: Should I give a bigger gift?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You can delete extra posts.
    Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

    <div>ooops, I didn't know that. I'll try to figure out how to do it now.</div>
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  • specialk84specialk84
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-give-a-bigger-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ed5e0be-4381-47c1-be4c-0c4436b42ba6Post:5b44d01c-ab60-4d80-9baf-2e43c3f26e63">Re: Should I give a bigger gift?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I give a bigger gift? : ooops, I didn't know that. I'll try to figure out how to do it now.
    Posted by andra loves andre[/QUOTE]

    <div>There's a button very clearly marked DELETE. It's right next to the QUOTE button.</div>
    Report Reply
  • andra loves andreandra loves andre
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-give-a-bigger-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ed5e0be-4381-47c1-be4c-0c4436b42ba6Post:4eb74e79-bdb9-4788-8f5e-ec14e1a796b9">Re: Should I give a bigger gift?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I give a bigger gift? : There's a button very clearly marked DELETE. It's right next to the QUOTE button.
    Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm sorry, for some reason I didn't see it. I saw it just before you posted, and have deleted it already.</div>
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