FI Rant- NWR

afink07 · April 2012

So my fiance is wanting to go into the police force after graduating in two weeks with his degree in criminal justice. I have a really good family friend who is kind of like an uncle to me that works in the local police department. I asked this family friend if he could atleast see about maybe helping my fiance get into atleast test. Well, my fiance is freaking out with graduation and has developed "ankle pain" so he missed the PT test yesterday. Turns out that my family friend had gotten him the job as long as he had shown up to the test but we didn't know that until tonight. I'm really upset because my fiance doesn't have any back up plans and is now peeved because i'm really peeved. I love my fiance but this is really fustrating me. I have planned on taking extra summer school classes and putting my self in debt for more school loans so I can finish faster so we can get married but it seems like he has no respect for this. I just don't know what to do.

VeggieLove1022 · April 2012

Wow that really sucks. I'm sorry that happened, especially since a family friend was the one to help. I would probably have FI call the family friend and apologize.

StephBeanWed61502 · April 2012

Linger, I will say that even if he's qualified, he might not get in (or it might take a long time) without the appropriate connections. I have a relative in law enforcement, and it took him two and half years of waiting "on the list" to get onto the force. His friend who had an "in" with someone in the department only waited six months. An "in" like this can make a huge difference, since there are such a limited number of positions, and if OP's FI blew it over phantom ankle pain, that sucks and she's right to be upset. If it was real pain, OP, you need to chill out and cut him some slack. (Also, if he has a recurrent injury, he needs to get that taken care of - that kind of stuff will make it even more difficult to get a job as a police officer.)

Either way, OP's FI needs to call the family friend and apologize for missing the test.

NcsuPsych · April 2012

OP. why do you qoute 'Ankle Pain'? Do you not believe him? It sucks if he is faking, however if the pain is legit and you're not supporting him and are only pissed at him because he was hurt and couldn't make the test, then that's crap.

The right thing to do would be for your FI to call and appologize any of those who helped get him to that point and then try to retest on his own.

And what does his not taking a test have to do with your extra classes?

redheadfsu · April 2012

Yeah, I think it all depends on whether his ankle was actually hurt or not. If he wasn't hurt, then he is immature and will most likely drag OP down (so my advice would be to reevaluate whether you two are ready for marriage). If he was actually hurt, that's life.

Either way he should call the friend and explain.

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-rant-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:ea3f43c8-c25c-4219-8985-7dbf1eca37edPost:12bd44ea-7ba1-4784-b7e2-f877502672ed">Re: FI Rant- NWR</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI Rant- NWR : <strong>I understand it won't be as easy to get in, but I still think it's better to get a job based on your merits than to get a job based on your connections</strong>. And like I said, if it's real pain, she needs to chill the fcuk out, but if it really was all made up, she has some problems. If he blew an opportunity like that for no reason he's an irresponsible asshole and OP needs to get away form him before that irresponsibility really starts to affect her.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

That's wonderful in theory but it's hardly how the world works in any career field. You are always more likely to be the one to land the job if you have a personal connection, whether it's family, firends, or even sharing the same university with the person doing the hiring. It's not fair and sometimes seriously sucks but it's reality.

OP - Your FI needs to call your family friend and appologize.

afink07 · April 2012

This pain mysteriously popped up out of the blue two days before his test. He's been freaking out for the past few weeks though about how he's not sure if he really wants to graduate and go in to the real world now. It just seems very iffy. And he might be able to get in with out the connection but it would be really hard. Plus he's really small (5'4 and 125 lbs, which is tiny for police). The big picture plan we had was he was going to go get a job with the police where he would start saving for a down payment for a house for us next year while I finish up school. (He is the one who is pushing for a house because he really does not want to get an apartment). Once I finish school I would be getting a job to help save for the few months before the wedding for the house too.

The thing about my classes is I have to graduate before we get married as part of the agreement with my parents to help pay for the wedding. He wanted the date we have so i'm working extra hard to get out of school faster which means me taking summer school.

I'm definitely going to bring this up at our next pre-marital session next week though. Hopefully he can tell me what is really going on. I've talked to him about calling my family friend to apologize and hopefully he does. I went ahead and emailed him myself to let him know that i'm sorry for FI's disrespect and to let him know that I am thankful for what he did.

RailWayWife · April 2012

Yikes sorry to hear that, I hope him not showing did not make your family friend look bad in any way.

redheadfsu · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-rant-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:ea3f43c8-c25c-4219-8985-7dbf1eca37edPost:ce0e7fe8-ef13-4df3-8651-c175c351a4fd">Re: FI Rant- NWR</a>:
[QUOTE]You really need to get to the bottom of that pain. Did he see a doctor? Will he see a doctor? If the ankle pain was severe enough to keep him from the test there has to be something wrong. If he refuses to see a doctor I think you have your answer.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

This.

mbody · April 2012

He should obviously apologize to your family friend.

However, I think he was incredibly irresponsible for just not showing up. Regardless of whether his pain was real vs. fake, he should have contacted them to let them know of his absence and reason ahead of time! It might have been an option to take the physical exam portion at a later date and offered to still do the other parts of testing (written, psych, ect) on schedule. That could have kept him as a candidate for the position. Obviously hindsight is 20/20, so hopefully he can learn something from this.

I also dated a guy who was incredibly irresponsible when it came to his career. I'd be busting my butt working full-time and also taking a full load of graduate classes and I couldn't stand the fact that he wasn't doing everything he could to find/keep employment. Like he was just waiting for something to fall into his lap. It was a HUGE reason he is an ex. It started off with just minor things, but was a slippery slope for him. (Not that this is your case, but just that I can relate to ya a bit.)

mbody · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-rant-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ea3f43c8-c25c-4219-8985-7dbf1eca37edPost:79fe4d07-36e6-4c31-960b-ecb3f871854f">Re: FI Rant- NWR</a>:
[QUOTE]This pain mysteriously popped up out of the blue two days before his test. <strong>He's been freaking out for the past few weeks though about how he's not sure if he really wants to graduate and go in to the real world now.</strong> It just seems very iffy. And he might be able to get in with out the connection but it would be really hard. Plus he's really small (5'4 and 125 lbs, which is tiny for police). The big picture plan we had was he was going to go get a job with the police where he would start saving for a down payment for a house for us next year while I finish up school. (He is the one who is pushing for a house because he really does not want to get an apartment). Once I finish school I would be getting a job to help save for the few months before the wedding for the house too. The thing about my classes is I have to graduate before we get married as part of the agreement with my parents to help pay for the wedding. He wanted the date we have so i'm working extra hard to get out of school faster which means me taking summer school. <strong>I'm definitely going to bring this up at our next pre-marital session next week though.</strong> Hopefully he can tell me what is really going on. I've talked to him about calling my family friend to apologize and hopefully he does. I went ahead and emailed him myself to let him know that i'm sorry for FI's disrespect and to let him know that I am thankful for what he did.
Posted by afink07[/QUOTE]
Sounds like he doesn't want to grow up. Well he's got to at some point. Especially if he wants to enter into home ownership. How does he expect to pay the mortgage each month? This is concerning to me.

And, yes, talking about this in a pre-marital session is important! You've got to work out these issues. This is all deeper than determining whether his ankle pain was real.

MyNameIsNot · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-rant-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ea3f43c8-c25c-4219-8985-7dbf1eca37edPost:bce0bf83-de05-4a80-a034-9f51f03d8ff7">Re: FI Rant- NWR</a>:
[QUOTE]He should obviously apologize to your family friend. <strong>However, I think he was incredibly irresponsible for just not showing up. Regardless of whether his pain was real vs. fake, he should have contacted them to let them know of his absence and reason ahead of time! It might have been an option to take the physical exam portion at a later date and offered to still do the other parts of testing (written, psych, ect) on schedule. That could have kept him as a candidate for the position.</strong> Obviously hindsight is 20/20, so hopefully he can learn something from this. I also dated a guy who was incredibly irresponsible when it came to his career. I'd be busting my butt working full-time and also taking a full load of graduate classes and I couldn't stand the fact that he wasn't doing everything he could to find/keep employment. Like he was just waiting for something to fall into his lap. It was a HUGE reason he is an ex. It started off with just minor things, but was a slippery slope for him. (Not that this is your case, but just that I can relate to ya a bit.)
Posted by mbody[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This!</div><div>
</div><div>Even if he really did have pain, he still should have shown up. That's the sort of thing that you don't just no call no show for. You either show up and explain the injury or you call the day before.

</div>

afink07 · April 2012

He went to the orthopedist today while i was at work and it seems that there was something actually wrong. He inflammed some tendons so i know i over reacted but with the timing and everything it did seem a bit iffy. He has tried to call my family friend to apologize. He's not answering so my FI left a message. He came up with a list of other places to try to apply once his tendons heal which is good. Thanks everyone for the support !

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