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Problems with soon-to-be extended family...

slbinpinkslbinpink
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in Moms and Maids
OK, so I have never posted on her before... so bear with me here.

I'm concerned about my FI's family. Many of the extended family members are  very religious, judgmental, and even racist. I love his immediate family, it's Grandparents, Aunt, Uncles and Cousins that I'm worried about.
 
I know his grandmother hates me cause

1. I'm a single mom, who was never married to my daughters father
2. Don't attend their church (neither does my FI)
3. Hispanic (FI and all his family is white)

His extended family is very vocal about their opinion and I'm terrified about any confrontations that may occur before the wedding... or my nightmare AT the wedding! I'm not one to sit quietly when disrespected, but at the same time, I don't want to escalate anything. How do I deal with any comments that might be made, or how do I ensure that people won't ruin our special day?

Thanks for the help guys!!!
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Re: Problems with soon-to-be extended family...

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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    edited December 2011
    This is definitely something to discuss with your fiance. He needs to let them know that any comments need to be kept to themselves and if they aren't there to support the marriage, then they can stay home, instead.

    Oh, and when the officiant asks if anyone objects? yeah.... skip that part. I don't think anyone will actually speak up, but why take a risk like that?
    I just keep thinking back to the Bridezilla episode where the MIL cleared her throat at that exact moment. Super awkward.
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    StephieBowStephieBow member
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    edited December 2011
    This is definitely your FI's job to manage.  He is the one who needs to stand up to his family and tell them that they way they treat YOU is unacceptible.

    With older people sometimes it's hard to stop them from making inappropriate racist comments (unfortunately) but nothing should ever in a millioin years be directed toward you.  Make sure that he deals with this BEFORE the wedding.  If they feel they can't be adults and be appropriate when they attend your wedding they may just choose not to come.  Unfortunate but will save you the headache of a disaster at the wedding.
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    slbinpinkslbinpink
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    edited December 2011
    Believe me, FI would not stand for this kind of behavior, at all. He would get just as offended as I would. I have no doubt that he will speak up to ANYONE who even said anything offensive. Problem is, He isn't around alot. He's a firefighter for the DoD, and is gone 3-5 days a week. I spend time with his immediate family alot when he isn't around, and occasionally, the grandma, or an aunt or cousin is around... and I'm just having trouble how to react when he isn't around. I refuse to be insulted for being me, and i absolutely will not stand comments made to, or around my daughter, she's just 2 1/2, How do I kindly respond? I have on several occasions, had to remind grandma, that her grandson loves me, and my daughter for who we are. Should I just keep kindly reminding her of this? Should I leave anytime shes around?
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    FayeValentine69FayeValentine69
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    edited December 2011
    You should absolutely stand up for yourself and if they continue, then leave.  I don't care how old they are, this behavior is inexcusable.  I'd also tell your FI about it and have him talk to them.
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    noelwellinnoelwellin
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto the poster who said skip the "does anyone object?" part.  Save yourself some potential hassle.  

    Does he know about the things they say to you when he isn't around?  When you say you've had to remind his grandmother a few times not to say things to hurt you, did you tell him about those times?  It's great that you are so close with his immediate family.  What are their reactions when Grandma makes these comments?  
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    edited December 2011
    Your FI needs to lay the ground work for this. He needs to be standing up for you. I am sure you are capable of standing up for youself, but when it comes to his family, he needs to take charge. Families are a funny thing and I am sure they will take it better coming from him than from you.
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    Enchanted616Enchanted616 member
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto everyone.  And I just wanted to add, I'm sorry you have to deal with this.   Comments are absolutely uncalled for and just plain mean.  You sound like a great person for even trying to figure out how to "kindly" deal with this; I dont know if I would have the self-restraint or control to do so.

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    FaburawFaburaw member
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    edited December 2011
    This is the same problem with my fiance's family...but he opted to just not invite them.  Good luck.
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