How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?

kslight6 · June 2010

How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding? I will have a small, family only wedding (maximum of 30 people) this year. I might have a big reception next year when I can afford it for 130 people. But I want a bridal shower this year and I want to invite my friends and friends of my fiancé. But I can’t promise my bridal shower guests that there will be for a reception to follow in 2011. If I have a bridal shower this year, I will make it clear to everyone that I do not want any gifts. What should I do?

nda_roxybabe · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_invite-people-bridal-shower-but-not-invite-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:ea33a2d7-3eed-435b-a6e9-cbd43ed47dffPost:19d4c287-d0c9-481e-a762-0e382d40a36d">How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding? I will have a small, family only wedding (maximum of 30 people) this year. I might have a big reception next year when I can afford it for 130 people. But I want a bridal shower this year and I want to invite my friends and friends of my fiancé. But I can’t promise my bridal shower guests that there will be for a reception to follow in 2011. If I have a bridal shower this year, I will make it clear to everyone that I do not want any gifts. What should I do?
Posted by kslight6[/QUOTE]
You can't.
You also can't throw your own shower and why in the world would you have a shower if you want no gifts?

trix1223 · June 2010

#1: The purpose of a bridal shower IS gifts: to shower the bride with gifts. So a Bridal Shower without gifts is not a shower: it's a get together.

#2: To answer the question of your post: you can't. You simply cannot invite people NOT invited to the wedding to a prewedding party, and that includes showers.

If you make the CHOICE to have a small wedding, you accept the consequences that go with that decision. And one of the consequences is that you forgo prewedding parties.

No one is forcing you to have the small wedding. Be a grown-up and accept the consequences of your choice. That's what grown-ups do.

#3: You don't plan your own shower anyway, so the whole discussion is really moot.

Leslie&Ralph · June 2010

Say what? A shower with no gifts? A wedding this year and a reception next year?

megk8oz · June 2010

How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?

You don't.

redheadfsu · June 2010

1. Only those attending the wedding are invited to pre-wedding events (like showers). Sorry.

2. A shower is a gift giving event. You shower the bride with gifts. You can't say no gifts. Even mentioning gifts is rude.

3. YOU do not throw your own shower. A family member or friend does.

Just have a BBQ & invite friends to party (and to kind of celebrate your engagement/ wedding). I understand, I'm having a Destination wedding- so I'm having zero pre-wedding parties because it would be rude if I did.

aerinpegadrak · June 2010

I had a small destination wedding, and no bridal shower or bachelorette party. They wouldn't have been appropriate.

If any pre-wedding parties do happen for you, you should have absolutely no say in their planning, except to provide a list of wedding guests and to let the host know what dates are available.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

Don't do it, its rude.

kslight6 · June 2010

Thank you for all advice:o)

beamer84 · June 2010

Why don't you turn it into a Jack and Jill or other sort of party? You could have this be the big reception you were going to hold next year.

JennaV26 · June 2010

Inviting people to a shower when they aren't invited to the wedding is messed up.
Having a shower with no gifts is also messed up. Say whaaa??

sillyJane · June 2010

I'd like to say that just because there's etiquette rules and stuff, you don't have to follow them. weddings were created by the elite for the elite, so all the pomp and circumstance that accompanies it has been elite created. for hundreds of years only royalty and the uber elite held weddings (and the weddings weren't the romantic kind we know of today). Common folk (80-90% of the population for a long time) didn't get married, they just shacked up and had babies. the concept of weddings and marriages is a relatively new one to the more "common classes" (middle and lower classes), and really came into vogue in the 1800s.

with that said, I'm having a small wedding too because I feel it's pretentious and uppity to have a large wedding and would rather spend that money on something longer lasting and less stressful than a day, like a romantic trip for FI and I or a house. So I say screw the etiquette, it's only stupid rules that are a few years old anyways. My mom threw me a shower in NM where I grew up (I live in SC now), and invited the people from the area that had known me a long time. I thought, hey, you can send an invite, but people don't have to accept and come. Suprise to me, people came (partly because they wanted to see me). I also set up a couple of donation registries because I don't particularly care if I get more material presents (Fi and I just got rid of a carload of stuff this weekend and still have more), but I think it's important to share the wealth with those less able to assist themselves. People who attend the shower still brought presents and I had a great time.

I do agree that you shouldn't throw the shower yourself, you already have plenty of planning to do!

How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?

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