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not ONLY does my sis get engaged...

MrsDehnel2BMrsDehnel2B member
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in Moms and Maids
My only younger (18-yrs old) sister, not only goes and get enagaged after me, but just today i found out from my mom that they will be getting married some Friday in October(2011!) REALLy?!? wHAT IS my problem?? Why do i feel so betrayed by her?? She's my MOH, my bestfriend, my Everything.. And then she goes behind my back and plans to get married in this month. Should i just not care? Please somebody tell me what i should feel, i think im driving myself crazy, and im scarred if she or my mom calls, i may say things i will regret ;( please HELP! 
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Re: not ONLY does my sis get engaged...

  • StacyJennigesStacyJenniges
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I bet that the feeling you are having is not one of betrayal but one of wory for your sister.  She's really young to be getting married and to be getting married in a month that sounds like someting is up.  If I would you i would be feeling betrayed not because she got engaged after me, and getting maried before me but because I would be woundering why everything is going so fast an why she hasn't told me about itt. 

    Take some breaths calm down, call your sister tell her congratulations and then express any concerns you may have for her.  And I mean for her not concerns about her getting married before you. 

    Remember that anyone who gets engaged after you can get married before you there is no law that states that you have to get married first. 

    "Faith Hope and Love are some good things he gave us, and the greatest is Love"
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  • em01092em01092 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Stacy. I get why you are upset but I would be concerned for your sister. How long has she been with her FI? They must be having a very low key wedding, unless you meant that she has been keeping her engagement a secret and has been engaged for some time. In that case I would be very angry due to the secrecy more than anything. 

    I also think it's crappy you found out from your mom yet your sister is supposedly your best friend. My best friend was the first person I called after my parents. 

    Whatever the case, just calm down and wait until you can be rational with her. Be there for her. She is not breaking any rule by marrying before you and she will not steal your thunder. Your profile says April 21 (my date!) so that is plenty of time in between for your families and friends to make both weddings, I would think. 
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  • MrsDehnel2BMrsDehnel2B member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
     She's been with her fiance about 2 years. I AM worried, thanks for pointing that out! It just all came at me so fast. Just this past weekend they bought a house (my dad cosigned it for them) and I just remember when my fiance and i bought our house, like it was SCARRY.. im thankful i did, altthough it made us broke! lol. but she has never been on her own, payed any bill, and NOW out of nowhere (one weekend) she and her FI bought a house and plan to marry this coming month!? i havent been able to tell my FI what is going on yet, Becuase only after a couple weeks of us getting engaged (June 2011), they TALKed about how they were going to get engaged, and i was happy for them, but my FI didnt take it the same, he took it as her wanting attention and blahblhblah.Our wedding date is set for April 21st!!! I love that date! ;) and i know in a month or 2 this will all be in the past, i just dont want to sit and watch my sister screw up, i guess...  But thanks so much girls! Its good to know im not Totally Insane ;)
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    My stepdd got married at 18.  We were the set of parents who were not happy and giddy over it.  She and her soon to be ex-h attended church together and their parents thought it was a "God thing" that they kids wanted to get married.  DH and I thought it was a stupid thing because we could think of a thing or two DD should really knock out before getting married.  Oh, say, college maybe?

     I'llcut to the chase here and just tell you that the more you tell her she isn't old enough or mature enough the more she will insist she is.  You are right to be worried for her but all you can really do is be there for her.  Maybe encourage her to still go to school and put off having kids.  Thank God DD and her soon to be x didn't have any kids.  They were married for 6 yrs before separating.  Right now neither one has the money for a divorce because she didn't pursue college first and he is very low ranking in the Coast Guard and likes to spend money.

    In all honesty I seriously don't get what your father is thinking.  I'm more stunned that he cosigned a house for them than I am that she is surprising you with a wedding.  Your father is enabling some very serious, ill-conceived life plans and he is hurting the situation far more than helping.  He should have said, "fine.  So where exactly can  you two afford to live?"

    I hope it all works out but I've just watched this scenario unfold and there is no way you can tell an 18 you that they will be a totally different person with totally different perceptions and goals at 23.  DD believes us now, but she sure didn't 6 yrs ago.

    Good luck.
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  • MrsDehnel2BMrsDehnel2B member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My mom is the same way with the God-forbiding ways! I goto church, i Love Jesus. But not once would i think that my sister would use that as an excuse to marry her FI so quick! My mom acts like my sis is a Virgin (she's not!) And if anything, then WAIT. And yes, college too.. my sister was suppose to goto college, decided to wait a year, was thinking about gettting engaged (married at 21), married in September2012, and now married this coming month. ugh, i just dont get it! I know she isnt pregnant (she's on the shot, and we talk about THIS) and SHE was my first call when i got engged.. we always talked about how she is mine and i am hers MOH, and now, it comes to this.. I guess another thing that erks me, is my mom always made a big fuss out of how none of her children (6 of us, only 2 girls) would get married before the one that is enagaging first.., i dont know if that makes sence.. and maybe im just coming to the reality my family is F'd up, but i dont know. My older bro and SIL are on their way over.. God please let me see Peace in all of this!
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Remember that you can only control what you do and not what they do.  We were not pleased that we couldn't put a stop to things with DD but in the end, when all is said and done, our job wasto be there and to love her.

    I know your feelings are hurt that she hid this.  DD hid it from DH and I for about 3 months while she and her mother went dress shopping, booked venues, etc.  DH was devastated to find out after the fact along with the feeling she was giving up her life. 

    The best thing I can tell you is this:  you have no control over how this shakes out.  You aren't going to talk her out of it.  You have to make a choice about what you are going to do. I'm going to really really really encourage you to step up, be her big sister and try to encourage her in her education and to wait for children.

    All you can do right now is love on her.
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  • HappinessByTheKilowattHappinessByTheKilowatt member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe she didn't tell you because she thought you were acting the way that you are. It sounds like a lot of jealousy that she's stealing your spotlight and that your parents are being supportive (and supporting her, practically), and only a little worry about what it might mean for her future. Take a few deep breaths. There's really nothing you can say that will change her mind, so you might as well suck it up and be there for her. I have a feeling she is going to need you in the not so distant future.
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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    There's some definite warning bells here. I hate to be the one to say it, but she might be pregnant. I also seriously side-eye the cosigning on a house for an 18-year-old. That's just asking for trouble, even if she's generally a mature and responsible one.

    However, if you're getting jealous over the timing and thinking she's stealing your spotlight, I think you need to take a good look at your priorities.

    ETA: So you know I know where you're coming from, H and I got engaged last June. In August, his 21-year-old sister started dating a 19-year-old guy. In February, she announced that they were engaged. In March, they got married so she could move with him to his AF base. She had a baby two weeks ago... yeah...
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  • MrsDehnel2BMrsDehnel2B member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Im not jelous. I know Im coming off that way, and i dont want to. And after a nice night sleep, i wokeup this morning, and decided im just going to wish her the best, and if/when she needs me, i will be here for her. PLUS her FI is a really nice guy, and i know that he will treat her well. 
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  • StacyJennigesStacyJenniges
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_not-only-sis-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9f02e753-06ae-434f-8044-ec8ea19d5572Post:9c0761eb-4c55-4144-a720-cee721419f40">Re: not ONLY does my sis get engaged...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Im not jelous. I know Im coming off that way, and i dont want to. And after a nice night sleep, i wokeup this morning, and decided im just going to wish her the best, and if/when she needs me, i will be here for her. PLUS her FI is a really nice guy, and i know that he will treat her well. 
    Posted by MrsDehnel2B[/QUOTE]

    it's so nice to get things out, and it was good of you to get it out here sound jelous to a bunch of strangers who don't matter, so that when you talk to your sister who does matter you don't sound jelous and not happy for her. 

    good for you and let her know you are there for her if she needs anything at all.  It's going to be hard not being judgy because she is so young but try hard to to.  good Luck!
    "Faith Hope and Love are some good things he gave us, and the greatest is Love"
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  • ashlidieashlidie member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Stacy, Im glad you got it out and you have made some peace with it.  Have fun planning in just a month!!!
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  • AiobheannAiobheann member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_not-only-sis-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9f02e753-06ae-434f-8044-ec8ea19d5572Post:07c77720-6847-4025-b29b-efb55962f77e">Re: not ONLY does my sis get engaged...</a>:
    [QUOTE]1.  You cannot control your sister's behavior.  Don't try. 2.  Love is supposed to be unconditional.  Your sister might need your love and support in the coming few years if she goes through with her plans.  Try not to judge her. 3.  Your sister's upcoming marriage has no bearing on yours.  They are two completely separate events. 4.  Who knows?  It just might work.  Bite your tongue.
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    <div>This! Bite your tongue and get over yourself. You come off as a spoiled brat, which I hope you aren't. She is your sister, be worried for her if you want, but bite your tongue and be there for her.</div>
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