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No one is Happy.

NinwenNinwen member
First Comment
in Wedding Woes
I am so confused. I have been engaged for two months now my wedding is a little over a year away and yet no one seems happy or eager to talk about it. I am really thrown off by this. My fiancé and I have waited seven years to get engaged and I thought everyone would be overjoyed. Yet no one has reacted the way I thought they would or should have. Even when I try to talk about getting ready to plan the wedding I get eye rolls, a mean comment, or no reaction, and then a change of topic. So what is so wrong with me? It feels like no one cares that I am getting married. I thought this was supposed to be the happiest time of my life but everyone seems to be bringing me down. Why is this?
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Re: No one is Happy.

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    NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    They don't like the guy you're marrying.
    image
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    nobody is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. stop talking about it with people other than your fi. nobody cares, and you're likely annoying them.

    get over it.
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    NinwenNinwen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It makes no sense. We have been together for so long. I just felt that if there was a problem, it would have come up by now. Is there anything I can do to change the downers? Should I bring it up with my parents?
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    NinwenNinwen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No my friends are cool with it and It is not random people, its my Parents and His Parents. People we live with and deal with every day. 
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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011

    how old are you?

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    NinwenNinwen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am 23 he is 22 we are high school sweet hearts and he perposed soon after I graduated from college. It has been a seven year thing so this is not a new relationship. 
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    NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I think we have our answer.
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    NinwenNinwen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    NOLA what do you mean? 
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    NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I mean that both sets of parents think that you both are too young, and were probably hoping that this relationship would run its course, but sadly it has not.

    Now, I don't know you or your parents, but I have a feeling I'm warm.

    Have they said similar things to you over the years?
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    do you both live at home?
    does either of you have a full time job with benefits?
    have you dated anyone other than your FI? (...and I don't mean during high school)
    did either of you go away to college?
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    NinwenNinwen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We were together for 3 years, then my mother figure passed away. He moved in and we went to the same college together becuase I had gotten so depressed. And through all of that everyone seemed supportive and both sets of parents were pusing marrage and even grandkids, so when we decided it was time to get engaged and he proposed I was just elated. My sister had gotten married at 24 so I never thought we were too young.His mother never really liked me because he moved in with me and my family but that makes no sense that everyone would be tanted by this. My god parents are who I live with now and I call them mom and dad. My godfather will be walking me down the aisle and they both welcomed him into their home with open arms after the death. So I thought that meant they were ok with it, you know?
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    NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    You need to ask them what the deal is, then. Only they can share why they aren't excited because I sure don't know.

    image
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    NinwenNinwen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Tell me about it :( I mean I was hopeing someone may have had the same issue it just fusterating. 
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    NinwenNinwen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Barbie 

    We both went away to college. We are saving up to buy a house and are only like 10k short of our 50k down. He is a web designer pulling in over 6k a month, so I do not have to work. I was thinking of going back to school to get my masters. No, we have not dated anyone else, but when you survive the death of a parent, depression and near suicide together and live to tell I really don't believe that you could have a deeper relationship than with that someone. Not to mention my mother's death was not the only death. We lost 6 other family members in the last 3 years. We have survived suicides, death, society and disbelievers. I don't think I need to prove anything we have gone through a hell of a lot more then most marred couples have to in there first 10 years of marrage.
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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    mmkay.
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    NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    We have survived suicides, death, society and disbelievers.

    Disbelieving in what?
    image
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    Secretgurl9Secretgurl9 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am in a similar situtation, but I'm even younger. I'm 20 and he recently turned 23. So about two and a half years apart. We were also high school sweethearts that ended up attending the same college. We had been dating for a bit over five years when he proposed. However, I have not begun to actively plan the wedding or to set a date. I am thinking about things we want/like and have begun to get a general idea, but I'm not planning on getting married for a couple years so that I will be through my bachelors degree and into graduate school, where due to the program I'll be attending, I'll be making enough to save. Not sure how different this is from you, but it's a thought.

    My parents are less than thrilled. My dad likes my FI well enough but my mom has really never been pleased with him I think. The first thing my mom asked me when I got engaged was whether or not I was dropping out of school, which if we actually had a half way decent relationship she would know that the answer was a resounding no. 

    The age is an issue. However, they may be concerned that you will put off other important things because you'll be getting married. Or they might be taking from past experiences. I knew my parents married young and that my mom dropped out of college, but it wasn't until after my engagement that I realized she had dropped out of school to get married. Did your parents get married young? Perhaps they always regretting not waiting to get married and they fear you will have the same regrets.

    You're going to have to talk to them. It may just be the age, it maybe something else. But I know the feeling. 

    Similar to what a PP said, my FI and I got through the death of his mom one month into our relationship. A short time later, my dad had an aneurysm that he barely survived. Throughout our relationship, I have suffered from panic attacks and he is the only one who can calm me to the point that with all but the largest panic attacks he can bring me down to normal. I think this does contribute to a tight bond between two people. It sounds like you bonded through difficult times as well. 

    My suggestion is to make sure you can assauge their concerns. If its a monetary issue, let them know how you plan to deal with those problems. If its education, let them know what your plans are. However, if it is just the age thing, they may never get over it. Here, you have to trust yourself. Look into your heart and make sure you have absolutely zero doubts and your FI should do the same. If you're right for each other, everything will work out. Maturity is more important than age. If you are mature enough to handle what comes after being married, then it doesn't matter how old you are, as long as you have the means to get married and start a new life with your FI. I'm sure we've all met forty year olds that are less mature than some twelve year olds we know. It's a personal thing and no one can decide for you.

    Young people do, if I'm not mistaken, have a high divorce rate. That does not mean you are wrong or that it is impossible. Sometimes you have to trust yourself and hope for the best.

    Good luck and I wish you the best of luck.

    *edited for terrible spelling. I probably still missed some*
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