To Tichel, or not to?

sari5765 · February 2011

I'm soliciting opinions on this from a variety of folks, so I thought I'd throw this out here and see what people think:

I'm leaning towards wearing a tichel (and just covering my hair in general) post-wedding (which is in two weeks- ahhhhh!).

I used to be Orthodox, which would have made things simple- of course I would cover! But, I'm Reform now. And I've mostly come to peace with that- it was the right decision for me and I've found a great community. But most of my friends who are married are those Orthodox friends I had pre-transition (thankfully, they were all super-understanding and there were no break-ups). So, I look at them, and I spend time with them, and I find myself really sad that I won't be wearing tichels with them. So, I thought to myself- I'm Reform now- I have a choice. I could totally do this, it's not disallowed or anything.

But, here's my concern: is it appropriation? I'm no longer Orthodox, and while I may dress frum still, I get uncomfortable when I realize that people might still see me as Orthodox because it's a culture I no longer belong to- again, with the appropriation.

So, I've been talking to friends, Orthodox and not, and my Rabbi (and my old Rabbi), and most of them seem uninterested in the conversation- like it's just not a big deal. But it seems to be one to me, which is why I keep asking people. I suppose I'm mostly worried about offending folks and misrepresenting myself.

Anyway, sorry it got super long, but basically I was just curious what you all might think. I'll make the decision on my own, because it is very personal, but I still want to hear other perspectives.

shirz903 · February 2011

I consider myself conservadox- but my husband is just Jewish by birth. I dress modestly and threw it around if I should tichel or not. I also realized I didn't want to stick out (would not fit in where I live on Long Island) so instead I just wear hats to shul. It works for me and I still feel like I am staying true to myself and staying fashionable and it is a good compromise as I feel it is who I am.

october010bride · February 2011

I grew up conservative, my hubby is reform and we plan on joining a conservative temple once the time comes.

Growing up I never knew anyone personally who wore a tichel and I went to camp with tons of modern orthodox girls and women (the counselors... it was a co-ed camp). While I understand your apprehension and personal feelings I would find it odd to wear one while not immersing yourself in the orthodox community.

In general (and I hope to not offend anyone) I find it an odd practice. I totally understand the idea of dressing modestly/frum but will never understand the practice of covering your hair. I would never associate hair with sexuality and believe it is very constraining to one's self to cover it up.

I also find it conflicting with the reform movement so I wonder how people would react in the community. Are you comfortable fully with the reform movement?

In the end, it's a personal choice that you and you alone should make. If your fi/H doesn't care either way then just do what you are comfortable with.

MrsMLRB · February 2011

I was raised reform and consider myself reform. However, I have considered covering my hair. I think its a nice tradition (that only your husband sees your hair because you only want to be sexy for him). My biggest reason is where I work (a high school) students aren't allowed to wear headcoverings (for gang reasons). I just don't know if it is a battle worth fighting everyday with my students (which is would be).

I don't see anything wrong with a reform Jew choosing to cover their hair. A big part about reform Judaism is incorporating the traditions you feel comfortable with into your life.

akeren20 · February 2011

I was also raised orthodox, and kinda am transitioning to conservative. For me there are practices I am not so willing to give up, like I plan to have a kosher home and send my kids to a jewish school and teach them to be respectful of the laws of shabbat when we spend time with my family. I personally am not going to cover my hair, maybe wear a hat, or beret or something during shevah brachot, and when I go to shul with my family.

My advice to you is if you really feel passionate about it go for it, it helps you identify with judiasm. Worse comes to worse, if you decide you dont like it then you can stop. or vice versa.

Rachiemoo · February 2011

I personally think there are other ways to be modest (like you mentioned, in dress), as well as in the way you act. So if you don't feel strongly about covering your hair then I wouldn't think it is something you need to take on.

This may sound strange, but I know a few people who do it depending on what crowd they're hanging around at that time. When you spend time with your friends who cover their hair, you could too if it makes you feel more comfortable.

To Tichel, or not to?

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