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Insanity on the Nest

So this girl gets flamed for being perky and having a baby out of wedlock on Married Life.

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/1/42347059/ShowThread.aspx (Sorry if this isn't a direct link, I tried)

It was mainly just entertaining to read until I found this.

http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/41396941.aspx?MsdVisit=1 (same here)

That made me so angry. Usually stuff on these boards doesn't piss me off but THAT did. The woman in the first post who is all excited about her wedding posted a month before about her abusive FI.
 
I am just frustrated and wanted to share with you ladies.

Re: Insanity on the Nest

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    edited December 2011
    I have to admit.. I laughed at the poster that said "LOCK THIS MUTHA DOWN!"

    But yeah, ugh.
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    edited December 2011
    Oh yeah I read that yesterday.  I feel bad for the kid.  Frown
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_insanity-nest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b88de591-705a-48ff-8955-3817aa156fa4Post:fe1f70be-b6ed-4711-a0af-2cf94495f13d">Re: Insanity on the Nest</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have to admit.. I laughed at the poster that said "LOCK THIS MUTHA DOWN!" But yeah, ugh.
    Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

    Ditto. That might be my new favorite saying.
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    HeartOverMindHeartOverMind member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, that's really sad. Poor baby!
    "Why does a girl have to be so silly to catch a husband?" ~~~Scarlett O'Hara Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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    MLekathLEENMLekathLEEN member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, I didn't read much of the second one but what an awful situation. Why would you further put yourself in that situation by marrying him?!

    If your "not trying" and get KU'ed twice, don't you think you'd start trying some other form of BC?

    Sidenote- Did anyone notice the one LSU dad's pants??
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    prodigalgirlprodigalgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_insanity-nest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b88de591-705a-48ff-8955-3817aa156fa4Post:cba9eaf7-b970-46a8-9a58-55ff11337038">Re: Insanity on the Nest</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Insanity on the Nest : Ditto. That might be my new favorite saying.
    Posted by CWill16[/QUOTE]
    I think it was probably the former Favors mod's favorite too <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-innocent.gif" border="0" alt="Innocent" title="Innocent" />
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_insanity-nest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b88de591-705a-48ff-8955-3817aa156fa4Post:ff5c34f9-23d1-47d4-8b2c-a77537772929">Re: Insanity on the Nest</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Insanity on the Nest : I think it was probably the former Favors mod's favorite too
    Posted by prodigalgirl[/QUOTE]

    AH! I don't want to be compared to the favors mod!

    Least favorite saying, I meant LEAST favorite saying! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-foot-in-mouth.gif" border="0" alt="Foot in mouth" title="Foot in mouth" />


    EDIT: That was actually my evil triplet who said that. Not me, so PLEASE don't be mad. I just can't bring myself to ready what she wrote.
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    edited December 2011
    I felt bad for her until I read the "prayers" thread.  Now I'm just convinced she's a complete farkin' moron and I only feel bad for the poor baby who clearly lost that game of Genetic Russian Roulette.
    image
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    edited December 2011
    I too give the side eye to someone who's been pregnant 3 times while on BC or using condoms.  

    With an abusive FI, maybe he did some sabotaging to get her pregnant.  This way they would be linked for life.  
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    zipis1zipis1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_insanity-nest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b88de591-705a-48ff-8955-3817aa156fa4Post:def6c578-d29b-4ce1-b8c4-6aaa18f93584">Re: Insanity on the Nest</a>:
    [QUOTE]I too give the side eye to someone who's been pregnant 3 times while on BC or using condoms.   <strong>With an abusive FI, maybe he did some sabotaging to get her pregnant.  This way they would be linked for life.  </strong>
    Posted by Goldlie11[/QUOTE]

    I would actually put money on that bet.

    image
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    edited December 2011
    I actually really feel bad for her.  And what's up with bashing someone because they had a child out of wedlock?  It's not ideal, but it happens often.  

    I really hope she gets some help.  I'm sure the thought of being a single mom at 20 is scaring her into staying with an abusive man.  
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    edited December 2011
    I was wondering about the bashing, too. I didn't realize people were so open about being judgmental.

    I mean- I'mma be honest. I try not to judge, but sometimes I do. I think in most cases getting pregnant before marriage is irresponsible. Don't get me wrong-- I love all of my cousins and friends' kids just the same... I would never look down on the kid. I wouldn't even say I look down on the parents. But it does usually make me roll my eyes a little, especially when the couple then decides OMG LET'S GET MARRIED NOW!

    To me, it's cart-before-horse... much like buying a wedding dress before you're engaged. But it's not my life, it's not my decision or accident or whatever you consider it. I don't go around saying "I AM GIVING YOU THE SIDE EYE" or "I THINK YOU ARE STUPID FOR GETTING KNOCKED UP." I would never say any of that to someone because I probably DON'T know the situation or their actual capabilities, and there are many, many people in this world who get knocked up without planning to and then really turn out to be awesome parents.

    So, although I don't really like the trend I can't say that it makes me think badly about someone.

    That said, it doesn't surprise me that the chick is 20 and is obviously a very confused, and not the brightest crayon in the box. I was an idiot when I was 20.
    Anniversary
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    PandaBurrPandaBurr member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, she is fucking retarded. Absolutely fucking retarded.
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    leia1979leia1979 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I find the claim of "not trying to get pregnant" plus two previous pregnancies to be very fishy. If someone wants to have a kid without being married, I have no problem with it, so long as the person is being responsible about it.

    For example, a friend of mine just had a daughter at 37. She has a great job (that is reasonably flexible) plus the support of friends and family. She has no desire to marry.

    But people who get pregnant and then go "Well, I guess we should get married now" strike me a little odd.

    I'll admit, now I'm starting to feel judgy about people I know who are married but getting pregnant when they're not financially sound (e.g. living with parents, unemployed, etc.). I know three couples like this, and I feel like they're old enough to plan a little better. On the other hand, there are far less responsible people in the world.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_insanity-nest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b88de591-705a-48ff-8955-3817aa156fa4Post:744fb384-731d-419e-9e28-3841aa8750cc">Re: Insanity on the Nest</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was wondering about the bashing, too. I didn't realize people were so open about being judgmental. I mean- I'mma be honest. I try not to judge, but sometimes I do. I think in most cases getting pregnant before marriage is irresponsible. Don't get me wrong-- I love all of my cousins and friends' kids just the same... I would never look down on the kid. I wouldn't even say I look down on the parents. But it does usually make me roll my eyes a little, especially when the couple then decides OMG LET'S GET MARRIED NOW! To me, it's cart-before-horse... much like buying a wedding dress before you're engaged. But it's not my life, it's not my decision or accident or whatever you consider it. I don't go around saying "I AM GIVING YOU THE SIDE EYE" or "I THINK YOU ARE STUPID FOR GETTING KNOCKED UP." I would never say any of that to someone because I probably DON'T know the situation or their actual capabilities, and there are many, many people in this world who get knocked up without planning to and then really turn out to be awesome parents. So, although I don't really like the trend I can't say that it makes me think badly about someone. That said, it doesn't surprise me that the chick is 20 and is obviously a very confused, and not the brightest crayon in the box. I was an idiot when I was 20.
    Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]
    You said it better than me.  I didn't know people were so open about their judgements of single moms.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think having a baby at 20 out of wedlock is cool.  It's sad.  Still, what's done is done.  Coming down on her for it now seems cruel.<div>
    </div><div>Although she doesn't come off as overly bright, she's in a tough situation.  Calling her names doesn't seem the way to go.  Instead, encourage her to seek help.  It's so easy to say that she needs to get the hell out of there (which she does).  However, we don't know what kind of support system she has outside of her crappy FI.  These situations are rarely black and white.   This situation really touched me.  I will pray for her.  </div>
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    DanieMarie212DanieMarie212 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm glad i didn't use that website when i we pregnant.

    That being said.  You can be with someone plan a baby and not be married.  Even if you are married nothing is guaranteed.  When my ex and i split it was for the best interest of Bryland.  My ex was wonderful we planned Bryland.  But the Bigger i got and the more real it became he freaked out.  We began fighting all the time and he started going to the bar all the time.  I'm not gonna defend him by any means.  His dad wasn't there to much for him as a kid, but he should know better to do for his son.  

    I know that i'm a great mom, and that Bryland is my first priority.  I don't care who judges me in this world.  I have made new friends and lost old friends.  When it comes down to it, i know who supports me in life.  I have an amazing little boy, who taught me how to slow down in life.  Not to be so naive and believe what people say, and rush into relationships. 
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    edited December 2011
    I have no judgement on her situation as an unmaried mom. That was not my point at all. They did cruelty flame her for that. If you read the post from The Nest she talks about how she won't go back to him and she is staying with her mom. She also says her mom will let he stay with her as long as she needs to. She swears up and down she is going to get help and stay away from her FI, yet she is still marrying him. I am 20 years old too and I know what she is doing is destructive.

    She thanks the posters from The Bump for calling her strong, but she clearly isn't. Like I said, I am 20 too and I would NEVER do what she is doing.
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    DanieMarie212DanieMarie212 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry if thats what mine came across as what you were saying,  I was just trying to state that couples can plan babies in our out of marriages.  

    Bur it the parents relationship becomes an unhealthy environment for the child than it's time to do something about it for the baby.
    Photobucket
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    edited December 2011
    Oh, CWill, she's totally wonky for going back to him so quickly. I understand it's tough-- I've had to pull myself out of an abusive relationship when none of my friends or family even knew it was abusive. I had very little support there. It was incredibly difficult and I waited far longer than I should have.

    BUT, I am a firm believer that when you have another living creature depending on you (cat, dog, human, whatever), you put their needs first and sometimes that means doing things that are hard to do- sometimes making incredibly difficult decisions.

    You suck it up, no matter how impossible it may seem, and you do what you have to do to protect the one who counts on you to do so.

    This chick isn't doing that.
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    edited December 2011
    I didn't think you guys were necessarily accusing me of judging her for that, I just more wanted to clarify. I completely agree with everything Jeana said. I realize it is difficult to get out of those cycles. I have done a lot of work at my all women's college to promote awareness and help prevent violence against women. This crazy lady just said she was going to change and didn't... much like her FI probably did... I pray for her little girl.
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    edited December 2011
    I was talking about the posters on the nest.  I used think that the girls who stayed were dumb (for lack of a better word).  Then I met a couple of women who were abused and I began to understand them a bit better.  That doesn't mean that I want abused women to stay where they are.  I just think the name calling that was going on was uncalled for because it's not that easy for most women. 
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