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My not so great friend thinks I am being unreasonable

kadee626kadee626 member
First Comment
in Texas-Dallas and Ft. Worth

GRRR! I have been srcimping and saving for my wedding for like 6 months or so now. FI and I are paying for everything ourselves and I want to have a small but memorable wedding. One of my friends, who is supposed to be a BM tells me about a month ago that she all of a sudden is getting married and they are getting married in October 2010. She only started dating him in May and now all of a sudden they are having this huge extravagant wedding that her dad is paying for in only 4 months. I know its her perogative if she wants to rush to get married and all but this will be wedding #4 for her and they all ended badly. Anyways, she knows that I am saving up all of this money by myself for my own wedding and i turned her down when she asked me to be in her wedding because I for one don't have the extra time or the extra money. She gave me a huge guilt trip, not because she wants me to be int he wedding but because she has no one else to fill my space and she needs 7 BM because her FI has 7 GM. I told her that I would have to think about it. Before I ever got back to her she emailed me that I need to give her my measurements and $350 for my dress by three days later. I told her I couldn't be in her wedding and she is furious at me screaming that I am trying to sabotage her wedding. She even has some of her other BM and her mother messaging me on facebook telling me what a horrible friend I am. Do you think that I am being unreasonable? I don't think that I am being unreasonable. Any advice on my not so great friend and how to handle this situation.

K & K 6/25/11
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Re: My not so great friend thinks I am being unreasonable

  • bsn1752bsn1752 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You're not being unreasonable at all.  You let her know up front that you couldn't afford to be in her wedding, you can her no false hope or reason to think otherwise.  I think that she has alot of nerve telling you that she needs your measurements and $350 for a dress after you told her no in the first place.

    Sounds like this girl "friend" of yours is no friend at all.  I would walk away from the whole situation and wish her the best of luck.
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  • danac2010danac2010
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    First off $350 for a BM dress?  I didn't even spend that on my wedding dress(got a good deal though).  Second you told her up front that you wouldn't be able to afford to be in the wedding.  She sounds like an AW and is going to be a zilla through the whole process.  If she was a true friend she would understand that planning a wedding is expensive and stressful and trying to be included in another wedding at the same time adds more money and stress issues that you don't need.  I would tell her that you can't be in the wedding but you would love to still be in attendance.  If she can't accept that you might need to find another BM for your wedding and just walk away from her all together.  No one needs that much extra drama in their life especially when you are planning a wedding.  Good luck!
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  • NMac2010NMac2010
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I say that she isn't a very good friend, and I'd ditch her.

    You're not being unreasonable.
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  • kadee626kadee626 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the reassurance ladies, I think I will probably just replace her in my wedding and bow out completely from hers.
    K & K 6/25/11
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  • bobbileighbbobbileighb
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I dont think you are being unreasonable.   The only suggestion I have and maybe you did this but it wasnt clear in your original post.  Have you explained to her why you said you cannot be in it?  You said she knows you have been saving for your wedding but does she really know how tight it has been?  If she knows this and her parents are paying for the entire wedding she might make an offer to help you out if she is able to and wants you there that badly.  If not I say she might not be the best friend to have as she is only focusing on her needs and no one elses.
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  • bobbileighbbobbileighb
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I just read your response, have you already asked her to be in yours?  If so I would bow out gracefully of hers but you really cant replace her in yours if she has already been asked and accepted.  If you havent asked or she drops out then fine.

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  • bridgetlbbridgetlb
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    #4? really?
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  • Tiffany618Tiffany618
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Looks like the previous poster's covered it pretty well.   You never committed to being in her wedding, and based on her behavior I'm pretty sure you don't want to.

    Sorry your having to deal with this.
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  • brhinklebrhinkle member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    YEA THE "NOT SO GOOD FRIEND" SOUNDS LIKE NO FRIEND ANYONE WOULD WANT OR NEED AROUND... ; )) Dont fret YOU have a wonderful wedding that you worked hard, my guess is your will be even more beautiful than her "HUGE BASH"!!!
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  • kadee626kadee626 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies, and yes this is her #4 and yes her parents have paid for all 4. I am not that lucky. I told her that I truly could not afford to be in her wedding. Funny part: after i have told her probably 5 times or more that I can't afford it she still sent me a txt msg about 20 minutes ago asking if she can come by and pick up the money for the dress. I have already told her that I will not be in her wedding and that its ok if she doesn't want to invite me because of it. And no I haven't asked her to be in my wedding yet and now I do not plan to. She is just too much drama for me right now.
    K & K 6/25/11
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