Finding a date that works for wedding party

kkidwell55 · October 2010

I could really use some advice on my date situation:

My FI and I originally planned to get married on Labor Day weekend 2011, but his deployment got extended from 6 months to 13 months so he won't be returning until February 2012.

I have my heart set on an outdoor wedding, and the wedding will be in Colorado. So that leaves between early May and end of September.

We were told he could deploy again as soon as four months after he returns in Feb 2012. So that would be mid June 2012.

My initial thought was to have the wedding in May, but here's what happened:

First saturday: My MOH has law school exams the first week of May, she basically said she doesn't want it that week.

Second saturday: My bridesmaid graduates from college that Friday

Third saturday: My brother graduates that Friday

Fourth saturday: The best man's brother graduates that exact day

First saturday of June: Groom's father's birthday

I have no idea which date to choose, it seems like there is a conflict everywhere.

Any thoughts?

nannewmur · October 2010

How far away are the Friday graduations from the ceremony site? Most college grads I know don't necessarily want to walk the graduation so I suggest you have a talk with those two to see if possible to have it on one of those weekends, assuming you were looking for a Sat or Sun date. Having it on FIL birthday, in my opinion, is no big deal unless this one is a special one, year wise.

What about the second Sat of June-that may allow everyone some breathing room. Not sure what part of Colorado you are talking about, but can't it still be cold in early May? Maybe June may be better!

heyimbren · October 2010

I think the FIL birthday date would be okay, but it might be nice to ask him first.

You're not going to be able to please everyone, as you're learning. I know you want everyone there, but ultimately some people just won't be able to make it. What about a Saturday after a graduation (depending on how far the graduation location is from your wedding location)?

future-mrs · October 2010

I agree with PP, you won't be able to please everyone. Just pick a date that you and FI can agree on and generally works for your family and then go from there. There will be some that can't make it and that's ok.

[Deleted User] · October 2010

Ditto future-mrs. Go with the date that works for you and your FI. If they want to be there and in your WP, they will make the necessary arrangements if possible. Some may have to decline and that is okay. Life happens and you can't worry about everything. There were people who I really thought that would have come to my wedding but didn't.

whitma87 · October 2010

why don't you try a sunday? In the end, you'll probably hurt someones feelings or f their plans up. I would go with the 2nd saturday in may. your bridesmaid seems like the bottom of priority. wherever she is, i'm sure she can hop on a plan to colorado to be in your wedding. are you concerned that when she graduates shes going to go out an party all night and not be able to make it to the saturday wedding because of that? you should opt for a sunday wedding.

whitma87 · October 2010

first saturday in june could work too, i mean, old men dont like to celebrate their birthdays anyway. lol. once they hit 50, their done. plus, your fiance will always remember the date. always a good thing. i dont see the harm in having it the day of his birthday. its a nice gift, his son is getting married.

loves2shop4shoes · October 2010

The wedding doesn't HAVE to be on a Saturday, does it? Why don't you try a Friday or Sunday instead?

Edit: Something is going to have to be sacrificed here. Also, with the military, 4 months might really mean 2 months. You never know. Personally, I would try to have the wedding as close to his arrival as possible. I know you wanted an outdoor wedding, but is it more important to do that or to have your FI present? Also, is it more important for it to be an outdoor wedding in a "warmer" month than to have everyone you love at your wedding?

CSTK1910 · October 2010

I don't know where all the people/other events are, but out of those I would say it's not a big deal to have it on his dad's birthday. It's not another event that someone has to be at, it is just a special day that could be made more special! Also, I also vote the Sunday thing. I am not a fan of Sunday weddings when people have work the next day, but what about the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend? It is still like a Saturday, but gives everyone that extra day to get there.

Also, MissySue, AWESOME picture! Go Bucks!

Muffin'sMom · October 2010

Unfortunately, when you marry a military man, your "heart set on" becomes the thing that must be flexible. I would suggest giving up on the outdoor thing, planning a beautiful early spring wedding, and not taking a chance.

eshaufle · October 2010

I would ask your FFIL but I would be surprised if he would care about the wedding being on the same day as his bday. I would also think that depending on how far away those with graduations on Friday are from where you're getting married that the Saturday after that would work too.

I agree that the Sunday before Memorial Day might be a good option because it's like another weekend night. In general though, I'm not usually a fan of normal Sunday weddings at all because a) if it's late it might involve people having to take Monday off of work and b) if it's early it would kind of stink to go to a wedding then drive home and go to work the next day. This obviously depends on how many OOT guests you have. I really don't enjoy Friday evening weddings either if traveling is involved. Basically...any wedding that requires me as a guest to take time off of work for, I consider an inconvenience. I do it for very good friends but I prefer to use my vacation time in other ways if I can.

sister2groom · October 2010

First, obviously you want to be able to schedule so everyone important can come, but you might not be able to, and people will just realize that's what happens when depolyments come in. I mean you had to rearrange your schedule so your groom could be there, which is more important than anything. Whatever you do, if it's cutting it close to someone else's graduation or test or whatever, just reassure them that you would love to have them just show up and certainly wouldn't expect them to have to help put together programs and such while they're studying or celebrating with family or moving out after graduation. If they have to skip the rehearsal, so be it.

I wouldn't worry about the day AFTER people walk, unless you feel they HAVE to be there and they go to school really far away. When I graduated college, most of my friends left school that day. Furthermore, maybe they don't even want to walk, I only did cause my parents forced me.

And if the MOH has her exam during the week, what's wrong with the weekend?

No matter when you have it, there will be conflicts, espcially with people in school. If you have it in late April, well that's final exam season, and I'm sure there are problems with other weekends too.

Finding a date that works for wedding party

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