REALLY ANNOYED

greygarnett · March 2011

Ok so I need to vent!! Has anything like this ever happened to anybody and how did you deal cause I want to scream! I just got off the phone with my FI after getting a call from one of my wedding registry stores. Apparently my FI aunt was under the impression that our registry was just a list of items that we wanted so that she could look it up and then go buy something similar and cheaper from another store. Fine; if she's on a budget (which I know she's not but whatever) but my FI explained to her that she can't do that because then somebody buys us the item we wanted and we get doubles. Her solution? Call the store pretending to be me and have the items she buys elsewhere for less REMOVED from our list. He thinks this is hilarious, I probably will in a few days but right now I am just awe struck. Never heard of anybody doing this...anybody else out there have this happen and what can I say without hurting her feelings?

orangecrayon · March 2011

I know your pretty angry right now, but think about it this way. I did this quite a lot with my registry, bought things cheaper and took it off. For example, i had a set of measuring cups for $30 and saw them at costco for $9, the person who wanted to spend $50 got to buy 3 items for that budget.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, she was probably just trying to make sure nobody got you the same gift twice. Don't freak out.

FutureJilliannD · March 2011

I actually don't see what the big deal is. If you are getting the same item why does it really matter?

aerinpegadrak · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_really-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2f475f8-2ca2-4c69-b407-4eca4924f9aaPost:2b16f5c1-8d2f-4c62-b56d-a1f55c988b3e">REALLY ANNOYED</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so I need to vent!! Has anything like this ever happened to anybody and how did you deal cause I want to scream! I just got off the phone with my FI after getting a call from one of my wedding registry stores. Apparently my FI aunt was under the impression that our registry was just a list of items that we wanted so that she could look it up and then go buy something similar and cheaper from another store. Fine; if she's on a budget (which I know she's not but whatever) but my FI explained to her that she can't do that because then somebody buys us the item we wanted and we get doubles. Her solution? Call the store pretending to be me and have the items she buys elsewhere for less REMOVED from our list. He thinks this is hilarious, I probably will in a few days but right now I am just awe struck. Never heard of anybody doing this...anybody else out there have this happen and what can I say without hurting her feelings?
Posted by greygarnett[/QUOTE]
I think it's really presumptuous of you to say that they can't get the most for their money, just to save you the trouble of having to make an exchange. (ETA: Which, by the way, is stupid easy with a wedding registry.) Your FI was out of line for telling her that she couldn't order elsewhere, and she's just trying to get you a nice gift that she can afford and help you keep your registry straight. He should apologize for trying to dictate her gift-giving, and you should stay out of it from now on. It's not any of your business how she spends her money, for your wedding or otherwise.

cmcurris · March 2011

I don't see a problem either... even if she didn't take it off, couldn't you just return one?

Noellesmama · March 2011

?

Again ???

Really????

Shouldn't you just be glaf you are getting ANYTHING at all? Hmm....

TeresaB2011 · March 2011

The exact reason I registered at 3 different places I know people can afford. I have a few doctors on my list who I know shop at Macy's but do not shop at Kohl's and also people who shop at BBB. I tried to give them a choice. I agree with the other ladies, just return the item for something you did not get and be thankful.

aerinpegadrak · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_really-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2f475f8-2ca2-4c69-b407-4eca4924f9aaPost:724cdae0-dc27-494d-8425-1a9362dacdcf">Re: REALLY ANNOYED</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't be annoyed about buying it elsewhere, but I do think it's out of line that she would call a store and pretend to be you! That's just dishonest!
Posted by djhar[/QUOTE]
I doubt she would have done that if OP hadn't made a fuss over nothing.

skippylouwho · March 2011

You can't tell someone where to shop for a gift for you. You have a registry to help people give you something that you want but they aren't obligated to buy you anything and aren't required to buy something that is listed on your registry.

Your FI was wrong - she can shop wherever she wants - or not shop, she might just decide not to give you anything.

The aunt was wrong - she should not have called the store to impersonate you.

sarah42nd · March 2011

Whats so 'wrong' about getting doubles? You just take one back ... no big deal. I also agree it was wrong for the aunt to impersonate you.

greygarnett · March 2011

The place I registered has PLENTY of low cost items because a lot of my guests are university students with no money. If she could not afford the item on the list she chose my question is why not go lower. Also the item she is buying is not the same item. We are trying to upgrade some of our household items and one we put on the list was a knife set including about 15 knives of good quality. She bought a 20$ knife set including about 9 knives no better than the one we already have and removed the one we wanted from the list. Its not about returns or getting the exact same thing. Its about geting what we don't want and having things removed that we DID want without our premission. And she didnt tell us she did this, the store called me to confirm!

aerinpegadrak · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_really-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2f475f8-2ca2-4c69-b407-4eca4924f9aaPost:2602eb98-947e-416c-8897-f29b418ff399">Re: REALLY ANNOYED</a>:
[QUOTE]The place I registered has PLENTY of low cost items because a lot of my guests are university students with no money. If she could not afford the item on the list she chose my question is why not go lower. Also the item she is buying is not the same item. We are trying to upgrade some of our household items and one we put on the list was a knife set including about 15 knives of good quality. She bought a 20$ knife set including about 9 knives no better than the one we already have and removed the one we wanted from the list. Its not about returns or getting the exact same thing. Its about geting what we don't want and having things removed that we DID want without our premission. And she didnt tell us she did this, the store called me to confirm!
Posted by greygarnett[/QUOTE]
Sorry, but complaining about unwanted gifts is the action of a whiny teenager. It doesn't matter if the gift she was buying you was a 4ft long dildo, the gracious and adult course of action is to smile, say thank you, and figure out what to do with it later. Yes, she was out of line to try to have the item removed from your registry. But, again, this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't told her that she wasn't spending money on you in the properly sanctioned way in the first damn place.

Maybe she just really wanted to get you knives. It's not up to you what your guests specifically buy you, even with a registry. And again, bitching about how the free stuff you're getting isn't good enough is something a spoiled brat does, not a woman supposedly mature enough for marriage.

greygarnett · March 2011

@ aerinpegadrak : Wow you really enjoy being negative don't you. People come on here for kind advice and guidance or simply to vent and you just enjoy coming on here to put people down and be rude. Nice way to spend your time I guess. A simple "well you can't make people do what you want" or "appreciate the gifts that you get" will suffice, talking about my maturity when you don't know me or have been in this situation really gives you no right to flat out judge me. If my post upsets you that much move on and dont read it, don't post negativity on my wall so I have to see it. This site is about weddings and therefore happiness. Get over yourself.

aerinpegadrak · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_really-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2f475f8-2ca2-4c69-b407-4eca4924f9aaPost:ac3a5794-098c-4ef1-88f6-4e4f757459bb">Re: REALLY ANNOYED</a>:
[QUOTE]@ aerinpegadrak : Wow you really enjoy being negative don't you. People come on here for kind advice and guidance or simply to vent and you just enjoy coming on here to put people down and be rude. Nice way to spend your time I guess. A simple "well you can't make people do what you want" or "appreciate the gifts that you get" will suffice, talking about my maturity when you don't know me or have been in this situation really gives you no right to flat out judge me. If my post upsets you that much move on and dont read it, don't post negativity on my wall so I have to see it. This site is about weddings and therefore happiness. Get over yourself.
Posted by greygarnett[/QUOTE]
This ain't Facebook, sweetheart. It's a public message board, you don't have a wall, and you don't get to tell people how to respond. If you want to have rainbows blown up your ass, WeddingWire.com is thataway.

greygarnett · March 2011

Do what you like. I'm just going to block your posts. I can take criticism just fine, and to people who posted things such as the 1P thank you for your time. I have calmed down and asked the store not to remove any further items by phone if I need them removed I'll do it by mail and I put back the items she removed. We are also going to call her tonight to apologize for her apparent confusion on what we meant. She knows anything she gets us is fine but we want to give our guests the chance to buy us what they like as well. Thank you to all positive posters.

Like I said in my OP I'll be laughing about this soon enough, I just wanted to vent and know if anybody had been in this boat before.

Manwaithiel · March 2011

Your wall????

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Okay...I'm good now...

aerinpegadrak · March 2011

Oh, and I'll say that I didn't have any of these sorts of problems with my wedding. Things went wrong, certainly, but on a basic human interaction level, it was smooth sailing, despite some very strong personalities and opinions in play. But go ahead, keep thinking that I'm so horribly negative and you're just a beacon of positivity and niceness. I'm sure everyone within your micromanaging grasp will agree with you, because they have to.

MairePoppy · March 2011

Grey- A registry is created for the convenience of the guests, not the bride and groom. No one is obligated to purchase anything from your registry. The aunt was correct in thinking this is merely a wish list. Your fi was wrong to correct her. That is what lead to her solution of calling the store to remove items that she had purchased elsewhere. So I'm glad to see that you plan to call her to apologize.

Here's what you do. If you receive duplicate or gifts or gifts that you don't want, write a lovely thank you note to the giver and then quietly exchange the gift. Or you could just keep the gift and use it when Auntie visits to make her feel appreciated. If neither of those solutions suits you, donate it to a charity that helps people set up housekeeping.That is how brides have handled this problem for ages.

greygarnett · March 2011

Marie: I never told anybody they HAD to buy from my registry but I never expected anybody to REMOVE anything without my consent. That was new to me! In cases where I can't return, dontation is a great Idea I never thought of. Thanks!

MairePoppy · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_really-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2f475f8-2ca2-4c69-b407-4eca4924f9aaPost:82358812-26fd-4dd5-b6d8-9d7abadd8877">Re: REALLY ANNOYED</a>:
[QUOTE]Do what you like. I'm just going to block your posts. I can take criticism just fine, and to people who posted things such as the 1P thank you for your time. I have calmed down and asked the store not to remove any further items by phone if I need them removed I'll do it by mail and I put back the items she removed. <strong>We are also going to call her tonight to apologize for her apparent confusion on what we meant. </strong>She knows anything she gets us is fine but we want to give our guests the chance to buy us what they like as well. Thank you to all positive posters. :) Like I said in my OP I'll be laughing about this soon enough, I just wanted to vent and know if anybody had been in this boat before.
Posted by greygarnett[/QUOTE]

I hope that you mean your fi is going to apologize for creating the confusion. Telling her that she is confused will only add insult to injury.

sarah42nd · March 2011

You can still return her gifts or give them away or throw them away . Whatever you choose. I think you were wrong to bring the situation up to the aunt but then I also think Aunts solution t the issue was wrong.

AutumnFair · March 2011

I think the kicker here to me is that the aunt called up the store and pretended to be the Bride, to me, I'm not a fan and would probably be kind of erked also. But I think what went wrong here is OPing/her FI telling his aunt how to buy her gifts. OP you nor your FI should have said a thing about the registry to her, if she said to take certain items off, you should have just told her "sorry, but we prefer not to" and then changed the subject. There was errors on both sides here and it is now over and done with.

lisarose7 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_really-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2f475f8-2ca2-4c69-b407-4eca4924f9aaPost:82358812-26fd-4dd5-b6d8-9d7abadd8877">Re: REALLY ANNOYED</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Do what you like. I'm just going to block your posts.</strong> I can take criticism just fine, and to people who posted things such as the 1P thank you for your time. I have calmed down and asked the store not to remove any further items by phone if I need them removed I'll do it by mail and I put back the items she removed. We are also going to call her tonight to apologize for her apparent confusion on what we meant. She knows anything she gets us is fine but we want to give our guests the chance to buy us what they like as well. Thank you to all positive posters. :) Like I said in my OP I'll be laughing about this soon enough, I just wanted to vent and know if anybody had been in this boat before.
Posted by greygarnett[/QUOTE]

I can't read this without hearing "nanny nanny boo boo" after it...and picturing tongue out, and thumbs in hears with fingers wiggling.

lisarose7 · March 2011

Um...that would be "ears" not "hears"

lovekeepsgrowing · March 2011

Are most of the PP on this thread really close to their aunts or did the OP do something to personally attack you all to bring on some of these responses? This is an advice board, give advice and move on. Don't beat a dead horse. You're not going to change the poster as a person by breaking down their character. Just give advice if you have it and if not just plain move on. WHO CARES? Posters like you just annoy me. We are here to help each other not break each other down. If you ask me all of YOU need to grow up.

To the OP: In response to your question that started this whole trainweck: good move on calling your aunt; she deserves and apology from both of you and I'm sure that you will all be laughing about this soon enough. I see where you are coming from because it does cause some un-needed confusion for you but like some not-so-nasty PP's pointed out, just accept any gift with a smile and a thank you card and deal with the gift itself afterwards. My sister got a dollar store salad bowl at her wedding from a family friend and she uses it anyways. Don't worry about it. Good luck with the rest of your planning

ekutlus · March 2011

Have to agree with Lovekeeps, even tho it's open boards doesn't mean that ppl have to be so vicious....

Anywho, OP, I can understand your frustration. My mom did the same thing except she didn't get the item on my registry she got me something completely different. I appreciate the thought and I didn't say anything to her about it, but if I do get the dishes I like from my registry I will take my mom's back. Its frustrating because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Doubles can be returned easily tho, no stress

ootmother2 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_really-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2f475f8-2ca2-4c69-b407-4eca4924f9aaPost:2602eb98-947e-416c-8897-f29b418ff399">Re: REALLY ANNOYED</a>:
[QUOTE]The place I registered has PLENTY of low cost items because a lot of my guests are university students with no money. If she could not afford the item on the list she chose my question is why not go lower. Also the item she is buying is not the same item. We are trying to upgrade some of our household items and one we put on the list was a knife set including about 15 knives of good quality. She bought a 20$ knife set including about 9 knives no better than the one we already have and removed the one we wanted from the list. Its not about returns or getting the exact same thing. Its about geting what we don't want and having things removed that we DID want without our premission. And she didnt tell us she did this, the store called me to confirm!
Posted by greygarnett[/QUOTE]

This made me laugh. I think my sister is your aunt!

ETA: My sister called me to tell M to take the toaster oven off her registry because she found a less expensive one on <a href="http://www.greatbargai/">www.greatbargai</a>ns.com

M already had a toaster oven but they had registered for an upgraded one. The one my sister bought was a couple levels down from what M already had.

After explaining this to my sister, she said she would take it back and find another gift. great

So she gave them an "11 in 1" from Sharper Image because she was sure that they didn't have one. yeah, they didn't already have a combined radio, flashlight, knife opener, corkscrew, tire jack, etc. all in one appliance. I died laughing

ootmother2 · March 2011

I also think it was pretty rude of the aunt to impersonate you and tell the store to take that item off your registry

lovekeepsgrowing · March 2011

@Retread
Oh please. Point out on The Knots rules where its ok to badger a poster repeatedly. I'd love to see it. And don't bother preaching open forums and free speech because this is border-line cyber bullying which includes making somebody the subject of ridicule in a forum. Its bad enough when teenagers do it so lets all grown up shall we ladies?

vicki0508 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_really-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2f475f8-2ca2-4c69-b407-4eca4924f9aaPost:ed5869a9-e745-4263-b410-30cb2abd7c41">Re: REALLY ANNOYED</a>:
[QUOTE]Are most of the PP on this thread really close to their aunts or did the OP do something to personally attack you all to bring on some of these responses? This is an advice board, give advice and move on. Don't beat a dead horse. You're not going to change the poster as a person by breaking down their character. Just give advice if you have it and if not just plain move on. WHO CARES? Posters like you just annoy me. We are here to help each other not break each other down. If you ask me all of YOU need to grow up. To the OP: In response to your question that started this whole trainweck: good move on calling your aunt; she deserves and apology from both of you and I'm sure that you will all be laughing about this soon enough. I see where you are coming from because it does cause some un-needed confusion for you but like some not-so-nasty PP's pointed out, just accept any gift with a smile and a thank you card and deal with the gift itself afterwards. My sister got a dollar store salad bowl at her wedding from a family friend and she uses it anyways. Don't worry about it. Good luck with the rest of your planning
Posted by lovekeepsgrowing[/QUOTE]
And posters like you annoy me. There, we're even.

lovekeepsgrowing · March 2011

Yeeeaaahhh. Thats what I meant by "lets all grow up". Good for you.

REALLY ANNOYED

Re: REALLY ANNOYED

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