Last name strangeness

07072012 · July 2012

So, I married the love of my life a couple weekends ago. I decided to keep my maiden name for professional and personal reasons. I have no desire whatsoever to change my name. My husband didn't like this idea in the beginning but we agreed that I would go by his name socially and depending on how things worked out with kids I may end up changing my name legally in the future. It wasn't a problem for me at all during this decision and I was actually kind of excited to be called Mrs. x.

Fast forward to writing thank you notes and I'm hating the whole Mr. and Mr.s x. I guess hate is a pretty strong word but I don't like it. Before we got married people would send us invitations as Mr. and Mrs. X, they'd occasionally call us Mr. and Mrs. X and I liked it. Now that's it's real and the name is "permanent" I'm having I guess what you'd call buyers remorse. Not with my husband but with our agreement.

Don't get me wrong I want to have a family unit and be known as a family by a familiar name. Obviously, that means I need to go by my husbands name. I guess this is a mini rant/vent but also a question. For those of you that didn't change your name did you have any weird feelings like this and did they go away? Or even any of you that DID change your name, did you have any weird feelings?

Thanks!

Avion22 · July 2012

I did the same as you -- kept my maiden name legally/professionally.but I use his name socially. Actually I use First Maiden HisLast socially.

I guess the way I see it, I can be "Mrs. Beth Hoffman Williams" (socially) and "Beth Hoffman" (legally/professionally) at the same time. They are both ME.

*not my real names

Miss_2010 · July 2012

I would have just written on the notes "Jane and Joe" not Mr and Mrs to start with.

jessicabessica · July 2012

If you're having second thoughts, talk to your H. You will still be a family unit if you have a different last name. You can always reevaluate when/if kids come along, but for now it's fine to go by your own last name all the time, if that's what you want. I didn't change my name, although I don't flip out when I get "Mrs. Hislast" (and he doesn't flip out over "Mr. Mylast"). My H would have liked me to change it, but he wouldn't change his and wouldn't ask me to do something he wasn't willing to do himself.

And I agree with PP that you should just use first names on your TY notes.

AdeleDazeem · July 2012

I kept my name legally and go by his socially when I feel like it. I certainly don't use it all the time. I make reservations under my legal name, etc. I recently dropped off my engagement ring for some work under my legal name. I told them my husband was going to pick it up and left his name. I was really expecting someone to be like "Different last names?"

Ease into it. There's no law that says you have to use his name for everything right NOW.

MrsGandthebeag · July 2012

I did change my last name to his and at first it was really weird. I was all excited about it before we got married. When it was real I felt a little bit like I was losing myself. But, now I'm totally used to it. I think it's normal to feel a little weird regardless if you changed or didn't.

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

I changed my name and it was a little weird at first, especially being referred to by it at work all the time (I'm a teacher so my last name gets used quite a bit!) But I would talk to your H if you are feeling uncomfortable about it or having second thoughts. It is fine to go by his last name in some situations and not others. As PPs have mentioned, I would also just sign TY notes with your first names. I've never signed a note as Mrs. X before.

MyUserName1 · July 2012

I changed my last name and moved my maiden name to a second middle. It is super super weird. I'm using First Maiden NewLast for a lot of things. That eases the weirdness a little for me.

AceTT · July 2012

It definitely takes some getting used to. I changed it legally but also changed my middle name to my maiden last name. That made it easier and makes me feel like I'm still connected by name to my family. It's been a year and sometimes it's still weird using H's name. I agree with PPs, ease into using it. Sign the TYs as John and Mary, not Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2012

I didn't change my name and I don't use my husband's last name socially. I get addressed as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" or "Jane and John Smith" occassionally. I try to "correct" people by using my own name when mailing them correspondance, like Christmas cards. I don't like when they do it. I'm not super offended, since usually it's an honest mistake. But it's also not my name.

MrsCourtney2U · July 2012

I may be the odd one out when it comes to this! But I can't wait to ditch my maiden name! It's nothing fancy anyway. My last name feels so plain! Of course, I'm not yet married and this could all change when that day does come!

amommens · July 2012

I can't wait to ditch my last name either, but I am definitely not looking forward to the new last name. My initials will essentially spell arse. Hyphenating is not an option either becuase then I have body parts for initials. I don't know what my parents were thinking. Lol.

Last name strangeness

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