Questions

Resa77 · April 2013

1. What is your biggest wedding pet peeve?
2. What's an etiquette rule that you don't think is a big deal?
3. What is your favorite part of the whole wedding experience, as a guest?
4. What's your "I don't get it" when it comes to weddings? (Different than pet peeve because it doesn't have to really annoy you, as much as you don't understand the fascination about it).

Resa77 · April 2013

1. My biggest wedding pet-peeve is probably when there's any sort of delay/gap between the ceremony and reception, and there is nothing organized for guests to do. For instance, ceremony ends at 3, you get to the reception site at 3:30, and you wait until 4:30 before the cocktail hour starts. If there's a legit scheduling reason this has to happen (for instance, if you can't find a venue that will allow you to start at 3:30), then I get that, but I've known people who chose to have an hour or longer gap so they could do pictures and not miss any of the reception or cocktail hour, and I think that's annoying.
2. I'm not opposed to cash bars. If the option is no bar or cash bar, and you're not trying to have a dry wedding, then I'm not offended by a cash bar. I mean, I'd rather it be an open bar, but if that's not an option, I'd like to option of buying myself a glass of wine.
3. I'm a big fan of dancing. A good DJ and some fun guests, and that's what I crave at weddings. Whenever I go to weddings without dance music, I'm always secretly a bit disappointed.
4. My "I don't get it" is definitely the whole "have a pop song played on the piano for the bride to walk down the aisle" trend. I just can't take it seriously when Taylor Swift playing during a ceremony. Sorry, I just can't. To each her own, but I don't get it!

itzMS · April 2013

1. What is your biggest wedding pet peeve?
Receiving lines and/or the release by rows concept. I know, I'm terrible. It's just soooo boring as a guest to wait and wait and wait.

2. What's an etiquette rule that you don't think is a big deal?
The whole sit-stand-drink-don't drink rules and stuff when it comes to toasting. Just say what you're going to say and let's get the party going. DH & I got "lessons" on when/how it was proper for us to do things. Ugghh.

3. What is your favorite part of the whole wedding experience, as a guest?
Besides watching the vows (I tear up every time!), I actually like the food. Usually I don't remember what I ordered and I like trying different things.

4. What's your "I don't get it" when it comes to weddings?
Guests blowing bubbles as the couple exits, slideshows/videos at the receptions, blushers, bridesmaids with exact matching shoes and hair, head tables

bibliophile2010 · April 2013

1. No table assignments. I hate going to receptions and stuff and feeling like I'm in the junior high cafeteria on the first day of school trying to figure out where to sit.

2. The cash bar thing. I would also rather have a cash bar than no bar. Unless it is an intentionally dry wedding. Then I think it's really disrespectful when people find ways to get their alcohol anyway.

3. Cheezy line dances? I really do love them, even though I know they are unpopular on TK. My actual favorite is the anticipation. That sounds weird, but I love getting dressed up and wondering what the wedding is going to be like. I love hearing about other people's wedding plans and ideas. And if I get to enjoy a glass of wine and do the Electric Slide at the end of the day, all the better.

4. The obsession with Unity Ceremonies. Especially when there are like 10 of them in one wedding. You are getting married! That's the unity right there! Why do you need another symbol of that? I don't get it.

erin5286 · April 2013

1. What is your biggest wedding pet peeve?
A longer gap, especially when it's out of town and I can't just go home in between. The last one I went to luckily lots of other friends were at, so we all went to our hotel rooms and had a couple drinks before heading to the cocktail hour. Would've been nice to avoid that.

2. What's an etiquette rule that you don't think is a big deal?
Cash bars - honestly, they're so common around here that I had no idea they were an etiquette breach until I started poking around on TK. Another is hand-addressing invites (also didn't know about that one until TK), what's the matter with having the envelopes printed in a nice, legible font? Who inspects the envelope much anyway?

3. What is your favorite part of the whole wedding experience, as a guest?
I love seeing the ceremony and what the couple's done to personalize it. Also, dancing!

4. What's your "I don't get it" when it comes to weddings? (Different than pet peeve because it doesn't have to really annoy you, as much as you don't understand the fascination about it).
Favors - having a nice reception is a great thank-you to your guest for coming, I just don't understand putting the money and effort into favors. If it's edible, that's cool, but I would've been just as happy to come to the wedding if I didn't get a little box of chocolates or something. And if it's an item like a shot glass personalized with the couple's wedding date... maybe I don't really want to keep it, but I feel too guilty to throw it away. Not that I think favors are stupid, just unnecessary.

lalaith50 · April 2013

Oh gosh, there are like so manythings I could say... now I have to try not to copy off what you all have already said!

1. What is your biggest wedding pet peeve?

I HATE receiving lines. I do NOT want to awkwardly stand in front of father-of-the-groom and awkwardly try to make small talk while I wait for the people who are blabbing on with the bride and groom! Trashy dresses - on the bride or bridesmaids. Unity candles in Catholic Churches. Inappropriate or long speeches for the toasts.
2. What's an etiquette rule that you don't think is a big deal?

"no registry cards with the invitaiton." I completely understand the reasoning, and actually agree with it (we didnt include them,) but really, who actually thinks that someone who includes the card is demanding MORE gifts than someone who doesnt? no, I understand (and I'm pretty sure everyone else in the sane universe also does, outside of TK etiquette board,) that by including it they're just saying, "and if you want to give us a gift..."
3. What is your favorite part of the whole wedding experience, as a guest?

I just like the big party! (As long as I know people there.)
4. What's your "I don't get it" when it comes to weddings?

Guest books that have an "address" line. (They already have my address... they used it to send me an invitation, otherwise I wouldnt be here!)

agapecarrie · April 2013

1. Pet Peeve: Many of them: lack of reverence, canon, unity candle, and having dad lift the veil (symbol of consumation: ewww) I HATE table assigments. Makes me feel like I'm a child assigned to a seat. I'm an adult and want to sit with people that I want to sit with. Not who the bride thinks I want or should sit with. (To me its the same as judging a relationship on whether someone gets to bring a guest or not)/ I had been to LOTS of weddings growing up of family and friends, and only in the last 10 years or so have I seen table assignments.

2. Gaps-- in my cirlces, it is expected and rude NOT to have a gap. Here, Weddings are all day affairs where you enjoy the ceremony, head out with friends/family to catch up for an app and beer, then head to the reception

4. I don't get why bridesmaids are all dressed alike and/or in the same color. or why they walk down the aisle so separated. Makes no sense to me. It's a liturgical procession, not a fashion show. I don't get "pew bows". No one looks at them.

erin5286 · April 2013

Never heard of lifting the veil as a symbol of consumation... where does that come from?

Resa77 · April 2013

I definitely second Biblio's table assignments thing. It's always such a cluster at every wedding reception I've attended without seating assignments. There's nothing more awkward than sitting at a table with your date, when you don't know anyone else, and then everyone else arrives and no one sits with you. And so you're sitting at a table for 10, with two people. And then people keep coming to your table, asking if they can grab a chair so they can squeeze in at the other, overflowing tables.

And I second the unity ceremony thing. Every time I've seen it done, it's been because the mothers REALLY wanted it, so I get that. I'm not going to hate on anyone for it, but it's not my thing.

bibliophile2010 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_questions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:eaffee92-03e0-45f3-8936-3c1bc0586f48Post:d0a4a207-01a3-4ea9-a5b1-23cb9921c8a0">Re: Questions</a>:
[QUOTE] I HATE table assigments. Makes me feel like I'm a child assigned to a seat. I'm an adult and want to sit with people that I want to sit with. Not who the bride thinks I want or should sit with. (To me its the same as judging a relationship on whether someone gets to bring a guest or not)/ I had been to LOTS of weddings growing up of family and friends, and only in the last 10 years or so have I seen table assignments.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

I'm chuckling that we feel exactly the opposite about this.

I was actually fairly neutral about this until I was in a wedding a few of years ago. H (then BF or FI or something) was unable to attend, and my family assumed that since I was in the wedding, I had to sit at a head table or something, and didn't save me a place when they found seats while I was in the middle of pictures. It was a really awkward situation -- they ended up cramming me in at their table, which was super awkward for the staff and probably not appropriate. That made me a big fan of table assignments.

itzMS · April 2013

Another vote for liking table assignments. Most weddings we go to, we know about 2 other people or all 200 people. There isn't much in between.

I like not being stressed about picking a seat.

erin5286 · April 2013

I could go either way on table assignments, I've been to weddings with and without, and haven't had an issue either way. We did them for our wedding because to me they seem a little more formal and that's what we were going for.

professorscience · April 2013

1. What is your biggest wedding pet peeve?

Any awkward "standing around" moments. Yes, your cousin has a beautiful voice. No, I didn't think it was necessary for you to give her a ten-minute solo when the act of lighting the unity candle took all of five seconds.
2. What's an etiquette rule that you don't think is a big deal?

Honeymoon registries. I'm not saying I would have one, and I sure dislike the cutesy-fruitsy poems some people come up with to explain that they'd rather get cash, but that seems genius. One of my girlfriends went to Disney World for her honeymoon, so they asked for DW giftcards. How smart.
3. What is your favorite part of the whole wedding experience, as a guest?

Food and dancing.
4. What's your "I don't get it" when it comes to weddings? (Different than pet peeve because it doesn't have to really annoy you, as much as you don't understand the fascination about it).

Writing one's own vows. I just don't really care that you "promise to always leave the seat down."

Resa77 · April 2013

I agree about favors. I kinda wish that as a society, we could all just decide to skip on favors. I did them for my wedding because I didn't want to be rude or anything, but yeah. People just always forget them anyway.

lalaith50 · April 2013

<span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">[QUOTE] I like not being stressed about picking a seat.</span>
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]
this, exactly! The only time I ever didn't like being assigned a table, I was seated next to the brides grandmother, and with a whole bunch of her family! AWKWARD! The bride reaaaally must have not had a place to put us, haha! But we literally didnt know like anyone there, so even if we hadnt been assigned a table, it still would have been awkward. (just in a different way.)

monkeysip · April 2013

1. What is your biggest wedding pet peeve?

Not inviting SOs. No excuse for that. Also? Terrible food. Please taste something at the venue to make sure it's not awful.

2. What's an etiquette rule that you don't think is a big deal?

Hmm... this is a tough one. I'm sure there's one, but I can't think of it right now.

3. What is your favorite part of the whole wedding experience, as a guest?

It's definitely the ceremony. I love the vows, seeing the special moments, the groom tear up, etc. That's why it bothers me when once in a while you see someone post something on the boards about "who cares about the ceremony anyways? I'd rather be at the reception". The ceremony is what the whole day is about!

4. What's your "I don't get it" when it comes to weddings? (Different than pet peeve because it doesn't have to really annoy you, as much as you don't understand the fascination about it).

I got a lot of these.

-Really matchy bridal parties. Like why do you care what color toenail polish your girls wear?

-Head tables. Sigh. I hate it when people claim "I want a head table so I can hang out with all of my close friends." You can't even talk to more than two people at a head table.

-Favors... not that I think there's anything wrong with them, but I don't get why some people think they're necessary. My dad was genuinely upset that I wasn't planning on having favors. I don't get it... people are getting free food and booze all night, why do they need a favor? He thinks people like to have something to keep that has the bride and groom's name on it. I think he's wrong...

-Childless weddings. There's nothing wrong with them, just something that never would have occurred to me. I never viewed weddings as an adult-only kind of affair, even with an open bar.

-unity ceremonies. I'm sorry, but especially for Catholics. The eucharist is your unity ceremony.

Tami87 · April 2013

1. Biggest pet peeves. I agree with trying to release pews row by row or long receiving lines with people besides just the bride and groom. Also really long speeches or anything that makes dinner drag, I rather just get to the dancing. I also really dislike cash bars because I would never think to bring cash to a wedding and it can be really awkward when it is not clear that certain things are not hosted until after you order them. I much rather the couple just host what they can afford (even if it is dry) than have a cash bar. But if you are going to do a cash bar at least make it very clear what is hosted and what is not. Also agree about disliking non-assigned seats. I have been to many weddings without assigned seats and each time we had to scramble to get a table with our friends or we were the awkward couple by ourselves at a table of 10, not fun.

2. I don't think gaps are that big of deal and didn't think anything of them until I came on the knot. I ended up having a hospitality suite at the hotel where OOT guests were staying for our wedding but have been to plenty of weddings where nothing was hosted and it didn't really bother me. I actually find it more annoying when we are expected to go straight to the reception and then the wedding party gets delayed with pictures and arrives late (meaning 2+ hours after guests instead of the typical cocktail hour) and I am stuck standing around waiting especially if there is little to no food.

3. Favorite part as the guest is the ceremony and the vows in particular. Also like to dance and catch up with friends.

4. I also don't get all the unity ceremonies. Why do you need something extra?

newlyseliski · April 2013

1. What is your biggest wedding pet peeve?

Excessive gift registries that are done at 4+ different places and and/or have a predominance of really expensive items on them.

2. What's an etiquette rule that you don't think is a big deal?

I'm with agape... I heart gaps

3. What is your favorite part of the whole wedding experience, as a guest?

I like weddings where I get to help out behind the scenes with something or have a lot of friends along as other guests... it is always a good time visiting and catching up with people that I don't see as often as I'd like! I also do enjoy the vows when I know and respect the couple...

4. What's your "I don't get it" when it comes to weddings?

The over-emphasis these days on non-traditional EVERYTHING (vows, ceremony, music, reception stuff, etc)... as though non-traditional automatically guarantees the "coolness" of your nuptials and longevity of your marriage... don't get me started!

Resa77 · April 2013

Another pet-peeve of mine is how few people understand addressing invitations. I'm not talking about ink color, cursive vs print, etc. I'm talking about basics, like specifying who is invited, having some mention of the reception, etc. The last two wedding invitations I received had no mention of a reception. Both had receptions. What's up with that?

monkeysip · April 2013

I'd probably say one of the etiquette faux-pas that I don't think is a big deal is printing addresses on the envelope (using a printer). We did that because we both have terrible handwriting and didn't see the point of paying money to a calligrapher when that money was better spent going towards food, etc. Although I agree that labels are a little tacky looking.

itzMS · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_questions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:eaffee92-03e0-45f3-8936-3c1bc0586f48Post:118828dd-b14d-4abf-a510-0bc7d3c57416">Re: Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]Another pet-peeve of mine is how few people understand addressing invitations. I'm not talking about ink color, cursive vs print, etc. I'm talking about basics, like specifying who is invited, having some mention of the reception, etc. The last two wedding invitations I received had no mention of a reception. Both had receptions. What's up with that?
Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

lqtm. Must be a new trend!

The last one I received had no RSVP card. I told the bride-to-be there was none, and that was apparently the intention.

[Deleted User] · April 2013

1. What is your biggest wedding pet peeve? Brides who treat their bridesmaids as servants and expect them to host showers, etc for them.

2. What's an etiquette rule that you don't think is a big deal? Not having a bouquet and garter toss. We had one and it was fun. I think it is your day so you and your future husband should decide what you want and don't want.

3. What is your favorite part of the whole wedding experience, as a guest? The food and mingling/chatting with people.

4. What's your "I don't get it" when it comes to weddings? (Different than pet peeve because it doesn't have to really annoy you, as much as you don't understand the fascination about it). I don't get the whole engagement party thing. Our friends had one and I think it was fine, but it just wasn't our thing.

professorscience · April 2013

@Carrie/Kristan: I had a nightmare recently that we were at a wedding where the presentation of the gifts for communion was accompanied by rave music and the people bringing the gifts danced down the aisle. I actually woke up sweating.

@Kristan: To your second pet peeve, I was out at dinner one night with some friends, some of whom were invited, and some of whom were not, when one of the guys (invited) turned to me and started grilling me about why I hadn't extended him a "plus one." The guy sitting right next to him (with whom I was only kind of acquainted but apparently was hurt that he wasn't invited) kind of looked away and said, "At least you're invited to her wedding..." I. Was. Mortified.

@Resa: We actually managed to not include any mention of our reception on our invitations. I couldn't believe it. They were made professionally and proofread by me, DH, my parents, ILs, and our coordinator, and nobody noticed until one of MIL's friends complained that there was no reception info.

meltoine · April 2013

1. People who complain about the standard Catholic ceremony and try to add things to it, and the priests who let them. 2. Not specifically wedding related, but the whole black ink for business/blue ink for personal when it comes to letter writing. I jst really hate blue ink pens. 3. The ceremony. I just really like to see two people who deserve great things pledge to give their lives to each other. 4. Sharing every detail of your wedding on FB or Pinterest before the big day. I want to be surprised, damnit!

Ambybambi1125 · April 2013

1. What is your biggest wedding pet peeve?
People treating a wedding as an excuse for a big party, so lack of reverence for what they are actually partaking in. I don't really care for the garter toss either, some of the ones I've seen have been quite racy...I've also seen some really obnoxious speeches where people have had too much to drink and end up saying things that are borderline unkind...painful to watch.

2. What's an etiquette rule that you don't think is a big deal?
Cash bar, as mentioned before here I would much rather have the option to pay for a drink than have no drinks unless it is an effort to have a dry wedding, I can respect that.

3. What is your favorite part of the whole wedding experience, as a guest?
I love the ceremony and watching the people commit to one another and the dancing

4. What's your "I don't get it" when it comes to weddings? (Different than pet peeve because it doesn't have to really annoy you, as much as you don't understand the fascination about it).
I don't understand having obscene bridal parties, I'm talking 9-12 bridesmaids...I mean I understand having a lot of really close friends...but it just seems to take some of the sentiment out of it...not a pet peeve, just don't understand why some brides do this.

agapecarrie · April 2013

Oh yea....can't stand hoochie dresses. (weddings and otherwise).

And I'm really really sorry if I offend anyone here, but I really don't like strapless anything. It may cover up everything, but it still is missing the illusion of being held up, and that itself to me is immodest.

Also, I wish priests would give a Communion instruction. I have to play Eucharist patrol at weddings and funerals as people walk back to their pew with the host.

I've played over 200 weddings... I could write a book.

Peaseblossom55 · April 2013

1. What is your biggest wedding pet peeve?
Not sure, mostly cash bars and not allowing someone a plus one.

2. What's an etiquette rule that you don't think is a big deal?
Gaps, I can understand why they are rude but every wedding except for 2 I've been to have had them. We either go home and relax or go find a restaurant to relax at and grabs foods/drinks at in between.

3. What is your favorite part of the whole wedding experience, as a guest?
Cake and watching the couple be so happy. No wedding I've been to is the same either.

4. What's your "I don't get it" when it comes to weddings? (Different than pet peeve because it doesn't have to really annoy you, as much as you don't understand the fascination about it). Cowboy boots with wedding dresses and/or bridemaids dresses.

professorscience · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_questions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:eaffee92-03e0-45f3-8936-3c1bc0586f48Post:8736b4bc-184a-4dcc-a1f4-0532656b5f68">Re: Questions</a>:
[QUOTE] 4. What's your "I don't get it" when it comes to weddings? (Different than pet peeve because it doesn't have to really annoy you, as much as you don't understand the fascination about it). Cowboy boots with wedding dresses and/or bridemaids dresses.
Posted by danser55[/QUOTE]

<div>Haha, I totally agree with this one. I always laugh at the girls who not only insist their bridesmaids wear boots (which are actually kind of uncomfortable against bare skin, especially if they're brand new and you're having an outdoor wedding in Texas in June...) but insist that they all match. "Look how Texan we are!"</div>

bibliophile2010 · April 2013

I'll see your cowboy boots, and raise you a bridal party full of Converse All-Stars. I'm not saying you need to wear stilettos -- I wore super-comfy ballet flats and still say it was the best decision I made. But Converse look particularly silly with those short little hoochie dresses...

Speaking of which, I agree that strapless stuff generally looks ridiculous. I did the "wear a gray dress; make sure it is appropriate for church" thing. I noticed was that not a single person (4 person sample size) chose a strapless dress for themselves. Go figure.

SquishyMine · April 2013

Hi ladies - been meaning to stop in here and chat with you all!

1. What is your biggest wedding pet peeve?

Destination weddings that make your closest people feel obligated to use their PTO and spend money on tickets and hotels to attend your wedding.

2. What's an etiquette rule that you don't think is a big deal?

I'm with Agape and Newly - I love gaps, and they are expected in my circle. I totally agree with the "all day affair" aspect of a wedding that Agape mentioned. We always break off into our little "clans" and catch up - especially with out of town people we don't get to see very often - before all the distractions at the reception.

Also - cash bars. I hate the narrow definition of "properly hosting an event" that has emerged. I see no reason why buying each of your guests a couple drinks and then giving them the choice to continue drinking our not is not hosting your guests properly. I would think forcing them to drink a signature drink would be more forcing them to do something than having an optional bar is forcing them to open their wallets...but apparantly not.

3. What is your favorite part of the whole wedding experience, as a guest?

The vows - and the reverance for the sacredness of the event if it's a Catholic wedding. Catching up with family and friends. Seems like I'm at that age where I only see some people at weddings and funerals.

4. What's your "I don't get it" when it comes to weddings? (Different than pet peeve because it doesn't have to really annoy you, as much as you don't understand the fascination about it).

Weddings to get any kind of benefits and then a "real" one later. Blows my mind that people can't see how insulting this is to people who either chose to have a small wedding and forgo the big, elaborate one or waited to have the big wedding.

professorscience · April 2013

I don't have as much of a problem with strapless. I wore a strapless dress, and I thought it was very tasteful. My shoulders were also covered by my veil through the ceremony, so I guess that helped?

I do have a problem with dresses that are inappropriate for a woman's body type. I mean, I'm not saying every girl with boobs MUST wear something with sleeves and a high neck, but don't hang 'em all out for everyone to see. And brides should really take that into consideration when choosing dresses for their bridesmaids. If you've got a well-endowed girl, she's going to need a little support, and she's going to look silly in your pictures if you don't give that to her!

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