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MOH Issues...

Moms and Maids

MOH Issues...

Is a family member or your BFF getting married? Get and give advice here.

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Moms and Maids

MOH Issues...

Is a family member or your BFF getting married? Get and give advice here.

Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357

Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7a4f3e87-9de5-4049-bb3a-a7285e842881

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Forums > Special Topic Wedding Boards > Moms and Maids > MOH Issues...

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MOH Issues...

posted at 2/2/2012 1:01 AM EST on theknot.com

mnt2bonstg

Joined on
06-22-2011
VIRGINIA

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Posts: 90

First: 7/28/2011

Last: 5/10/2012

Hey guys,

So I really would like my older sister Hannah to be my maid of honor because family is very important to me and I do want a really good relationship with my sister. She and I have had a rocky relationship these past few years, especially dealing with her moving out of my parents' house and the stress that came along with my mother being diagnosed with cancer, but we have made leaps and bounds and have gotten much closer since then. A few of my family members feel that I shouldn't be getting married so soon, including my older sister. She is constantly making side comments about it and trying to persuade me to change my mind to change our date. On top of this, she hasn't been very excited whatsoever about wedding planning or anything like that. For example, I've been trying to invite her to Bridal Shows with me but every time she either stands me up or comes up with some excuse not to go. I understand that people's lives don't revolve around my wedding, and trust me, I don't want it to be like that at all. I guess the biggest thing is that I really want her to be happy for me, and for us to share this special moment together but it doesn't seem like she's making an effort to do either. It's just tough, cuz I really want our relationship to work...maybe I'm being childish and overreacting. I just needed to get that out I guess.

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Re: MOH Issues...

posted at 2/2/2012 1:38 AM EST on theknot.com

LittleMissCutie...

Joined on
07-06-2011

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First: 7/15/2011

Last: 5/24/2012

Unfortunately you can't force anyone to have any emotions about your wedding. Some people could not care less about weddings, whether it's for a family member or not. It sucks, but that's the truth. Your sister sounds like she doesn't want to be involved with your wedding, because she unfortunately doesn't support it. I feel bad for you, I do, but the honest truth is that she doesn't support your marriage, and as crappy as it seems, this is not something you can change. Only you can say whether or not to include her, but from my perspective, I don't think you should ask her. You want your MOH to be someone to support you 100%, and your sis doesn't fit that bill. A wedding may not fix your relationship, sometimes the drama of a wedding can ruin relationships that are already just fine.

Oh, and just a sidenote, a MOH should not be measured by her willingness to help or be excited. She should be who you are closest to, and who you know will be there for you no matter what.

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Re: MOH Issues...

posted at 2/2/2012 7:42 AM EST on theknot.com

mnt2bonstg

Joined on
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VIRGINIA

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Posts: 90

First: 7/28/2011

Last: 5/10/2012

Thanks LittleMissCutie. Yah, I know that an MOH is defined by someone that I'm closest to, and I guess I thought that was my sister since I don't really have that many "girl" friends. You do, however, expect an MOH to at least be happy for you; she may not agree with all the decisions you make and respectfully so, but the least she can do is be happy for you.

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Re: MOH Issues...

posted at 2/2/2012 8:53 AM EST on theknot.com

kaitlyn&hen...

Joined on
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BALTIMORE

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Posts: 338

First: 10/18/2010

Last: 5/23/2012

You do not have to have an MOH if you do not feel you are close enough to anyone. To me it sounds like you shouldnt have asked her if your relationship is still getting worked out. But all you can do now is lower your expectations of her and continue working on your relationship.

I got married when I was 21 and i had countless people tell me i was too young and to wait. I got through it by knowing I am very mature for my age and took the vows and the responsibility very seriously...plus i know my relationship better than anyone else ever could. Just know in your heart its your decision and try not to let it bother you.

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Re: MOH Issues...

posted at 2/2/2012 9:58 AM EST on theknot.com

graysquirrel

Joined on
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Last: 5/10/2012

If your sister is not supportive of your relationship, then I can see where it would be hard. I can see from your ticker that you still have 13 mo to go, and you said that your relationship with your sister has been improving. My advice is to wait to ask her, or any BM. BMs dont need to do anything besides order a dress, which is usually done around the 6 mo mark. Wait a while and keep working on your relationship with your sister. Maybe she will see over time the good things that you see in your FI. By waiting you have a better chance of making a good decision.

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Re: MOH Issues...

posted at 2/2/2012 10:29 AM EST on theknot.com

zitiqueen

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In Response to Re: MOH Issues...:

Why would you expect somebody you admit you have a rocky relationship with to suddenly change their entire personality just because you're getting married?

fiancee = vag ** fiance = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born with jobs ** **They're called first loves for a reason -- more are supposed to come after. You don't get a medal for marrying your prom date. Unless you're imoan. Then you get an all-expenses paid cruise to the Mediterranean and you get to meet Jared Padalecki on the flight over while wearing your jammies. But still no medal. **

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Re: MOH Issues...

posted at 2/2/2012 11:57 AM EST on theknot.com

jemmini6

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You have a rocky relationship and she doesn't agree with you getting married now, so why would you expect her to be happy and excited for you? The news of a wedding doesn't automatically flip a switch in people and cause them to jump for joy.

I'm not saying it's not okay to be disappointed that she's not happy for you, but you know that's how it is, so you shouldn't be surprised when she doesn't want to do wedding things.

Your wedding is still a ways away. You should focus on continuing to improve your relationship with your sister for now and leave your wedding completely out of it. As the relationship between the two of you improves, hopefully she'll come around to the idea of you getting married, but for now, you can't expect things to change over night.

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Re: MOH Issues...

posted at 2/2/2012 12:08 PM EST on theknot.com

LittleMissCutie...

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In Response to Re: MOH Issues...:

In Response to Re: MOH Issues... : Why would you expect somebody you admit you have a rocky relationship with to suddenly change their entire personality just because you're getting married?
Posted by zitiqueen

THIS!!!!

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Re: MOH Issues...

posted at 2/2/2012 1:56 PM EST on theknot.com

JamiesonCampbel...

Joined on
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Last: 4/3/2012

I think you need someone to at least support you.. they may not be overly excited even though it would be nice.

My sister is my MOH and honestly she doesn't get excited about anything! I have asked her opinions on certain choices and i all i get is an "i dunno" answer.

But i asked her because i know although she may not be as excited as i am i know she supports me and she supports my relationship. My FI has had some issues in the past (and present) which makes my parents not his biggest fans but my sister has never judged him and sees how happy i am with him.

I think you should wait and see if she becomes more accepting of the fact that you're getting married and if not find someone who is.

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Re: MOH Issues...

posted at 2/2/2012 2:11 PM EST on theknot.com

OliveOilsMom

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Based on your relationship with your sister right now, I would not ask her to be a BM or MOH. Continue to work on your relationship with her and re-evaluate in about 8 months or so. If she hasn't changed her attitude about your marriage, then I wouldn't ask her to be either. If you want her involved in the ceremony, ask her to do a reading.

Also, don't ask anyone else to be in your bridal party until you make a decision about your sister. The last thing you would want is to ask a friend now to be a BM, then 8 months later you ask your sister. It will make it seem like she is an after thought.

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Re: MOH Issues...

posted at 2/2/2012 3:40 PM EST on theknot.com

mbody

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Chicago Suburbs

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First: 9/20/2011

Last: 5/24/2012

If you don't have a great relationship with your sister, then don't ask her to be the MOH. You shouldn't use the MOH role as a way to force the relationship. You don't have to have a MOH.

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Re: MOH Issues...

posted at 2/2/2012 9:20 PM EST on theknot.com

1covejack

Joined on
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Last: 5/24/2012

Don't use the role in the wedding as a way of getting closer to someone. That has been known to backfire in the fast, from what I've seen on these boards.

funny pictures - Perfecting 'stink-eye' at an early age.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

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Re: MOH Issues...

posted at 2/2/2012 10:08 PM EST on theknot.com

RetreadBride

Joined on
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First: 7/20/2009

Last: 5/24/2012

People aren't going to change just because it's your wedding. Picking someone because you think it will bring you closer is always a bad idea.

You don't need "support" for your wedding from ANYONE. "Support" is for difficult times, such as unemployment, miscarriages, illnesses and injuries. A wedding is a happy time. You don't need "support" when you're happy. The wedding and reception are a party, and anyone who needs "support" to plan a party is doing it the wrong way.

Lots of people find wedding planning boring. Come talk to us if you want to discuss gowns, favors, and wedding cakes.

The person who should be helping you plan is your fiance. You are marrying him, not your MOH/sister.

Let her get her dress and show up for the wedding. That's all that she's required to do. You never know....she may get more excited closer to the day. Your wedding isn't until March 2013, and that's a long way off.

you: SQUEEEEE! I'll be a wife in March 2013!
her: What's the big deal? The wedding is over a year away.

Back off, and lower your expectations. Come on here if you want to talk wedding. We love them, and our eyes won't glaze when you start gushing about something.

"I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."

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Re: MOH Issues...

posted at 2/3/2012 7:33 AM EST on theknot.com

JamiesonCampbel...

Joined on
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Posts: 42

First: 11/15/2011

Last: 4/3/2012

I think planning a wedding can be stressful. You need someone who will help you and calm you down that's what i mean be support. Saying that if you need support you are going about planning wrong is a bit of a stretch.

Her sister by making snide comments about her wedding is saying she doesn't agree with the wedding which is another form of support

Not every fiancee wants to hear about every detail about the wedding and although talking to strangers on the internet is nicve to bounce ideas off of it is nice to have a live person whom you are close to, to actually do these things with.

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Re: MOH Issues...

posted at 2/3/2012 8:03 AM EST on theknot.com

mnt2bonstg

Joined on
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VIRGINIA

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Posts: 90

First: 7/28/2011

Last: 5/10/2012

Thanks guys.

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Re: MOH Issues...

posted at 2/4/2012 1:12 AM EST on theknot.com

RetreadBride

Joined on
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NORTH CAROLINA

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First: 7/20/2009

Last: 5/24/2012

Planning the wedding shouldn't be stressful. If the bride is getting stressed, then she needs to sit down, take a deep breath, and ask herself if she really needs x thing that is giving her stress. Strike it off the list, because it's not worth getting "stressed" over.

The person she should bounce ideas off of and share plans with is her fiance.

"I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."

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