help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be

beaniebasham · January 2012

at 1st we decided to get married May 23rd 2013 but now HE'S saying it needs to be in September 2013 so he's brother will be out of school & the weather won't be 2 hot or cold so what should I say? I really want it to be in May 2013.

emarston1 · January 2012

It's called compromise, I suggest you look into it.

jennipea382 · January 2012

Well I'm not going to be a tie breaker, that's not the best way to go about it.

I say sit down and weigh the pros and cons. Cost, other activities/holidays that might get in the way, weather, etc. Then decide together. If you're going to start off your marriage by going on a forum to prove your point (sorry if you're not, that's the impression I get), that's not good.

AudgiePodge · January 2012

You should do it before December of this year, otherwise you won't be having a wedding because the world is going to end.

angele4200 · January 2012

Only you and your FI can decide that. I don't even know where you live, so I couldn't tell you whether May or September would be better for weather, although around here they are very similar temperature wise. Like PPs said, it's called a compromise.

J&K10910 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:903c0b72-9948-448b-8bf7-b10ad53c32ce">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]You should do it before December of this year, otherwise you won't be having a wedding because the world is going to end.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

I pick this.

beaniebasham · January 2012

why compromise when we both agreed on May 23 2013 from the moment we talked about getting married. & plus to the one that said the world would end this year, I do not believe that one bit. The only one who knows for sure is GOD himself.

J&K10910 · January 2012

Oh dear.

People change their minds. It happens. If you're so inflexible that you can't deal with that and even DISCUSS it with him, you're in for a lifetime of struggle.

We're not going to tell you to steamroller him into a May wedding, so if that's what you want, you should quit now.

AudgiePodge · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:c7aa8383-6627-4e4a-890e-49e82d5e76d3">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]why compromise when we both agreed on May 23 2013 from the moment we talked about getting married. & plus to the one that said the world would end this year, I do not believe that one bit. The only one who knows for sure is GOD himself.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]

<div>Apparently the Mayans do.</div>

MrsBee11 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:c7aa8383-6627-4e4a-890e-49e82d5e76d3">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>why compromise</strong> when we both agreed on May 23 2013 from the moment we talked about getting married. & plus to the one that said the world would end this year, I do not believe that one bit. The only one who knows for sure is GOD himself.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]

Because that's part of life and long term relationships. If you are unwilling to compromise or come to terms with the fact that sometimes things change, then I suggest you reconsider making a life-long commitment to someone who you are unwilling to work with when they don't agree with every one of your decisions.

Gabrielle76 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:c7aa8383-6627-4e4a-890e-49e82d5e76d3">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]why compromise when we both agreed on May 23 2013 from the moment we talked about getting married. & plus to the one that said the world would end this year, I do not believe that one bit. The only one who knows for sure is GOD himself.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]

Compromise is one of the most important things in a relationship. My FI and I have changed our minds on lots of things, from the date to the general look, and have made dozens of compromises. Call if a practice for when he wants pizza and you want sushi.

Also the world is totally ending in December, no question about it. ;)

LizziebeeUT · January 2012

Is there a specific reason you want May 23rd? Is there a special significance to it, or do you just not want to budge?

BMcLeodTeam · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:b1cb91c8-052f-41d2-9f23-359191fa19f8">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]Why are you asking a bunch of internet strangers to decide your wedding date? This decision is between you and your FI. If you can't decide on this together, then you are not ready to get married.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>This... if you can't work out between the two of you a wedding date, I'm not sure how your relationship will survive the rest of wedding planning, let alone the marriage that follows... </div>

beaniebasham · January 2012

we are ready to get married but he keeps changing the date on me. now he's sayong october.

Grits8812 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:c7aa8383-6627-4e4a-890e-49e82d5e76d3">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]why compromise when we both agreed on May 23 2013 from the moment we talked about getting married. & plus to the one that said the world would end this year, I do not believe that one bit. The only one who knows for sure is GOD himself.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]
Why compromise? Because that is marriage. You will be doing it the rest of your life.<div>Our date changed 3 or 4 times before we set the one that will be for sure, and it wasn't the date we both agreed on when we got engaged.</div><div>
</div><div>And the poster that said the world was going to end, was making a joke. We do that here.</div>

Gabrielle76 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:00c43f2e-33d0-49b3-b1a9-a2f116d0c1fc">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]we are ready to get married but he keeps changing the date on me. now he's sayong october.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]

Could he be having some cold feet or something? Sit down and tell him that while you understand he wants to pick the date, it would be a big help if you two could set a date and stick to it.

If it helps, many couples change their date several times, for all kinds of reasons.

Grits8812 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:00c43f2e-33d0-49b3-b1a9-a2f116d0c1fc">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]we are ready to get married but he keeps changing the date on me. now he's sayong october.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]
Idea;<div>Don't use either of the dates, and pick a whole new one.</div><div>
</div>

Leah&JP · January 2012

Find the venue you want and when they are available. In the end that was the deciding factor for us.

beaniebasham · January 2012

another thing is we can't agree on the preacher. I have told him since the time I was little that I had promised my great uncle could preform the wedding ceremony & he wants the preacher of his church to do it.

Gabrielle76 · January 2012

I'm sorry you guys are having so much trouble making wedding decisions. Here's the bottom line: Relationships are all about compromising. There will always be things that you and your FI disagree on. The key isn't having all the same wants and opinions, it's having the ability to sit down, and talk through your problems until you are both happy, and ok with the situation.

This means that you won't get everything that you want. He won't get everything that he wants. You will get some of what you want, and he will get some of what he wants, and you'll both get the pleasure of being together until the end of your lives.

On the plus side, you have two disagreements now, which can make things easy. He can get what he wants in one, and you can have the other! (just a suggestion)

emarston1 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:78f0bb57-618e-4768-a798-8bc30fdb5c4b">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]another thing is we can't agree on the preacher. I have told him <strong>since the time I was little that I had promised my great uncle could preform the wedding ceremony</strong> & he wants the preacher of his church to do it.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]
Well that's your fault for making decisions without consulting your fiance. It's his wedding too and you both need to come to an agreement that works for both of you and so that you both are happy. COMPROMISE.

How about you get the May wedding but it's his preacher. Or the October wedding with your uncle. Regardless of what you decide, get yourself into some premarriage counseling so you can learn to COMPROMISE.

Communication and compromise are two of the biggest things to making a marriage work. Based on your post, you have a looooong way to go. The way you are coming across is extremely bratty and "<em>this is what I want and I'm not even going to consider anything else! I'M THE BRIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!"</em>

NcsuPsych · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:c7aa8383-6627-4e4a-890e-49e82d5e76d3">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]why compromise when we both agreed on May 23 2013 from the moment we talked about getting married. & plus to the one that said the world would end this year, I do not believe that one bit. The only one who knows for sure is GOD himself.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE]another thing is we can't agree on the preacher. I have told him since the time I was little that I had promised my great uncle could preform the wedding ceremony & he wants the preacher of his church to do it.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]

Like OMG. . you should go stomp your feet and be like 'Its my wedding and I get what I want'. . .you know, like the way they do it on Bridezilla.

Really, do that, because that's what it looks like you're already doing.

I would suggest growing up before you get married because what you're showing here is that you're a child. You should also learn out to read/recognize sarcasm or you wont last long here at all.

Compromise is extremely important to any marriage. It's important to any relationship for that matter. You shouldn't have 'promised your great uncle anything', but you can't undo that now. This wedding isn't just YOURS. It's also your FI's wedding too and therefore, he too gets a say-so.

heb557 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:78f0bb57-618e-4768-a798-8bc30fdb5c4b">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]another thing is we can't agree on the preacher. I have told him since the time I was little that I had promised my great uncle could preform the wedding ceremony & he wants the preacher of his church to do it.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]

I'm starting to wonder, What do you agree on?
Maybe you should keep the decisions between you and darling FI, and not strangers on TK.

daniellelea1985 · January 2012

I think we need to cut OP some slack here....

WE don't know the full story.. maybe her FI is a groomzilla and she's venting here.

That being said... what eveyone is saying about compromise is right.
If you can't compromise....

Try this: do a pro/con sheet for the wedding date and one for the preist. Write down your pros and cons and he'll also add his. Whatever option has the most pros wins.

....or you can just flip a coin. Or play a mean game of scrabble...winner takes all.

Welcome to the Knot and Happy planning!

kmmssg · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:c7aa8383-6627-4e4a-890e-49e82d5e76d3">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>why compromise</strong> when we both agreed on May 23 2013 from the moment we talked about getting married. & plus to the one that said the world would end this year, I do not believe that one bit. The only one who knows for sure is GOD himself.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]

Why? Because that is what you do in a mature relationship and in marriage. Are you going to hold him to every little thing he says and never work together if he changes his mind about something? Would you want him to treat you like that?

You choose a date based on what works for not only the 2 of you but the "must-haves" also. Those are the family and friends that are really important to you.

If you have to ask why compromise then you aren't ready to get married.

tldh · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:c7aa8383-6627-4e4a-890e-49e82d5e76d3">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]why compromise when we both agreed on May 23 2013 from the moment we talked about getting married. & plus to the one that said the world would end this year, I do not believe that one bit. The only one who knows for sure is GOD himself.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]

Because he has changed his mind for whatever reason: circumstances changed (ie his brother being away at school) or he's started paying closer attention to what the weather is like. If you came here to get a bunch of us to agree with you so you could then show him the comments to bolster your argument, you are going to be disappointed.

tldh · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:78f0bb57-618e-4768-a798-8bc30fdb5c4b">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]another thing is we can't agree on the preacher. I have told him since the time I was little that I had promised my great uncle could preform the wedding ceremony & he wants the preacher of his church to do it.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]

I'm ready to call MUD.

crash2729 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:4d485d9e-2d8d-4acc-92aa-5e1ea8938f3b">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]I think we need to cut OP some slack here.... <strong>WE don't know the full story.. maybe her FI is a groomzilla and she's venting here.</strong> That being said... what eveyone is saying about compromise is right. If you can't compromise.... Try this: do a pro/con sheet for the wedding date and one for the preist. Write down your pros and cons and he'll also add his. Whatever option has the most pros wins. ....or you can just flip a coin. Or play a mean game of scrabble...winner takes all. :) Welcome to the Knot and Happy planning!
Posted by daniellelea1985[/QUOTE]
There's a difference between venting and telling internet strangers to pick your wedding date. <div>If you can't compromise to pick a wedding date then I think that they probably need to rethink the whole marriage thing.</div>

NcsuPsych · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:179319c7-ec32-497a-a7a6-31ce6750384f">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be : I'm ready to call MUD.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

I'm with you there. Unfortunately, Google says otherwise. . .

crash2729 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:25b4e3d4-4e9a-405b-a542-c9affc8be531">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be : I'm with you there. Unfortunately, Google says otherwise. . .
Posted by NcsuPsych[/QUOTE]
What?

emarston1 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:4d485d9e-2d8d-4acc-92aa-5e1ea8938f3b">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I think we need to cut OP some slack here....</strong> WE don't know the full story.. maybe her FI is a groomzilla and she's venting here. That being said... what eveyone is saying about compromise is right. If you can't compromise.... Try this: do a pro/con sheet for the wedding date and one for the preist. Write down your pros and cons and he'll also add his. Whatever option has the most pros wins. ....or you can just flip a coin. Or play a mean game of scrabble...winner takes all. :) Welcome to the Knot and Happy planning!
Posted by daniellelea1985[/QUOTE]
I would have until she said she didn't understand why she had to compromise. No marriage will ever survive without compromise and if you don't understand <em>why</em> you need to, it makes you sound like an entitled brat. All of her subsequent posts came across as "it's my way or the highway and how do I make that happen?" I am not going to cut someone slack when they are acting immaturely. I don't do it in real life and I certainly am not going to do it to an internet stranger.

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