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$18 dollar check

smanukyasmanukya
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi Ladies,

Thought I should share this with you.  My fiance and I had a good laugh when we opened the RSVP card from one of the invited guests last week.  They marked No and included an $18 dollar check with a note "Have a nice life"

Don't get me wrong I appreciate receiving the money, but it was too funny.  To be honest, I would have rather just received the card without the "insult".

What are your thoughts on this?  The invited couple are family friends from my fiance's parents' side.
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Re: $18 dollar check

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    ashmy211ashmy211
    First Comment
    I don't know what to tell you, except that this made my crappy day a little bit better and gave me a good laugh!
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    pumpkinpumpkinpumpkinpumpkin
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    I take it these people don't like you?
    Are you insulted by the $18 or the note?
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    MeaghanandMichaelMeaghanandMichael
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    Have a nice life? wow! ouch
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    RAWR!

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    tidetraveltidetravel member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    What did you put on your invitations?
    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
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    felicity and reveriefelicity and reverie member
    First Comment
    edited April 2010
    $18 (or multiples of $18) are a pretty typical gift from Jewish families since it is the number associated with Chai and is considered good luck.

    Here is more about it: link

    ETA: Chai means "living" in Hebrew, so that might be where the comment about having a good life came from.
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    kristend72kristend72
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    Huh. That is so fabulously bizarre! Do his parents have any idea what it's about? Do the people who sent it just have a really dry sense of humor?
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    PreppySailorPreppySailor
    First Comment
    lol I can see my mom writing that on a card to a couple and meaning it in a nice way.
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    smanukyasmanukya
    First Comment
    They have never met me before.  Yes, the couple is Jewish, so I guess that makes sense :)  I will read up on the article.  Thank you for posting it.
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    felicity and reveriefelicity and reverie member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_18-dollar-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a14543a-d7e6-4f0f-819b-70949f65d127Post:acecd09c-eee3-47d2-b2f8-ed4c511cf7db">Re: $18 dollar check</a>:
    [QUOTE]They have never met me before.  Yes, the couple is Jewish, so I guess that makes sense :)  I will read up on the article.  Thank you for posting it.
    Posted by smanukya[/QUOTE]

    No prob. FI is Jewish and I am not, so I completely understand the confusion. There was definitely a learning curve on some traditions that he and his family took for granted, like this one!
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    smanukyasmanukya
    First Comment
    We decided to wait and tell his parents after the wedding.  Looking at it now and reading all the responses, I feel much better now :)

    We have decided not to cash it and frame that check as a joke.
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    laurenclaire1386laurenclaire1386
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_18-dollar-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a14543a-d7e6-4f0f-819b-70949f65d127Post:c3db6374-e6b3-4bf8-b7a5-5e0f08c539d0">Re: $18 dollar check</a>:
    [QUOTE]We decided to wait and tell his parents after the wedding.  Looking at it now and reading all the responses, I feel much better now :) We have decided not to cash it and frame that check as a joke.
    Posted by smanukya[/QUOTE]
    That would screw up my checkbook and tick me off. Make a really good color copy or something, but please cash the check.
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    FutureMrsTRFutureMrsTR
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_18-dollar-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a14543a-d7e6-4f0f-819b-70949f65d127Post:c3db6374-e6b3-4bf8-b7a5-5e0f08c539d0">Re: $18 dollar check</a>:
    [QUOTE]We decided to wait and tell his parents after the wedding.  Looking at it now and reading all the responses, I feel much better now :) We have decided not to cash it and frame that check as a joke.
    Posted by smanukya[/QUOTE]

    <div>Well then make sure to tell the couple.  I'm a stickler about my checkbook and would be really annoyed if I was constantly $18 off.</div>
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    skippylouwhoskippylouwho member
    First Comment
    Here's another train of thought on the $18 check.  My husband has been out of work for 2 years.  We may lose our home, maybe they are in a similar situation and you don't know it. Possibly $18 is a lot of money to them right now.  Most people have no idea how serious our financial situation is right now, while close friends know it still isn't something we publicize.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    What an odd number. Are you sure it didnt\'t have some special meaning?

    And FWIW, a lot of people wrote variations of 'have a nice life' on our cards, both those who came and those who didn't. the tone might come off as insulting, but that doesn't mean they actually meant it that way.
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    ashmy211ashmy211
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_18-dollar-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a14543a-d7e6-4f0f-819b-70949f65d127Post:9df5d948-211b-4208-ba07-598b105f741b">Re: $18 dollar check</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's another train of thought on the $18 check.  My husband has been out of work for 2 years.  We may lose our home, maybe they are in a similar situation and you don't know it. Possibly $18 is a lot of money to them right now.  Most people have no idea how serious our financial situation is right now, while close friends know it still isn't something we publicize.
    Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]
    I think it's the fact that it's $18 that threw her off... not $10, $15, or $20. It just seems like such a random number... although the Jewish tradition now explains that.
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    RachNRichRachNRich member
    First Comment
    My MIL made a donation to ASPCA on our behalf for our wedding. For $18. She's Jewish.

    Clearly the $18 seemed odd to me, but Rich said his mom always uses the number 18 this way (gifts and such).

    I definitely think it's a Jewish symbol and not because they were short on cash.
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    AmoroAgainAmoroAgain member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    So... you're losing your home and having a wedding?  *scratches head*
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    AmoroAgainAmoroAgain member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Oh, I see that wasn't OP, but skippy. Sorry OP!
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    RachNRichRachNRich member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_18-dollar-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a14543a-d7e6-4f0f-819b-70949f65d127Post:ea23605d-1d5e-42e0-9329-1cfd245e042f">Re: $18 dollar check</a>:
    [QUOTE]So... you're losing your home and having a wedding?  *scratches head*
    Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

    Priorities, Amoro. Priorities.

    Weddings = more important that roof over head.
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    smanukyasmanukya
    First Comment
    After reading up on this, I agree with you and ashmy211.  Thank you ladies for all the comments.
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_18-dollar-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a14543a-d7e6-4f0f-819b-70949f65d127Post:f6cc1cf8-ebe6-49d6-b4cc-2763e1815d7e">Re: $18 dollar check</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh, I see that wasn't OP, but skippy. Sorry OP!
    Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

    I think Skippy is already married... She said 'my husband'






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    RachNRichRachNRich member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_18-dollar-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a14543a-d7e6-4f0f-819b-70949f65d127Post:2af7ab6f-2474-46f6-a12e-f4edbf9ebed8">Re: $18 dollar check</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: $18 dollar check : I think Skippy is already married... She said 'my husband'
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]
    But her Knot profile says her wedding isn't until September 25th of 2010. So....
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    would the jewish tradition still count if they did $118?
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    felicity and reveriefelicity and reverie member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_18-dollar-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a14543a-d7e6-4f0f-819b-70949f65d127Post:83dd3551-7b0d-4bb6-9b0e-deb6351827b2">Re: $18 dollar check</a>:
    [QUOTE]would the jewish tradition still count if they did $118?
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    FI's family and our Jewish friends only do multiples of 18 so they would probably give either $108 or $126 because those are multiples of 18. It probably just depends on how strongly they want to adhere to the idea of "giving chai." With $118 you could think of it as giving $100 PLUS giving chai. Just depends on the family.
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    AmoroAgainAmoroAgain member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_18-dollar-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a14543a-d7e6-4f0f-819b-70949f65d127Post:aca32928-3c33-4885-ae75-e367676b8907">Re: $18 dollar check</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: $18 dollar check : Priorities, Amoro. Priorities. Weddings = more important that roof over head.
    Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE]

    I was busy eating honey nut cheerios out of the box, so wasn't really paying too much attention. lol
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    tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    FWIW, the tradition isn't to give $18 -- it's to give in multiples of $18. So yeah, $108 woud fit, but not $118.

    At any rate, I'm guessing this was intended to be a nice gift even if it comes across a little clueless. $18 is certainly a low amount for a wedding gift, at least in my crowd, but without knowing these people,we have no idea what the norm is for them. The combination of the small amount and odd phrasing makes me wonder if they're considerably older and possibly foreign-born. But I really really doubt they intended to "insult" you and they'd probably feel terrible if they could read these comments.
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    emarston1emarston1 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    It reminds me of that one family member that gives you $1/year old that you are for your birthday.  You're not an 18 year old bride are you??
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    smanukyasmanukya
    First Comment
    Nope, late 20's :)
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    RachNRichRachNRich member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_18-dollar-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a14543a-d7e6-4f0f-819b-70949f65d127Post:b6da44e3-dad4-437b-98c3-cd4e3772a07c">Re: $18 dollar check</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: $18 dollar check : I was busy eating honey nut cheerios out of the box, so wasn't really paying too much attention. lol
    Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

    I love cheerios. An awful lot.
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    goheels05goheels05
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_18-dollar-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a14543a-d7e6-4f0f-819b-70949f65d127Post:26825b90-84b4-4335-bc23-14197444ad33">Re: $18 dollar check</a>:
    [QUOTE]It reminds me of that one family member that gives you $1/year old that you are for your birthday.  You're not an 18 year old bride are you??
    Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

    ha!
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