When to give wedding gifts to parents?

Missa513 · December 2010

I’m sure most of you see this answer as pretty cut and dry, but my situation is a little different.

We are getting married on a beach in Oahu, Hawaii next month (super excited) and only our parents are joining us for this intimate ceremony. Then we will continue our honeymoon there for 2 weeks and our parents get to enjoy 1 week on the island by themselves. However, the Catholic Church does not recognize this as a valid marriage, so we are having a wedding back home in Pennsylvania on … April Fool’s Day.

The “surprise” is that none of our guests know this is happening. They believe the wedding is on April 1^st (traditional ceremony/reception). In reality, they will be going to a church ceremony, but it will be a blessing (which isn’t too different than a full Catholic mass)…then onto the reception venue to party.

We hired a videographer in Hawaii who will be making a 3-4 minute highlight DVD of our wedding (getting ready and the ceremony). We plan to unveil the ‘surprise’ DVD on a large projection screen after the bridal party and bride/groom are announced in the reception.

So…should I wait until the actual wedding day (January) to give them gifts….or wait until April 1^st, when we give out our bridal party gifts?

Sorry so long and thanks!

salt78 · December 2010

Something about your plan seems very strange to me.

And your ticker is wrong if you are getting married next month.

waltzingmatilda13 · December 2010

Oh jeez.

ricksang · December 2010

So your guests won't know you are already married?

salt78 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-wedding-gifts-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bbdd6d34-890f-4962-b998-09e4c9ab4d81Post:dcc804fc-bf40-4cf5-9bab-3d45963f43a9">When to give wedding gifts to parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]I’m sure most of you see this answer as pretty cut and dry, but my situation is a little different. We are getting married on a beach in Oahu, Hawaii next month (super excited) and only our parents are joining us for this intimate ceremony. Then we will continue our honeymoon there for 2 weeks and our parents get to enjoy 1 week on the island by themselves. However, the Catholic Church does not recognize this as a valid marriage, so we are having a wedding back home in Pennsylvania on … April Fool’s Day. The “surprise” is that none of our guests know this is happening. They believe the wedding is on April 1 st (traditional ceremony/reception). In reality, they will be going to a church ceremony, but it will be a blessing (which isn’t too different than a full Catholic mass)…then onto the reception venue to party. We hired a videographer in Hawaii who will be making a 3-4 minute highlight DVD of our wedding (getting ready and the ceremony). We plan to unveil the ‘surprise’ DVD on a large projection screen after the bridal party and bride/groom are announced in the reception. So…should I wait until the actual wedding day (January) to give them gifts….or wait until April 1 st , when we give out our bridal party gifts? Sorry so long and thanks!
Posted by Missa513[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>JIC.

</div>

ricksang · December 2010

Ha Salt I was just about to...

sarah0725 · December 2010

So your April Fool's joke is "April Fools! We're already married, suckers who care about us and brought us gifts!"

I think I need to go back to bed.

doctabroccoli · December 2010

*Headdesk*

salt78 · December 2010

Yeah I don't think I would find that joke to be very funny at all.

FutureMrsTR · December 2010

There are so many obnoxious things about your plan, that the day you give your parents their gifts is the least of the problems I see.

danieliza1127 · December 2010

I'm sorry but I wouldn't show the DVD if I were you. I think you'll find that most of your guests will be really hurt and offended that they weren't included in the real ceremony AND that they just sat through what is basically a fake ceremony. It's just not a good idea in my opinion.

salt78 · December 2010

Although if you go through with your original plan, you could just punch all the guests in the face as a fake-wedding favor. It would go nicely with your theme.

Loopyseven · December 2010

THIS was the first thread I opened this morning? Good Grief!

Bad idea OP. Your guests will not appreciate that at all. To many many people the actual real ceremony is the important part, not the party.

sarah0725 · December 2010

I kind of think you should carry the April Fool's Day theme through the whole wedding, and ice your cake with shaving cream, and put salt in all of the sugar bowls, and cellophane over the toilets, and whoopie cushions on the chairs and all that. After the "fun" of realizing that they attended a fake wedding, they'll definitely be primed to enjoy other pranks!

And maybe you should hire people to go to their houses while they're at the wedding and wrap all of their possessions in tinfoil.

doctabroccoli · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-wedding-gifts-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bbdd6d34-890f-4962-b998-09e4c9ab4d81Post:7200c308-286c-40d5-b659-3b8ebaaef4a0">Re: When to give wedding gifts to parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]I kind of think you should carry the April Fool's Day theme through the whole wedding, and ice your cake with shaving cream, and put salt in all of the sugar bowls, and cellophane over the toilets, and whoopie cushions on the chairs and all that. After the "fun" of realizing that they attended a fake wedding, they'll definitely be primed to enjoy other pranks! And maybe you should hire people to go to their houses while they're at the wedding and wrap all of their possessions in tinfoil.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

You forgot about tee-peeing their landscaping.

emilyinchile · December 2010

In Chile, lots of people do both a legal and religious ceremony, and I've heard about Catholic convalidations, so if you invited to me to your religious ceremony from the get-go, I'd actually be fine with that.

But if you invited to your wedding and then surprised me by saying you were already married (and already considered yourselves married vs. some people here in Chile who do the legal thing but only consider themselves married once a priest has done his thing), I'd be pissed. Like, eat your food, drink your alcohol and then leave without talking to you again for a long time pissed.

ricksang · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-wedding-gifts-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bbdd6d34-890f-4962-b998-09e4c9ab4d81Post:7200c308-286c-40d5-b659-3b8ebaaef4a0">Re: When to give wedding gifts to parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]I kind of think you should carry the April Fool's Day theme through the whole wedding, and ice your cake with shaving cream, and put salt in all of the sugar bowls, and cellophane over the toilets, and whoopie cushions on the chairs and all that. After the "fun" of realizing that they attended a fake wedding, they'll definitely be primed to enjoy other pranks! And maybe you should hire people to go to their houses while they're at the wedding and wrap all of their possessions in tinfoil.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

Oh don't forget fake poo in their food!

danieliza1127 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-wedding-gifts-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bbdd6d34-890f-4962-b998-09e4c9ab4d81Post:e6c53402-077a-4943-b3ef-3cab90ec08b8">Re: When to give wedding gifts to parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Chile, lots of people do both a legal and religious ceremony, and I've heard about Catholic convalidations, so if you invited to me to your religious ceremony from the get-go, I'd actually be fine with that. But if you invited to your wedding and then surprised me by saying you were already married (and already considered yourselves married vs. some people here in Chile who do the legal thing but only consider themselves married once a priest has done his thing), I'd be pissed. Like, eat your food, drink your alcohol and then leave without talking to you again for a long time pissed.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

I do agree with Emily's points here. If your guests KNOW that you were legally married in a ceremony in Hawaii and that this is just your blessing ceremony from the get-go, they will be happy and excited for you. If you keep it a secret, they will be hurt and offended.

sarah0725 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-wedding-gifts-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bbdd6d34-890f-4962-b998-09e4c9ab4d81Post:a9e8c6e5-47b8-4366-8f77-1c99c23fdaec">Re: When to give wedding gifts to parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When to give wedding gifts to parents? : Oh don't forget fake poo in their food!
Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]

Fake?

tidetravel · December 2010

That's just dumb. AND, I had a legal ceremony as well as a pretty princess wedding. AND, some of my guests didn't know I was already married. At least I didn't "surprise" them on the wedding day, and say - "Haha! April Fools! We're already married, beyoches!"

Missa513 · December 2010

WOW - I cannot believe how downright rude some comments are. It's not a JOKE. The Catholic ceremony we are having back home is VERY REAL and since that's ou religion, we ARE having an actual ceremony. Legally it would happen in January.

Some of your comments make me want to completely delete my account on TheKnot and never come back because they are so rude.

I have never responded so awfully to any bride's posts on this entire site.

mandysmear · December 2010

Well this is a new one.

ricksang · December 2010

Okay okay real poo then. That's a little Klassier.

tidetravel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-wedding-gifts-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bbdd6d34-890f-4962-b998-09e4c9ab4d81Post:7a88834d-a230-45b0-b294-a2190c878942">Re: When to give wedding gifts to parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW - I cannot believe how downright rude some comments are. It's not a JOKE. The Catholic ceremony we are having back home is VERY REAL and since that's ou religion, we ARE having an actual ceremony. Legally it would happen in January. Some of your comments make me want to completely delete my account on TheKnot and never come back because they are so rude. I have never responded so awfully to any bride's posts on this entire site.
Posted by Missa513[/QUOTE]

You're the one having your wedding on April Fool's Day. If it's not a joke, I guarantee you that your guests will think that it is.

doctabroccoli · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-wedding-gifts-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bbdd6d34-890f-4962-b998-09e4c9ab4d81Post:7a88834d-a230-45b0-b294-a2190c878942">Re: When to give wedding gifts to parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW - I cannot believe how downright rude some comments are. It's not a JOKE. The Catholic ceremony we are having back home is VERY REAL and since that's ou religion, we ARE having an actual ceremony. Legally it would happen in January. Some of your comments make me want to completely delete my account on TheKnot and never come back because they are so rude. I have never responded so awfully to any bride's posts on this entire site.
Posted by Missa513[/QUOTE]

Yes, you're having a religious ceremony, and that's fine. But you seem to suggest that because your 2nd wedding is on April Fool's day, your joke is that you are fooling people into thinking that April 1st is your first, real wedding, which it's not. That's what we're mocking, because that is rediculously rude.

emilyinchile · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-wedding-gifts-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bbdd6d34-890f-4962-b998-09e4c9ab4d81Post:7a88834d-a230-45b0-b294-a2190c878942">Re: When to give wedding gifts to parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW - I cannot believe how downright rude some comments are. It's not a JOKE. <strong>The Catholic ceremony we are having back home is VERY REAL</strong> and since that's ou religion, we ARE having an actual ceremony. Legally it would happen in January. Some of your comments make me want to completely delete my account on TheKnot and never come back because they are so rude. I have never responded so awfully to any bride's posts on this entire site.
Posted by Missa513[/QUOTE]

Then you shouldn't feel any need to hide your legal ceremony from your friends beforehand and spring it on them as "surprise, gotcha - this was all a joke!" You yourself made reference to April Fool's Day, when people play <strong>jokes</strong>.

And if you read beyond the silly comments, you would see why we are responding this way: because this thing that sounded like a good idea in your head is actually really rude and probably hurtful to your friends and family. Sorry your feelings got hurt, but that doesn't make the advice you received any less good, and I hope you take it before you offend a lot of people you care about.

salt78 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-wedding-gifts-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bbdd6d34-890f-4962-b998-09e4c9ab4d81Post:7a88834d-a230-45b0-b294-a2190c878942">Re: When to give wedding gifts to parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never responded so awfully to any bride's posts on this entire site.
Posted by Missa513[/QUOTE]

<div>Maybe it's because you didn't encounter any ideas as bad as this one.</div><div>
</div><div>It doesn't matter what you call it...you will be MARRIED in Hawaii. And then you plan on basically lying to everyone who is coming to the blessing. The joke isn't funny. If I went to a "wedding" and found out I'd been lied to, I would be very offended and would probably make fun of the couple forever for it. </div>

waltzingmatilda13 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-wedding-gifts-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bbdd6d34-890f-4962-b998-09e4c9ab4d81Post:ac378265-c655-4bd2-86b6-590b7645595b">Re: When to give wedding gifts to parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When to give wedding gifts to parents? : If they religious ceremony in April is the REAL one, why don't you just get married in April? Go to Hawaii for a nice vacation then come home and get married 3 months later.
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

Exactly. Why are you running off to get married in Hawaii anyways? Just wait until April when all your friends and family can be present to witness you marriage before God.

SarahPLiz · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-wedding-gifts-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bbdd6d34-890f-4962-b998-09e4c9ab4d81Post:7a88834d-a230-45b0-b294-a2190c878942">Re: When to give wedding gifts to parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW - I cannot believe how downright rude some comments are. It's not a JOKE. The Catholic ceremony we are having back home is VERY REAL and since that's ou religion, we ARE having an actual ceremony. Legally it would happen in January. Some of your comments make me want to completely delete my account on TheKnot and never come back because they are so rude. I have never responded so awfully to any bride's posts on this entire site.
Posted by Missa513[/QUOTE]

<div>If that was your religion, then you wouldn't go on your honeymoon without being married by a priest, as its technically premarital sex. And a no-sex honeymoon would suck. SO obviously the tenants of Catholocism aren't THAT important to you.</div>

ricksang · December 2010

Your idea is dumb and oh so rude. I compare it to gender reveal parties. Only the hosts think these types of surprise parties are awesome.

I agree with Em. Have a second ceremony but tell people that you are already married.

Calypso1977 · December 2010

In reality, they will be going to a church ceremony, but it will be a blessing (which isn’t too different than a full Catholic mass)…then onto the reception venue to party.

a "blessing" is NOT the same as a catholic wedding wehre you receive the sacrament of marriage. if you are having a CONVALIDATION, then yes, youd get hte sacrament and your marriage would be valid. but finding a priest to "bless" your marriage does NOT make it valid.

it is also very difficult to find someone to give you a convalidation when your reason for wanting one is to have a pretty beach wedding. you normally need to have a very pressing reason for marrying outside of the church to begin with.

When to give wedding gifts to parents?

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