plus one girlfriend

JordynLeighx3 · May 2012

This does seem a little judgy. Does that mean in the eyes of etticate my relationship was invalid until I was 18? So that 4 years doesn't count? And while 18 years old though together for 6 years not living together before we were engaged they wouldn't see it as enough of a reason to invite us together. Yet its perfectly acceptable to invite a couple who's been together 5 months and living together? That seems very judgy to me.

rsanna · May 2012

I know I'm late, but I'm just gonna leave this here from the Emily Post website:

"For most people, this means family and close friends but as you build your guest list, there are a few people who, out of courtesy, should also receive an invitation: your officiant and his or her spouse; and the spouse, partner, fiancé(e), or significant other of any attendant or guest in a committed relationship. While many a romance has had its start when two singles met at a wedding reception, it’s kind to invite any single bridesmaid or groomsman to ask a plus one."

Sephiroth · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-one-girlfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fa65d893-8e14-41a0-92d7-45773afae511Post:3085d6ae-9e77-4f05-a13c-c71786f1876d">Re:plus one girlfriend</a>:
[QUOTE]This does seem a little judgy. Does that mean in the eyes of etticate my relationship was invalid until I was 18? So that 4 years doesn't count? And while 18 years old though together for 6 years not living together before we were engaged they wouldn't see it as enough of a reason to invite us together. Yet its perfectly acceptable to invite a couple who's been together 5 months and living together? That seems very judgy to me.
Posted by JordynLeighx3[/QUOTE]

Oh for heaven's sake. Etiquette does not validate or invalidate relationships. Etiquette does not have a viewpoint on whether your relationship is important, or true love, or anything else. Etiquette simply states that one MUST invite "social units" together. The definition of social unit, by etiquette, used to be ONLY married couples and engaged couples. The definition of 'social unit' has expanded over the years to include cohabiting partners, and now is argued by some (and not all) to include the much more amorphous 'committed relationship'.

But none of that means that refusing to invite your friends' non-cohabiting significant others will not create hurt feelings, or make you look like a jerk. It simply means it's not an etiquette violation.

There are billions of things one can do in this world that are inconsiderate, and can hurt feelings, that are not etiquette violations.

TheBaney · May 2012

My aim here is definitely not to offend anybody. I think this board has a ton of interesting, opinionated people who I'd really like to get to know better, and I'd hate to think that this difference in opinion would make people think poorly of me. Also, I'd like to apologize if I offended anyone with my last comment. I certainly don't make it a habit of judging other people's relationships. I can understand how it would be simpler to just say "every SO gets invited" in order to avoid the appearance of passing judgement.

But the problem that I'm having is that until I started reading these forums, I never would have seen a correlation between a wedding invitation and the bride's perspective on my relationship. I honestly can't imagine how that lack of a "plus one" devalues a couple. Either both of us would know the bride or groom, and we'd both get invited, or only one of us knows them, and only one of us would have any fun. My FI and I have been invited to several of his friends' weddings, and for the most part, I was bored while FI took a trip down memory lane with his friends. And while it was very nice of the bride and groom to invite me along with him, I didn't expect it, I just appreciated it.

Not to mention the fact that I've mentioned before. It seems like the forums are very quick to hold to certain faux pas like dollar dances, saying that etiquette is etiquette. It doesn't matter if it's acceptable where you are. Then on this subject, it doesn't matter what traditional etiquette says, this is non-negotiable. This aspect of etiquette, inviting one's SO, has been re-written by The Knot forums. That and the fact that registries and RSVP cards are traditionally inappropriate but that is ignored here makes it seem like etiquette is not always etiquette, which tends to confuse newbies, like myself.

I will say, however, that while it may be nice and caring, and that making your guests happy and comfortable is a good goal, if that was where etiquette began and ended, then invitations should be iPads and every guest should receive a foot bath for the ceremony, lest you run afoul of etiquette.

cottermanml · May 2012

This may sound snotty and I don't mean to get in the arguement of ettiquette. But I guess for me I am just so concerned about budget and I want this to be special and want everyone at my wedding, but it is so hard when we have X amount and every person counts. Its not so much the fact of "no she shouldnt come" but my fiance and I came to a common decision that we were not going to extend a plus one to the children of our families, not because we do not want them there, but because weddings are so darn expensive! We really wanted to be fair and I was afraid that if we invited her all of my other cousins would want to bring their dates too and a change reaction would occur.

The point is, people can argue ettiquetee all day long and we should just agree to disagree because it wont get anybody anywhere. As much as we decide who should be properly invited, money plays such a big factor in my wedding that I had to throw ettiquette out the window on some things. People make decisions based on their circumstance and what is best for their situation.

plus one girlfriend

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