Tips on Cutting Guest List?????

malittamay · May 2012

I need help....right now my guest list has 177 people on it (counting me and groom, wedding party, and people that are helping with wedding).....BUT my location only has space for 130 (again including wedding party)....I know I can't hope or plan on 47 people RSVP'ing "NO" so how can I cut back on my guest list??? Is it ok to state that there is an age requirement in order to avoid small children (under 12 for example)? Also my grandparents gave me a list of VIP's however, they also stated some will not come to the wedding (as they are 90), would it be acceptable to not invite them and just send them an announcement of our marriage after the fact??? Our guest list really is one of the last things on the to-do list so I could really use some help!!!!

mbody · May 2012

Are your grandparents paying? If they aren't you don't HAVE to invite all their VIPs. Since there is a space issue, I'd start cutting people who aren't as close to you and your FI. Personally, I'd rather keep one of my friends on the guest list, and cut great aunt twice removed. Then you can send marriage announcements to some of those people after the wedding.

Is your venue booked? or is it a possiblity to find a venue with a larger capacity?

welches79 · May 2012

If you don't want children under 12, that's your choice and it's fine. But you don't word it as "no children under 12." You put only the parent's names on the invitation. Most people understand that the names on the invitation are the people invited, and no one else. However, there are the few rude people who feel they can add anyone they wish, so you might end up having to gently explain space and budget limitations to a couple of clueless parents who felt it was fine to include their kids when they RSVP.

OliveOilsMom · May 2012

The only children that attended our wedding were my neice & nephews. We did not include any other children. You could also only include children that are in the WP. I would also be inclined to remove any family members that you do not know who they are. But as PP said, if someone else is paying, then their guestlists must be taken into account.

ingramnusz · May 2012

One thing I did was go through our parents' lists with my fellow and asked him, "Do you know X?" If he didn't know them, and I didn't know them, they got cut. We're inviting a LOT of people from his side (his dad's old Navy buddies, his mom's girlfriends), but my rule of thumb is if neither of us have met them, they're not making the cut. Number one, guests lists have to be cut to fit the location, and number two, it's just awkward introducing yourself to someone on their wedding day.

shannyb41 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tips-on-cutting-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:62b11382-47f8-431b-b755-b339b296b4eePost:808f3b6c-5b24-49c7-9822-8389982f6835">Re: Tips on Cutting Guest List?????</a>:
[QUOTE]One thing I did was go through our parents' lists with my fellow and asked him, "Do you know X?" If he didn't know them, and I didn't know them, they got cut. We're inviting a LOT of people from his side (his dad's old Navy buddies, his mom's girlfriends), but my rule of thumb is if neither of us have met them, they're not making the cut. Number one, guests lists have to be cut to fit the location, and number two, it's just awkward introducing yourself to someone on their wedding day.
Posted by ingramnusz[/QUOTE]

I was trying to avoid having people at my wedding that I don't know....but my FMIL has asked to invite a few of he friends. Since they have a smaller family (and I have a larger one) I said that's fine. It really doesn't bother me but I have no idea who these people are so I'm dreading the awkward "Oh hi, nice to meet you....welcome to me wedding" type convo lol.

Anyway, to the original question. I am not inviting any kids....none. All of my cousins are 17 or older. We have 2 exceptions....my 12 year old cousin and my fiancés 6 year old cousin. They are first cousins so of course they are invited. But thats it. We're not including friends kids or anything like that. We have also decided not to invite any co-workers. I have 1 old co-worker that I'm inviting because we've become really good friends since we worked together like 4 years ago. And my fiance has one on his list since they still have remained friends. I work for a huge company and I'm friendly with basically my whole department of about 30 people. include SO's and you're looking at 60 lol. So we had to set some ground rules like that.

achiduck · May 2012

First of all who's paying and did you send STDs? If you and your FI are paying then you have 100% control of the guest list. If your grandparents, parents or FILs are paying (or contributing) you need to talk to them about making cuts. Also, you can't cut anyone you sent an STD to.

With that said, I would not include children, or if you do make sure there are very clear lines drawn, such as only immediate family and WP members children. You can also cut plus ones for people who are truly 100% single. Personally, we cut several acquaintances that neither of us had seen in the last 6 months (unless they lived a plane ride away) or people we hadn't talked to in over a year.

GL!

sbelle85 · May 2012

I would cut in this order:

1. Kids
2. Dates for people who are truly single
3. "Friends" you haven't had a meaningful conversation with in the past year
4. Extended family (any more distant than 1st cousins)

malittamay · May 2012

Thank you all for the tips!!

Right now, there are no +1's unless they are already married or engaged...my mom and I are seriously considering putting those invited name's on the invitations in the hopes of avoiding as many kids as possible because whether you realize it or not...kids take up a LOT of space...also I think I'm going to cut anyone who I have not seen or spoken to during our engagement....We haven't sent out STDs (lol) because we wanted the guest list to be final FIRST....we already booked the space so that's not really an option...my family is much larger than his, and his family is coming from out of state, so it's mostly going to be my friends and family....I don't really want to cut any friends because I do still want to have a lot of fun and don't want the youngest person there to be 40 (besides us)...

Thanks for the tips because right now this is the most stressful and time consuming part about planning the whole wedding!!!

lilja032 · May 2012

People who are in a relationship must be invited with their significant other whether they are engaged/married or not. It is incredibly rude not to invite their SO. If guests are TRULY single (ie they are not dating anyone) then it's fine not to give them a plus one.

tachin7 · May 2012

My wedding is in July and we are having the same issues too!   We also are having people ask if they can bring people even though we added the line on our response card, "_____ number of seat(s) have been reserved for you" and filled in the number before sending them so there would be no confusion.

Here are some things we did:
1. No Children except immediate family
2. If guests are truly single, no significant others- who knows, maybe they will meet someone there!
3. If the groom, or I haven't spoken to them in the past year and there aren't extreme circumstances like being out of the country, etc. then they can't come.
4. Stick to the room requirements.- One thing we said to our friends who insisted in brining somone was that we love them so much, it was important for them to be there rather than not invite them so someone else could have had a plus one. We also put it into perspective because people think that it's JUST the food as to why they can't have a plus one. In reality, if you add another person and it throws your count off, you have to get an additional table, linens, flatware, dinner ware, glasses, centerpieces, favors, etc.  It all adds up.

In the end, remember that it is one day and really stick to your beliefs on it. You don't want to over extend your wallet just to appease your invitee's friend at the time.   In the end, if they are really as great of a friend or family member as you think they are, then they will understand.

Cargrrl · May 2012

Hi All!

So my issue is that I have 20 first cousins (including SOs), 3 of which I'm very close to, but most of whom I only see at weddings and funerals. My guest list needs to be capped at 100, so I'm struggling to choose between friends that I adore and family that I don't really know (or care for). Do I NOT invite all the first cousins? Or do I only invite a couple of select ones..and risk offending the rest (I have been invited to all their weddings BTW, but most of them got married 20+ years ago). Thanks for your suggestions!

sbelle85 · May 2012

I think it's ok to invite only the three that you're really close to. I had three second cousins I was very close with. We went to school together and were part of the same social clique. They would have been invited as friends even if they were not family. I invited them and not my other 25 second cousins.

Whatever you do, don't exclude the three that you are close to just because you're trying to be fair to the ones who aren't really a part of your life anyway.

pearlie147 · May 2012

I am so relieved to hear that you guys cut +1s! My fiance and I have been discussing whether we have to give singles a +1. I remember being invited to weddings and not having a +1 if I wasn't with someone, so felt justified. Now I can go back and tell him others are doing the same thing!

As for cutting down the list, I agree with what others are saying. We are not having any children below 16 and are relooking at the list. We've limited our parents friends to 5-6 couples each (both our parents are remarried) and relooking at family/cousins/friends. It's tough, but we are paying ourselves. Our room requires at least 175 and I'm trying to keep our list as close to 200 as possible. We're a little over right now, but I think we'll be ok.

Another thing we are doing is prioritizing and having a "B" list. It sounds horrible, I know, but as long as we send them out in a reasonable amount of time, it will be fine and no one will realize the difference!

MrsJacobs2B · May 2012

Cutting the +1's definitely makes a huge difference. My husband and I only had +1's for our guests who were living on their own and living with their partner or in a serious relationship (no teenage cousins' flavors of the month).

Another thing that lengthens guest lists is the amount of time that parents, both yours and his, have to think of people they want to invite. It got to the point with our wedding that our parents would rather honor everyone they know than save money. Tell them that you have to have their lists by a date that is way ahead of the actual one.

No children unless it is a very close relative.

Stand your guard with the invitations. You will get people asking you if they can bring so-and-so, even when the invitations have been sent and are clearly marked. Do not be afraid to (politely) say no and stick to your original list.

Iris147 · May 2012

thank you

tiffanychuvalas · May 2012

All my cousins are pretty much grown up- the youngest is 14ish. So the only young children are babies of the cousins and they are all at the point that they know to behave. So Im ok there. But we made it no plus ones on our list. If you're engaged, then your pretty much part of the family already. But if its just boyfriend/girlfriend then leave them at home please. Our spacing works out that we could actually do 500 people (we rented the air museum airplane hangar

) but we are sticking to 200 max just because of the food. Dont feel bad cutting somebody. Food is expensive and for most, space is a huge consideration as well as the dinnerware, etc. first go through and put everyone you want on the list. THen go back and label them 1 ( vip, invite no matter what), 2 ( vip, would be possible to not invite), or 3 (first to get cuts). Decide your budget and space allowances and go from there. Cut the 3's first. then go through and cut 2 until you get to your desired number. allow for a few extra because there will be people who cannot make it.

jrckfk · May 2012

I have 50 first cousins just on my moms sided, and I am one of the youngest, so most are married. Many of my 1st cousins have great grand kids. Should I invite my 1st cousins once removed that are the same age and grew up with my mother or me? How do I figure out where to draw the line when so many of the generations overlap? We would like our guest list to be under 250. Our reception site can hold 500, but the ceremony site I really want can only seat 200. Can I invite people to the reception but not the wedding ceremony? I never thought that was okay but someone suggested it to me.

lkirby85 · May 2012

I have had 40-45% of my guest list decline, including some people that we were positive were coming (an uncle and his family and an aunt!). You may have 40-some people decline in your case. The best way to handle it, cut out kids, friends or distant relatives but place them on a B list. Once you start getting back declines from the first group, you can start sending out more invites to include the other people you initially wanted to invite.

I am actually having the opposite issue, we have a 150 person minimum and had 215 people invited, our total at the moment is only 113 and we only have another 34 people we are waiting on replies from...

Good luck!

epierson2 · May 2012

I don't know how far until your wedding but one thing we did was to not send out "Save the Dates'. Its kind of mean to say that you don't want people to save the date but we figured that anyone that would come and we could count on to come would already know about the wedding and the date. One way to count on more people maybe saying "NO" on RSVP

Good Luck!

n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tips-on-cutting-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:62b11382-47f8-431b-b755-b339b296b4eePost:f326bc15-b433-435e-85bd-db27efcd200c">Tips on Cutting Guest List?????</a>:
[QUOTE]I need help....right now my guest list has 177 people on it (counting me and groom, wedding party, and people that are helping with wedding).....BUT my location only has space for 130 (again including wedding party)....I know I can't hope or plan on 47 people RSVP'ing "NO" so how can I cut back on my guest list??? Is it ok to state that there is an age requirement in order to avoid small children (under 12 for example)? Also my grandparents gave me a list of VIP's however, they also stated some will not come to the wedding (as they are 90), would it be acceptable to not invite them and just send them an announcement of our marriage after the fact??? Our guest list really is one of the last things on the to-do list so I could really use some help!!!!
Posted by malittamay[/QUOTE]

Sararuth68 · May 2012

We put "Adults Only" on our Reception card in the invitations - the girl who did my invitations said this is perfectly acceptable these days - the only child at our wedding will be the flower girl and she'll be picked up by her grandma after dinner... We also did not include +1s for anyone who was single (other than a couple of my parents friends, coworkers, who might not know as many people).

Oh and on the "B List" thing - I find that terribly tacky and everything I have read says having a B List is a major no-no. I guess it's personal preference, but I just think it's not very classy.

hguy1227 · May 2012

If your date isn't set and you guys are big into college football (or any sport) - pick a date with a big game. Then only the very close friends will want to forego a huge game for your wedding.

iloveu4ever · May 2012

Family only

Tips on Cutting Guest List?????

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