bridal shower DRAMA

elizacb · July 2009

Holy Crap! I'm getting married in November and a friend of mine made me her maid of honor for her wedding in September. Her family lives on one side of the state and her fiancee's family lives on the side we now all live on. her fiancee is one of my best friends so I was in charge of throwing the shower down here for his side of the family. We had a fire at my house two weeks ago (the orginal location of the shower) and was lucky enough to rent a new house with enough space to have the shower. I've sent out address corrections, I've got the caterer booked, I've even gone to her other shower on the other side of the state and I got a phone call last night from her fiancee saying they were canceling the shower. They said it was because of family stuff and that they're really stressed. Not only do they want to cancel this shower, but they want me to call everybody and tell them it was because of the fire not because of them. Did I mention the shower is next Saturday? At this point I feel incredibly frustrated. When he called me last night, I could have sworn she was crying in the background so I'm not sure the canceling is mutual. He offered to pay me back but it's not the point. I think it's rude to cancel this late on guests and then they expect me to look bad for them.

ffmaid · July 2009

I would find out what the real reason was before I would cancel. I would not lie about the reason unless the reason the bride gave me was a good reason in my book. I woudl also not cancel without talking to the bride.

mbcdefg · July 2009

Wow. They've sure got some chutzpah, don't they? I would personally let this cool off a little while, then maybe call the groom back a few hours from now (since you only got this call last night). If he and the bride were having a fight, maybe it'll have blown over by then. If the shower's truly off, then I think you need to tell the groom that you absolutely will not lie for him. It's totally unfair of him to expect you to take the fall here when you've completely bent over backwards to accommodate their shower. You've been MORE than generous, especially considering that this fire was two weeks ago. I hope your family's all safe and that it didn't cause you too much distress. He should be ashamed of himself for expecting you to take the blame. I would say to help call people if you can (tell the groom to split the list with you, to reach more people quicker) just because it's not fair to the guests if you had to notify them the day before or something (otherwise I would say screw it and make the groom handle it himself). But if they ask why it's cancelled, I would just say, "I think you're going to have to take that up with Bride and Groom. I'm the hostess so I'm just helping Groom spread the word that it's off." If people want an explanation from the groom why it's off, he can just be vague and say, "We have some family problems right now. I really apologize for the inconvenience and I hope you understand." He doesn't have to get into details.

vallyhoo · July 2009

Definitely talk to the bride, and don't lie for them. Clearly something must be happening since they know everything you went through to make the shower possible, and since he is still saying they want to cancel there must be a good reason you just need to find out what it is. GL.

duckie1905 · July 2009

While it is well within their rights to cancel (you have no idea what has caused this so at this point it is best not to speculate at all) you do not have to lie for them. If after a day or so wait they still want to call it off then just tell the guests it has been cancelled and any questions as to why should be directed to the bride and/or groom because you don't know.Unfortunately, as a host, this is something that has to be dealt with.And since you really don't know what is going on don't assume that cancelling wasn't mutual, or they are or are not breaking up, or that is really is or isn't family stuff. Just wait and see how things play out.

Leah&Christian09 · July 2009

Just call the guests, explain that the shower has been canceled at the couple's request, and no you don't have a clue what is going on but you are VERY sorry for the inconvenience.I agree with this 100%. But I agree that I would try to talk to the bride once more before doing this. And I would take them up on their offer to pay back any expenses that you've incurred.

jeannigirl · July 2009

I agree with stagemanager. I think that is the best way to handle this situation. It takes the responsibility off you and places it on to the B&G.Personally I would not get involved with this situation and let the Bride come to you if need be. Yes take them up on the offer to pay for whatever expenses you incured for this. Just lay low.

emilykathleen511 · July 2009

I also agree with Stagemanager.

elizacb · August 2009

Well, the shower was back on with in 24 hours of them cancelling it. I was right about the groom freaking and cancelling the wedding. The bride has apologized profusely to me since then and we finally had the shower today and it went really well!

banana468 · August 2009

Glad to hear it went well!

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