Do people start taking crazy pills when they get engaged?

thelastdreamer

Good. Grief.

One of my best friends just got engaged. Sweetest girl I know, mild-tempered, etc., etc. She is seriously chugging the crazy now.

CONSTANT Facebook updates about everything to do with their engagement: "We will post a date on Facebook as soon as we have it so you all will know!!!!!!!!!" "OH MY GOSH SOMEONE FIND ME A WEDDING VENUE" etc. etc.

Then her and I are texting about their plans and I find out the following things are being planned: a tired reception. They're inviting like 700 people to the ceremony and like 150 to the reception. Having guests write their addresses on envelopes to send out thank you cards. A honeyfund jar. 

It goes on, and on and on. Normally, I could say to her "TAKE YOUR CRAZY PANTS OFF!" But not now. Now that ends in drama and tears.

Gag me. 

ETA: What they are doing is putting an invite in their church bulletin. Some people say this isn't tacky. I still think it is because they're not doing it because it's a church requirement or anything, just because they want to be able to have all their church friends there without hosting them. But I understand some people differ on if this is is rude.

I also found out they're having a cash bar. *head against desk*

KeptInStitches

Yes. Yes they do. I think. Need more tests to know for sure.

southernbelle0915

At least you dodged the BM bullet. If she's etiquette clueless enough to invite 700 people and have a tiered reception, you can bet she has brideslaves.

thelastdreamer

I'm just shocked because her FI is known for hating things that aren't "classy." Um, a tiered reception is the LEAST CLASSY thing ever. 

jdluvr06

I didn't think it was ever a thing to have people write their own address on the envelopes for TY cards. I know that it is done at baby showers as a way to get a door prize but have never heard it done at a wedding.

thelastdreamer

southernbelle0915 said:

At least you dodged the BM bullet. If she's etiquette clueless enough to invite 700 people and have a tiered reception, you can bet she has brideslaves.

Nope. I'm a BM. I agreed before the crazy came out in full force. I don't mind helping out, but I seriously am so conflicted. I know she's not the type of person who would EVER be intentionally rude, so I feel guilty sitting by and watching her plan this etiquette nightmare, but it's not worth risking the friendship to me to speak up over. 

Swazzle

One of my BM's got engaged about a year after me and asked me to be her MOH. We had known each other for over 20 years and I couldn't have been happier for her.

Suddenly, I was TOLD I had to throw her a shower in June (my wedding was in May) because the deposit for her HM was due in July and they were registering with Liberty Travel. So a honeymoon registry (gag) and she was demanding a shower. Then I was told that I had to dance with a GM during the "bridal party dance". Then I was told that my H would be sitting alone with strangers rather than with me at the head table. 

What started out as "yay we're both engaged and can plan together!" turned into we were not involved in each other's weddings and we are no longer friends. 

People get CRAZY over weddings. 

Oh and for the record, I was replaced as MOH. Shocking.

climbingsingle

People really do get crazy over weddings. I don't understand. 

jdluvr06

jdluvr06 said:

I didn't think it was ever a thing to have people write their own address on the envelopes for TY cards. I know that it is done at baby showers as a way to get a door prize but have never heard it done at a wedding.

Sorry, that's just enabling laziness on the part of the mother-to-be/bride and groom and it's tacky.

I have never been to a baby shower that doesn't play the envelope game. Ever. Maybe it's regional.

thisismynickname2

BUT IT'S THE BIGGEST DAY OF MY LIIIIIIIIIIIFEEEE!!! OH EM GEEE!

Actually I believe having these forums helps cut down on the crazy. You get to talk to other brides, which is so helpful.  Not that we want that chick's level of crazy on these boards (though it could be entertaining), but just lurking here is like having a support group.  

thelastdreamer

thisismynickname said:

BUT IT'S THE BIGGEST DAY OF MY LIIIIIIIIIIIFEEEE!!! OH EM GEEE!

Actually I believe having these forums helps cut down on the crazy. You get to talk to other brides, which is so helpful.  Not that we want that chick's level of crazy on these boards (though it could be entertaining), but just lurking here is like having a support group.  

Oh I totally agree. It jus brings you back to reality and reminds you that LIFE GOES ON after your speshul snowflake day. I'm SO glad I started reading TK. There are so many etiquette things I've learned and just common courtesy things. 

southernbelle0915

thelastdreamer said:

southernbelle0915 said:

At least you dodged the BM bullet. If she's etiquette clueless enough to invite 700 people and have a tiered reception, you can bet she has brideslaves.

Nope. I'm a BM. I agreed before the crazy came out in full force. I don't mind helping out, but I seriously am so conflicted. I know she's not the type of person who would EVER be intentionally rude, so I feel guilty sitting by and watching her plan this etiquette nightmare, but it's not worth risking the friendship to me to speak up over. 

 

Inkdancer

jdluvr06 said:

jdluvr06 said:

I didn't think it was ever a thing to have people write their own address on the envelopes for TY cards. I know that it is done at baby showers as a way to get a door prize but have never heard it done at a wedding.

Sorry, that's just enabling laziness on the part of the mother-to-be/bride and groom and it's tacky.

I have never been to a baby shower that doesn't play the envelope game. Ever. Maybe it's regional.

I've never even heard of the envelope game, so I'm gonna go with regional.

HaileyDancingbear

Why yes, as a matter of fact my ring came with a free year supply of crazy pills, and I love them.  Sure I'm hearing voices but its ok it's like having a bunch of friends in my head XD

Nah I just think people get REALLY excited when they get engaged and not everyone quite understands that what excites them might not be the most exciting thing for everyone else, and it's not exactly uncommon to treat Facebook as the place where you dump every thought nobody gives a damn about (I mean, a lot of these people post 10 new photos every time they buy a new shirt or coffee from Starbucks- and now they actually have something kind of interesting to post about) 

I definitely go through little bursts of excitement where I just wanna blab on forever about my wedding ideas, but instead of bothering people on Facebook I just either go on here or add to my Pinterest boards.  I think the last engagement-related thing I put on Facebook was announcing my FI and I were engaged, and two ring photos.  But maybe that's just me, I try to avoid posting things unless something really interesting happens, and if something really interesting happens I only post about it once.

I get so annoyed with people who post stupid things every day, I think one day I cut my friends list down to a quarter of its original size because I just went through deleting everyone who posted stupid shit like a new selfie every single day (You look exactly the same as you did yesterday, hun, are you afraid we forgot what your face looked like, or are you just THAT narcissistic?) or pictures of their food (If you go to a five star restaurant and order some amazing exotic thing, fine, I probably am interested in a photo of that.  I do not give a shit about your goddamn cornflakes)  or just whiny "Woe is me, my life sucks and I'm going to express that with these song lyrics from this insanely lame song."

jdluvr06

Inkdancer said:

jdluvr06 said:

jdluvr06 said:

I didn't think it was ever a thing to have people write their own address on the envelopes for TY cards. I know that it is done at baby showers as a way to get a door prize but have never heard it done at a wedding.

Sorry, that's just enabling laziness on the part of the mother-to-be/bride and groom and it's tacky.

I have never been to a baby shower that doesn't play the envelope game. Ever. Maybe it's regional.

It's kind of like a door prize. You write your name and address on an envelope and put it in a box, basket, or whatever. The person who is hosting shakes the envelopes up and the mom-to-be picks an one or two out and that person gets a prize. I've never even heard of the envelope game, so I'm gonna go with regional. Sorry stuck in the box

MrsDeRuyter87

I blame PINTEREST!

NYCBruin

I don't think it's the engagement itself, but rather the comments, magazines, blogs, etc. that people start hearing/reading/seeing when they get engaged.  

People who are otherwise good people looking for help to plan an event they know nothing about turn to these sources for advice and are told ALL SORTS OF HORRIBLE THINGS by people trying to make a buck off of their wedding.  Never having planned a wedding before and being overwhelmed by all these sources telling them "do what you want" "it's your day" "it's the most important day of your life" and "people just want to make you happy on your day, that's lal they care about" momentarily removes their bullshit filter and they lose the ability to step back and think for a minute.  Because I'm sure if they did, they would think to themselves "oh wait, that's actually an awfully rude thing to do/say, I would never want to hurt my friends and family by doing/saying that" and toss those magazines in the trash.

thisismynickname2

Musikalbunni said:

I have a friend of mine who posted a picture on FB with her wedding dress on when the day she purchased it...

W T F ! ! !  She even posted a status about everything that went down that day... "just made it to the appointment" "tried dress #3" "didn't like the lace on dress #4" "i hope I can pull this dress over to pee" *with wedding dress pic

This horrifies me.
I probably would have been catty and replied, "how fun! But, don't you want to keep this a surprise for your fiance and guests?"

CaliMel11

thisismynickname said:

I have a friend of mine who posted a picture on FB with her wedding dress on when the day she purchased it...

W T F ! ! !  She even posted a status about everything that went down that day... "just made it to the appointment" "tried dress #3" "didn't like the lace on dress #4" "i hope I can pull this dress over to pee" *with wedding dress pic

This horrifies me. I probably would have been catty and replied, "how fun! But, don't you want to keep this a surprise for your fiance and guests?"

That's pretty terrible.
I have to say, my mom actually completely embarrassed me by busting out her photo of me in my dress at our neighbors wedding shower. and she's apparently shown everyone. Which really sucks since it would be nice to have it be a surprise. Plus I'm terrified people are going to blab to my fiance about what it looks like. I feel like stealing the photos she has and hiding them. I never even thought my mom would do that at all.
I really wanted my dress to be a surprise too. I cannot imagine posting those photos myself and ruining it on purpose!

That envelope thing...a girl I know from high school did that at her baby shower. I didn't mind it at that, because really it was nice to get a thank you card/photo of us all from the day, and she had just had the baby when she sent them out. I can excuse it for a mom because I don't think baby showers are really formal events.
But at a wedding I would most definitely think that was extremely tacky.

Kauris

What is a tiered wedding reception?

LDay2014

kasmith1 said:

What is a tiered wedding reception?

I believe it's where people get invited to the ceremony but not the reception:  aka I want to show 300 people I got married but only spend enough money to properly host 150 of them so I will pick my favourite 150 and invite them to the reception.

Essentially, it's a sure fire way of letting people know where they rank in your life.  Very unclassy

MobKaz

lauracichelly said:

kasmith1 said:

What is a tiered wedding reception?

I believe it's where people get invited to the ceremony but not the reception:  aka I want to show 300 people I got married but only spend enough money to properly host 150 of them so I will pick my favourite 150 and invite them to the reception.

Essentially, it's a sure fire way of letting people know where they rank in your life.  Very unclassy

Another variation is inviting some people to the dinner portion of the program, and others just to the dancing portion of the program. Many of these special receptions typically include a cash bar as well. Some guests, in essence, are "invited" to join for dancing and drinks on their own dime. Anything other than an "all in" invitation is ill mannered and disrespectful.

[Deleted User]

Just to be clear it's not rude if the couple has a very intimate ceremony followed by a larger reception. I'm talking no more than 15 people that include siblings, parents and grandparents. If it's kept that small then it's not a tiered reception, although the invitations would have to be clear that guests are invited to "celebrate" the marriage, not "witness" it.

Anaelsea

Tell her to post on wedding wire forums instead of FB, theyre going crazy this week, super fiesty, but it might take her off FB for a minute

thelastdreamer

mobkaz said:

lauracichelly said:

kasmith1 said:

What is a tiered wedding reception?

I believe it's where people get invited to the ceremony but not the reception:  aka I want to show 300 people I got married but only spend enough money to properly host 150 of them so I will pick my favourite 150 and invite them to the reception.

Essentially, it's a sure fire way of letting people know where they rank in your life.  Very unclassy

Another variation is inviting some people to the dinner portion of the program, and others just to the dancing portion of the program. Many of these special receptions typically include a cash bar as well. Some guests, in essence, are "invited" to join for dancing and drinks on their own dime. Anything other than an "all in" invitation is ill mannered and disrespectful.

Right. What she's doing is putting a notice in the church bulletin letting the entire church know they're invited to just the ceremony. Then the people who are "really" invited will get actual invitations to the ceremony and reception. It's just mega tacky.

doeydo

Comment on her posts to come to The Knot community because it could be quite helpful to her:)

kerbohl

thelastdreamer said:

mobkaz said:

lauracichelly said:

kasmith1 said:

What is a tiered wedding reception?

I believe it's where people get invited to the ceremony but not the reception:  aka I want to show 300 people I got married but only spend enough money to properly host 150 of them so I will pick my favourite 150 and invite them to the reception.

Essentially, it's a sure fire way of letting people know where they rank in your life.  Very unclassy

Another variation is inviting some people to the dinner portion of the program, and others just to the dancing portion of the program. Many of these special receptions typically include a cash bar as well. Some guests, in essence, are "invited" to join for dancing and drinks on their own dime. Anything other than an "all in" invitation is ill mannered and disrespectful.

Right. What she's doing is putting a notice in the church bulletin letting the entire church know they're invited to just the ceremony. Then the people who are "really" invited will get actual invitations to the ceremony and reception. It's just mega tacky.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.  have you heard of a thing called "marriage by banns"?  I don't know if it is just Canadian or not, but in order to legally be married, the church has to publish a marriage announcement in the bulletin for at least two weeks before the wedding.  In my case, because FI and I are members at two different churches, there has to be an announcement in both churches.  It isn't as common, but it still exists as a way to get married.  This isn't an attempt to tier a reception, it is an actual way to get married. 

thelastdreamer

kerbohl said:

thelastdreamer said:

mobkaz said:

lauracichelly said:

kasmith1 said:

What is a tiered wedding reception?

I believe it's where people get invited to the ceremony but not the reception:  aka I want to show 300 people I got married but only spend enough money to properly host 150 of them so I will pick my favourite 150 and invite them to the reception.

Essentially, it's a sure fire way of letting people know where they rank in your life.  Very unclassy

Another variation is inviting some people to the dinner portion of the program, and others just to the dancing portion of the program. Many of these special receptions typically include a cash bar as well. Some guests, in essence, are "invited" to join for dancing and drinks on their own dime. Anything other than an "all in" invitation is ill mannered and disrespectful.

Right. What she's doing is putting a notice in the church bulletin letting the entire church know they're invited to just the ceremony. Then the people who are "really" invited will get actual invitations to the ceremony and reception. It's just mega tacky.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.  have you heard of a thing called "marriage by banns"?  I don't know if it is just Canadian or not, but in order to legally be married, the church has to publish a marriage announcement in the bulletin for at least two weeks before the wedding.  In my case, because FI and I are members at two different churches, there has to be an announcement in both churches.  It isn't as common, but it still exists as a way to get married.  This isn't an attempt to tier a reception, it is an actual way to get married. 

No, I've heard about this. It's not the same as what she's doing. There's not requirement for it to go in the bulletin. She just wants to be able to invite all the people from her church without having to invite them to the reception. 

elBecko said:

thelastdreamer said:

mobkaz said:

lauracichelly said:

kasmith1 said:

What is a tiered wedding reception?

I believe it's where people get invited to the ceremony but not the reception:  aka I want to show 300 people I got married but only spend enough money to properly host 150 of them so I will pick my favourite 150 and invite them to the reception.

Essentially, it's a sure fire way of letting people know where they rank in your life.  Very unclassy

Another variation is inviting some people to the dinner portion of the program, and others just to the dancing portion of the program. Many of these special receptions typically include a cash bar as well. Some guests, in essence, are "invited" to join for dancing and drinks on their own dime. Anything other than an "all in" invitation is ill mannered and disrespectful.

Right. What she's doing is putting a notice in the church bulletin letting the entire church know they're invited to just the ceremony. Then the people who are "really" invited will get actual invitations to the ceremony and reception. It's just mega tacky.

Actually, the above isn't against etiquette or tacky. In some churches, like mine, you cannot have a private ceremony. Anyone is welcome to attend, as it is a religious function in a church. If a homeless person, or a stranger, or anyone, wants to attend a church service, you don't kick them out. Same for a wedding. And a notice of the upcoming ceremony will be printed in the bulletin (whether I want it to or not) and probably announced from the pulpit (again, this isn't a matter of choice, it's just what's done in many churches).   However, since the attendees are not invited, and since there's no way to know how many will attend, it is not necessary to invite them to a reception.  Many couples hold an "open" cake and punch reception for everyone who attended the ceremony. Some of the couples follow that with a reception for the guests who were invited to attend the wedding. That's not a tiered reception, because you are still hosting your invited guests. 

((I know I can't speak for all churches about mandatory open ceremonies, but I'm fairly sure it's the norm. Also, I know I'll probably get some disagreement about it being tacky or not, but whatever.))

I would understand if it was the requirement that it be posted as an announcement, but they're not doing it because they have to or because it's a requirement. They literally just want to be able to invite whoever the heck they want to the ceremony without having to host them. I think it's tacky. And what you described is still a tiered reception IMO. You're still letting your guests know where they rank. 

thelastdreamer

elBecko said:

Well, good thing it doesn't hurt my feelings that you think my wedding will be tacky and rude!

Also, I doubt that you know all of the requirements for getting married in your friend's church, so I would try to keep an open mind about it. 

I don't think it's tacky or rude if it is actually a requirement by the church and is framed as an announcement of the wedding taking place at the church. I think that's 100% fine. 

I do think it's rude to say "We want to invite all of church to our wedding but we don't want to pay for them. Let's just use the church bulletin like a flier." That IMO is tacky. But to each their own.

And for the record, I attended her church for many years and went to many weddings there that were never announced in the bulletin.

Also ... now there's a cash bar. Lovely.

WildMagelet

Actually, the above isn't against etiquette or tacky. In some churches, like mine, you cannot have a private ceremony. Anyone is welcome to attend, as it is a religious function in a church. If a homeless person, or a stranger, or anyone, wants to attend a church service, you don't kick them out. Same for a wedding. And a notice of the upcoming ceremony will be printed in the bulletin (whether I want it to or not) and probably announced from the pulpit (again, this isn't a matter of choice, it's just what's done in many churches).   However, since the attendees are not invited, and since there's no way to know how many will attend, it is not necessary to invite them to a reception.  Many couples hold an "open" cake and punch reception for everyone who attended the ceremony. Some of the couples follow that with a reception for the guests who were invited to attend the wedding. That's not a tiered reception, because you are still hosting your invited guests. 

((I know I can't speak for all churches about mandatory open ceremonies, but I'm fairly sure it's the norm. Also, I know I'll probably get some disagreement about it being tacky or not, but whatever.))

I would understand if it was the requirement that it be posted as an announcement, but they're not doing it because they have to or because it's a requirement. They literally just want to be able to invite whoever the heck they want to the ceremony without having to host them. I think it's tacky. And what you described is still a tiered reception IMO. You're still letting your guests know where they rank. 

But they aren't invited guests, they're members of the church who chose to attend a public function at the church.  I've also seen churches host C&P receptions.  You think its tacky for there to be something at the church (hosted by the church or the couple) for the general public/church members but that only invited guests are hosted for the actual dinner reception?  I disagree.

thelastdreamer

flutterbride2b said:

Actually, the above isn't against etiquette or tacky. In some churches, like mine, you cannot have a private ceremony. Anyone is welcome to attend, as it is a religious function in a church. If a homeless person, or a stranger, or anyone, wants to attend a church service, you don't kick them out. Same for a wedding. And a notice of the upcoming ceremony will be printed in the bulletin (whether I want it to or not) and probably announced from the pulpit (again, this isn't a matter of choice, it's just what's done in many churches).   However, since the attendees are not invited, and since there's no way to know how many will attend, it is not necessary to invite them to a reception.  Many couples hold an "open" cake and punch reception for everyone who attended the ceremony. Some of the couples follow that with a reception for the guests who were invited to attend the wedding. That's not a tiered reception, because you are still hosting your invited guests. 

((I know I can't speak for all churches about mandatory open ceremonies, but I'm fairly sure it's the norm. Also, I know I'll probably get some disagreement about it being tacky or not, but whatever.))

I would understand if it was the requirement that it be posted as an announcement, but they're not doing it because they have to or because it's a requirement. They literally just want to be able to invite whoever the heck they want to the ceremony without having to host them. I think it's tacky. And what you described is still a tiered reception IMO. You're still letting your guests know where they rank. 

But they aren't invited guests, they're members of the church who chose to attend a public function at the church.  I've also seen churches host C&P receptions.  You think its tacky for there to be something at the church (hosted by the church or the couple) for the general public/church members but that only invited guests are hosted for the actual dinner reception?  I disagree.

I guess it's a fine line. I'm not trying to be argumentative. I just wouldn't be comfortable doing that at my wedding personally. Like I said, I think if it is a requirement by the church then it's different because I see that as more the wedding being announced. I just don't like that my friend is using that as a way to have a tiered reception. She's not doing it because it's a requirement or church rule, she just wants to be able to invite whoever she wants but not host them. I see that as different than the church making an announcement that an event will be taking place.

Again - it's JMO. I understand now that there aren't etiquette rules against it. @Maggie0829 curious what you think? 

ETA: I guess another reason it makes me uneasy is that I feel like there are a lot of the church invitees who will still bring my friend gifts. Obviously nobody is ever obligated to, but it just seems odd that you'd be fine accepting a wedding gift from someone who attended your ceremony but you don't thank them with a hosted reception.