n/a

anieves20

n/a

AddieCake

anieves20 said:

So after so many changes, we decided to do a normal large ceremony and invite anyone and everyone. But, we are having a very intimate dinner (which only a selected few are invited to). I'm struggling with a formal way to thank and actually greet those that came to the church but aren't invited to the dinner. The only ones that will know about it are the ones invited. Maybe I am over analyzing it but as a typical bride this is normal right?! 

That is not appropriate.

abl13

This is probably the most rude thing you can do to your guests.

AprilH81

You don't because you are having a tiered wedding and that is rude.

You have to host your guests with SOMETHING after the reception.  It can be as simple as cake and punch at the church (assuming it is at a non-meal time) but you have to thank your guests for attending.

It is crazy to think that word won't get out about the private dinner.  Someone will spill the beans and feelings will get hurt.

Maggie0829

anieves20 said:

So after so many changes, we decided to do a normal large ceremony and invite anyone and everyone. But, we are having a very intimate dinner (which only a selected few are invited to). I'm struggling with a formal way to thank and actually greet those that came to the church but aren't invited to the dinner. The only ones that will know about it are the ones invited. Maybe I am over analyzing it but as a typical bride this is normal right?! 

This gets a big fat NO!

The reason why you are struggling to find a formal way to say this to them is because what you are planning is rude.

As for the bolded.  Are you going to swear them to secrecy and make sure that they know who else is in the secret dinner club?  Because if you don't then there is a great chance that the whole "oh you aren't invited to the dinner after this" thing will get around.

phira

The reception is how you thank people for coming to your ceremony.

If you're struggling with logistics and budget, the folks here are super savvy and will happily help you figure out how to accommodate all of your guests. But inviting people to the ceremony and not the reception, even if the reception is a secret, is VERY rude.

AlexisA01

You do not do this...AT ALL. It is very rude to have a tiered reception.

Inkdancer

May I ask why you settled on this idea? If it's budget, drama, timeline.... we can help. Just please don't do this. Asking people to travel to your wedding ceremony and then not hosting them at all afterwards is going to hurt feelings and may end some relationships.

KatWAG

The reason you are struggling is because what you are planning on doing it so tacky and rude to your guests. A reception is supposed to be a thank you to yoru guests. So you wont be thanking most of your guests. Also, this will make most of your guests feel like shit when they realize they arent invited.

You need to rethink you plans.

jalyndani

I haven't been around TK boards very long, but I swear some of these posts are made by 14 year old trolls. Who are these people?

chibiyui

Op, this is a very bad, no good idea.

People not invited to dinner will find out and they will be hurt. You must provide some kind of reception for those who attend your ceremony. And every guest must be treated equally.

Please reconsider.

anieves20

Thank you to those who responded in a helpful manner. I will plan a small reception as well for bugeting reasons. I wasn't expecting such rude comments. There is a difference between giving advice and being just plain old rude.

anieves20

This is still in the works and has not been set in stone. I came here for advice which made me rethink my original plan.

 

SlothGoals

anieves20 said:

So after so many changes, we decided to do a normal large ceremony and invite anyone and everyone. But, we are having a very intimate dinner (which only a selected few are invited to). I'm struggling with a formal way to thank and actually greet those that came to the church but aren't invited to the dinner. The only ones that will know about it are the ones invited. Maybe I am over analyzing it but as a typical bride this is normal right?! 

You're not over-analyzing anything. You're unfortunately just being rude.

The reason you can't figure out the right way to word "Please come see us get married and then leave" is because it's not polite. Anyone invited to the ceremony must be hosted at the dinner that follows.

Andplusalso I GUARANTEE people will find out about this "intimate dinner" even if they aren't one of the special chosen ones. 

SlothGoals

anieves20 said:

Thank you to those who responded in a helpful manner. I will plan a small reception as well for bugeting reasons. I wasn't expecting such rude comments. There is a difference between giving advice and being just plain old rude.

You see some of the previous comments as rude but had no idea that your whole plan was rude?

Also, changing your OP title to "n/a" is basically a bat signal for the rest of the boards. And you've been quoted so it doesn't even matter any more.

ETA: Deleting your original post is also rude. People took the time to respond and find jaunty gifs and pictures. 

KatWAG

Why wouldnt you just invite the same people to the ceremony and reception? If you can afford to host a dinner for 20 poeple, then only invite those 20 to the cermeony. If you invite 20 people to dinner and 150 people to the ceremony, it seems really gift grabby.

NYCBruin

OP why not just have the intimate dinner?  Why the need for the "big" ceremony?  

Or on the flip side, why the need for the dinner?  Have a big ceremony and a simple (i.e. cake and punch) reception for the large guest list.

KatWAG

jalyndani said:

I haven't been around TK boards very long, but I swear some of these posts are made by 14 year old trolls. Who are these people?

@jalyndani who are you refering to? Put on your big girl panties and call out the individual poster.

AddieCake

I, like Kristbot, am flummoxed by the irony that you think we are rude for telling you that your plan would be rude to your guests. Hey, sometimes our plans are rude or inappropriate and we aren't aware of that. So others tell us they are. It doesn't make those people rude; it makes them honest. And wise people listen and are grateful the "rude" people saved them from making faux pas. And then we all have cake!

RedJacks25

anieves20 said:

This is still in the works and has not been set in stone. I came here for advice which made me rethink my original plan.

 

I guess the first thing we need to know in order to help you is did you already invite all the people you know? If not, there's no harm done yet. If so, we can help you figure out how to host them properly.

jalyndani

Oops, sorry, I meant the OP. Some of the etiquette topics that I've seen posted lately just blow my mind. As in the questions that are being asked are related to situations that are so far off-base when it comes to etiquette that a grown woman couldn't possibly think they are good ideas. 

Not referring to anybody's answers in this thread. I'm in agreement with all PPs. 

Amyzen83

Woah glad this post was quoted because I'm going to chime in here, pardon my bluntness but I'm feeling snarky today. Most people would not be offended if you couldn't invite them to your wedding due to budget or you prefer the intimacy of a small wedding. People DO care if they are invited and have to travel, sit through the ceremony especially a long one and then don't forget to leave your gift on the way out, and then they later find out there was a reception for favorite guests but I didn't make the cut to be properly hosted? What the fuck was in it for me, I'd feel like I pretty much wasted my day! For some rude narcissistic couple?

*edit because I noticed a large chunk of my OP is missing! Grrr iphone!

photokitty

I came for the bat signal and to see OP run, run, run…

cupcait927

Just came for the DD. See you ladies have it covered. Backing away now...

KatWAG

jalyndani said:

Oops, sorry, I meant the OP. Some of the etiquette topics that I've seen posted lately just blow my mind. As in the questions that are being asked are related to situations that are so far off-base when it comes to etiquette that a grown woman couldn't possibly think they are good ideas. 

Not referring to anybody's answers in this thread. I'm in agreement with all PPs. 

I apologize for my less than stellar reading comprehension skills. 

huskypuppy14

OP you could have an afternoon (2pm- not during a meal) wedding and then host a cake and punch reception after. You must have a reception (receiving your guests) to thank everyone for coming to your wedding. 

You could have dinner with your parents/ siblings and wedding party if you wish at dinner time.  I'm sure other people on this board have had an morning or afternoon wedding and then had dinner with their immediate family at night, I don't believe there is anything wrong with that.  But you must have some sort of reception for after your ceremony.

crunchymamaof2

Do people really think that hitting "backspace" or "delete" sends that item into some black hole? Once you hit enter or send whatever you posted/uploaded/shared will always be there....it will find its way back to you. And, another one here just for the DD.

lovesclimbing

Came because of the "n/a" title.

CMGragain

Well, I have hope, here, because the OP says she is rethinking her plans.  There have been so many DDs this week!  So rude!

hikebikebemerry

It's been a long week... I'm really enjoying catching up on all of these posts!

KittyKaty20

What is "DD"?