Best bets on when?

[Deleted User]

Does anyone have bets on when he's going to propose to me? Here is some background info:

We've been together 19 months, have lived together for 13 of those.
We got a dog together 3 months ago.
I have a stable career, but he is having some issues with his current work and would like to find something new.
He has told me he wants to marry me, but he doesn't think we should rush into it.
He wants to buy the house we are currently renting (his dad owns it). After telling him I don't want to buy a house together until we get married, he said that we should get married and then buy the house.
Yesterday he said that he wants to talk to his dad about how much he could buy the house for this weekend, and try to get the purchasing moving forward! But then, when I made a comment about getting engaged, he said that I need to just wait because it will happen. But then he asked me why I want to get married so badly (after he initiated the marriage then house conversation), so I gave him all the reasons I felt it was important. He just kissed me and said okay, and that was the end.


So I can't tell if he truly wants to wait to get engaged, or if he's just messing with me. Because this house thing really feels like it's going forward. But every time I try to talk about engagement anything, he laughs and tells me no or stop. Did anyone else deal with this? Are these signs that it will be a while, or are these signs that it will be soon?

ShallowSeas

Why does it really matter? Let him propose on his own time. Don't make him feel rushed or obligated. Enjoy your relationship, what's the rush?

Pressuring him and constantly nagging about it will only make things worse.

Swazzle

EisleyJoGo said:

Does anyone have bets on when he's going to propose to me? Here is some background info:

We've been together 19 months, have lived together for 13 of those.
We got a dog together 3 months ago.
I have a stable career, but he is having some issues with his current work and would like to find something new.
He has told me he wants to marry me, but he doesn't think we should rush into it.
He wants to buy the house we are currently renting (his dad owns it). After telling him I don't want to buy a house together until we get married, he said that we should get married and then buy the house.
Yesterday he said that he wants to talk to his dad about how much he could buy the house for this weekend, and try to get the purchasing moving forward! But then, when I made a comment about getting engaged, he said that I need to just wait because it will happen. But then he asked me why I want to get married so badly (after he initiated the marriage then house conversation), so I gave him all the reasons I felt it was important. He just kissed me and said okay, and that was the end.


So I can't tell if he truly wants to wait to get engaged, or if he's just messing with me. Because this house thing really feels like it's going forward. But every time I try to talk about engagement anything, he laughs and tells me no or stop. Did anyone else deal with this? Are these signs that it will be a while, or are these signs that it will be soon?

Never.

[Deleted User]

It matters because of the house! I'm 24, almost 25, with a great career and great credit, and if I hadn't moved in with him I would own my own property by now, no doubt.
There is no nagging, I promise. And the "pressuring" is rare, and much less pressure than just off-handed jokes that I don't even expect responses to other than laughter, also rarely. If he brings up the house topic, I sometimes bring up the engagement because I believe that is fair, and a decision we had seemed to be making together.

[Deleted User]

HEY SWAZZLE - And why is that? I'm asking an honest opinon, and that was a terrible answer. I'm new here, you don't need to be rude.

[Deleted User]

EisleyJoGo said:

Does anyone have bets on when he's going to propose to me? Here is some background info:

We've been together 19 months, have lived together for 13 of those.
We got a dog together 3 months ago.
I have a stable career, but he is having some issues with his current work and would like to find something new.
He has told me he wants to marry me, but he doesn't think we should rush into it.
He wants to buy the house we are currently renting (his dad owns it). After telling him I don't want to buy a house together until we get married, he said that we should get married and then buy the house.
Yesterday he said that he wants to talk to his dad about how much he could buy the house for this weekend, and try to get the purchasing moving forward! But then, when I made a comment about getting engaged, he said that I need to just wait because it will happen. But then he asked me why I want to get married so badly (after he initiated the marriage then house conversation), so I gave him all the reasons I felt it was important. He just kissed me and said okay, and that was the end.


So I can't tell if he truly wants to wait to get engaged, or if he's just messing with me. Because this house thing really feels like it's going forward. But every time I try to talk about engagement anything, he laughs and tells me no or stop. Did anyone else deal with this? Are these signs that it will be a while, or are these signs that it will be soon?

JIC
ETA:  @Swazzle beat me to it!

Dignity100

EisleyJoGo said:

It matters because of the house! I'm 24, almost 25, with a great career and great credit, and if I hadn't moved in with him I would own my own property by now, no doubt.
There is no nagging, I promise. And the "pressuring" is rare, and much less pressure than just off-handed jokes that I don't even expect responses to other than laughter, also rarely. If he brings up the house topic, I sometimes bring up the engagement because I believe that is fair, and a decision we had seemed to be making together.

And I'm 35, been with my FI for 6+ years, both of us have stable careers (and have had them for some time), great credit, houses (FI's is paid off, I'm following the 30 year-fixed-rate method).  We got engaged a few weeks before we hit the 6 year mark of being together. 

Relationships move at different paces.  Why are you so against buying the house before your engaged?  Are you sure your BF would be looking to put you on the mortgage/title of the house (even though he's mentioned marriage in the past)?  Sure buying a house when you're planning a future is something you should consider talking about, but until you're actually married, if he's planning on purchasing it by himself, it's really his solo decision (as shitty as that sounds).

GoldenPenguin

EisleyJoGo said:

HEY SWAZZLE - And why is that? I'm asking an honest opinon, and that was a terrible answer. I'm new here, you don't need to be rude.

This is exactly the point. We don't know you & know nothing about you or your relationship. Did you expect to post this "question" for your very first post and have all of us swooning with answers like "OMG it's TOTALLY going to be next week!!" or something?? 

[Deleted User]

What @severmilli12 said...let him propose when he's ready. No one on this board can tell you or give you an idea of when that will happen. We don't know you or your BF so that's kind of a silly question. Even if we did know you, I still wouldn't be able to tell you if and when he is going to propose to you.

Enjoy your relationship and if you want to wait to get a house together until you're married then wait. He will respect that opinion if he knows that it's important to you.

[Deleted User]

So much for being a community, I guess. You women must be bored out of your skulls, to just come on here and rip on a girl just looking for some freaking support.

Swazzle

EisleyJoGo said:

HEY SWAZZLE - And why is that? I'm asking an honest opinon, and that was a terrible answer. I'm new here, you don't need to be rude.

You came onto a message board full of complete strangers and asked us when we think your BF is going to propose to you.

I'm sorry but my crystal ball is out of order today. 

Swazzle

EisleyJoGo said:

So much for being a community, I guess. You women must be bored out of your skulls, to just come on here and rip on a girl just looking for some freaking support.

I think you'll fit in great over here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/board/waiting

[Deleted User]

Swazzle said:

EisleyJoGo said:

HEY SWAZZLE - And why is that? I'm asking an honest opinon, and that was a terrible answer. I'm new here, you don't need to be rude.

You came onto a message board full of complete strangers and asked us when we think your BF is going to propose to you.

I'm sorry but my crystal ball is out of order today. 

And being rude is your go-to for strangers? You must be a PEACH to run into on the street.

GoldenPenguin

EisleyJoGo said:

So much for being a community, I guess. You women must be bored out of your skulls, to just come on here and rip on a girl just looking for some freaking support.

SOOOOOOOOO original.

[Deleted User]

EisleyJoGo said:

So much for being a community, I guess. You women must be bored out of your skulls, to just come on here and rip on a girl just looking for some freaking support.

So this is what you basically just did, let's visualize this as a scenario:

Girl walks into a bar and sits at a table with another random group of girls that she doesn't know and screams out while they are in mid conversation, "HEY GUYSSS, SO LIKE WHEN AM I GETTING ENGAGED?!?!?!?!?!?" 

No introducing herself and politely joining in on conversation.

[Deleted User]

GoldenPenguin said:

SOOOOOOOOO original.

 

Saying SOOOOOOOO original is SOOOOOOOOO original.

Swazzle

EisleyJoGo said:

Swazzle said:

EisleyJoGo said:

HEY SWAZZLE - And why is that? I'm asking an honest opinon, and that was a terrible answer. I'm new here, you don't need to be rude.

You came onto a message board full of complete strangers and asked us when we think your BF is going to propose to you.

I'm sorry but my crystal ball is out of order today. 

And being rude is your go-to for strangers? You must be a PEACH to run into on the street.

[Deleted User]

southernpeach89 said:

EisleyJoGo said:

So much for being a community, I guess. You women must be bored out of your skulls, to just come on here and rip on a girl just looking for some freaking support.

So this is what you basically just did, let's visualize this as a scenario:

Girl walks into a bar and sits at a table with another random group of girls that she doesn't know and screams out while they are in mid conversation, "HEY GUYSSS, SO LIKE WHEN AM I GETTING ENGAGED?!?!?!?!?!?" 

No introducing herself and politely joining in on conversation.

It's a message board! This was me trying to introduce myself! Since it's the "Not yet engaged" section I figured I'd talk about maybe getting engaged someday. There isn't a chat room to introduce myself. It's a website with discussion boards. So I posted a discussion. If I needed to fill out an application to be your friend they should have made it more obvious when I signed up!

ShallowSeas

Maybe you'll have better luck with this? It knows you as well as we do.

[Deleted User]

EisleyJoGo said:

southernpeach89 said:

EisleyJoGo said:

So much for being a community, I guess. You women must be bored out of your skulls, to just come on here and rip on a girl just looking for some freaking support.

So this is what you basically just did, let's visualize this as a scenario:

Girl walks into a bar and sits at a table with another random group of girls that she doesn't know and screams out while they are in mid conversation, "HEY GUYSSS, SO LIKE WHEN AM I GETTING ENGAGED?!?!?!?!?!?" 

No introducing herself and politely joining in on conversation.

It's a message board! This was me trying to introduce myself! Since it's the "Not yet engaged" section I figured I'd talk about maybe getting engaged someday. There isn't a chat room to introduce myself. It's a website with discussion boards. So I posted a discussion. If I needed to fill out an application to be your friend they should have made it more obvious when I signed up!

Have you seen the "Getting to know you" thread yet?

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/141012/getting-to-know-yooouu#latest

GoldenPenguin

Swazzle

GoldenPenguin said:

My mind immediately went here:

Ollie08

TwoDimes said:

EisleyJoGo said:

Does anyone have bets on when he's going to propose to me? Here is some background info:

We've been together 19 months, have lived together for 13 of those.
We got a dog together 3 months ago.
I have a stable career, but he is having some issues with his current work and would like to find something new.
He has told me he wants to marry me, but he doesn't think we should rush into it.
He wants to buy the house we are currently renting (his dad owns it). After telling him I don't want to buy a house together until we get married, he said that we should get married and then buy the house.
Yesterday he said that he wants to talk to his dad about how much he could buy the house for this weekend, and try to get the purchasing moving forward! But then, when I made a comment about getting engaged, he said that I need to just wait because it will happen. But then he asked me why I want to get married so badly (after he initiated the marriage then house conversation), so I gave him all the reasons I felt it was important. He just kissed me and said okay, and that was the end.


So I can't tell if he truly wants to wait to get engaged, or if he's just messing with me. Because this house thing really feels like it's going forward. But every time I try to talk about engagement anything, he laughs and tells me no or stop. Did anyone else deal with this? Are these signs that it will be a while, or are these signs that it will be soon?

June 31st.

@TwoDimes :::giggle snort::: I seriously had an argument with a person at a bank because they insisted that March had 30 days, not 31… 

[Deleted User]

Dignity100

EisleyJoGo said:

southernpeach89 said:

EisleyJoGo said:

So much for being a community, I guess. You women must be bored out of your skulls, to just come on here and rip on a girl just looking for some freaking support.

So this is what you basically just did, let's visualize this as a scenario:

Girl walks into a bar and sits at a table with another random group of girls that she doesn't know and screams out while they are in mid conversation, "HEY GUYSSS, SO LIKE WHEN AM I GETTING ENGAGED?!?!?!?!?!?" 

No introducing herself and politely joining in on conversation.

It's a message board! This was me trying to introduce myself! Since it's the "Not yet engaged" section I figured I'd talk about maybe getting engaged someday. There isn't a chat room to introduce myself. It's a website with discussion boards. So I posted a discussion. If I needed to fill out an application to be your friend they should have made it more obvious when I signed up!

We don't really sit around talking about pre-planning our weddings and when we're going to get engaged and the whole 'I wish he'd propose to me already' type thing (sure every once in awhile somebody will say something like that).  Had you lurked here for a little while before posting, I think you would have understood better that this is more of a place where girls come and chit chat about what's going on.  It's really not all that healthy to sit there and daydream about getting engaged and your wedding day ALL THE TIME.  Sure have a little fantasy every once in awhile, but don't let it control your life.

We don't know you, we don't know your BF, we don't know your relationship.  To come here and be like 'Hey, my BF is thinking about buying a hose but I told him I want to be at least engaged if not married when we take that step - do you think an engagement is coming' - we're really not going to have any way of knowing the answer to that.  It's really like me saying 'Hey do you think it's going to rain tomorrow where I live' when you don't even know where I live or what the weather conditions are.

[Deleted User]

I'm off to post in the introduce yourself section. I'm sorry everyone that I thought I could just join in on conversations right away. I'll do it just because I really hope I can come back someday and get some real advice. I obviously need to stop making people HATE ME so much by just asking a simple question on the internet. Who knew I was so unlikable. Most people think I'm a pretty nice person.

loves2shop4shoes

EisleyJoGo said:

So I can't tell if he truly wants to wait to get engaged, or if he's just messing with me. Because this house thing really feels like it's going forward. But every time I try to talk about engagement anything, he laughs and tells me no or stop. Did anyone else deal with this? Are these signs that it will be a while, or are these signs that it will be soon?

Here are my thoughts.

1)  The girls are giving you shit because we can't possibly know when the BF of a perfect stranger is going to propose to her.  Stick around, get to know us.  Let us get to know you.  We're much more helpful if we know someone's circumstances.

2)  It's an unpopular opinion around these parts, but I 100% believe that it is unwise to purchase a home with someone you are not MARRIED to.  Not engaged...MARRIED.  So, I can understand why his wanting to buy a house makes the issue arise for you.

3)  He has explicitly stated that he "doesn't think you should rush into" marriage.  Translation:  I'm not ready.  Him asking you why you want to get married so badly only solidifies my belief that he's not ready.

4)  Saying "ok" and kissing you is shutting you up.

5)  For whatever reason, he seems to be ready to buy a house, but not ready to propose.

Here's what I would do in your situation.  I would sit him down and say, "BF, you've mentioned several times that you want to buy this house from your dad.  And it seems like that's something you want to do now.  I know that I've mentioned to you before that I want to be married before purchasing property together.  I'm quite serious about that.  If you were to buy the house before we got married, the house would be in your name, I would not contribute to the financing of it, and I would end up paying you rent until we got married."

And frankly, just my .02, I would NOT even be comfortable with that.  If HE buys the house and puts it in HIS name BEFORE you get married, then that house is a premarital asset, and he'd likely get it in the event of a divorce.

Honestly, he needs to hold his horses on the house.  And he needs to respect your desire to not purchase property prior to marriage, not force you into things and shut you up.  Just my opinion. 

minskat30

@EisleyJoGo - Look, I think what @Dignity100 and @Southernpeach89 said is great advice.  We don't know you (and posting on the "Getting to Know You" thread would have been helpful) and we don't know your BF so we have no idea when, or if, he is going to propose.  You should be focused on/enjoying your relationship as it is now and not worring about some event that may or may not happen in the future.    

AuroraRose41

@EisleyJoGo, the ladies here are right. None of us know you, and even if we did, we couldn't tell you when you will get engaged. 

This board is great for keeping ladies from going insane waiting/pressuring their boyfriends etc. And a lot of us have had our crazy moments here, but everyone else keeps each other grounded and sane. Maybe try filling out the "Get to Know You" form in a new post, and actually tell us about YOU, and not your relationship. 

I also want to let you know that I do understand your feelings about the house, as I feel the same way. And I'm sure it isn't easy for you being put in a situation to be pressured about buying a house, despite your BF knowing your feelings on it. You mentioned that it is the one that you two are currently renting from his dad. Would it be possible to just talk to his dad about the costs with your BF, and maybe see if any of your rent money could go toward a down payment on the house in the future? 

Swazzle

EisleyJoGo said:

I'm off to post in the introduce yourself section. I'm sorry everyone that I thought I could just join in on conversations right away. I'll do it just because I really hope I can come back someday and get some real advice. I obviously need to stop making people HATE ME so much by just asking a simple question on the internet. Who knew I was so unlikable. Most people think I'm a pretty nice person.

Just another tip.....

evadorrough

I haven't read through all the responses, so sorry if I repeat something.  OP - you'll have a lot more luck figuring out a timeline for a proposal/wedding/house buying/anything else to do with your relationship if you talk to your SO instead of a bunch of internet strangers. Why don't you ask him where he sees himself in 1, 5, 10 years? It sounds like you've made some of your wishes clear to him, but you haven't gotten much feedback from him. So ASK HIM!