Garter Toss at Intimate Wedding

HauteRoxy

We are having a destination wedding at a private rental cabin. Only family & a few close lifetime friends are invited, our final count is officially 18 (including bride & groom) 

My FH really wants to do a garter toss, or at the very least make a big deal about taking my garter off. (I know I know . . ) 

Any ideas on what we can do instead? 

I don't care about throwing my bouquet - the only single lady in attendance will be my daughter who is 11 so that's a NOPE.

Maggie0829

I find garter tosses/removals as uncomfortable even for large weddings, so I can't imagine doing it for such a small wedding.

Honestly, I would tell your FI that he can make a big production about taking your garter off when you two are alone in your hotel room that evening.

HauteRoxy

I like that idea. lots

slothiegal

Ick.  I hate garter tosses in any environment and made it VERY clear to FI that it would not be happening, under ANY circumstances.  Make sure FI knows that it makes you uncomfortable and, like @Maggie0829 said, he can get the goods at the end of the night.

We're doing an anniversary dance in lieu of the typical productions and giving the couple that's been together the longest (FI's grandparents--58 years!) a nice framed picture of us at the end of it.

chibiyui

HauteRoxy said:

We are having a destination wedding at a private rental cabin. Only family & a few close lifetime friends are invited, our final count is officially 18 (including bride & groom) 

My FH really wants to do a garter toss, or at the very least make a big deal about taking my garter off. (I know I know . . ) 

Any ideas on what we can do instead? 

I don't care about throwing my bouquet - the only single lady in attendance will be my daughter who is 11 so that's a NOPE.

Yeah.Those are super awkward at big weddings. It seems extremely inappropriate to do at an intimate wedding.

Also. If tossing the bouquet isn't apprioriate cause your daughter is 11, a very public display of taking of your garter shouldn't even be fucking considered. 

STARMOON44

He wants to get all gropey on you in public in front of your daughter? Does he usually have bad judgment and terrible taste or is the wedding bringing this out? I'd tell him that you'll have plenty of time for garters and fun on your honeymoon. In your room. In private.

mysticl

HauteRoxy said:

We are having a destination wedding at a private rental cabin. Only family & a few close lifetime friends are invited, our final count is officially 18 (including bride & groom) 

My FH really wants to do a garter toss, or at the very least make a big deal about taking my garter off. (I know I know . . ) 

Any ideas on what we can do instead? 

I don't care about throwing my bouquet - the only single lady in attendance will be my daughter who is 11 so that's a NOPE.

As a guest that would make me uncomfortable.  I'm not a fan of the elaborate removals period but if it was done without the toss at all I would probably think the groom was doing it to objectify the bride in front of everyone.  

leelabear

We are not doing a garter toss. We both don't like the idea of him up my dress with grandma watching. He can take it off anyway he wants in the hotel room

With that said, I have a crazy idea for someone who wants to make a big deal or make it funny. When he goes to pull off your garter he finds other things before he gets there (Bats, big grannie underwear, used drier sheets, etc.). You probably couldn't do this with a mermaid dress.

HauteRoxy

I wouldn't call it gropey . . I think it's a guy thing, they get the image in their head of their wedding too - (long before they actually find someone to marry) and sometimes I think they feel like that moment is a fun one for them or something? 

I suppose I will ask him why it is so important. . . 

As for the "in front of our daughter" and all that . . this man is the most respectful and ... just most amazing man ever. Obviously - if I decided to marry him .. but there's no time for life stories around here. 

But I wouldn't marry a man who would objectify me EVER in any setting. 

I've told him  they are weird at large weddings too. . 

Didn't it used to be that whomever used to catch the garter put it back on the bride, or something like that? 

And @leelabear - I LOVE that idea! Too funny

southernbelle0915

Maggie0829 said:

I find garter tosses/removals as uncomfortable even for large weddings, so I can't imagine doing it for such a small wedding.

Honestly, I would tell your FI that he can make a big production about taking your garter off when you two are alone in your hotel room that evening.

All of this. Especially if your 11 year old daughter is there. Just... no. 

climbingsingle

Yeah, I find the garter toss creepy and gross. There's no way I'd do that at a large wedding, let alone a small intimate one. 

It used to be that whomever caught the garter would put it back on the woman that caught the bouquet. Unfortunately I witnessed that happen at a few weddings and it was so uncomfortable. 

mysticl

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Yeah, I find the garter toss creepy and gross. There's no way I'd do that at a large wedding, let alone a small intimate one. 

It used to be that whomever caught the garter would put it back on the woman that caught the bouquet. Unfortunately I witnessed that happen at a few weddings and it was so uncomfortable. 

They still do that sometimes. Provided they are both adults.  Or sometimes they have them dance together.  Which is kind of awkward if they never met before.  

SBmini

I've seen garter belt tosses fall flat at weddings with 300. So 18... I would skip it. It's just a big, inappropriate production for no one.

chibiyui

HauteRoxy said:

I wouldn't call it gropey . . I think it's a guy thing, they get the image in their head of their wedding too - (long before they actually find someone to marry) and sometimes I think they feel like that moment is a fun one for them or something? 

I suppose I will ask him why it is so important. . . 

As for the "in front of our daughter" and all that . . this man is the most respectful and ... just most amazing man ever. Obviously - if I decided to marry him .. but there's no time for life stories around here. 

But I wouldn't marry a man who would objectify me EVER in any setting. 

I've told him  they are weird at large weddings too. . 

Didn't it used to be that whomever used to catch the garter put it back on the bride, or something like that? 

And @leelabear - I LOVE that idea! Too funny

Here's the thing, if your H sticks his hand up your dress in public, it's getting close to public indecency. If he removes an undergarment in public, someone's going to call the cops on you. Context is a very important thing of course, but really in this case, whats the actual difference?

Fairyjen1

Our wedding size is similar to yours, we have 21. Only immediate family and one or two close family friends. We definitely aren't comfortable doing a garter toss with only immediate family around. Besides, the only single guy there will be FI's brother and he's very conservative and won't be very interested in catching a piece of his new SIL's undergarments. 

No one has given us grief for it. 

HauteRoxy

Here's the thing, if your H sticks his hand up your dress in public, it's getting close to public indecency. If he removes an undergarment in public, someone's going to call the cops on you. Context is a very important thing of course, but really in this case, whats the actual difference? For real? OK, I will humor you. My FH wouldn't ever think (well, he may very well think about it) but to do it - NO . . .."stick his hand up my dress" in ANY public setting. Secondly, the removal of MY wedding garter would not involve him sticking anything under my dress whether it be his head, hand, etc. as I have seen other people do. There does exist a thing called 'class' and the classiest route I'd go is to pull one side of my dress over my knee where the garter is and have him remove it that way. The tradition didn't come about as wanting someone's undergarments, it came about because somehow getting a piece of the bride's dress (by tearing at it or otherwise) was considered lucky . . something to that effect. That's why the garter was incorporated. I won't catch grief from anyone for doing or not doing it - it was something FH wanted to incorporate because it's just one of those wedding traditions that has long existed in both of our families. It's not some lewd act that will make people *GASP* and act all prudish. Ridiculous. It's a bare leg. Not like bridesmaids pics showing up lately with their dress 'accidentally' tucked into their underwear showing their ass off. Bride included.

southernbelle0915

@chibiyui: Here's the thing, if your H sticks his hand up your dress in public, it's getting close to public indecency. If he removes an undergarment in public, someone's going to call the cops on you. Context is a very important thing of course, but really in this case, whats the actual difference?

HauteRoxy said:

For real? OK, I will humor you. My FH wouldn't ever think (well, he may very well think about it) but to do it - NO . . .."stick his hand up my dress" in ANY public setting. Secondly, the removal of MY wedding garter would not involve him sticking anything under my dress whether it be his head, hand, etc. as I have seen other people do. There does exist a thing called 'class' and the classiest route I'd go is to pull one side of my dress over my knee where the garter is and have him remove it that way. The tradition didn't come about as wanting someone's undergarments, it came about because somehow getting a piece of the bride's dress (by tearing at it or otherwise) was considered lucky . . something to that effect. That's why the garter was incorporated. I won't catch grief from anyone for doing or not doing it - it was something FH wanted to incorporate because it's just one of those wedding traditions that has long existed in both of our families. It's not some lewd act that will make people *GASP* and act all prudish. Ridiculous. It's a bare leg. Not like bridesmaids pics showing up lately with their dress 'accidentally' tucked into their underwear showing their ass off. Bride included.

If we're talking about 'a thing called class', I think the classiest thing to do is to not make a spectacle and have everyone watch while someone takes off your lingerie. No matter how much leg you show - it's someone removing your lingerie in front of family/friends. When is that ever indicative of 'class'? Spoiler alert: Never.

I'm right there with you on the tucked in underwear photos - those are absolutely trashy. 

lizhurt

southernbelle0915 said:

@chibiyui: Here's the thing, if your H sticks his hand up your dress in public, it's getting close to public indecency. If he removes an undergarment in public, someone's going to call the cops on you. Context is a very important thing of course, but really in this case, whats the actual difference?

HauteRoxy said:

For real?
OK, I will humor you.
My FH wouldn't ever think (well, he may very well think about it) but to do it -
NO . . .."stick his hand up my dress" in ANY public setting.

Secondly, the removal of MY wedding garter would not involve him sticking anything under my dress whether it be his head, hand, etc. as I have seen other people do.

There does exist a thing called 'class' and the classiest route I'd go is to pull one side of my dress over my knee where the garter is and have him remove it that way.

The tradition didn't come about as wanting someone's undergarments, it came about because somehow getting a piece of the bride's dress (by tearing at it or otherwise) was considered lucky . . something to that effect. That's why the garter was incorporated.

I won't catch grief from anyone for doing or not doing it - it was something FH wanted to incorporate because it's just one of those wedding traditions that has long existed in both of our families.

It's not some lewd act that will make people *GASP* and act all prudish. Ridiculous. It's a bare leg.

Not like bridesmaids pics showing up lately with their dress 'accidentally' tucked into their underwear showing their ass off. Bride included.

If we're talking about 'a thing called class', I think the classiest thing to do is to not make a spectacle and have everyone watch while someone takes off your lingerie. No matter how much leg you show - it's someone removing your lingerie in front of family/friends. When is that ever indicative of 'class'? Spoiler alert: Never.

I'm right there with you on the tucked in
underwear photos - those are absolutely trashy. 

It's not lingerie it's a stretchy leg bracelet. And people do it at weddings all the time and it isn't classless (at least not nearly as classless as accusing someone's fiancé of being a sexual deviant). Lighten up. Do it if you want. Don't if you don't. But don't make the original poster, or anyone who would consider a garter toss, feel bad or ashamed for contemplating a fun silly tradition.

chibiyui

lizhurt said:

southernbelle0915 said:

@chibiyui: Here's the thing, if your H sticks his hand up your dress in public, it's getting close to public indecency. If he removes an undergarment in public, someone's going to call the cops on you. Context is a very important thing of course, but really in this case, whats the actual difference?

HauteRoxy said:

For real?
OK, I will humor you.
My FH wouldn't ever think (well, he may very well think about it) but to do it -
NO . . .."stick his hand up my dress" in ANY public setting.

Secondly, the removal of MY wedding garter would not involve him sticking anything under my dress whether it be his head, hand, etc. as I have seen other people do.

There does exist a thing called 'class' and the classiest route I'd go is to pull one side of my dress over my knee where the garter is and have him remove it that way.

The tradition didn't come about as wanting someone's undergarments, it came about because somehow getting a piece of the bride's dress (by tearing at it or otherwise) was considered lucky . . something to that effect. That's why the garter was incorporated.

I won't catch grief from anyone for doing or not doing it - it was something FH wanted to incorporate because it's just one of those wedding traditions that has long existed in both of our families.

It's not some lewd act that will make people *GASP* and act all prudish. Ridiculous. It's a bare leg.

Not like bridesmaids pics showing up lately with their dress 'accidentally' tucked into their underwear showing their ass off. Bride included.

If we're talking about 'a thing called class', I think the classiest thing to do is to not make a spectacle and have everyone watch while someone takes off your lingerie. No matter how much leg you show - it's someone removing your lingerie in front of family/friends. When is that ever indicative of 'class'? Spoiler alert: Never.

I'm right there with you on the tucked in
underwear photos - those are absolutely trashy. 

It's not lingerie it's a stretchy leg bracelet. And people do it at weddings all the time and it isn't classless (at least not nearly as classless as accusing someone's fiancé of being a sexual deviant). Lighten up. Do it if you want. Don't if you don't. But don't make the original poster, or anyone who would consider a garter toss, feel bad or ashamed for contemplating a fun silly tradition.



A garter is lingerie.

Secondly. Anyone who wants to do a garter toss is welcome to. I've seen non terrible garter tosses. I've seen terrible ones. It is my recommendation not to do one, as they tend to objectify the bride.

Finally. The standard is the groom reaches under the dress to remove the garter. If you want to pull your dress up to keep him from going under your dress, that's cool too, but it doesn't really change that he's removing lingerie from you in public.

southernbelle0915

lizhurt said:

@chibiyui: Here's the thing, if your H sticks his hand up your dress in public, it's getting close to public indecency. If he removes an undergarment in public, someone's going to call the cops on you. Context is a very important thing of course, but really in this case, whats the actual difference?

HauteRoxy said:

For real? OK, I will humor you. My FH wouldn't ever think (well, he may very well think about it) but to do it - NO . . .."stick his hand up my dress" in ANY public setting. Secondly, the removal of MY wedding garter would not involve him sticking anything under my dress whether it be his head, hand, etc. as I have seen other people do. There does exist a thing called 'class' and the classiest route I'd go is to pull one side of my dress over my knee where the garter is and have him remove it that way. The tradition didn't come about as wanting someone's undergarments, it came about because somehow getting a piece of the bride's dress (by tearing at it or otherwise) was considered lucky . . something to that effect. That's why the garter was incorporated. I won't catch grief from anyone for doing or not doing it - it was something FH wanted to incorporate because it's just one of those wedding traditions that has long existed in both of our families. It's not some lewd act that will make people *GASP* and act all prudish. Ridiculous. It's a bare leg. Not like bridesmaids pics showing up lately with their dress 'accidentally' tucked into their underwear showing their ass off. Bride included.

If we're talking about 'a thing called class', I think the classiest thing to do is to not make a spectacle and have everyone watch while someone takes off your lingerie. No matter how much leg you show - it's someone removing your lingerie in front of family/friends. When is that ever indicative of 'class'? Spoiler alert: Never.

I'm right there with you on the tucked in underwear photos - those are absolutely trashy. 

It's not lingerie it's a stretchy leg bracelet. And people do it at weddings all the time and it isn't classless (at least not nearly as classless as accusing someone's fiancé of being a sexual deviant). Lighten up. Do it if you want. Don't if you don't. But don't make the original poster, or anyone who would consider a garter toss, feel bad or ashamed for contemplating a fun silly tradition.

hahahah This is the best justification I've seen. Literally ever. And my corset is just a lace up torso bracelet.... lol thanks for the laugh.

PrettyGirlLost

lizhurt said:

@chibiyui: Here's the thing, if your H sticks his hand up your dress in public, it's getting close to public indecency. If he removes an undergarment in public, someone's going to call the cops on you. Context is a very important thing of course, but really in this case, whats the actual difference?

HauteRoxy said:

For real? OK, I will humor you. My FH wouldn't ever think (well, he may very well think about it) but to do it - NO . . .."stick his hand up my dress" in ANY public setting. Secondly, the removal of MY wedding garter would not involve him sticking anything under my dress whether it be his head, hand, etc. as I have seen other people do. There does exist a thing called 'class' and the classiest route I'd go is to pull one side of my dress over my knee where the garter is and have him remove it that way. The tradition didn't come about as wanting someone's undergarments, it came about because somehow getting a piece of the bride's dress (by tearing at it or otherwise) was considered lucky . . something to that effect. That's why the garter was incorporated. I won't catch grief from anyone for doing or not doing it - it was something FH wanted to incorporate because it's just one of those wedding traditions that has long existed in both of our families. It's not some lewd act that will make people *GASP* and act all prudish. Ridiculous. It's a bare leg. Not like bridesmaids pics showing up lately with their dress 'accidentally' tucked into their underwear showing their ass off. Bride included.

If we're talking about 'a thing called class', I think the classiest thing to do is to not make a spectacle and have everyone watch while someone takes off your lingerie. No matter how much leg you show - it's someone removing your lingerie in front of family/friends. When is that ever indicative of 'class'? Spoiler alert: Never.

I'm right there with you on the tucked in underwear photos - those are absolutely trashy. 

It's not lingerie it's a stretchy leg bracelet. And people do it at weddings all the time and it isn't classless (at least not nearly as classless as accusing someone's fiancé of being a sexual deviant). Lighten up. Do it if you want. Don't if you don't. But don't make the original poster, or anyone who would consider a garter toss, feel bad or ashamed for contemplating a fun silly tradition.

A garter is totally lingerie.  The traditional kind sits right above your panties and has clips used to keep your stockings up.

The tradition of the garter toss at a wedding is to loosely symbolize the old, old tradition of throwing the bloody bedsheets out of the room to prove the consummation of the marriage.

Whether or not a groom literally dives under his bride's dress, head first, or she simply hikes her dress up a bit and he pulls the garter off of her leg, the groom is still publicly removing a piece of her lingerie and then throwing it to a crowd of men.  Icky, gross.

HauteRoxy

It's not lingerie it's a stretchy leg bracelet. And people do it at weddings all the time and it isn't classless (at least not nearly as classless as accusing someone's fiancé of being a sexual deviant). Lighten up. Do it if you want. Don't if you don't. But don't make the original poster, or anyone who would consider a garter toss, feel bad or ashamed for contemplating a fun silly tradition.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 

I can't believe some of the shit I read on these boards. 

hales2010

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Yeah, I find the garter toss creepy and gross. There's no way I'd do that at a large wedding, let alone a small intimate one. 

It used to be that whomever caught the garter would put it back on the woman that caught the bouquet. Unfortunately I witnessed that happen at a few weddings and it was so uncomfortable. 

All I could think about when I read this was some jealous boyfriend/girlfriend getting mad lol.

I had this problem when thinking about my wedding because I am a shy person (yes I will be a blushing bride more than likely) I think we are going to either go off and take it off somewhere else and then come back and throw it or I might do the one where I put my foot on a chair and he takes it off that way. I dont about him going up my dress in front of people. Who knows though we might end up doing that after a drink or 2 though. I think we are just going to have them take a picture together just so we dont have deal with the awkward dance or leg thing or any of that.

If he wants to make a big deal you can have him put one around a football a he can throw that. I did have a friend do that at her wedding!

 

brideofginger

I have no intention of doing a garter toss... I probably won't even be wearing one. My in-laws will think it's weird we're not doing a bouquet/garter toss, but they can suck it.

offensivekitten2

Garter tosses are ok as long as they aren't done in a trashy manner (aka 'Big production'). I was able to show nothing above my mid-shin at my wedding, and no damn person was allowed to harass the bouquet catcher with it, nor were they allowed to put it on me again. It's really only as indecent as you make it. Your average person won't clutch their pearls over it unless you aim for that.

soontobemrshamilton

haha wow people are uptight on this board. Like pp said, it can be done in a tasteful manner, no need to get rated-R. 

brideofginger

soontobemrshamilton said:

haha wow people are uptight on this board. Like pp said, it can be done in a tasteful manner, no need to get rated-R. 

I don't think not liking garter tosses makes me uptight, I just think the concept is utterly obnoxious and juvenile.

speakeasy14

Personally, I do not like the garter toss or bouquet toss.  The tradition that I am aware of is that the single woman who catches the bouquet is next to be married; the single male who catches the garter has to put the garter on the bouquet catcher.  The goal is to get it as high up her leg as possible.. the closer he gets the more years of happiness he wishes the bride and groom. Since that is the tradition I do not believe you can do one without the other.

Maggie0829 said to use.  Also, since it is such a small wedding how many single people will there be?  If it is only going to be one or two people, that could be uncomfortable for your guests.

LondonLisa

HauteRoxy said:

Here's the thing, if your H sticks his hand up your dress in public, it's getting close to public indecency. If he removes an undergarment in public, someone's going to call the cops on you. Context is a very important thing of course, but really in this case, whats the actual difference? For real? OK, I will humor you. My FH wouldn't ever think (well, he may very well think about it) but to do it - NO . . .."stick his hand up my dress" in ANY public setting. Secondly, the removal of MY wedding garter would not involve him sticking anything under my dress whether it be his head, hand, etc. as I have seen other people do. There does exist a thing called 'class' and the classiest route I'd go is to pull one side of my dress over my knee where the garter is and have him remove it that way. The tradition didn't come about as wanting someone's undergarments, it came about because somehow getting a piece of the bride's dress (by tearing at it or otherwise) was considered lucky . . something to that effect. That's why the garter was incorporated. I won't catch grief from anyone for doing or not doing it - it was something FH wanted to incorporate because it's just one of those wedding traditions that has long existed in both of our families. It's not some lewd act that will make people *GASP* and act all prudish. Ridiculous. It's a bare leg. Not like bridesmaids pics showing up lately with their dress 'accidentally' tucked into their underwear showing their ass off. Bride included.

Firstly, I'm a big believer in the old adage "anyone who uses the word classy (and derivatives), isn't". Secondly, it's just a strange ritual. No one is going to shut down your wedding if you do it, but it does make things terribly awkward. I cringe when I see it. It is your choice, but why would you want to do something that makes everyone uncomfortable?

climbingsingle

I'm the farthest thing from uptight. The garter removal and toss is cheesy and not one bit entertaining. 

AddieCake

I'm not at all uptight, either. I just think garter and bouquet tosses are stupid. I think a lot of things are stupid.