Bridesmaid Vent.... Be ready

loveislouder

"I don't effing care what you want, this is my day and I want things MY way." - a quote from one of my bridesmaids.

 Backstory: My bridesmaids are all different shapes and sizes, from 250 lbs and 5'3 to a 6'3 beanpole. Finding a dress for everyone is going to be complicated, we all know it. So we decided to start looking at dresses see what styles suit which people, price them out, that kind of thing. No one said anything about buying.

 "I can't afford it a dress right now. It'll have to wait til march after my trip to Thailand." Okay, trip to Thailand. Super cool, but we rally can't wait til march to buy a dress if the weddings in April. How about I front you the money? "No. We're waiting til march." Well... Everyone else wants to start shopping now so if they all want to buy a dress within the next few months, we'll find a way to make it work for you, whether it's me putting up the money or something else. "Omg love islander, you're being so selfish right now. I'm out for dinner at (insert incredibly expensive restaurant here) so I don't have time for your bullshit. This isn't all about you." I'm sorry, didn't mean to interrupt dinner. Let me know how I can help make things work. "You know what loveislouder. We're waiting til march, I just told you that. The other girls will have to deal with it. I don't effing care what you want this is my day and I want things my way!" Insert loveislouder tears. 

ETA: I promise I'm trying, TK refuses to give my paragraphs back.

larrygaga

UMMM, how about no.

Go pick out the dresses with your other maids, and if that girl doesn't want to get it then she pulled herself out of your wedding. Tell her what dress you got and let her deal with it.

Also, I hope you went over budgets with each maid in private.

Bridemaidzillas are just as bad as bridezillas. UGH

loveislouder

I went over everyone's budget in private. Everyone said 400 bucks total, and the dress we all like is 70.

lc07

Wow. She sounds super bitchy. Agree with Larry on just picking something without her. I'm sorry your friend is being so horrible to you.

Also, I've found TK likes me more if I type 3 or 4 spaces between for paragraphs.

And also also I like that autocorrect called you Love Islander :x

lyndausvi

Your wedding is in April, it's July.   You have a wide range of body types.   You have some people who want to wait until March to pay for the dress. People can change sizes during this time.   

I would pick out a designer, color, fabric and  length and let them get what they want based those parameters. 

That all said your BM was still a bitch to you.  Seriously I would be annoyed and rolling my eyes at having to go dress shopping now for an April wedding.  But I would keep it to myself.    March is cutting it a little too close.

Do you want to keep this girl as a friend? If yes, let it roll off your back. If you want to end the relationship kick her out for being a bitch.

banana468

I'd just start to be rigid with her. She thinks she's running the show so you don't need to male a fuss but you can be exacting in your statements:

You:"This is the dress and it needs to be ordered by X date. "

Her: "Well, I'm not ordering it until March. "

You: "That won't work for the manufacturer. It needs to be ordered by X date. If that's an issue I'm happy to help you with the cost. If you'd rather not order the dress I'd still love to have you as a guest. So 50 Shades on Valentine's Day?"

Her: "OMFG! Stop being such a bitch! "

You: Seriously. Do you want to get tickets? ?

lyndausvi

smichek said:

I would tell her to buy it by Date X or don't buy it at all and consequently don't be in the WP. If she can afford a trip to Thailand and going to fancy restaurants, spending $70 on a dress won't break the bank. And I would tell her straight up "This is not your day. This is mine and FI's day, and we would like for you to be a part of it, but you're making that difficult."

That is NOT for you to decide.  You have not idea how any of this is funded, nor to you know her financial situation. I got to fancy restaurants all the time.   Often it's picked up by other people.  Which I'm grateful for, but it should not be used against me that I'm at a fancy restaurant so I should be able to afford "x" right now.

She was a bitch, but it's her money to spend how she wants and when she wants.

SBmini

I know you aren't supposed to fire bridesmaids but...

ashleyep

lyndausvi said:

Your wedding is in April, it's July.   You have a wide range of body types.   You have some people who want to wait until March to pay for the dress. People can change sizes during this time.   

I would pick out a designer, color, fabric and  length and let them get what they want based those parameters. 

That all said your BM was still a bitch to you.  Seriously I would be annoyed and rolling my eyes at having to go dress shopping now for an April wedding.  But I would keep it to myself.    March is cutting it a little too close.

Do you want to keep this girl as a friend? If yes, let it roll off your back. If you want to end the relationship kick her out for being a bitch.

Eh, I think we went bridesmaid dress browsing 9 months out. We didn't buy right then, but I had a designer in mind and wanted to make sure it worked for everyone. We didn't order until about 2 months later. It was nice to have it out of the way and not have to worry about it. Plus if anything we went wrong, we'd have plenty of time to get it straightened out. My friends wedding we did it about 3 or 4 months out and I think she was sick of us asking when or what she wanted us to get.

CMGragain

My daughter's bridesmaids were different body types and heights.  She just took them to Alfred Angelo and said, "Find something you like in hydrangea blue - sort of."  Three different dresses in three different shades was the result.  Looked beautiful!

lyndausvi

ashleyep said:

lyndausvi said:

Your wedding is in April, it's July.   You have a wide range of body types.   You have some people who want to wait until March to pay for the dress. People can change sizes during this time.   

I would pick out a designer, color, fabric and  length and let them get what they want based those parameters. 

That all said your BM was still a bitch to you.  Seriously I would be annoyed and rolling my eyes at having to go dress shopping now for an April wedding.  But I would keep it to myself.    March is cutting it a little too close.

Do you want to keep this girl as a friend? If yes, let it roll off your back. If you want to end the relationship kick her out for being a bitch.

Eh, I think we went bridesmaid dress browsing 9 months out. We didn't buy right then, but I had a designer in mind and wanted to make sure it worked for everyone. We didn't order until about 2 months later. It was nice to have it out of the way and not have to worry about it. Plus if anything we went wrong, we'd have plenty of time to get it straightened out. My friends wedding we did it about 3 or 4 months out and I think she was sick of us asking when or what she wanted us to get.

meh. I said I would be annoyed, didn't say I wouldn't comply.    Nor would I be a royal bitch about it like this BM.

For my wedding, I picked out a dress I like at 9 months because that is when I was in states.   However, the BMs didn't get around until 6 months out to "okay" and order them.  Only my sister was round to look at them. Everyone else was OOT so no way we could have had a joint dress shopping trip.   One BM ended up pregnant.  Not sure when she ordered her dress.  I never saw it until the wedding day.  It was from the same designer is all I know.  

  A couple of other weddings were also in the 6 months range.  At least 3 of those were the bride giving me the style and color number and me ordering it on my own.  

loveislouder

I agree, she should spend her money however she wants. But I didn't appreciate how she was talking to me, nor her "f*uck you have a nice life" when I told her things weren't going to go her way.

AddieCake

I don't understand how it's her day if she isn't the bride.

lyndausvi

loveislouder said:

I agree, she should spend her money however she wants. But I didn't appreciate how she was talking to me, nor her "f*uck you have a nice life" when I told her things weren't going to go her way.

no one is denying she is a bitch.

theexactlee

loveislouder said:

I agree, she should spend her money however she wants. But I didn't appreciate how she was talking to me, nor her "f*uck you have a nice life" when I told her things weren't going to go her way.

Ya'll are just so much nicer than me. It's all I'm saying.

chibiyui

The bitch needs this

And I'm sorry your dealing with this loveislouder. 

jenna8984

AddieCake said:

I don't understand how it's her day if she isn't the bride.

I'm still wondering that as well....unless you are getting married on her birthday, how is it her day?

mrsmorales2be

And why is this absolute peach in your wedding party?  She sounds perfectly delightful, bless her heart.......

theexactlee

Exactly! I don't get this mentality of "Your bridesmaids don't owe you anything besides showing up on your wedding day."

Now don't get me wrong, they aren't your bitch, but they should be honored you asked and respectful of your requests reasonable requests. Because it is 100% the brides day. Not the bridesmaids day, not the guests day, it is the bride and grooms day and their happiness should come first. 

And if you talked about the budget for the bridesmaid dress and agreed to a budget and you want to order the dresses now then the case is closed. It would absolutely make me nervous to allow a bridesmaid, especially a troublesome bridesmaid, to wait a few months to purchase hers. What if they discontinue the dress? Or she procrastinates and they can't get the dress in time? If you've offered to front the money because she truly has cost issues and she has turned you down, then it is her responsibility to pay up.

larrygaga

The term "MY DAY" Needs to be illegal forever. The punishment shall be....

100 hours of charity to the homeless/needy children everytime anyone ever says that phrase.

l9i

theexactlee said:

Exactly! I don't get this mentality of "Your bridesmaids don't owe you anything besides showing up on your wedding day."

Now don't get me wrong, they aren't your bitch, but they should be honored you asked and respectful of your requests reasonable requests. Because it is 100% the brides day. Not the bridesmaids day, not the guests day, it is the bride and grooms day and their happiness should come first. 

And if you talked about the budget for the bridesmaid dress and agreed to a budget and you want to order the dresses now then the case is closed. It would absolutely make me nervous to allow a bridesmaid, especially a troublesome bridesmaid, to wait a few months to purchase hers. What if they discontinue the dress? Or she procrastinates and they can't get the dress in time? If you've offered to front the money because she truly has cost issues and she has turned you down, then it is her responsibility to pay up.

This.  You offered to pay and then she could wait until March and pay you back if needed, that should be no big deal.  However, she refused this offer.  Yes, it could be a pride thing, but I'm wondering (along with the attitude) if perhaps she's being difficult because she maybe doesn't want to be a bridesmaid but felt obligated to say yes?  Is she always "me, me, me"?

climbingsingle

theexactlee said:

Exactly! I don't get this mentality of "Your bridesmaids don't owe you anything besides showing up on your wedding day."

Now don't get me wrong, they aren't your bitch, but they should be honored you asked and respectful of your requests reasonable requests. Because it is 100% the brides day. Not the bridesmaids day, not the guests day, it is the bride and grooms day and their happiness should come first. 

And if you talked about the budget for the bridesmaid dress and agreed to a budget and you want to order the dresses now then the case is closed. It would absolutely make me nervous to allow a bridesmaid, especially a troublesome bridesmaid, to wait a few months to purchase hers. What if they discontinue the dress? Or she procrastinates and they can't get the dress in time? If you've offered to front the money because she truly has cost issues and she has turned you down, then it is her responsibility to pay up.

Please stop with this. It's not the bride's day and I'm so tired of hearing/reading this. 

OP, your friend is being a huge bitch to you. What the hell??

emmaaa

Wow, OP. That is awful. Like other PP's mentioned, tell her that X dress needs to be ordered by X day and if that's a problem then you would still love to have her a a guest, and let her know if your offer of fronting the money still stands. 

flyingfoxes

IA that if she wants to wait until March - that's her decision and if she misses the boat on getting a dress, then that's on her as well.  Let your other girls get their dresses and move forward.

loveislouder

I understand where the "It's the bride's day" mentality comes from, but some people take advantage of it. 

OliveOilsMom

How do you know this girl & why is she your friend?

loveislouder

We went to school together and because this is literally the first time she's ever done anything like this to me before, and I haven't heard of her doing it to anyone else.

emmaaa

loveislouder said:

We went to school together and because this is literally the first time she's ever done anything like this to me before, and I haven't heard of her doing it to anyone else.

Could something be going on to cause her act out this way? If this is a new behavior I would be worried.

loveislouder

If I'm going to be completely honest, I think there's a jealousy issue here.  Her wedding was a couple years back, and it was really rushed to accomodate an ill family member, so she didn't get to plan much nor have the "big" wedding we're having.

theexactlee

I posted about this a while back. Big events like getting engaged, having a wedding, getting pregnant and having a baby make a lot of friends head for the hills. They can't take the happiness because they want to those things. It's so sad honestly. Not in a snarky way in real I want to give the a hug and work through it way.

theexactlee

Also while I agree "It's My Day" can be overused if you are being a Bridezilla psychopath I don't think it is overused if a bridesmaid is trying to strong arm you into submission and telling you it is HER day. And I don't think it is overused if anyone is trying to strong arm you into choosing a dress you are unhappy with or a venue you are unhappy with. I don't mean it to sound like a spoiled princess. I mean it to sound like you absolutely should be pleased with the overall picture of the day. You should treat your guests with the utmost respect and be considerate of all their needs and show them a wonderful time. You should treat all your attendants the same. Honor them for coming to spend this special day with you.