Photos on social media/privacy

tinkalf

I'm totally for our guests taking photos at our wedding, so I definitely don't want to go unplugged. However we are not all that keen on photos of some of our family being put on social media. We have some guests who's privacy we'd like to respect. I'm not sure how to go about tackling this without drawing further attention to these guests or seeming like a control freak. We really want all of our 250+ guests to have fun. Is the best policy to just let it be and hope for the best? How have/would you ladies handle this?

Appreciate any responses!

jnissa

My FI is really private and hates tagged social media photos, but we decided early on that this was one of those things we had to admit we had no control over. It's just a standard part of the culture these days. Not only would commenting on it to people seem rude and control-y, it's probably not going to have any impact. People just do this second nature these days. Just make sure everybody who you are concerned about have up-to-date privacy settings and that's probably the best you can do. Even if you go unplugged, you'll end up with reception pictures posted online.

hanjoy

There is a privacy setting on Facebook that send you a request before anyone can tag you in the photo. You have to give your permission before it shows up on your timeline. I know this does not prevent photos from being posted on Facebook but it does provide a way for family members to control what gets posted on their profile!

holyguacamole79

tinkalf said:

I'm totally for our guests taking photos at our wedding, so I definitely don't want to go unplugged. However we are not all that keen on photos of some of our family being put on social media. We have some guests who's privacy we'd like to respect. I'm not sure how to go about tackling this without drawing further attention to these guests or seeming like a control freak. We really want all of our 250+ guests to have fun. Is the best policy to just let it be and hope for the best? How have/would you ladies handle this?

Appreciate any responses!

There's really nothing you can do.

AddieCake

Yeah, you can prevent tagging, but you can't really prevent people from posting them to their own pages.

STARMOON44

Don't invite 250+ people? You could conceivably ask 20 guests to please not post any photos of PrivateJoe, but 250? If they're really that desperate for privacy how do they do anything? It's probably easiest for the private people to just not pose for any photos and assume guests aren't 100% dedicated to posting candids of your family. Unless Beyoncé is your sister, in which case you let her security handle things.

lc07

I think your guests have to understand that when they go to public events it's possible they will be photographed. I do understand your concern, truly, as I know some people in the witness protection program. Those people can choose not to attend. Sadly, even if you request it (which might come across as controlling or rude), there is no safeguard against pictures of people not being taken and posted. 

lilacck28

lc07 said:

I think your guests have to understand that when they go to public events it's possible they will be photographed. I do understand your concern, truly, as I know some people in the witness protection program. Those people can choose not to attend. Sadly, even if you request it (which might come across as controlling or rude), there is no safeguard against pictures of people not being taken and posted. 

I know nothing about the witness protection program, except what I've seen on tv and read in books. But from those, I got the impression that they were allowed to tell anyone that they were in it? 

kmmssg

lilacck28 said:

lc07 said:

I think your guests have to understand that when they go to public events it's possible they will be photographed. I do understand your concern, truly, as I know some people in the witness protection program. Those people can choose not to attend. Sadly, even if you request it (which might come across as controlling or rude), there is no safeguard against pictures of people not being taken and posted. 

I know nothing about the witness protection program, except what I've seen on tv and read in books. But from those, I got the impression that they were allowed to tell anyone that they were in it? 

SITB

That was also my first thought but I know only what I see on TV and we know if it's on TV it has to be correct, right?  

OP - first I would like to give  you a shout out for considering your guests feelings.  My husband is an incredibly private person, probably one of the most private I have ever met. That being said, he would never expect to be off limits (and he isn't famous whatsoever, or well known, or in the Witness Protection Program to my knowledge) when he is at a social function.  If private people go to a wedding or other celebratory function these days they know photographers and cell phones will abound.

I also think this is a case of there is nothing you can do, but I always enjoy seeing such thoughtful brides post here.  Good Luck!!!

tinkalf

Thanks for the replies, we sort of agreed there is nothing we can do. My MoH offered to sort of word of mouth imply near the day of that it would be distasteful to post photos online of people who don't give their consent. I'm not sure about that.

Yes people know that when they come to a wedding they will likely wind up in a photo, but there are still concerns about context and whatnot. We'll just hope for the best!

And my parents have insisted on paying for the entire wedding because they want a large event. I'm very grateful to them and am ok with that. My father is doing most of the planning, he is just so excited. I personally would have done a much smaller ceremony but I don't mind and understand why they want this.

Really appreciate all the thoughtful comments!

Ashes_3

Your Moh shouldn't say anything to anyone. Anyone can post photos taken in public of anyone or anything they see. If some of your guests don't want photo's of them possibly being posted online, they should not attend.

twitterbird

Don't say anything as that would draw more attention. If these people are truly concerned about their photos being taken and going on social media (for life or death reasons for example) then they just won't come to such a large event.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

It's just going to happen.  I wouldn't draw attention to it and I'd just let it go.

FWIW, I don't like the idea of people posting on social media (I have very snarky family members that arent invited and will see) but I stopped caring because I have zero control over it.  

lc07

lilacck28 said:

lc07 said:

I think your guests have to understand that when they go to public events it's possible they will be photographed. I do understand your concern, truly, as I know some people in the witness protection program. Those people can choose not to attend. Sadly, even if you request it (which might come across as controlling or rude), there is no safeguard against pictures of people not being taken and posted. 

I know nothing about the witness protection program, except what I've seen on tv and read in books. But from those, I got the impression that they were allowed to tell anyone that they were in it? 

I'm not sure. They were in a program not based in the US. Maybe it's called something different there, but it is basically the same concept based on the reason they told me they were in it. My interaction with them was work related, I don't have contact with them any more so I can't ask. 

lc07

scribe95 said:

Honestly, they aren't in any witness protection program if they are telling you that. 

Shrug. Perhaps they were lying to me.

Either way, I don't see how OP can control her guests in this manner.

theartistformerlyknownas

FBIL is known to instruct everyone at family gatherings (70+ people) not to post pictures of his children online. It won't surprise me if he does the same with my 200+ guests, but then it's on him.

CTYankeeBride

There really isn't anything that can be done (short of going unplugged which I don't agree with and isn't a guarantee unless you confiscate people's cameras/phones which I really don't agree with).  Most people assume that photos will be taken at a wedding.  If your guest has a reason why photos shouldn't surface it is up to your guest to protect his or her own privacy.  It's kind of you to want to accommodate this but there is a limit to what you can control. 

Jen4948

Last night my mother posted a photo of me on her Facebook page that I don't like.  She knows I don't like it and did it anyway.

I'm annoyed, but as much as I want her to take that photo down, I know she won't.

The same thing is going to happen at a wedding.  People are going to post photos of you whether you like it or not.  The most you can do is control your own social media settings to determine what does and doesn't get posted on your own page.  But you can't control what others post on their own page.

PrettyGirlLost

tinkalf said:

I'm totally for our guests taking photos at our wedding, so I definitely don't want to go unplugged. However we are not all that keen on photos of some of our family being put on social media. We have some guests who's privacy we'd like to respect. I'm not sure how to go about tackling this without drawing further attention to these guests or seeming like a control freak. We really want all of our 250+ guests to have fun. Is the best policy to just let it be and hope for the best? How have/would you ladies handle this?

Appreciate any responses!

Your family members who don't wish to be tagged in photos or have their photos put online to begin with should start by setting the FB privacy settings such that they are able to review anything before it is posted on their timeline or they are tagged.  They should also make sure their account is set such that it isn't public, and restrict who sees posts from their friends and family.

2nd, those family members should then be letting ppl know via word of mouth that they do not wish for their photos to be posted online.

That's all that can be done.  There's nothing that you as the Bride and Groom can do.

melbenso

Not that this would be appropriate for a wedding setting, but I have attended some events that offered buttons that guests could pin on their clothing with the Facebook logo and a big circle with a line though it (think no smoking sign).  It was generally understood that guests wearing this pin did not want their picture posted on social media and other guests would not post pictures of them.

Again, I don't think this would work in a wedding setting.  The comment is more for future reference at other events.

thisismynickname2

Maybe I'm being insensitive, but I don't understand what the big deal is with privacy.  You're at a wedding. Cameras have been around for a million years, and wedding pictures have existed for a million years.  Nowadays we share on social media, but as recently as the 90's we were sharing physical albums with guests at dinner parties and buying doubles and triple copies to hand out to friends. 

If Uncle Lou is shotgunning a beer in the background of a photo of the happy couple, if he was so concerned about privacy he shouldn't be shotgunning a beer at a big party anyway. 

Short of your guests legitimately being hunted by the Mob, I don't get what the big deal is.  

manateehugger

I don't understand why you would have a social media account if you don't want people to share one of the biggest events of your life with you on social media. 

If something pops up that you think shouldn't be online, I think it's fine to shoot that person a PM and say, "Hey, Cousin Sally is kind of sensitive about being on social media, do you mind taking that one photo down?" But realize you cannot and should not try to control other people.  I also think it's fine for Cousin Sally to decline being in photos at the wedding or for her to tell guests that she does not want to appear on social media. 

If there's true need for security on the internet, those individuals have most likely received training or guidance on how to handle this situation. Running around saying, "Cousin Sally can't have her pictures posted on the internet!!!" would create less privacy for her than if you simply don't say anything and let her handle it. 

MandyMost

Overall I'm of the belief that if someone does not want their picture to be on social media, then they should decline to be in the photograph. If you allow your photograph to be taken, you should expect it to end up online. This, of course, only applies to photos where the person is a posed, consenting subject. It doesn't apply to journalistic-style shots taken without your knowledge, or being in the background of someone else's posed shots. If you pose for a picture, you can't demand it not be shown! Obviously you can make your settings such that you're not tagged or anything, but you have no right to be offended someone else put the picture up. 

Personally, one of the "VIPs" at my wedding is someone who often takes lots of random shots of the room without anyone knowing she's doing it. She ends up with some horribly unflattering pictures, such as someone bending over in the background, or putting a big bite of food in their mouth, or who's stomach is exposed reaching for something, etc. Really, really unflattering. And then sometimes she just dumps all her photos onto social media with no editing. I believe anyone who puts photos like this online is just a total prick. It's just so rude and inconsiderate. If I see her take her phone out during any of the pre-wedding festivities, I have every intention of calmly asking her something like "Don't put up a million online. Just pick a few good ones, OK?". I would rather do that than have to deal with a different friend or family member finding horribly unflattering pics of themselves online from her later. 

tinkalf

Well I'll just be frank, the main person we are concerned about is a politician. And it's very easy for innocent things to be turned around on someone like that and again, we just want all of our guests to have a nice time.

Thanks again for all the replies, I really liked reading everyone's varying opinions! We have decided the best course of action is just to not worry and hope for the best and do what we can do ensure that everyone has fun!

PrettyGirlLost

tinkalf said:

Well I'll just be frank, the main person we are concerned about is a politician. And it's very easy for innocent things to be turned around on someone like that and again, we just want all of our guests to have a nice time. Thanks again for all the replies, I really liked reading everyone's varying opinions! We have decided the best course of action is just to not worry and hope for the best and do what we can do ensure that everyone has fun!

Then he or she can be responsible for his/her own public image. . . as I image they are used to doing.  He/She should probably speak with anyone who takes their picture and request that it not be put online and should probably make sure he/she isn't doing keg stands ;-)

STARMOON44

Oh brother that's just nonsense. It isn't easy for snapshots of a politician doing normal stuff at a wedding to become an issue.

misshart00

PrettyGirlLost said:

tinkalf said:

Well I'll just be frank, the main person we are concerned about is a politician. And it's very easy for innocent things to be turned around on someone like that and again, we just want all of our guests to have a nice time. Thanks again for all the replies, I really liked reading everyone's varying opinions! We have decided the best course of action is just to not worry and hope for the best and do what we can do ensure that everyone has fun!

Then he or she can be responsible for his/her own public image. . . as I image they are used to doing.  He/She should probably speak with anyone who takes their picture and request that it not be put online and should probably make sure he/she isn't doing keg stands ;-)

This. I have politicians in my family. It's never been a problem.

beethery

It is on a politician to maintain his own behavior. If he poses motorboating his wife for a picture, that's his own thing to deal with.

tinkalf

Seriously? We are definitely not worried about that happening. But highly public figures are under a lot of scrutiny - negative things will be written about them regardless of the merit of that criticism yes, but seeing as how these are my new extended family I was hoping to not have our event be another source of criticism that gets tossed at him. Which is actually a selfish mindset when I thought back on it. 

But as I've already said a few times, our concerns lasted for all of the amount of time it took to write them out for perspective's sake and we realize everything will be fine. I over worried for a moment, but now I'm not concerned really. Good times ahead.

Rosebubbly

Are you planning on having Bob McDonnell at your wedding? Lol! I know he's been under a lot of pressure this week. Sorry a little Virginia humor!

beethery

tinkalf said:

Seriously? We are definitely not worried about that happening. But highly public figures are under a lot of scrutiny - negative things will be written about them regardless of the merit of that criticism yes, but seeing as how these are my new extended family I was hoping to not have our event be another source of criticism that gets tossed at him. Which is actually a selfish mindset when I thought back on it. 

But as I've already said a few times, our concerns lasted for all of the amount of time it took to write them out for perspective's sake and we realize everything will be fine. I over worried for a moment, but now I'm not concerned really. Good times ahead.

Get you some wine. The motorboating thing was a joke.