Allergies and Invitations

JCbride2015

Normally I'd say word of mouth, because other posters who have come on here talking about perfume allergies only mentioned severe headaches.  But an anaphylaxis situation is severe and probably warrants an invitation insert, and perhaps some phone calls or verbal reminders as you and your families come into contact with guests the week before the wedding.  If you have a wedding website, I'd also put a note on there.  As a guest, I'd check the website for last-minute reminders and a note on the website is likely to stick with me the night before.

And I definitely want to emphasize, be ready.  Everyone has their routine and somebody may use a scented product without even thinking about it.  Do whatever you need to do to have a backup plan and keep yourself healthy in case somebody comes to the wedding with perfume.

wrigleyville

Yeah, I'd totally want a note with the invitation. I wouldn't side-eye that one little bit. As someone else said, it's a life-threatening allergy, not a random nitpicky preference.

I don't wear perfume, but I'd feel absolutely terrible if my hair smoother stuff (which has a bit of a scent to it) caused you to go to the ER because I hadn't received the word-of-mouth. If I received a note like that, I'd make sure to use as much non-scented stuff as possible that day.

LadyMillil

wrigleyville said:

Yeah, I'd totally want a note with the invitation. I wouldn't side-eye that one little bit. As someone else said, it's a life-threatening allergy, not a random nitpicky preference.

I don't wear perfume, but I'd feel absolutely terrible if my hair smoother stuff (which has a bit of a scent to it) caused you to go to the ER because I hadn't received the word-of-mouth. If I received a note like that, I'd make sure to use as much non-scented stuff as possible that day.

This. I would feel absolutely horrible if I sent the bride to the ER on her wedding day because I hadn't heard about the allergy. For something as severe as anaphylaxis I would be fine with an insert in the invitation, info on the website and word of mouth. Doing all 3 wouldn't bother me as a guest in this situation. Also, for word of mouth you rely on people passing it on. I know if someone called DH and told him the allergy info there's a 50/50 chance he'd remember to pass that info on to me.

laceykeo

Invitation inserts...

"Dear guest, we respectfully request that you refrain from wearing scented products as Jane really hates the smell of perfume/etc"

Is going to be received an awful lot differently to

"Dear guest, as many of you already know, Jane has severe allergic reactions to the chemicals used in scented perfumes/etc. we politely request that all guests refrain from using scented products on the day of our wedding"

Or whatever.

I would in no way be offended to receive an insert stating the second.
I also agree that putting a note on the website would be a good plan, and a quick phonecall to any guests who may have forgotten (those that will be hearing this information for the first time, that currently don't know of your allergies) would not be a bad idea. As much as you don't want to beat your guests over the head with it, this is a serious matter.

MyNameIsNot

ShesSoCold said:

kmmssg said:

cowgirl8238 said:

I think word of mouth is the best way to go about this.  I personally wouldn't mind an insert in the invite either, but I can't promise how your guests would react.  Unfortunately it sounds like you're best to prepare for this as much as you can.  Make sure you have your epi pen, avoid the hugging when possible (sounds like this shouldn't be too hard since you are only doing table visits) and just hope not too many people wear anything with too much scent.

Epi-pens are to help you get to the hospital, they aren't a treatment so you can continue on with your day.  If she uses an epi-pen, she will be on  her way to ER.  Because we are talking about anaphylactis here I think it needs more than word of mouth.

I agree. 

Also that poster from the previous conversation - holy cow. I couldn't imagine intentionally harming someone like that! Especially assuming it's a family member or friend. "I have a severe allergy" is SO different than "I don't like citrus smells". Is this same person going to slather their kid in peanut butter when she gets a letter from the teacher saying there's a peanut allergy in the class? Dear lord.

I know people who would react this way.  I'm not defending it or even hinting that it's legitimate, but I know quite a few people who believe that some people over dramatize severe allergies and won't change their daily habits to accommodate allergy sufferers.  

Yes, they do send their kids to school with peanut butter or feed the kid peanut butter for breakfast specifically because they don't want to change their habits for someone else, and yes, they would wear extra perfume when asked not to.  

Then again, these are the same people that say hitting a kid with a tree branch is normal and healthy discipline.  

crackktheskyy

I personally would not be bothered by an insert in the invitation, especially because this is a severe medical condition. 

As a perfume wearer, I would actual prefer to know because I would feel horrible if the bride had to leave her own wedding day because I hugged her!

If you decide not to do inserts, I think in addition to word of mouth you could also appropriately make mention of it on a wedding website.

CMGragain

I have a dear cousin with this same allergy.  Her coworkers were asked to refrain from wearing perfumes at work.  One of them attacked my cousin with a perfume spray as she was exiting the elevator.  Cousin went to the hospital.  Coworker was fired and arrested for assault.

hellosweetie1015

CMGragain said:

I have a dear cousin with this same allergy.  Her coworkers were asked to refrain from wearing perfumes at work.  One of them attacked my cousin with a perfume spray as she was exiting the elevator.  Cousin went to the hospital.  Coworker was fired and arrested for assault.

Ho lee shit.

I'd be so so so fine with an insert and anything else you felt comfortable doing - website reminder, quick Facebook/text reminder, a phone call - whatever. I don't wear perfume but FI and I both wear scented deodorant and sometimes I use a Bath and Body Works spritzer thing. I would put the date of the wedding on the insert and then tape to the mirror so that it would be there to remind me. I would have to buy unscented deodorant, but if I'm going to your wedding I likely care enough about you not to want to send you to the hospital.

short+sassy

This is one of the few times I will say it is okay and perhaps needed to hit your guests over the head with this info multiple times.  An insert in the invite (though not on the invite itself), personal phone calls, on the wedding website, etc.

Because scented deoderants, perfumes, lotions, etc. are a normal part of many peoples' day and it can be hard to remember to stop that automatic "habit" for this event.  Case in point, I got married OOT at my mom's house and also stayed at her house for a couple days leading up to the wedding.  My mom is highly allergic to many cleaning products and perfumes...not to the extent of having to go to the hospital thankfully...but it will leave her feeling really sick for a few days.  She asked me not to put on perfume inside the house while I was staying with her.  Luckily I didn't, but I swear I picked up my perfume bottle every morning about to spritz myself and than had that "aahhh, no, stop" moment each time. 

canadianhearts

I know that it's usually a faux pas to request special things from your guests and that many people on these boards are against any kind of notes anywhere near invitations, but I don't see what the big deal is in this case. You're not asking your guests to wear all-purple gowns, you're not writing "NO CHILDREN" on the invitations, you're not boasting about your registry...this is health-related.

While I don't suggest writing "NO PERFUMES!" on the actual invitation, I don't see anything wrong with having a little separate note insert that goes out with the invitation that explains your circumstances and politely asks guests to refrain from using scented products.

Better safe than sorry, especially if you're having a big wedding and can't easily reach out to all the guests. I'm personally more likely to remember your request if I actually have a tangible insert that I can see, then if your best friend calls me to tell me this while I'm running for the bus on the way to work/at the club for my BFF's birthday party or hear your cousin say it in passing at the bridal shower. <-- This would be a good place to do a word-of-mouth since you'll be hugging a lot of ladies (I'm assuming), but the invite list won't be as huge.

If I was invited to your wedding, I assume it's because you want me to celebrate your special day with you. I would never get offended being politely asked to accommodate a severe allergy. As someone who is your family member/loved one/friend/even a plus one, I wouldn't want to see you have to use an epi-pen or even have a severe headache on your wedding day if I can help it.