bridesmaids' hairstyle

GILANDLU

what to do?!  I want my girls to wear their hair in an updo (low loose bun) and I will have my hair down.  all girls are on board except 1 and she is my best friend (not the MOH though).   i don't want her to feel uncomfortable... what should i do?  majority rules? 

OliveOilsMom

GILANDLU said:

what to do?!  I want my girls to wear their hair in an updo (low loose bun) and I will have my hair down.  all girls are on board except 1 and she is my best friend (not the MOH though).   i don't want her to feel uncomfortable... what should i do?  majority rules? 

Someone's hair can be a very personal thing.  Wouldn't you rather have your BFF be comfortable for the day rather than forcing her to be uncomfortable in a forced hairstyle?  Also, if you are dictating how your BM should be doing their hair, it is considered a part of your "uniform" for the day and you should be paying for it.

Maggie0829

GILANDLU said:

what to do?!  I want my girls to wear their hair in an updo (low loose bun) and I will have my hair down.  all girls are on board except 1 and she is my best friend (not the MOH though).   i don't want her to feel uncomfortable... what should i do?  majority rules? 

Why do you feel the need to dictate how others wear their hair?  And if you are dictating it then I hope you are footing the bill.

Why not let your BMs decide how they will wear their own hair just like you get to decide how you will wear your hair on your wedding day.

I hate this kind of micromanaging horse shit.

KatWAG

@gilandlu I hope you are footing the bill for the updos. Otheriwse you dont get a say in their hairstyles.

[Deleted User]

Have you asked her how she would like to wear her hair instead of what you are looking for or why she doesn't like the specific style you picked? If the reason is that maybe her hair isn't long enough for the style or if her hair is on the thin side and it won't stay in that style, those to me are legitmate reasons for doing an different style. I would rather have my girls have different styles that work with their hair & will hold then have them all with the same style but then half of them look bad half way through the day because their hair isn't right for that style.

Personally I let my girls determine their own hairstyles. They all ended up picking out the same dress so I figured their shoes & hair were an easy to let their different personalities show and to be a little different from each other. They were happy and my theory was if the bridal party is happy and comfortable, that happiness will come through in my photos and to my guests. Seriously have you really looked at some of the photos from weddings, you can tell when the Bridal Party is miserable.

mikenberger

What does it matter what her hair looks like? Unless you're paying for it, you have no say. And your vision of your bridal party or the bridesmaids doesn't matter. Sorry, that's how it goes.

peachy13

Honestly, I've never heard of a bride making specific requests for her bridesmaids' hair. Usually it goes: "wear your hair anyway you want it." There's a pretty good chance that it's not just this one BM who doesn't like this hairstyle, and they're all probably just being nice to please you. 

Unless you're paying for their hair, just let them do whatever they want.

Maggie0829

peachy13 said:

Honestly, I've never heard of a bride making specific requests for her bridesmaids' hair. Usually it goes: "wear your hair anyway you want it." There's a pretty good chance that it's not just this one BM who doesn't like this hairstyle, and they're all probably just being nice to please you. 

Unless you're paying for their hair, just let them do whatever they want.

When I was a BM for a friend of mine she requested that everyone have an updo for her wedding. Well I had short (to the shoulder bob) hair so an updo was difficult.  But that was what she wanted so I got an updo.  A half hour later it was falling out so I had to have it redone.  The hairstylist then proceeded to yell at me and told me the next time I was in a wedding that I should grow my hair out.  So not only was I embarrassed because I had to have my hair redone, I was also belittled by a hair dresser and was really mad at my friend for putting me in that situation.

So moral of the story, don't make your friends wear their hair in a way that will make them uncomfortable or that they do not like.  It is not worth hurting the friendship over (because your friend will see that the style of her hair and the look for your wedding pictures is more important to you then her comfort level).

lacqueredlover

Your friends are grown ups.  they can choose their own hairstyles.

plainjane0415

The hairstylist then proceeded to yell at me and told me the next time I was in a wedding that I should grow my hair out.  So not only was I embarrassed because I had to have my hair redone, I was also belittled by a hair dresser and was really mad at my friend for putting me in that situation.

 

At that point, I would have told my friend where she could shove her updo.

Maggie0829

plainjane0415 said:

The hairstylist then proceeded to yell at me and told me the next time I was in a wedding that I should grow my hair out.  So not only was I embarrassed because I had to have my hair redone, I was also belittled by a hair dresser and was really mad at my friend for putting me in that situation.

 

At that point, I would have told my friend where she could shove her updo.

Trust me I wanted to, but I was trying to keep myself from crying.

plainjane0415

Maggie0829 said:

plainjane0415 said:

The hairstylist then proceeded to yell at me and told me the next time I was in a wedding that I should grow my hair out.  So not only was I embarrassed because I had to have my hair redone, I was also belittled by a hair dresser and was really mad at my friend for putting me in that situation.

 

At that point, I would have told my friend where she could shove her updo.

Trust me I wanted to, but I was trying to keep myself from crying.

At the risk of showing my southern... bless your heart!  I would have been seeing red. You're a much better person than I would have been.

jacques27

Ugh.  Just let her style her hair how she wants.  If people are noticing your bridesmaids hairdos or the most noticeable thing in your pictures are their hair, then you are doing your wedding wrong.  No one will notice or care and it's not like she's going to show up like a slob and just show up in her dress and make-up with unwashed, unbrushed hair.

I hate updos.  I won't even wear my hair in a ponytail or wear a headband anymore.  Any pressure on my scalp like that results in my having a bad headache at best and a migraine at worst.

ETA:  And the fact that you mentioned your hair makes it sound like you want them to have updos so you'd be the only one with hair worn down.  Them having the same hairstyle as you won't make your wedding less special.  No one is going to suddenly go "Gee, which one is the bride?  Is it the one wearing the poofy white dress saying vows or one of those other four off to the side wearing blue?  I can't tell because they are all wearing their hair down."

southernbelle0915

Don't listen to these meanies. CALL THE POLICE!!! she's going to RUIN your super special day!!

For real though, this should be the last thing you're even thinking about. She's supposed to be one of your best friends. In the big scheme of you marrying the love of your life, who cares if her hair is in a bun, down to her ass or shaved off her head? If you do, you aren't doing it right.

southernbelle0915

Double post

lyndausvi

I will never understand dictating the BM's hairstyle.  

My advice is stop micromanaging and let them pick their own hair style.    

I had to look at my WP picture to see what my BM's did with their own hair.  1 had it completely down.  3 had them half up/half down.  5 had them up.     I wore mine half up/half down.

Trust me, there are more important things to worry about then the BM's hair.  I would go back to the others and say you changed your mind and they can wear their hair however  they want.

slothiegal

Man, you don't have enough things to worry about if THIS is the battle you're choosing.

lovegood90

Yeah, other than the obvious points of it being weird, inappropriate and unnecessary to dictate how adults wear their hair just because you're getting married, you logistically can't ask this unless you pay for it. This goes for nails and makeup too.

MobKaz

peachy13 said:

Honestly, I've never heard of a bride making specific requests for her bridesmaids' hair. Usually it goes: "wear your hair anyway you want it." There's a pretty good chance that it's not just this one BM who doesn't like this hairstyle, and they're all probably just being nice to please you. 

Unless you're paying for their hair, just let them do whatever they want.

Brides don't make specific, unnecessary requests.  Bridezillas, however, do.

lc07

I don't care if you're paying for my hair or not. It is NOT okay to tell me how to do my hair other than politely asking that I do not copy the bride's hair style exactly. 

artbyallie

lc07 said:

I don't care if you're paying for my hair or not. It is NOT okay to tell me how to do my hair other than politely asking that I do not copy the bride's hair style exactly. 

This this this.

climbingsingle

I personally think it's ridiculous to dictate hairdos to your bridal party. No one will be looking at their hair. Let them wear it however they'd like. 

Can you remember all of the bridesmaids hairdos from the last 2 weddings you attended? 

I barely remember what my MOH's hair looked like, and I got married two months ago. 

novella1186

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I personally think it's ridiculous to dictate hairdos to your bridal party. No one will be looking at their hair. Let them wear it however they'd like. 

Can you remember all of the bridesmaids hairdos from the last 2 weddings you attended? 

I barely remember what my MOH's hair looked like, and I got married two months ago. 

This. The last time I was a bridesmaid, I honestly don't remember how I did MY OWN hair, but I very vividly remember the bride's hair. 

Bubblegum5586

I don't think it's a big deal to request a certain up-do if you are footing the bill, I mean there are always exceptions and what happened to Maggie was not cool. And if something wont work then just let it go. 

But as an example: I was in a wedding with 8 BMs and one had very short hair. The bride was paying for all of us to have the same (beautiful) up-do so I was excited. The hairdresser that did our hair was VERY talented and was able to work with the BM with short hair and her-up do looked just like the rest of ours! Very impressive!

As far as OP's question of the 1 girl. I don't get why someone would make a big deal out of a low loose bun (that she wasn't paying for right?) but at the end of the day you want your girls comfortable and you may need to let her do her hair how she wants. Is there maybe a compromise you can come up with?

lacqueredlover

I'll just say I would HATE to have a loose bun because it would fall out during dancing.  I also hate having all of my hair pulled back because then in pictures you just look like all "face" with nothing to balance out your head.  

KatWAG

I was just thinking back to the last wedding a went to (one month ago) and I cant even remember if the bride wore her hair up or down. And I have no idea about the BMs. This is a really insignificant detail.

[Deleted User]

Because my cousin (sister of the groom) is crazy and made us all forced appointments to get our hair and makeup done at our own expense, I actually went out and got a "boy-short" haircut two weeks before the wedding so I wouldn't have to get my hair done.  I REALLY didn't want to get my hair done.  I then refused to pay for the makeup that was forced on me and told my crazy cousin that it was her birthday gift to me (my birthday was 4 days after the wedding.)

cafarrie

My sister (MOH) was the only person in my bridal party (including myself) who didn't have an updo.  I didn't even notice, or more importantly....care.  

MobKaz

bubblegum1309 said:

I don't think it's a big deal to request a certain up-do if you are footing the bill, I mean there are always exceptions and what happened to Maggie was not cool. And if something wont work then just let it go. 

But as an example: I was in a wedding with 8 BMs and one had very short hair. The bride was paying for all of us to have the same (beautiful) up-do so I was excited. The hairdresser that did our hair was VERY talented and was able to work with the BM with short hair and her-up do looked just like the rest of ours! Very impressive!

As far as OP's question of the 1 girl. I don't get why someone would make a big deal out of a low loose bun (that she wasn't paying for right?) but at the end of the day you want your girls comfortable and you may need to let her do her hair how she wants. Is there maybe a compromise you can come up with?

On the flip side, I have yet to hear any argument as to why cloned hair styles are necessary or important. 

PrettyGirlLost

lacqueredlover said:

I'll just say I would HATE to have a loose bun because it would fall out during dancing.  I also hate having all of my hair pulled back because then in pictures you just look like all "face" with nothing to balance out your head.  

I agree, not everypone has the facial structure to pull that look off.  A good stylist would never do this though.  They would make sure the updo was balanced based on the facial features of the client, and would make sure there was something in the fringe area or in the volume of the sides/top of the updo that flattered the face.

OP, just let your BM's style their hair however they want.

I got married last month and had 10BMS and I let them pick their own dresses, hair styles, and accessories. . . and every single one looked amazing.  That was one of my favorite aspects of the wedding day, everyone's looks.  It was a fun surprise each time a new BM showed up at the bridal suite.

PrettyGirlLost

adk19 said:

Because my cousin (sister of the groom) is crazy and made us all forced appointments to get our hair and makeup done at our own expense, I actually went out and got a "boy-short" haircut two weeks before the wedding so I wouldn't have to get my hair done.  I REALLY didn't want to get my hair done.  I then refused to pay for the makeup that was forced on me and told my crazy cousin that it was her birthday gift to me (my birthday was 4 days after the wedding.)