Bridesmaids

rowen_lo

Hello,

I'm getting married in 3 months and 16days as of today.
I'm having 2 weddings, one in Scotland which is close intimate family only wedding and the other in Goa.
However my Fiance & I reside and work in the middle east.
I thought it was too much to ask my close gfs to come to Scotland and then to Goa, India to be bridesmaid and making do with the family in Scotland.
I have done most of the work myself already, done the dress, venue and stuff. I have also sent the Save-The-Dates out. It also means that it hard for everyone to get leave to make it for the wedding in Goa though they definately want to come and have left it still to be confirmed.

My question, is, is it too late to ask them to be a part of the wedding, specially since my Godparents' daughters who are my bridesmaids in Scotland, do not want to be bridesmaids in Goa again. (Weird, dont ask! They were not the first choice anyway!)

Would be too late? I would welcome the help to get our wedding invites done, since we are making it ourselves but its not necessary either.
Just would like them to be a party of the whole traditional process in India.

thespeshulestsnowflake

rowen_lo said:

Hello,

I'm getting married in 3 months and 16days as of today.
I'm having 2 weddings, one in Scotland which is close intimate family only wedding and the other in Goa.
However my Fiance & I reside and work in the middle east.
I thought it was too much to ask my close gfs to come to Scotland and then to Goa, India to be bridesmaid and making do with the family in Scotland.
I have done most of the work myself already, done the dress, venue and stuff. I have also sent the Save-The-Dates out. It also means that it hard for everyone to get leave to make it for the wedding in Goa though they definately want to come and have left it still to be confirmed.

My question, is, is it too late to ask them to be a part of the wedding, specially since my Godparents' daughters who are my bridesmaids in Scotland, do not want to be bridesmaids in Goa again. (Weird, dont ask! They were not the first choice anyway!)

Would be too late? I would welcome the help to get our wedding invites done, since we are making it ourselves but its not necessary either.
Just would like them to be a party of the whole traditional process in India.

Why are you having "two weddings?" You only can have one wedding, unless you divorce between the two.

Also, the only things a bridesmaid is responsible for is buying a dress and showing up sober.

amelisha

I'm going to leave the whole two wedding thing alone and say that three months is not much time to allow people to book an international trip between budget and time off/vacation days. You don't have to have any bridesmaids at all, much less ones you don't want (as in your godparents' daughters, "not the first choice".) I'm not going to get into how that sounds, either. But "bridesmaid" is an honour you give to people you love most and want to stand with you while you make your vows. Not something you have to have as a prop. In your place, I wouldn't be having any.

[Deleted User]

kaitlynmichelle

You lost me at two weddings.

theartistformerlyknownas

rowen_lo said:

My question, is, is it too late to ask them to be a part of the wedding, specially since my Godparents' daughters who are my bridesmaids in Scotland, do not want to be bridesmaids in Goa again. (Weird, dont ask! They were not the first choice anyway!)

Would be too late? I would welcome the help to get our wedding invites done, since we are making it ourselves but its not necessary either.
Just would like them to be a party of the whole traditional process in India.

There's nothing weird about someone refusing to be a bridesmaid for a spectacle reproduction of the wedding. It's not a wedding; they've already fulfilled their role. 

If you want the big, traditional Indian wedding, that should be your only wedding. If you want the intimate Scottish wedding, that should be your only wedding. 

If you want help with invitations, hire someone to do them. The point of bridesmaids is NOT to help with wedding tasks; it's to stand there in the clothing of choice and smile during your one, real wedding. 

Do not ask anyone else to stand up for this spectacle in India because it's not a wedding.

Maggie0829

There is a whole lot of nope going on here.

pinkcow13

Why are you having 2 weddings? If the girls in Scotland are not your "first choice," then why are you asking them to be bridesmaids? And what's so weird about them not wanting to be bridesmaids again in India? They are already going to be bridesmaids at your wedding in Scotland. I too would not want to travel internationally to watch you reenact a wedding.

Asking your friends to travel internationally to your second "wedding" which is not a real wedding since you willalready have been married, with just 3 months notice, is definitely asking for too much.

climbingsingle

I posted this on your post on the Etiquette board, but I'll post it here too. 

You're saying you're having a traditional ceremony in India, but I've always understood that those ceremonies did not have bridal party members. So, why the need for bridesmaids in India? 

NYCMercedes

Let the friends do what they want to do. You're demanding too much.

larrygaga

If there are two completely different ceremonies for different cultures, does that two wedding rule even apply? 

Also, how are people going to make travel plans so soon?

drunkenwitch

You aren't having two weddings, since you only get one wedding per spouse.  You are having a wedding and a PPD. 

Also, how very "noble" of you to "make do" with the family in Scotland.  How does one make do with members of a wedding party?  I guess I'm just backward and simple minded, I thought wedding parties were made up of people you care about, not who would make the best servant and the prettiest prop.

Cue my annoyed Gif

slothiegal

rowen_lo said:

Hello,

I'm getting married in 3 months and 16days as of today.
I'm having 2 weddings, one in Scotland which is close intimate family only wedding and the other in Goa.
However my Fiance & I reside and work in the middle east.
I thought it was too much to ask my close gfs to come to Scotland and then to Goa, India to be bridesmaid and making do with the family in Scotland.
I have done most of the work myself already, done the dress, venue and stuff. I have also sent the Save-The-Dates out. It also means that it hard for everyone to get leave to make it for the wedding in Goa though they definately want to come and have left it still to be confirmed.

My question, is, is it too late to ask them to be a part of the wedding, specially since my Godparents' daughters who are my bridesmaids in Scotland, do not want to be bridesmaids in Goa again. (Weird, dont ask! They were not the first choice anyway!)

Would be too late? I would welcome the help to get our wedding invites done, since we are making it ourselves but its not necessary either.
Just would like them to be a party of the whole traditional process in India.

Like....I just don't even know where to start with this one.

levioosa

You only get one wedding.  Bridesmaids do not have "roles" beyond showing up in the dress, standing beside you, and smiling for pictures.  Your bridesmaids should be the people you are closest to.  

rowen_lo

Thanks for the replies

artbyallie

No matter how many times you post this, you're going to get the same responses.