Honeymoon fund website??

danaamariee88

Has anyone heard of, or has set up, a website where you can set up a "honeymoon fund" guests can put money into? It was suggested to me by a few people in lieu of a bridal registry (my fiance and I live together, we basically have everything we need for our first real home). My parents offered to do our honeymoon as a gift, but I don't want to make them do broke over it. Any advice would be great! Thanks guys! 

mlg78

I'd highly recommend checking out the sticky on this board about honeymoon registries. They're rude as you're directly asking your guests to pay cash which is never appropriate.  Also, your guests get screwed out of whatever percentage the website charges you before cutting you the check.  If you don't want to register for gifts then don't and decline any offers of a shower.  If your parents are offering, I'd take them up on that generous gift. It's very sweet of them! You don't have to make them go broke.  They can tell you what their budget is and go from there.  If you want to splurge a little more on your honeymoon, use your own money...but don't make your guests foot the bill.  If you choose to use cash you're given for the wedding towards your honeymoon, that's your decision...but a honeymoon fund is not the way to do it.

danaamariee88

I've heard of this being done for wedding gifts as well, too. Since those are gifts primarily given in cash, do you still consider it rude to set up a website? Maybe using the term "honeymoon fund" wasn't the wording I should've chose. My parents offered the honeymoon to us as a gift since my fiance and I are paying for our entire wedding ourselves, as they couldn't afford to pay for a wedding, and I've never taken a thing from them in 26 years of living (except having a roof over my head and a dinner to eat until I moved out) so it's hard for me to except something so gracious without taking them into consideration as well. But thank you so much for the advice, and thank you for making me feel a jerk by allowing things, like a shower, to be done for me.

WinstonsGirl

danaamariee88 said:

I've heard of this being done for wedding gifts as well, too. Since those are gifts primarily given in cash, do you still consider it rude to set up a website? Maybe using the term "honeymoon fund" wasn't the wording I should've chose. My parents offered the honeymoon to us as a gift since my fiance and I are paying for our entire wedding ourselves, as they couldn't afford to pay for a wedding, and I've never taken a thing from them in 26 years of living (except having a roof over my head and a dinner to eat until I moved out) so it's hard for me to except something so gracious without taking them into consideration as well. But thank you so much for the advice, and thank you for making me feel a jerk by allowing things, like a shower, to be done for me.

Showers are to shower the bride with gifts.  If you don't want gifts, don't have a shower.  If you'd still like a party and someone is offering to throw you one, you can still do a luncheon where no gifts are expected, but you still get together with your friends.  Or you can just get together with your friends.  

Any cash registries are tacky cos you are then asking people for cash.  The last wedding I attended, BandG asked for cash specifically on the invited for their HM (not a registry, just give us cash please).  They got a boxed gift on purpose.  They also didn't take a HM.  The registries also take a percentage of the amount, so someone could give you directly a cheque for $100, or they could give it to the company, who keeps maybe $7 (7%) and gives you $93.  Why use a middle man??

If people ask, say you're not registered, but are saving up for ____________.  If your parents want to gift you a HM, they can buy you tickets, book a hotel, give you a cheque.  My parents gave us cash as a gift, the same amount they gave to my Brother.  We didn't want money from them as we didn't need it.  But they like things to be equal between siblings.  Let them worry about what they can afford to do.  

kimberly0315

Requesting money in any way, shape, or form is rude.  No matter what you call it, it's rude to set up a site to ask for money.  Just don't register.  People know cash is a good gift and if you don't register they will get the hint you don't need/want household items.  If you get gifts, thank them and do what you like with the actual gift.  Some people like to give an actual gift.  

If your parents want to give you a honeymoon as a gift, that's awesome.  They are adults, they can decide if that's appropriate to them.

And...  The previous poster was not rude about it.  She didn't make you feel like a jerk.  Own your feelings.  If you feel like a jerk, that's not her fault.  She actually gave you really nice advice and said it nicely.  

NYCMercedes

danaamariee88 said:

I've heard of this being done for wedding gifts as well, too. Since those are gifts primarily given in cash, do you still consider it rude to set up a website? Maybe using the term "honeymoon fund" wasn't the wording I should've chose. My parents offered the honeymoon to us as a gift since my fiance and I are paying for our entire wedding ourselves, as they couldn't afford to pay for a wedding, and I've never taken a thing from them in 26 years of living (except having a roof over my head and a dinner to eat until I moved out) so it's hard for me to except something so gracious without taking them into consideration as well. But thank you so much for the advice, and thank you for making me feel a jerk by allowing things, like a shower, to be done for me.

She did not make you feel like a jerk. You did that yourself. 

Jells2dot0

Here is the sticky. It's a good read.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/281647/thinking-of-a-honeymoon-registry

chibiyui

Yes, I do find it rude if a couple sets up a website to receive cash gifts. If someone wants to do an electronic transfer, they'lol ask for your PayPal. If they don't they'll figure out how to write a check or stuff some twenties in a card.

Giving cash is not hard. You do not need to help your guests give you cash.

chibiyui

danaamariee88 said:

Has anyone heard of, or has set up, a website where you can set up a "honeymoon fund" guests can put money into? It was suggested to me by a few people in lieu of a bridal registry (my fiance and I live together, we basically have everything we need for our first real home). My parents offered to do our honeymoon as a gift, but I don't want to make them do broke over it. Any advice would be great! Thanks guys! 

lyndausvi

Registering for 10,20,50 and 100 dollar bills is tacky.   That is EXACTLY what a HM registry  is.  Your guests are NOT buying you a dinner or snorkel trip. Nope they are buying you cash which you give 7% to the company and the rest shows up in a check after the wedding.  Sometimes that is after the honeymoon for those people who take a HM right away.

I was old when I got married.  I had a shower with about 40 people and got physical gifts.  At the wedding 95% of the gifts were cash/checks.   I never had to ask nor did I have to give 7% a 3rd party.

mlg78

danaamariee88 said:

I've heard of this being done for wedding gifts as well, too. Since those are gifts primarily given in cash, do you still consider it rude to set up a website? Maybe using the term "honeymoon fund" wasn't the wording I should've chose. My parents offered the honeymoon to us as a gift since my fiance and I are paying for our entire wedding ourselves, as they couldn't afford to pay for a wedding, and I've never taken a thing from them in 26 years of living (except having a roof over my head and a dinner to eat until I moved out) so it's hard for me to except something so gracious without taking them into consideration as well. But thank you so much for the advice, and thank you for making me feel a jerk by allowing things, like a shower, to be done for me.

I was VERY kind to you.  Stick around here -- you'll receive some bitchy responses...but you made yourself feel like a jerk, not me.  You can have a shower...just don't register for a honeymoon.  I find it hard to believe you wouldn't benefit from a new set of towels, a set of sheets, or how about a set of luggage for that honeymoon? 

AddieCake

I never understand the "we don't need anything" mentality. I buy stuff for our house all the damned time. There is never a time we don't need or want SOMETHNG, even if it is an upgrade, different color, etc. Yesterday I bought new bedding. We had not previously been sleeping on a bare mattress, and there was nothing wrong with what we had. We just wanted something different.

lyndausvi

AddieCake said:

I never understand the "we don't need anything" mentality. I buy stuff for our house all the damned time. There is never a time we don't need or want SOMETHNG, even if it is an upgrade, different color, etc. Yesterday I bought new bedding. We had not previously been sleeping on a bare mattress, and there was nothing wrong with what we had. We just wanted something different.

I got married later in life and owned a condo.  I agree. 

I think there are some things you can't have enough of.  Cutting boards, bowls, measuring cups, towels, bedding, spatulas to name a few.   We even registered for this:

 

Was it a need?  No.  It was a  want.  We got it and use it all the time.   Who knew a drying rack would turn out to be one of my favorite gifts?

mlg78

I'm also curious how you envision your shower to be when everyone buys off of your honeymoon registry?  Opening a bunch of envelopes? That's it?  So boring...

ohannabelle

AddieCake said:

I never understand the "we don't need anything" mentality. I buy stuff for our house all the damned time. There is never a time we don't need or want SOMETHNG, even if it is an upgrade, different color, etc. Yesterday I bought new bedding. We had not previously been sleeping on a bare mattress, and there was nothing wrong with what we had. We just wanted something different.

This. I think it's ridiculous when people say this. 

Who are these people whose sheets never wear out, who never stain kitchen towels, who have a lifetime supply of wine glasses that will never break? Where do you buy these indestructible bath towels? I mean, honestly, at some point everyone needs to buy or replace a house thing. I replace my wine glasses almost every year. 

lyndausvi

ohannabelle said:

AddieCake said:

I never understand the "we don't need anything" mentality. I buy stuff for our house all the damned time. There is never a time we don't need or want SOMETHNG, even if it is an upgrade, different color, etc. Yesterday I bought new bedding. We had not previously been sleeping on a bare mattress, and there was nothing wrong with what we had. We just wanted something different.

This. I think it's ridiculous when people say this. 

Who are these people whose sheets never wear out, who never stain kitchen towels, who have a lifetime supply of wine glasses that will never break? Where do you buy these indestructible bath towels? I mean, honestly, at some point everyone needs to buy or replace a house thing. I replace my wine glasses almost every year. 

I want to add that if your really, truly don't need anything why even have a shower?  I never understood the way people find ways to spend other people's money.    

It's like "I don't need anything, but I still want people's money so let's make up a HM fund so me and this 3rd party both get a cut.

climbingsingle

I will say that I do understand the "we don't need anything" mentality.  When H and I moved into together, we literally had at least 3 of everything. And we knew that we were going to start renovating the house right after the wedding. I spent weeks donating furniture, and clothes and bedding, and towels. There was no way I was going to register for gifts when we'd have no where to put them, and we hadn't even decided on colors for the rooms there we're redoing. 

But I didn't register for anything, including a honeymoon. We paid for everything ourselves. 

kvruns

I'm in the "don't need anything" mentality.  We combined houses last year and had 2 (or more) of everything, and generally kept the best of whatever, not to mention he has been married before and a lot of the stuff was the upgraded version whereas mine were the basic versions of stuff. If we both had the basic version of utensils or knives or whatever I'd definitely be on board registering and upgrading stuff.  

We are looking to get a new house in a year or two and at that time I'm sure there will be things I want to get to change up décor, etc but for the wedding timeframe there really isn't much. That's also why I'm not having a shower even though a friend has offered to throw one.

danaamariee88

Okay I was away from the site for a bit and just came back to 17 replies so I feel like I need to defend my original post, and myself a little bit.

When I originally posted this, I had no idea what this type of registry was. It was literally suggested to me as a different idea and something possibly unique as well. So, I decided to throw it out there and see what the feel was, because what did I know? I didn't know if they were good or bad or indifferent. I can absolutely own up to my own feelings, but was I expecting to be called rude and tacky and anything else? No. And please let me make this clear, since it may or may not have been thought of, it wasn't like I was looking for a hand out or an easy way out or anything like that. 

And believe me I know that if I stick around, I know I'll be met with some pretty nasty responses which is usually why I stay away from any type of forum. I can't be bothered with internet trolls. And I will say @mlg718 I apologize for any snarkiness or nastiness.. I definitely read your response too quickly and reacted too quickly. 

All in all, way before coming back to the site I had decided on my own that this was a bad idea. Traditional road it is. But regardless thank you everyone for your input, whatever it's worth at this point.

Lusitano8

In this day and age I don't think it's rude to do a honeymoon registry, even if it is cash in a way. You should have a formal registry where people can buy you household gifts, but can also do a honeymoon registry. It's a nice way for those who don't care about fine china to get you something they know you will enjoy! If someone thinks it's rude they can get you whatever they want. If they are being snarkey over something so trivial don't worry about them. 

I have one and I plan to send vacation pictures to our friends and family who contributed as well as a thank you note describing how thoughtful the gift of an experience is. 

500days

Lusitano8 said:

In this day and age I don't think it's rude to do a honeymoon registry, even if it is cash in a way. You should have a formal registry where people can buy you household gifts, but can also do a honeymoon registry. It's a nice way for those who don't care about fine china to get you something they know you will enjoy! If someone thinks it's rude they can get you whatever they want. If they are being snarkey over something so trivial don't worry about them. 

I have one and I plan to send vacation pictures to our friends and family who contributed as well as a thank you note describing how thoughtful the gift of an experience is. 

That honestly sounds like a huge pain in the ass to take pictures at each location. My best friend tried the same thing for her HM because she did a honey fund. They missed a few spots on the trip and never sent the pictures to guests like they had promised.

Again, honeyfunds are just unnecessary, complicated and tacky.

climbingsingle

Honeymoon funds are tacky. The end.

southernbelle0915

Lusitano8 said:

In this day and age I don't think it's rude to do a honeymoon registry, even if it is cash in a way. You should have a formal registry where people can buy you household gifts, but can also do a honeymoon registry. It's a nice way for those who don't care about fine china to get you something they know you will enjoy! If someone thinks it's rude they can get you whatever they want. If they are being snarkey over something so trivial don't worry about them. 

I have one and I plan to send vacation pictures to our friends and family who contributed as well as a thank you note describing how thoughtful the gift of an experience is. 

Asking people for money isn't suddenly OK because of "this day and age". Asking people for money will always be tacky.

So not only are HM registries rude, but they don't even make financial sense. If Aunt Milly wants to give you $100, she can a) write you a check and you get $100, or b) spend the money via honeyfund and you get $93. How does that make any sense at all? I mean, I see why Honeyfund likes it, but not why you or Aunt Milly would like it.

lyndausvi

Lusitano8 said:

In this day and age I don't think it's rude to do a honeymoon registry, even if it is cash in a way. You should have a formal registry where people can buy you household gifts, but can also do a honeymoon registry. It's a nice way for those who don't care about fine china to get you something they know you will enjoy! If someone thinks it's rude they can get you whatever they want. If they are being snarkey over something so trivial don't worry about them. 

I have one and I plan to send vacation pictures to our friends and family who contributed as well as a thank you note describing how thoughtful the gift of an experience is. 

In this day and age, when so many people are living together, often times buy a house together before marriage,  showers should be just go by the way side.  They are just not needed for the reason they were intended.

As far as wedding gifts, people know cash is always an options.  Heck in both DH and my circles it's common to give gifts of showers, cash for weddings.  Some people give gifts a weddings. No one gives cash for showers.  We come from different areas of the country.

Botton line if you don't need your standard household stuff to live just don't have a shower.  Don't registry of anything. Simple.

Pots, pans, sheets and towels are needs.  These are things the average person NEEDS to survive.  A honeymoon.... not so much.  Sure it's a want, but not a need.  

It's like the story of the fishermen.  Give a man a fish he can eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he can eat for a lifetime.  Same with what showers where intended.  Give people the basics to live (i.e. giving them the tools to cook bathe, sleep) they will be able to live a lifetime.

If you already have the things needed to live, then don't go around asking for things to just play.  That is just tacky.

thisismynickname2

lyndausvi what store is that magical drying rack at? I need it. Thanks  

JoanE2012

thisismynickname said:

lyndausvi what store is that magical drying rack at? I need it. Thanks  

It's simplehuman.....I know Bed, Bath and Beyond carries it.  You can probably get it on Amazon too.  I was almost tempted by lynda's post, but ultimately decided to keep the dish mat since it's easier to put away.

Maggie0829

Lusitano8 said:

In this day and age I don't think it's rude to do a honeymoon registry, even if it is cash in a way. You should have a formal registry where people can buy you household gifts, but can also do a honeymoon registry. It's a nice way for those who don't care about fine china to get you something they know you will enjoy! If someone thinks it's rude they can get you whatever they want. If they are being snarkey over something so trivial don't worry about them. 

I have one and I plan to send vacation pictures to our friends and family who contributed as well as a thank you note describing how thoughtful the gift of an experience is. 

Would you ask people to fund any other vacation you take?  No, you wouldn't, so what makes a HM so damn different?  Oh, wait, nothing.  A HM is just anothervacation.  If you want to go on one then you fund it yourself.  Period.

Jells2dot0

Somewhat related, I started thinking about my next trip to the South Pacific, which we'll take next year. So, I went on one travel agent's website to look stuff up and found a link to their honeymoon registry partnership with honeymoon wishes. I was reading to the FAQs and saw their fee is almost 10%!!!!! Why in the fuck would anyone give up 10% of their money!!?!?

 

ETA: for clarity

chibiyui

JoanE2012 said:

thisismynickname said:

lyndausvi what store is that magical drying rack at? I need it. Thanks  

It's simplehuman.....I know Bed, Bath and Beyond carries it.  You can probably get it on Amazon too.  I was almost tempted by lynda's post, but ultimately decided to keep the dish mat since it's easier to put away.

I just bought mine a few weeks ago at Bed Bath and Beyond's website. Sign up for their email thingie and get your 20% off coupon!

Seriously, that dish rack is amazing. I fucking love it.

Amazon either didn't have it or it was a good bit more expensive than BBB. Which is odd.

lyndausvi

chibiyui said:

JoanE2012 said:

thisismynickname said:

lyndausvi what store is that magical drying rack at? I need it. Thanks  

It's simplehuman.....I know Bed, Bath and Beyond carries it.  You can probably get it on Amazon too.  I was almost tempted by lynda's post, but ultimately decided to keep the dish mat since it's easier to put away.

I just bought mine a few weeks ago at Bed Bath and Beyond's website. Sign up for their email thingie and get your 20% off coupon!

Seriously, that dish rack is amazing. I fucking love it.

Amazon either didn't have it or it was a good bit more expensive than BBB. Which is odd.

Glad you like it.   I feel like I should get some referral money from Simplehuman.

We bought ours with a 20% from BBB also.