Registering and Gifts

Thinking of a Honeymoon Registry?

There are several websites that can do this for you.  Honeyfund.com, uponourstar.com and traverlersjoy.com are some of the popular ones.

A few things to consider before doing one:

1.  They do have transaction fees, so regardless, you will rarely get 100% of the gift.  Honeyfund.com is the cheapest as far as fees go because you have the option to link it to your paypal which is only a 3% fee, most of the other sites charge at least 7%.  They also give the option for guests to essentially just print out a voucher of what they purchased and write a check/cash directly. 

2.  Make sure your guests would receive this well.  Some people are more open to it than others. Some people are offended by cash or honeymoon registries and consider them an etiquette faux pas, while others think they are a great idea and love to buy activities for the couple.

3.  DO NOT count on this money to pay for your actual vacation.  The only things that are appropriate to register for are extras.  Even then, be sure that you can personally afford to do some extras on your HM without help.  If you get there and can't afford to eat because no one gave towards your registry, then you'd be kind of out of luck.

4.  Send thank you notes with pictures of you actually doing the activities that people gave towards.  This will reassure them that you weren't just trying to deceive them and that you used their gift the way it was intended.

5.  Create a small traditional registry for the people who prefer to give a tangible gift.  Just because you don't register, doesn't mean that people won't try to find you an actual gift.

6.  If you are having only a very small traditional registry, you need to decline all showers.  The point of a shower is to 'shower' the bride with gifts.  It's really boring to watch the bride open cards...


7. This can be the most expensive way to book a trip.  Remember that travel agencies work on commission. You're better off booking directly with a resort.


(credit to Jemini6 & RetreadBride)
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Re: Thinking of a Honeymoon Registry?

  • I can see that most people view honeymoon registries as tacky requests for cash, but what about using an amazon wishlist registry, and actually registering for things like museum tickets or restaurant gift cards? That way you wouldn't just be asking for the money to cover those costs?
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    hellohkb
  • My FMIL is quite old fashioned and was pretty shocked when we told her we're doing a honeymoon registry. She's an amazing woman and means well but just isn't current on some things. She thinks people will be offended, think it's tacky, etc and wants us to register for things like crystal and china. My fiance and I are 25 and like experiences and memories over a serving dish so we're sticking buy our honeymoon registry.. However, we've decided to compromise a little. So we registered at Macy's for a few basics but kept it very minimal so people will see that we prefer honeymoon activities off our HoneyFund site. In order to keep it tacky, it's all about wording and what exactly you ask for. Activities and romantic dinners/spa treatments are better than taxi rides and flights.

  • In Response to Re: Thinking of a Honeymoon Registry?:
    I think the decision to do a honeymoon registry is unique for every couple and wedding. My FI and I chose to do one because we've been living together for 2 years, and even though we have a roommate and will eventually have to divide items when we move, we are not moving any time soon. Our house is small, so while some items from a registry would be useful to us now, most of them would have to be stored somewhere until we move into our own place. We are also inviting 250 people and come from big families who believe in giving money at weddings and gifts at showers. When we first brought up the idea of the honeymoon registry, the family and friends we talked to thought it was a great idea. They liked the idea of helping to give us a nice vacation rather than buying us a new blender. Bottom line. Do what works for you. It's 2012 and I personally think the etiquette rules on how things need to be done are in dire need of revisions. So many people lead so many different types of lives that I think the basic rule of thumb is, if it works for you and your circle of friends and family, then do it. Hope this helps. I got blasted for saying we have a honeymoon registry, but everyone who knows about it told me they thought it was a brilliant idea.
    Posted by futuremrsbruno
    What site did you go with?
  • We thought about this, but just thought it was wrong. I wouldn't want my guest helping to pay for our honeymoon. It's just a little weird.

  • I love this idea and was definetly considering it! My FI and I have been  living together also for 2 years and live in a small apartment and dont need/ have room for a bunch of house stuff...this would be way more practical then guests wasting their money!
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  • Wedding gifts are supposed to be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting, mirroring the giver's fervent hope that the couple's marriage be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting.

    By inviting these people to your wedding, you've asked your friends and family to be witnesses to your wedding ceremony, and as witnesses, those people are mentors for your marriage. Their gifts represent their acceptance of your request for their mentorship, and their gifts represent their presence in your lives and hearts forever.

    When you see/use these gifts, you are reminded that you have a circle of people around you as a couple, people who you can call on, people who have pledged their support of you two as a couple. The following ideas do not match with what a wedding gift is supposed to represent, and in fact, just demand that people give you money instead of a wedding gift:  a downpayment registry, a honeymoon registry, a “donation” to your fav charity, a money dance, a money tree, a greenback wedding or shower (where the guests bring cash), a plastic wedding or shower (where the guests bring gift cards), or an outright request for cash.
    xhellokitty
  • I'm going with Honeyfund.com. I definitely dislike the fact that those other sites charge you transaction fees. With Honeyfund, they don't handle your money at all, so no need to pay them.

    I moved in with my fiance, then boyfriend in October, and he has everything we could possibly need. My mother insists I register for fine china, so I decided to humor her... We really prefer the gifts of activities/excursions, spa services, etc. for our honeymoon though.

    Personally, I don't believe anyone should EXPECT a wedding gift. All I really want is to celebrate one of the most important events of my life with my friends and family. I would certainly be honored and very grateful if they decide they want to contribute to our honeymoon. We are already paying for the honeymoon, so it's not like we aren't going to have a great time without the extra stuff.
    vainemeraldkjdittmaredkeller33pennydl
  • I am doing a honeymoon registry instead of one from a store, as we have everything and live in a small basement suite, and half of my stuff is in storage right now. I thought about a regular registry but felt weird. We do not expect everyone to give us money nor do we need them to, but everyone we talked to and told about it thought that it was a great idea. We plan on taking lots of pictures on our travels and sending out thank you cards with some pictures as a keepsake, as well as decorating with our pictures so that everytime I see them I will think of everyone who contributed.

  • We are doing this.  We have already paid for our flights, hotel and rental car so I'm not sure why this wouldn't be appropriate.  This fits us as a couple.  We have been out on our own for 15 years and together in our home for sometime.  We like our stuff...we have a great toaster that I wouldn't trade for the world so we don't need another one.  Being able to show people photos and make them copies of us actually relaxing and stepping away from our daily life stressor will be priceless to our family and friends.  We do not EXPECT a gift from any of our guest and by not doing a traditional registry but something like this that some people might not find appropriate/tack hopefully will eliminate the traditional gifts that we neither need/want that will more than likely just be donated.
    Make jokes. No stress. Love. Live. Life. Proceed. Progress.
    lfk2013kjdittmarbohobrideCA
  • This is a great post. I love that it talks about both the positives and the negatives and lets people decide in the long run what is best for their situation. Good job!

    image
    06.09.2012

  • I would recommend http://www.zankyou.com for a honeymoon wedding registry. They do charge for their service but the rates are relatively low and I think it's more convenient for you and your guests that they handle your money. It's combined with a free wedding website too so you can share a lot of other things related to your wedding.
  • I can see the positives and the negatives both on this.  I personally wouldn't do it, but I wouldn't be super offended to find out that I was invited to a wedding with  a honeymoon registry.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • Very useful information! Thanks for posting this.
  • This is my exact same situation from honeyfund to Macy's registry, ha! How did you word it? I prefer the honeymoon registries because as many other posters stated, it allows to do more things that appeal to the couple.

    This is a great post!

    In Response to Re: Thinking of a Honeymoon Registry?:
    My FMIL is quite old fashioned and was pretty shocked when we told her we're doing a honeymoon registry. She's an amazing woman and means well but just isn't current on some things. She thinks people will be offended, think it's tacky, etc and wants us to register for things like crystal and china. My fiance and I are 25 and like experiences and memories over a serving dish so we're sticking buy our honeymoon registry.. However, we've decided to compromise a little. So we registered at Macy's for a few basics but kept it very minimal so people will see that we prefer honeymoon activities off our HoneyFund site. In order to keep it tacky, it's all about wording and what exactly you ask for. Activities and romantic dinners/spa treatments are better than taxi rides and flights.
    Posted by TaniaManimbo1
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  • In Response to Re: Thinking of a Honeymoon Registry?:
    This is my exact same situation from honeyfund to Macy's registry, ha! How did you word it? I prefer the honeymoon registries because as many other posters stated, it allows to do more things that appeal to the couple. This is a great post! In Response to Re: Thinking of a Honeymoon Registry? :
    Posted by macjam08
    I was thinking of a honeymoon registry too but I also wanted to shop at department stores for new kitchenware linens etc. I've been using myregistry.com and made a cash gift fund and named it our honeymoon fund so our guests can contribute to the fund or purchase an actual gift on the registry for us! It's kind of like the best of both worlds because there are some of my older family members that would rather buy an actual gift instead.
  • I have been thinking about a Honeymoon fund because my fiance and I are "eloping" and we're not going to an exotic island or something like that.  We're just going up north (to Sedona), not staying in anything fancy and have no real activities planned for the extra days we're taking off.  We've been living together for 5 years, have pretty much everything we need, have no plans of moving into a house soon, and live far away from our family and friends and have no plans to have any sort of reception.  Our families can't afford to come down here, and we can't afford to go back there.  For these reasons, I think turning our wedding, since it's just us, into a honeymoon where we'd actually get to have spa sessions, a nice dinner, go on a Pink Jeep Tour and go to the Grand Canyon would be nice and I think it is a way for family and friends to give us a gift that will make it memorable for us!  It will help us start wonderful memories that we will always remember that our family helped make possible.  But I like this idea too posted by ebcorrigan:
    "I was thinking of a honeymoon registry too but I also wanted to shop at department stores for new kitchenware linens etc. I've been using myregistry.com and made a cash gift fund and named it our honeymoon fund so our guests can contribute to the fund or purchase an actual gift on the registry for us! It's kind of like the best of both worlds because there are some of my older family members that would rather buy an actual gift instead."
    I'll look at myregistry.com
  • IMO, after pretty much being bashed on the thread that I posted asking about opinions of honeymoon registries, I would just go whatever you and your fiance want.  Even though you do have a HMR, no one is REQUIRED to purchase on there.  It's just an option they have and who doesn't want a little extra spending money on vacation Laughing
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    kjdittmaredkeller33seeanddonWiseUp
  • Sure, a lot of people might think a honeymoon registry is tacky.  But so what!?  I'm sure there are plenty other things in your wedding (or just in general) that your older relatives or friends just don't understand or agree with. It happens.  I really like what Kristin789 had to say--think of it as a way for people to support you in sending you off on your new life journey!  I think it's important for people to have the option to contribute to that in addition to/instead of buying something off your regular wedding registry list.  If you're strapped financially, people should really understand. 
  • We are using Sandals which is powered by Honeymoon Wishes.  Our guests LOVE it!  Just six weeks till our big day and we are super stoked!  we have nearly $3000 in gifts including a couples massage, an off-road jeep safari and Sandals has this awesome foundation so our guests are giving $150 to this charity.  

    If this is what you want, create a honeymoon registry and together we can re-write the etiquette rules!
    kjdittmar
  • In Response to Re: Thinking of a Honeymoon Registry?:
    You cannot rewrite etiquette.  Thank God.
    Posted by RetreadBride
    Etiquette is constantly being written and re-written. Think about it this way. We now have e-mail etiquette. I don't think that was included in "The Ladies' Etiquette Handbook". Do you leave calling cards with you whenever you visit a friend? That would be considered proper. I wouldn't tell anyone they were being tacky for not leaving a calling card when they visited me!

    I know that some social rules should be adhered to, but the rules of etiquette sometimes evolve and aren't written by a select few.
    jarednmeganvainemeraldbohobrideCA
  • My fiance and I live in another country, and are coming home to the states just for the wedding, and then returning home.  Transport or shipping of actual gifts back to our home country would be difficult and cost prohibitive, and if they buy anything electric, the plugs wouldn't work anyway.

    It's a second marriage for both of us, and we have a fully stocked apartment where we live now.  Plus, both of us have things in storage/in various friends/parents basements.  We really do nnot need any more things for our place.

    We've registered with honeyfund.  We've given the info to close friends and family and they think it's a great idea, and they will pass the info along to others who ask.  We included the registry information on our wedding website, and then we include the wedding website info on a card in our invitations.  The wedding website also includes directions to the venues, hotel information, RSVPs, etc., so the registry is not the only information. I didn't want it to look solely like a gift grab, which it's not. 

    We have already paid in full for our honeymoon, so the money would go towards extras.
    I agree that you should not solely count on the honeymoon registry to pay for your trip, because yes, you will not be able to afford anything people pay for.  We have not actually signed up for any of the extra excursions except the one we really want to go to and will do anyway.
  • We are doing honeyfund as well.  Sure I would love to add some furnishings to our apartment.  But alas, the downside of living in Paris with most of your family and friends in the states is transporting it all back.  Oh what we wouldn't give for those amazing kitchen gadgets, if they were the correct voltage...
  • ArielA11ArielA11
    First Comment
    member
    edited January 2013
    I'm really surprised so many are vehemently against a honeymoon registry.  As a first-time Bride in my mid-30s, I think it's realistic to not need/want a ton of "things." So to be able to share a once in a lifetime trip with those that care about you by having them financially support something more special and specific than just an envelope of nondescript cash seems pretty modern and cool to me. Though both of us, as well as our families, would not be classified as "traditional"!  I think it's a totally valid option and I love the idea of taking lots of pictures or even posting a couple video updates while you are there to be able to show your gratitude for the support. I am also making sure that people know that gifts are not anticipated nor requested, but giving them this option if they do want to give (as well as a small Bed, Bath and Beyond list for those that prefer to give a tradional present).
    jarednmegankjdittmaredkeller33seeanddon
  • In Response to Re: Thinking of a Honeymoon Registry?:
    We are doing honeyfund as well.  Sure I would love to add some furnishings to our apartment.  But alas, the downside of living in Paris with most of your family and friends in the states is transporting it all back.  Oh what we wouldn't give for those amazing kitchen gadgets, if they were the correct voltage...
    Posted by branemily
    It's so much easier when everything is in one place! www.registrylove.com lets you register for tangible gifts and honeymoon stuff on one list :) 
  • For everyone saying that guests contributing towards your honeymoon is tacky: did you cut out the traditional "money/dollar dance" at your wedding?  because that is exactly the same thing.  I have NEVER been to a wedding that didn't do one.  This way is a much more organized way to do it and gives friends and family members (perhaps OOT etc) to contribute even if they are unable to attend the wedding and reception. 
    Additionally, my FMIL has already given us many many household items such as serving sets for thanksgiving etc, tableclothes, towels, and kitchen appliances.  Why should we (or anyone else who already owns these things) have to register for random crap and end up receiving gift cards anyways?
    jarednmegan
  • Honeyfund is a wonderful site. We had used it.

  • We just signed up with honeyfund and I'm so excited about my honeymoon! I heard with Honeyfund if you don't link your PayPal and get all your gifts by cash or check, you will get 100% of your gifts. Yay free!
  • We are doing a cruise and have only registered for some shore excursions and a couples massage, so people will feel like their money is something memorable (like a tour of Athens or a hike in Pompeii).  I do not think it's tacky, it's just another option. We have a traditional BBB registry as well.
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