who gets married first

Knottie4247776

My two sons got engaged at the same time

charcoalandblush

Whoever wants to get married first? I don't understand the question. As long as they're not getting married on the same day (preferably not on the same weekend) this does not matter at all.

lyndausvi

Whoever picks the date first?

mikenberger

Knottie4247776 said:

My two sons got engaged at the same time

I think they should Thunderdome it. Best man gets to live. And get married first.

Jen4948

Each one, with their respective FI's, sets the date that works best for them. There is no rule that the older one has to marry first.

LondonLisa

There is only one etiquette-approved way to settle this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AphxyjrH4SE

bethsmiles

As long as they don't get married on the same day, it doesn't matter who gets married when. Both couples should check their VIPs schedules (and their own of course) and then pick a date that works for them. No need to worry about who goes first.

KatWAG

OP, I think you should stay out of it and let your sons figure it out for themselves.

mikenberger

LondonLisa said:

There is only one etiquette-approved way to settle this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AphxyjrH4SE

Or a great alternative and cheaper than going to outer space:

Knottie4247776

thanks for your answers ,helped a little but heres my next queston, should it be within the same year and only a few months apart

dcbride86

Knottie4247776 said:

thanks for your answers ,helped a little but heres my next queston, should it be within the same year and only a few months apart

Your sons and their respective FIs should decide this on their own.  It's not your decision.  One of your sons might want a 2-year engagement and the other might want a 6-month engagement.  Or they each might want to get married next spring.  It doesn't matter.  They can decide for themselves.

bethsmiles

This really isn't your decision and I think you need to stay out of it.

redoryx

It's entirely up to your sons and their fiancees. If they want to get married two months or two years apart it doesn't matter.

lovegood90

Knottie4247776 said:

thanks for your answers ,helped a little but heres my next queston, should it be within the same year and only a few months apart

Whatever they want. As long as it's not the same day there are no rules. However it is a courtesy to check with VIPs to make sure they'll be able to make the wedding if it requires travel. Ie, if Son 1 gets married first then Son 2 gets married a month later and both weddings require travel for their VIPs, did he check with his VIPs first that they'd be able to make another trip?

ETA: agree with PPs that they need to handle this for themselves, I would just stay out of it.

charcoalandblush

Knottie4247776 said:

thanks for your answers ,helped a little but heres my next queston, should it be within the same year and only a few months apart

It literally does not matter. They could get married a week apart if they wanted to. As long as it's not the same day (and, as I said, preferably not the same weekend), it doesn't matter. At all. Each of their respective wedding dates has nothing to do with the other.

lyndausvi

Knottie4247776 said:

thanks for your answers ,helped a little but heres my next queston, should it be within the same year and only a few months apart

It can be the next week if they want.

That said, I personally feel that your sons should take into consideration if they are not local to each other or you.  It could be a burden on some parents (and siblings) to have back-to-back weddings that are not local.   Some people (even parents) only have so much vacation time and finances to take trips back-to-back.

If they are local then that tends to be less of an issue.

levioosa

Knottie4247776 said:

thanks for your answers ,helped a little but heres my next queston, should it be within the same year and only a few months apart

Each couple only gets one day, so it really doesn't matter.  That being said, of course they need to check with their VIPs to make sure the dates work for them too.  But it doesn't matter if it is in the same month, or a year later since each couple only gets the one day.  No one is stealing anyone else's thunder. 

This is probably something you should stay out of unless you have decided you would like to contribute but cannot financially do so at the same time.  You are also not required to contribute anything.  The only people responsible to pay and plan for a wedding are your sons and their FI's.

But really, it doesn't matter and you shouldn't be pressuring them on dates (aside from letting them know the dates that work for you once they ask).  It might be a completely moot point since what works for one couple (say a six month engagement) might not work for the other couple (who might want a two year engagement).  I think you're overstepping a little in trying to figure any of this out (with the exception that you might be contributing--once again, NOT required of you). 

KatWAG

Knottie4247776 said:

thanks for your answers ,helped a little but heres my next queston, should it be within the same year and only a few months apart

Holy meddling mother.

Let your sons (and their fi's) pick their own wedding dates.

Knottie4247776

geeze thanks a whole lot, but you didnt

Knottie4247776

Great answer thankyou very much

lifeisajourney

OP I think if you make your concerns a little more clear the ladies here can "help you" . You say they werent "helpful" but they definitely answered your questions. What is it that you're confused about? Are you helping to pay for the wedding and concerned about having the events too close for financial reasons? Are you traveling to the weddings so you are worried about not being able to make both if they are on the same weeekend? What exactly is the "issue" here?

LtPowers

Certainly there used to be a rule that younger sisters couldn't marry before their older sisters. But AFAIK that never applied to men, and it doesn't apply today regardless.

Powers  &8^]

climbingsingle

This is something you should let your sons and their FIs work out among themselves. 

pinkcow13

When do your sons and their FI's want to get married?

flantastic

Why is the quote button so hard for people to figure out lately?

mikenberger

flantastic said:

Why is the quote button so hard for people to figure out lately?

I don't know. Sad face.

photokitty

My sister and I got married 30 days apart. It does not matter who gets married first, or the time in between as long as it works for all the VIPs involved. 

Unless you have concerns specifically - like you are contributing to both weddings and can't afford to do so within a certain timeframe or you an't afford to travel out of town for weddings with a specific timeframe - then it really doesn't matter.

Are your sons arguing about this or are you just borrowing trouble?

short+sassy

The other PPs have unanimously and perfectly answered your question.

So I wanted to post and throw out a big congratulations!   What a very cool and exciting time for your family.

southernbelle0915

Etiquette wise, they can get married whenever they want. And further, etiquette wise, they should respect whatever the other chooses. 

So if Son A chooses to get married June 5th and Son B chooses to get married June 19th, both need to respect that the other only gets one day. Not one month, not one year. One day. It doesn't matter if the weddings are a week apart, 6 months apart, or 2 years apart. 

banana468

The only thing I'd state to your kids is that if YOU are planning to make any kind of contribution, you should talk to them in advance about any strings that contribution has.

Example: If you would like to give each child $1000 but you can only afford to do so if the weddings are 6 mo apart, you need to spell that out.

Are any talking about where they'd like to be married?   Are any planning destination weddings? 

holyguacamole79

My brother got married 3 months before we did. No big deal.