No gifts, PLEASE

peachy13

My amazingly adorable niece is turning 1 next week. She's my FI's sister's first born -- and also the first baby in the family. Needless to say, she's spoiled rotten as we all love buying her stuff. My FI and I have been buying her things here and there since after Christmas and just saving it for her birthday. One really boring day last week, I wrapped everything, signed the card, tied the bow, all ready to go.

Then we received the birthday party invitation, cute as can be, with big bold letters at the bottom: No gifts, PLEASE.

Will I be rude for showing up the party with a gift? Is my FSIL rude for writing that? If I leave the gift at home and other guests bring gifts, how big of an idiot will I feel? 

climbingsingle

Your FSIL is rude for putting that on the invite. I think you should bring it anyway. 

theartistformerlyknownas

She's super rude. I firmly believe that if you don't want your kid to get gifts, you shouldn't have a birthday party. People are GOING to get gifts for kids, they just are. 

lyndausvi

Yes your FSIL is rude for putting that on the invite.  Tacky.

That said I would absolutely honor her rude request.  The child is 1.  She will be happy with just the wrapping paper.    The parents on the other hand are the ones left with dealing with all the gifts. Gifts that might just overload them with more unless crap then they don't need.  

ETA - 

levieenrose

In general, on occassions where I'm not sure what's best I'd probably keep the gift in the car and decide based on what falls out.

In this case, though--regardless of whether or not it was rude to include that comment on the invitation--I would honor their request. I don't think you should feel bad if other people bring gifts, because you are treating the parents with respect and at the age of 1 it shouldn't be an issue for the kid. 

Is there any reason you can't save the gift for another occassion? 

teddygirl9

return it and buy yourself something pretty

KatieinBkln

I'd bring it. Birthday parties are gift-giving events.

Honestly, if parents don't want extra shit in their house they can throw things out. I've never bought the "Oh, it's so HARD to have so many THINGS" excuse. 

AddieCake

Every little kid party I've ever been to where the parents said no gifts, people brought gifts. 

peachy13

Thanks everyone. I get really excited about buying people presents yet obviously don't want to offend my FSIL and her husband.

ashley8918

KatieinBkln said:

I'd bring it. Birthday parties are gift-giving events.

Honestly, if parents don't want extra shit in their house they can throw things out. I've never bought the "Oh, it's so HARD to have so many THINGS" excuse. 

That's because your life is not legitimate. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE.

mlg78

I think bringing ONE gift is fine but you have been "buying things here and there since Christmas" which makes me think you went a bit over the top. I'd tone down the gift.

theartistformerlyknownas

ashley8918 said:

KatieinBkln said:

I'd bring it. Birthday parties are gift-giving events.

Honestly, if parents don't want extra shit in their house they can throw things out. I've never bought the "Oh, it's so HARD to have so many THINGS" excuse. 

That's because your life is not legitimate. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE.

You know what nobody can ever have too many of? Gay wallets.

ashley8918

mlg78 said:

I think bringing ONE gift is fine but you have been "buying things here and there since Christmas" which makes me think you went a bit over the top. I'd tone down the gift.

This is not necesarily true. The "things" could be a pair of socks, a onesie, a hat, etc.

peachy13

ashley8918 said:

mlg78 said:

I think bringing ONE gift is fine but you have been "buying things here and there since Christmas" which makes me think you went a bit over the top. I'd tone down the gift.

This is not necesarily true. The "things" could be a pair of socks, a onesie, a hat, etc.

that's right. It's like a random assortment of cute stuff I've seen in stores all put into one box. It's not too crazy.

kvruns

is there anything you could take out and gift for Christmas later  or a little easter present or something as the year goes on?  my friend says no gifts for her kid's party too but I always get a little something - like $10-15 range usually a book or puzzle or something bc I feel bad not bringing something to the party.

levieenrose

Maybe I had a weird situation, but I only had a couple birthday parties growing up, and I don't remember getting or opening gifts from friends at any of them. I don't think a birthday party has to be a gift giving event, sometimes it's just an occassion to have cake, play party games, and wear silly hats. 

But then again, I also didn't realize that showers were expected to be gift-giving events (I mean, I've always brought gifts, but when it came to my own I thought it was more of an opportunity to get people from both sides together before the wedding...I realized from TK too late). 

ETA: I just realized it sounded like I planned my own shower. I did not!!

theartistformerlyknownas

kvruns said:

is there anything you could take out and gift for Christmas later  or a little easter present or something as the year goes on?  my friend says no gifts for her kid's party too but I always get a little something - like $10-15 range usually a book or puzzle or something bc I feel bad not bringing something to the party.

Eh, gifts you'd give a 1YO in March will be pretty different from what you'd give an almost-2YO in December. Clothes definitely won't fit or be the right season.

mlg78

ashley8918 said:

mlg78 said:

I think bringing ONE gift is fine but you have been "buying things here and there since Christmas" which makes me think you went a bit over the top. I'd tone down the gift.

This is not necesarily true. The "things" could be a pair of socks, a onesie, a hat, etc.

My point was to not go over the top.  OP didn't specify price point or what they were...  Buying a few $20 gifts is much different than buying a pair of socks, a onesie, etc.  Either way, I still think as long as it's not a big gift, it's fine.

KatieinBkln

lolo883 said:

ashley8918 said:

KatieinBkln said:

I'd bring it. Birthday parties are gift-giving events.

Honestly, if parents don't want extra shit in their house they can throw things out. I've never bought the "Oh, it's so HARD to have so many THINGS" excuse. 

That's because your life is not legitimate. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE.

You know what nobody can ever have too many of? Gay wallets.

Today has been a veritable treasure trove of delightful blasts from the past. 

Gay wallets! Trailer park danger! Pancake poverty!

I love all of it.

lyndausvi

I think it's kind-of sad parents can't simply have a celebration of their kids birthday without all the gifts.

It appears from this and other threads it's all or nothing. The consensus  seem to be if you don't want gifts don't have a party.   

I feel like you can have one without the other.   I mean I've given b-days gifts without attending a party, why can't you do the opposite?

I wouldn't make such a request, but if I did and my SIL still gave a gift  I might just be a bitch and give the gift away immediately.  

theartistformerlyknownas

KatieinBkln said:

lolo883 said:

ashley8918 said:

KatieinBkln said:

I'd bring it. Birthday parties are gift-giving events.

Honestly, if parents don't want extra shit in their house they can throw things out. I've never bought the "Oh, it's so HARD to have so many THINGS" excuse. 

That's because your life is not legitimate. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE.

You know what nobody can ever have too many of? Gay wallets.

Today has been a veritable treasure trove of delightful blasts from the past. 

Gay wallets! Trailer park danger! Pancake poverty!

I love all of it.

I'm feeling nostalgic!

littlepep

Eh. I'm on the fence here. I kind of feel like one-year-old birthday parties are less known as gift-giving events because they are more for the adults. Honestly, the kid doesn't know what's going on that much. They barely know how to even open gifts. Now older kids, definitely, they are opening presents in front of people. 

That said, I brought a gift when my friend's kid turned one, even though she told us not too. I just said to her beforehand, I've already picked something out, can I bring it? And she said that was fine. I just brought it and put it in the dining room before entering the party so I wasn't parading it around in front of other guests. 

Another option would be to give the gift before or after the party so it isn't in front of other guests. 

STARMOON44

I'd send the gift ahead of time or bring it by separately and say something to her like, oh sorry had already bought all this stuff before I saw your note!

I don't like "no gifts" but I get it. Crap is cheap and most one year olds just don't need any more of it. Especially if you have a large family it can get overwhelming.

flantastic

lyndausvi said:

I think it's kind-of sad parents can't simply have a celebration of their kids birthday without all the gifts.

It appears from this and other threads it's all or nothing. The consensus  seem to be if you don't want gifts don't have a party.   

I feel like you can have one without the other.   I mean I've given b-days gifts without attending a party, why can't you do the opposite?

I wouldn't make such a request, but if I did and my SIL still gave a gift  I might just be a bitch and give the gift away immediately.  

I think the point is that people who want to give gifts will just do it and you have to deal anyway. A party just makes it easier for them to do.

If I can make it to H's nieces' birthday parties, I never feel an obligation to get a gift, because gift-giving is not a thing I take particular pleasure in and they're 1 or 2 and they don't care. Whereas they get shit their parents don't want from MIL all the time, gift-giving occasion/party or not.

I'll give it away again right away if I need to, but trying to avoid the gifts is just a futile exercise.

KatieinBkln

lyndausvi said:

I think it's kind-of sad parents can't simply have a celebration of their kids birthday without all the gifts.

It appears from this and other threads it's all or nothing. The consensus  seem to be if you don't want gifts don't have a party.   

I feel like you can have one without the other.   I mean I've given b-days gifts without attending a party, why can't you do the opposite?

I wouldn't make such a request, but if I did and my SIL still gave a gift  I might just be a bitch and give the gift away immediately.  

See, I would be exactly 0% offended if someone gave my gift away. I'd be a little curious as to why they wanted to give my shiny new thing away rather than using my gift to replace whatever junk they claim they don't want anymore, but I wouldn't stress. 

Unless I buy someone a monogrammed diamond necklace or make them something with my own hands (haha, I don't craft) I consider it fair game for re-gifting or Goodwill.

VulgarGirl

KatieinBkln said:

I'd bring it. Birthday parties are gift-giving events.

Honestly, if parents don't want extra shit in their house they can throw things out. I've never bought the "Oh, it's so HARD to have so many THINGS" excuse. 

Girl we are so on the same page right now! Hello, how are you enjoying this page? Nice right?

"OMG BUT WE HAVE LOTS OF STUFF"....and what you don't know what Goodwill is? There are NEEDY CHILDREN (who live in TRAILERS) who don't have shit at all. Give the extra shit to those kids. Why is this hard? 

FWP: My kid has too much stuff and I can't figure out how to donate the crap we don't need. My life is hard. #fml #humblebrag #blessed #FWP

levioosa

KatieinBkln said:

lolo883 said:

ashley8918 said:

KatieinBkln said:

I'd bring it. Birthday parties are gift-giving events.

Honestly, if parents don't want extra shit in their house they can throw things out. I've never bought the "Oh, it's so HARD to have so many THINGS" excuse. 

That's because your life is not legitimate. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE.

You know what nobody can ever have too many of? Gay wallets.

Today has been a veritable treasure trove of delightful blasts from the past. 

Gay wallets! Trailer park danger! Pancake poverty!

I love all of it.

I still think the pancake mix fiasco was the best. 

WinstonsGirl

My SIL has been saying this after last Christmas.  Or, at least she wants to put a limit on the gifts.  We like to spoil our niece/nephews cos we're not planning on having kids and we can.  

I'd still show up with a gift, but it would be more likely to be clothing or books over toys.  My SIL actually said no more books (I would be given free ones from co-workers to give to them).  I don't understand at all turning down free books.  Both kids love to read and love getting new books.  I'd be wanting to encourage that as a parent.  

KatieinBkln

KatieinBkln said:

I'd bring it. Birthday parties are gift-giving events.

Honestly, if parents don't want extra shit in their house they can throw things out. I've never bought the "Oh, it's so HARD to have so many THINGS" excuse. 

Girl we are so on the same page right now! Hello, how are you enjoying this page? Nice right?

"OMG BUT WE HAVE LOTS OF STUFF"....and what you don't know what Goodwill is? There are NEEDY CHILDREN (who live in TRAILERS) who don't have shit at all. Give the extra shit to those kids. Why is this hard? 

FWP: My kid has too much stuff and I can't figure out how to donate the crap we don't need. My life is hard. #fml #humblebrag #blessed #FWP

This page is so hot right now.

You just know there are parents out on Facebook right this moment sharing photos of the huge spread their child garnered at their birthday party, captioned: "I'm so embarrassed! I asked for no gifts but everyone just loves little Fitzwilliam so much I guess they couldn't resist! #blessed"

huskypuppy14

KatieinBkln said:

KatieinBkln said:

I'd bring it. Birthday parties are gift-giving events.

Honestly, if parents don't want extra shit in their house they can throw things out. I've never bought the "Oh, it's so HARD to have so many THINGS" excuse. 

Girl we are so on the same page right now! Hello, how are you enjoying this page? Nice right?

"OMG BUT WE HAVE LOTS OF STUFF"....and what you don't know what Goodwill is? There are NEEDY CHILDREN (who live in TRAILERS) who don't have shit at all. Give the extra shit to those kids. Why is this hard? 

FWP: My kid has too much stuff and I can't figure out how to donate the crap we don't need. My life is hard. #fml #humblebrag #blessed #FWP

This page is so hot right now.

You just know there are parents out on Facebook right this moment sharing photos of the huge spread their child garnered at their birthday party, captioned: "I'm so embarrassed! I asked for no gifts but everyone just loves little Fitzwilliam so much I guess they couldn't resist! #blessed"

_____________________________________________________________________

This reminds me of an SNL sketch: I'm Patrick Fitzwilliam, I'm William Fitzpatrick.

Anyway, yes I never would put no gifts, especially for a 1st birthday party. Why is she having a big party then?

However, my parents throw a party for my birthday every year (yes I'm 32 and I still get birthday parties). I'm a summer baby, and it's a good opportunity to have a BBQ and my parents have a pool and  hot tub. It's just family and my best friend, so pretty low key.  

I would actually prefer that people don't get me gifts, I don't need anything, and I just want to hang out with my family. But people still do. I felt extra bad this year, because my wedding was 2 months before, it's like you just all gave me presents for my wedding, I don't need birthday presents too. But I would never say that. Sometimes I feel that people feel they need to give presents when they go to someone's b-day party. 

ashley8918

KatieinBkln said:

ashley8918 said:

KatieinBkln said:

I'd bring it. Birthday parties are gift-giving events.

Honestly, if parents don't want extra shit in their house they can throw things out. I've never bought the "Oh, it's so HARD to have so many THINGS" excuse. 

That's because your life is not legitimate. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE.

You know what nobody can ever have too many of? Gay wallets.

Today has been a veritable treasure trove of delightful blasts from the past. 

Gay wallets! Trailer park danger! Pancake poverty!

I love all of it.

OMG WAIT! I missed the Bisquick, where are we talking about Bisquick?