People are unbelievable jerks. This hurts

MadHops21

Someone rescinded their donation to my nephew's gofundme page. He has AML (leukemia) and the bills are well over 100k, so SIL's sister started a page. Money is tight and this page is helpful.

My brother isn't hurt that he doesn't have the money anymore, it's the fact that someone took back their donation. That's the part that is pissing me off. The page isn't a checking account, depositing money so you can withdraw it later. We don't care about the dollar amount, and we know life happens (we sure know that), but it's the fact that you take back your support that shows us you don't really care. I believe that once you donate, you part with that money and don't expect to get it back. It just hurts this person did this.

Money can be made and worked for, but this action speaks more to me than the actual money. 

dcbride86

I'm so sorry about your nephew.  This must be an unbelievably hard time for your entire family.

 

I'm also just appalled that someone took their donation back (and I didn't even know it was possible to do this).  That's just horrible of them.  I really have nothing else to add - I can't comprehend what kind of person donates to a kid with cancer and then takes the money back.

MadHops21

dcbride86 said:

I'm so sorry about your nephew.  This must be an unbelievably hard time for your entire family.

 

I'm also just appalled that someone took their donation back (and I didn't even know it was possible to do this).  That's just horrible of them.  I really have nothing else to add - I can't comprehend what kind of person donates to a kid with cancer and then takes the money back.

I didn't know it was possible, either. I haven't actually looked at the page to see if it has a space where the person donated and the dollar amount gone, along with their name, but the fact being that they took away a donation for a kid with cancer just pains me. I don't know the reason why they took it back, but when I make a donation, I don't except to get the money back. I have parted with that money, and for a good cause. 

kvruns

I didn't know that was possible either, and it sucks and just seems wrong!.  I'm sure others have better words of wisdom but I would just try not to think about it and why someone would do that - you'll never know why and the wondering or what if won't be productive. easier said that done of course.

Fran1985

That stinks, but if its the thought that's bothering him, I would def try not to take it personal. It could be that he had a situation like the other poster and had to close his bank account, or that the payment bounced. I don't think you can actually withdraw your donation- its much more likely that something else happened (the cc number was wrong, bounced, etc). I think you should give the donator the benefit of the doubt- they wanted to help at one point and cared enough to do so.

theartistformerlyknownas

I disagree that this shows they don't care. They must care to have tried to donate in the first place. You have NO IDEA what came up in these people's lives... for all you know their own kid was diagnosed with cancer too.

Try to focus on the donations and support that are left.

ETA another thought... I've never seen the option to rescind either... I wonder if their payment method bounced/was rejected. Insufficient funds or expired credit card. At any rate, I wouldn't assume the worst of these people.

MadHops21

It's just a shitty situation, and my brother isn't handling it well at all. He hasn't handled a lot of this well (the diagnosis, the chemo treatments, my nephew's twin sister going under to give bone marrow) so the act of taking back a donation is hurting him. If the person talked to him, maybe he can understand. We don't know why they did, but I just hope it's for a good reason. I can't imagine having a crappy reason for taking back money from a kid with cancer. 

ashley8918

lolo883 said:

I disagree that this shows they don't care. They must care to have tried to donate in the first place. You have NO IDEA what came up in these people's lives... for all you know their own kid was diagnosed with cancer too.

Try to focus on the donations and support that are left.

ETA another thought... I've never seen the option to rescind either... I wonder if their payment method bounced/was rejected. Insufficient funds or expired credit card. At any rate, I wouldn't assume the worst of these people.

Yeah, this was kind of my thought. I don't think your brother should be taking this personally, honestly. 

It seems unlikely that this person donated and then said "LOL fuck this cancer kid, take backsies!". Likely, something came up and they could no longer afford to help. Maybe their kid got cancer. Maybe their house burned down. You really don't know.

MadHops21

I've never donated to the page, so I wouldn't know what options are there. I give my brother cash and babysit his other babies while he's busy with my nephew to help out. The donation was made 2.5 months ago, just seems like a long time for the site to figure out their account was rejected. 

ashley8918

scribe95 said:

I think it was probably more like the payment bounced or was rejected. 

Yeah, this is also a good possibility.

MadHops21

Is it normal to take 3 months to figure out it's a bad account and bounced? I honestly don't know. 

ashley8918

MadHops21 said:

I've never donated to the page, so I wouldn't know what options are there. I give my brother cash and babysit his other babies while he's busy with my nephew to help out. The donation was made 2.5 months ago, just seems like a long time for the site to figure out their account was rejected. 

Ah, okay. I didn't catch the timing. But still, something probably just came up. I don't think this is something to feel hurt over. I don't think it was an intentional act of no longer wanting to help.

KatWAG

lolo883 said:

I disagree that this shows they don't care. They must care to have tried to donate in the first place. You have NO IDEA what came up in these people's lives... for all you know their own kid was diagnosed with cancer too. Try to focus on the donations and support that are left. ETA another thought... I've never seen the option to rescind either... I wonder if their payment method bounced/was rejected. Insufficient funds or expired credit card. At any rate, I wouldn't assume the worst of these people.

 

-----

 

This.

 

I know this is an emotional topic. But I think you are being pretty quick to judge. The person who took back their donation could have sufffered their own personal tradegy. And now, they need every sinlge penny possible.

MadHops21

ashley8918 said:

MadHops21 said:

I've never donated to the page, so I wouldn't know what options are there. I give my brother cash and babysit his other babies while he's busy with my nephew to help out. The donation was made 2.5 months ago, just seems like a long time for the site to figure out their account was rejected. 

Ah, okay. I didn't catch the timing. But still, something probably just came up. I don't think this is something to feel hurt over. I don't think it was an intentional act of no longer wanting to help.

I'm really hoping that's the case. I will tell my brother that, he's really not in a good state right now, and it's not good for my nephew to be around that. I'm surprised it's an option to take back money, but I guess I can see that. I know you can't do that with big time companies, like Susan G Komen and such. 

Fran1985

Is it normal to take 3 months to figure out it's a bad account and bounced? I honestly don't know. 

Yes. The payment doesn't go through until your brother (or SIL) takes it out. I think you are taking this too personally. Your brother is already taking it personally enough, try to see the side of this that isn't a personal insult to your family. I think the chances are 0% that this person woke up 3 months later and was like just like you know what I changed my mind, I'll just take this back.

MadHops21

scribe95 said:

This is what the site says. Makes me wonder about the authenticity of what's going on. Especially 2.5 months later?

All payments are final and cannot be refunded. We only recommend giving to people you know and trust.

So.....what? It has to be a bank issue then, or site, or....interesting. I will definitely tell my brother this, now this is just becoming strange. 

KatWAG

Do you know who specifically took back funds? Or do you just know that someone withdrew funds?

Is it possible that no one withdrew their donation and the site charged some kind of fee?

 

MadHops21

Fran1985 said:

MadHops21 said:

Is it normal to take 3 months to figure out it's a bad account and bounced? I honestly don't know. 

Yes. The payment doesn't go through until your brother (or SIL) takes it out. I think you are taking this too personally. Your brother is already taking it personally enough, try to see the side of this that isn't a personal insult to your family. I think the chances are 0% that this person woke up 3 months later and was like just like you know what I changed my mind, I'll just take this back.

No one has taken any money out yet from it. It hasn't been touched since it started. 

MadHops21

KatWAG said:

Do you know who specifically took back funds? Or do you just know that someone withdrew funds?

Is it possible that no one withdrew their donation and the site charged some kind of fee?

 

The site charges a fee, and I'm not sure how my brother found out, but I guess it's only to a certain donation made from 3 months ago from a certain name. I know it will once you withdraw money, but no one has withdrawn anything. It doesn't have a fee charge or the site's name on it. I can see if that's a possibility. 

Fran1985

This is what the site says. Makes me wonder about the authenticity of what's going on. Especially 2.5 months later?

All payments are final and cannot be refunded. We only recommend giving to people you know and trust.

So.....what? It has to be a bank issue then, or site, or....interesting. I will definitely tell my brother this, now this is just becoming strange. 

Its not that strange. Its exactly what I and Lolo said. This is not a personal attach on your brother, the mechanics of the donation just didn't work- they account was empty, closed, or overdrawn, or the cc number was wrong, or he had to put a freeze on his CC because of identity theft and forgot about the donation he made 3 months ago.

MadHops21

Fran1985 said:

MadHops21 said:

scribe95 said:

This is what the site says. Makes me wonder about the authenticity of what's going on. Especially 2.5 months later?

All payments are final and cannot be refunded. We only recommend giving to people you know and trust.

So.....what? It has to be a bank issue then, or site, or....interesting. I will definitely tell my brother this, now this is just becoming strange. 

Its not that strange. Its exactly what I and Lolo said. This is not a personal attach on your brother, the mechanics of the donation just didn't work- they account was empty, closed, or overdrawn, or the cc number was wrong, or he had to put a freeze on his CC because of identity theft and forgot about the donation he made 3 months ago.

It's strange for me because I'm used to sites taking money directly out of my bank account when I charge to it, like PayPal, donation sites like Susan G Komen, and other sites. It's just strange to me that the site doesn't charge for 3 months. No one has withdrawn money to make it charge now. 

KatWAG

This is what the site says. Makes me wonder about the authenticity of what's going on. Especially 2.5 months later?

All payments are final and cannot be refunded. We only recommend giving to people you know and trust.

So.....what? It has to be a bank issue then, or site, or....interesting. I will definitely tell my brother this, now this is just becoming strange. 

Its not that strange. Its exactly what I and Lolo said. This is not a personal attach on your brother, the mechanics of the donation just didn't work- they account was empty, closed, or overdrawn, or the cc number was wrong, or he had to put a freeze on his CC because of identity theft and forgot about the donation he made 3 months ago.

It's strange for me because I'm used to sites taking money directly out of my bank account when I charge to it, like PayPal, donation sites like Susan G Komen, and other sites. It's just strange to me that the site doesn't charge for 3 months. No one has withdrawn money to make it charge now. 

I dont think GoFundMe.com is nearly as sophidicated a site as Susan G Komen.

I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.

theartistformerlyknownas

MadHops21 said:

Fran1985 said:

MadHops21 said:

scribe95 said:

This is what the site says. Makes me wonder about the authenticity of what's going on. Especially 2.5 months later?

All payments are final and cannot be refunded. We only recommend giving to people you know and trust.

So.....what? It has to be a bank issue then, or site, or....interesting. I will definitely tell my brother this, now this is just becoming strange. 

Its not that strange. Its exactly what I and Lolo said. This is not a personal attach on your brother, the mechanics of the donation just didn't work- they account was empty, closed, or overdrawn, or the cc number was wrong, or he had to put a freeze on his CC because of identity theft and forgot about the donation he made 3 months ago.

It's strange for me because I'm used to sites taking money directly out of my bank account when I charge to it, like PayPal, donation sites like Susan G Komen, and other sites. It's just strange to me that the site doesn't charge for 3 months. No one has withdrawn money to make it charge now. 

But with those sites you're making direct deposits to an entity, or buying a good or service. GFM doesn't work that way. My understanding is it sets payments as pending until whatever time frame, and then processes them. Say someone started a fundraiser to save an old building, and in the meantime the building was demolished anyway so they had to shut down the account without withdrawing it. Then all the pending payments would be canceled so everyone gets their money back.

MadHops21

lolo883 said:

MadHops21 said:

Fran1985 said:

MadHops21 said:

scribe95 said:

This is what the site says. Makes me wonder about the authenticity of what's going on. Especially 2.5 months later?

All payments are final and cannot be refunded. We only recommend giving to people you know and trust.

So.....what? It has to be a bank issue then, or site, or....interesting. I will definitely tell my brother this, now this is just becoming strange. 

Its not that strange. Its exactly what I and Lolo said. This is not a personal attach on your brother, the mechanics of the donation just didn't work- they account was empty, closed, or overdrawn, or the cc number was wrong, or he had to put a freeze on his CC because of identity theft and forgot about the donation he made 3 months ago.

It's strange for me because I'm used to sites taking money directly out of my bank account when I charge to it, like PayPal, donation sites like Susan G Komen, and other sites. It's just strange to me that the site doesn't charge for 3 months. No one has withdrawn money to make it charge now. 

But with those sites you're making direct deposits to an entity, or buying a good or service. GFM doesn't work that way. My understanding is it sets payments as pending until whatever time frame, and then processes them. Say someone started a fundraiser to save an old building, and in the meantime the building was demolished anyway so they had to shut down the account without withdrawing it. Then all the pending payments would be canceled so everyone gets their money back.

I figured GFM was built off the same idea, but I can see it not being as sophisticated at SGM. How annoying. I'll tell my brother all of this and see what he says. I hope it calms him down. I can't imagine anyone being intentionally spiteful that he knows. 

kaos16

It sucks if someone took back their support, but we don't know if that is the case. . . you have vented about it, gotten it off your chest.  I really think that you, and even moreso your brother, should just focus on the positives in your nephew's day to day life and the support you all have for him instead of this.  It seems like a waste of energy.

doeydo

I am sorry about your nephew.  I imagine the father of the child is maybe looking at someone to blame and is going through a roller coaster of emotions as it is so I don't blame him for being so upset about someone rescinding some money to help pay for his sick child's treatments.

Another thought, though, what if someone thought "OK, so I'd like to help people and donate money, but what if some dude just made a GFM page and lied about all this cancer stuff to rip people off?"  I mean, really, from what I understand, you send money to the website and the website gives it to the person who made a page.  There is no guarantee that any of the need, if you will, is real.

MadHops21

kaos16 said:

It sucks if someone took back their support, but we don't know if that is the case. . . you have vented about it, gotten it off your chest.  I really think that you, and even moreso your brother, should just focus on the positives in your nephew's day to day life and the support you all have for him instead of this.  It seems like a waste of energy.

It really is. It's just another thing on my brother's plate since my nephew accidentally ripped out his PICC line from his arm, so he has to go under again to get it back in his arm. He's immune system is gone, and his numbers have bottomed out, so it's really risky right now. At least telling him everything you guys told me should calm him down. He's really bad at handling all this emotionally. 

KatieinBkln

It sucks if someone took back their support, but we don't know if that is the case. . . you have vented about it, gotten it off your chest.  I really think that you, and even moreso your brother, should just focus on the positives in your nephew's day to day life and the support you all have for him instead of this.  It seems like a waste of energy.

It really is. It's just another thing on my brother's plate since my nephew accidentally ripped out his PICC line from his arm, so he has to go under again to get it back in his arm. He's immune system is gone, and his numbers have bottomed out, so it's really risky right now. At least telling him everything you guys told me should calm him down. He's really bad at handling all this emotionally. 

Your poor brother! Of course there's tons of advice about coping with horrible things, but none of it is easy.

Hopefully you'll be able to calm him down about this one thing, anyway. I can see how it would be easy to obsess over something like this when you're facing the specter of your child's cancer. It's a place to put all that anger, ya know? But ultimately, as PPs have said, it isn't productive or healthy. 

Best wishes to your family. Sending good vibes to your nephew, and to your brother, too.

theartistformerlyknownas

MadHops21 said:

It sucks if someone took back their support, but we don't know if that is the case. . . you have vented about it, gotten it off your chest.  I really think that you, and even moreso your brother, should just focus on the positives in your nephew's day to day life and the support you all have for him instead of this.  It seems like a waste of energy.

It really is. It's just another thing on my brother's plate since my nephew accidentally ripped out his PICC line from his arm, so he has to go under again to get it back in his arm. He's immune system is gone, and his numbers have bottomed out, so it's really risky right now. At least telling him everything you guys told me should calm him down. He's really bad at handling all this emotionally. 

And I would really do everything I could to assure him that this is NOT something that belongs on his plate. Don't look at it, don't think about it, don't worry about it. This isn't money out of his pocket yet, it shouldn't be seen as a slap in the face. B has enough to worry about; let this one go. For all he knows the payment situation will get sorted out and the money will pop back in and he's stressed himself out for nothing. Let it go.

climbingsingle

I'm sorry about your nephew. But I think you guys (you and your brother) are totally overreacting about something you don't know the circumstances of. It's not as if someone broke into his house and stole money out of his wallet. 

katiekessler123

I've donated to a few of those "gofundme" pages, and I've never seen the option of taking a donation back.  I'm guessing it was either a glitch or the money bounced.  Best of luck to your family going forward!