Sleepwalkers

novella1186

Does anyone out there have a sleepwalking problem, or a SO or child or whatever who sleepwalks? What do you do about it? What if they were hurting you? 

Here's my story (I put the question first because that's the part that matters, but this is why I'm asking the question): 

FI occasionally says weird stuff in his sleep. Sometimes it freaks me out-- like the time he kept saying "Kill them all!" But no big deal. Totally harmless. On really rare occasions he'll actually do stuff. Like in a sleepwalking state. 

Last night I started to have this scary nightmare that aliens were controlling FI's mind and wanted him to open up my back and pull out my spine. I woke up in pain and realized that this was a thing that was actually happening (kind of), and my brain incorporated the real thing into a dream because I had been so dead asleep. In real life, he was sitting up in bed, hovering over me, had pulled my shirt up, and was jamming his thumb into my back as if he was trying to dig under my spine, and he was also picking at my back. It seriously really hurt, and freaked me the fuck out. I know you're not supposed to wake a sleepwalker but I panicked, flipped over to face him, and started yelling at him. He didn't wake up. Just sort of mumbled something and laid back down. 

I told him about it this morning and I was laughing about it because how bizarre. And to be honest I'm still slightly freaked out about him doing that to my back. It bothered him because he's worried that the next time it happens he might actually hurt me. I'm not really worried that he would hurt me since this is the first time he's ever actually done something TO me while he's sleepwalking, but who knows? 

So what do you do with a sleepwalker? Or what can you do to try to prevent sleepwalking? Isn't it kind of a stress-related thing? Any input or advice or even a funny sleepwalking story will be much appreciated! 

melbenso

Actually, the never wake a sleepwalker thing is an urban legend.  I'd have him talk to his doctor about doing a sleep study.  You definitely don't want him accidentally hurting you, or himself, or anyone else while he is sleep walking.

tcnoble

I have no serious advice... but I couldn't help but think of Step Brothers when they put the pillows in the oven and carry the Christmas tree upstairs, and then Dobeck wakes them up and they throw him down the stairs. I just love Step Brothers.

But really... I don't think you can prevent it, because isn't it usually an underlying issue? Like you said, possibly stress related...

chloe97

My brother sleepwalks something terrible. He refuses to see doctors and has broken at least 2 or 3 windows by hitting them. Every time I have shared a hotel room with him, I wake up to him yelling about something. Usually, I just say "go back to sleep" he looks at me funny and goes back to sleep. I have no idea how any partner would be able to put up with that about him and often wonder if it's why he is single. 

I have my own moments. About 1-2 times a month, I will wake up and start screaming or yelling about something. It certainly has gotten worse with the stresses of planning a wedding. I've managed to never do anything dangerous.

If you haven't already, I would highly suggest watching Sleep Walk with Me  starring Mike Brigbalia. I first heard his comedy bit about his sleepwalking problem on This American Life and it's absolutely fascinating to hear about what he has to do in order to ensure that he doesn't do anything to seriously harm himself or his partner while sleeping.  I'm pretty sure my brother isn't to that level, but I can attest that it's scary when you are alone with someone who has no idea what they are doing in their sleep. 

novella1186

melbenso said:

Actually, the never wake a sleepwalker thing is an urban legend.  I'd have him talk to his doctor about doing a sleep study.  You definitely don't want him accidentally hurting you, or himself, or anyone else while he is sleep walking.

That is really good to know! 

Couggal12

I used to sleep walk occasionally as a child. I scared the shit out of my parents growing up because somehow I always ended up in their room and would just stand there like a creep. I don't know what changed but, it doesn't happen (or rarely) any longer. I think the last time it happened was in college and my roommate had to steer me back to bed.

I talk in my sleep every once in awhile or have extremely vivid dreams where I scream or yell out for help. DH usually calm me down. I've never seen a doctor for it but, if it was to happen on a more regular basis I would look into seeing a doctor. 

mikenberger

FI sleepwalks and will pee in random places. We've never actually got to the peeing in random places scenario while we've been together, but he's told me when he was younger, he woke up outside peeing once when he was a teenager. His mom has confirmed that he's always sleepwalked.

It seems to be drinking or stress related. If he's been drinking heavily, I can almost automatically assume he's going to get out of bed and wander into the closet. If I yell at him, "THAT'S NOT THE BATHROOM!" he'll walk out of the closet and into the bathroom. There have been times though that he yells and screams and thrashes around in bed. Typically, I either ignore him and just stay on my side of the bed or I go to the other bedroom. He's never tried to touch me though. 

I have woken up though and he's been literally walking into a wall, over and over again. After I stopped laughing uncontrollably (He was perfectly safe. Literally just walking into a blank wall over and over again) I got up and escorted him back to bed.

Maybe your FI's sleepwalking though is stress related/wedding planning related?

novella1186

mikenberger said:

FI sleepwalks and will pee in random places. We've never actually got to the peeing in random places scenario while we've been together, but he's told me when he was younger, he woke up outside peeing once when he was a teenager. His mom has confirmed that he's always sleepwalked.

It seems to be drinking or stress related. If he's been drinking heavily, I can almost automatically assume he's going to get out of bed and wander into the closet. If I yell at him, "THAT'S NOT THE BATHROOM!" he'll walk out of the closet and into the bathroom. There have been times though that he yells and screams and thrashes around in bed. Typically, I either ignore him and just stay on my side of the bed or I go to the other bedroom. He's never tried to touch me though. 

I have woken up though and he's been literally walking into a wall, over and over again. After I stopped laughing uncontrollably (He was perfectly safe. Literally just walking into a blank wall over and over again) I got up and escorted him back to bed.

Maybe your FI's sleepwalking though is stress related/wedding planning related?

SIB

I dated a guy in college who would sleepwalk if he was really drunk. One time he sleepwalked at my apartment, walked all around the whole place, then came back into my room and peed onto the bed. Perfect. 

FI's mom said he used to sleepwalk sometimes as a kid. He has been a bit stressed this week because his boss is a moron and FI has been getting unreasonably swamped with projects that his department shouldn't even be handling, and yeah now the wedding is less than 2 months away, so maybe it was just from stress. 

badbnagdway

I talk in my sleep frequently, probably at least a few times a week if not every night, per everyone who has ever shared a room or bed with me. I sleep walk, but it's not as frequent that I actually walk around and I agree with others, it is usually in times of stress that it happens. When I do sleep walk, I often will wake up during the out of bed experience. For example, one night, I was dreaming that the over head fan in my room was going to fall. My sleep reasoning told me I needed to rescue my cat, so I picked her up, rushed into the bathroom, and shut the door, and then found myself awake, holding my cat. It is not a big deal for me to wake up while sleep walking. The only thing is, I am usually completely convinced that whatever I was just dreaming has really happened. So, for example, I wouldn't let me cat back in the bedroom after the fan incident because I didn't want her to be crushed. 

I have never harmed anyone or myself while sleep walking. I have walked down flights of stairs but never outside. However, I had a persistent fear for a long time that I would do something dangerous, like, think I could fly out a window or something. When I would worry about that, I would stop and think to myself, "if you ever feel tempted to fly, don't, you're dreaming." 

I agree see if he is open to getting into a sleep study if you think the situation is dangerous in any way. To be truthful, from what I know, there's not much to be done though. If he's not doing it all the time I do think it's probably stress and will pass. I find sleeping aids, like, when I took a bunch of night time cold medicine last week because I was sick, only make my dreams more convincing to me and FI says I talk even more in my sleep when I take those. 

Edit for clarity... hopefully. 

novella1186

badbnagdway said:

I talk in my sleep frequently, probably at least a few times a week if not every night, per everyone who has ever shared a room or bed with me. I sleep walk, but it's not as frequent that I actually walk around and I agree with others, it is usually in times of stress that it happens. When I do sleep walk, I often will wake up during the out of bed experience. For example, one night, I was dreaming that the over head fan in my room was going to fall. My sleep reasoning told me I needed to rescue my cat, so I picked her up, rushed into the bathroom, and shut the door, and then found myself awake, holding my cat. It is not a big deal for me to wake up while sleep walking. The only thing is, I am usually completely convinced that whatever I was just dreaming has really happened. So, for example, I wouldn't let me cat back in the bedroom after the fan incident because I didn't want her to be crushed. 

I have never harmed anyone or myself while sleep walking. I have walked down flights of stairs but never outside. However, I had a persistent fear for a long time that I would do something dangerous, like, think I could fly out a window or something. When I would worry about that, I would stop and think to myself, "if you ever feel tempted to fly, don't, you're dreaming." 

I agree see if he is open to getting into a sleep study if you think the situation is dangerous in any way. To be truthful, from what I know, there's not much to be done though. If he's not doing it all the time I do think it's probably stress and will pass. I find sleeping aids, like, when I took a bunch of night time cold medicine last week because I was sick, only make my dreams more convincing to me and FI says I talk even more in my sleep when I take those. 

Edit for clarity... hopefully. 

huh... I didn't even think of the sleep aids thing but I've heard that they can cause sleepwalking, and FI has been loading up on Nyquil the past few nights because he has a nasty cold.... I wonder if that has anything to do with it. 

KatieinBkln

I used to sleepwalk as a kid. I think it had to do with being a generally deep sleeper (I wet the bed till I was 6 or 7 years old and I maintain it's because I was so dead to the world that the "you have to pee" message wasn't strong enough to wake me). I almost always sleepwalked myself to the toilet. Sometimes I'd wake up with my head on my knees, frozen ass, and both legs completely asleep. Fun! Other times I made my way down to the living room and plopped on the couch.

If your FI is harming you/having vivid dreams or night terrors, though, I'd absolutely recommend seeing a sleep doc.

OliveOilsMom

My college roomate told me the first day that she talked in her sleep.  We routinely had full on conversations at night.  She always went to bed early and I would go to bed late, so I must have arrived to bed at the perfect moment.  She never remembered our conversations.  One time I even asked her if she was awake and she said of course!  Next day, she still didin't remember the conversation.

Since your FI actually was touching you last night in a hurtful manner, I think he should consult with his doctor.  A sleep study could be done to figure out why and hopefully a solution will be easily found for him.

mikenberger

Yeah, now that I think about it, if I take PM stuff or especially melatonin, I talk more in my sleep. And my dreams are super weird.

novella1186

KatieinBkln said:

I used to sleepwalk as a kid. I think it had to do with being a generally deep sleeper (I wet the bed till I was 6 or 7 years old and I maintain it's because I was so dead to the world that the "you have to pee" message wasn't strong enough to wake me). I almost always sleepwalked myself to the toilet. Sometimes I'd wake up with my head on my knees, frozen ass, and both legs completely asleep. Fun! Other times I made my way down to the living room and plopped on the couch.

If your FI is harming you/having vivid dreams or night terrors, though, I'd absolutely recommend seeing a sleep doc.

That's the weird thing, usually when he does stuff or says really odd things in his sleep, he tells me that he was having a bizarre dream. He doesn't remember having any dream last night. I was the one who ended up having a nightmare lol. 

I'm going to talk to him about the sleep doc. The way he was digging at my back was just too freaky. 

NowIamMrsKlein

My brother talks in his sleep and thrashes alot and its usually to do with being to hot. He will ahve managed to roll himself up into a cocoon of blankets and be sweating and thats when the jabbering starts.

Scary story:

I went camping with my bro, his wife and 2 friends of ours. we all stayed in the same tent trailer. Middle of the night my brother starts screaming bloody murder. Like he is being tortured, screaming. SIL and I try to unwrap him from the blankets and calm him down/slowly wake him up.

Brother is thrashing like crazy and we are having a hard time dealing. Friend gets out of his bed, walks over and puts his hands on my brothers chest, kind of pinning him down. SIL and breathe a sigh of relief until friend starts repeating over and over 'shut up shut up shut up' and we hear my brother coughing. All of a sudden, eerily calmly. My brother says 'Dude. you are choking me. why are you choking me', we turn and look and now friends hands are off his chest and around his neck. SIL screams and thats when my brother wakes up and clocks his friend across the face.

Turns out his friend sleepwalks too..... 

So my brother was sleep screaming and his friend sleep walked over and started choking him to shut him up.

Probably the scariest thing I've ever witnessed. We all had a hard time sleeping the rest of the weekend.

As for advice, try and find the root cause of it. Like for my brother it was the overheating. His friend, it was the type of alcohol he consumed the night before (he said it had happened before after drinking). Perhaps those, or stress etc. If you can remove the cause, then perhaps it may reduce the severity of episode.

My brother has never had such a screaming episode again now that he takes pains to keep cool at night. He may talk in his sleep a bit but its never gotten so bad.

novella1186

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

My brother talks in his sleep and thrashes alot and its usually to do with being to hot. He will ahve managed to roll himself up into a cocoon of blankets and be sweating and thats when the jabbering starts.

Scary story:

I went camping with my bro, his wife and 2 friends of ours. we all stayed in the same tent trailer. Middle of the night my brother starts screaming bloody murder. Like he is being tortured, screaming. SIL and I try to unwrap him from the blankets and calm him down/slowly wake him up.

Brother is thrashing like crazy and we are having a hard time dealing. Friend gets out of his bed, walks over and puts his hands on my brothers chest, kind of pinning him down. SIL and breathe a sigh of relief until friend starts repeating over and over 'shut up shut up shut up' and we hear my brother coughing. All of a sudden, eerily calmly. My brother says 'Dude. you are choking me. why are you choking me', we turn and look and now friends hands are off his chest and around his neck. SIL screams and thats when my brother wakes up and clocks his friend across the face.

Turns out his friend sleepwalks too..... 

So my brother was sleep screaming and his friend sleep walked over and started choking him to shut him up.

Probably the scariest thing I've ever witnessed. We all had a hard time sleeping the rest of the weekend.

As for advice, try and find the root cause of it. Like for my brother it was the overheating. His friend, it was the type of alcohol he consumed the night before (he said it had happened before after drinking). Perhaps those, or stress etc. If you can remove the cause, then perhaps it may reduce the severity of episode.

My brother has never had such a screaming episode again now that he takes pains to keep cool at night. He may talk in his sleep a bit but its never gotten so bad.

HOLY SHIT that is a freaky story!!!!! Omg! 

arrippa

The podcast, Stuff You Should Know, has a podcast on sleepwalking. They talk about what causes it, what you should do and even the urban legend mention above. It was really informative and entertaining.

kaitlynmichelle

H has a seizure disorder. He has been sleepwalking from a young age as well. It doesn't happen often, but almost always does when he's been drinking a lot. He has tried to go outside a lot when it happens, so it can be pretty scary.

The last time it happened he ended up in the main hallway just standing there. He said he felt this weird urge to go there but couldn't explain it. When he's having a seizure he is unresponsive / seizing but when he sleepwalks he is usually able to communicate once he snaps out of it, or is just really confused and gets upset.

I always lead him back to bed, guiding him and talk in a soothing tone. The first few times I was panicky which made it worse for him because he then would panic too.

He went to sleep studies as a kid but I don't think it answered anything. Same for his seizures. He's got them under control with meds. I'd recommend that he sees a doctor if this isn't a normal thing for him to check it out. Especially if he was hurting you.

daria24

On GBCN today there is a thread about a woman whose husband kept a loaded gun in the nightstand and she woke up one night because her sleepwalking husband had grabbed the gun and cocked it and the sound woke her up.

I got no advice OP, but seriously everyone should read that crazy thread! It's on ML. 

novella1186

daria24 said:

On GBCN today there is a thread about a woman whose husband kept a loaded gun in the nightstand and she woke up one night because her sleepwalking husband had grabbed the gun and cocked it and the sound woke her up.

I got no advice OP, but seriously everyone should read that crazy thread! It's on ML.   

SIB

Wow. That's way too fucking scary. Why would you keep a loaded gun nearby if husband has sleepwalking issues?! 

larrygaga

I would wake him right the F up. I don't really have any advice. 

I suffer from night terrors and I sometimes wake up fighting, but FI is pretty strong and he's a big tough hockey player so I don't worry about hurting him. I've actually clocked him in the nose a few times. 

I say go see a doctor with him. They might not have a solution but they might be able to tell you guys how to handle it. My doctor told me that sleep disorders are pretty hard to treat, if even possible. 

Although FI and I spend a lot of nights apart, he knows my signals for when I'm starting to get stuck in sleep paralysis or when I'm starting to have nightmares. He wakes me up and grabs onto me so I don't fling around and break my arm or something. Then I just get up and go out in the living room , eat a piece of toast and have some water and watch tv for awhile. I have to re-stimulate myself and then go back to sleep or I just fall back into my nightmares. 

I don't have any solutions, otherwise I wouldn't be going through it. I just say wake him up if it happens and don't keep weapons or other shit around. Maybe lock the bedroom door so he can't get out. 

WinstonsGirl

I've sleptwalked (sleepwalked??) a couple of times when I was younger.  It was like a dream, from what I remember.  It felt real, so I moved along with it, if that makes sense.  Anyway, I also say look for triggers or have him see his Dr., especially that he's now done something that hurt you, even unintentionally.  

Also, I can't take lots of cold medications cos they cause me to hallucinate something fierce while sleeping.  Could be that.  

novella1186

Yeah I'm definitely gonna start looking for triggers. Maybe cold medicines, maybe sleep aids, stress, alcohol... Thanks for that advice, ladies!

KytchynWitche

Apparently there's a lot of sleep-abnormality in my family. I'm a sleep-talker. My sister's a sleep-talker and a sleep-puncher/kicker. My mom's a sleep-walker/sleep-eater. Mine is mostly stress/anxiety related, not that that narrows things down much since I'm always stressed and/or anxious about something.

If you can get him to keep a journal (or y'know, keep one for him) it might be beneficial. Make a note of what he's eaten, any medications he's taken, his mood before bed, if anything major is going on in his/your life, and then make notes of the incidents as well. It'll help you figure out if there's a trigger (or set of triggers) that you can avoid, and will also help the doctor (if/when you consult one).

dcbride86

My college boyfriend's step-sister used to sleepwalk all the time, and one time she even unlocked the back door and walked into the yard.  It was REALLY scary because they had a pool, and were totally scared that she would fall in while sleepwalking and would drown.  They had to install a loud alarm so it would wake them (and her) up if she opened the back door again

I'm sorry your FI freaked you out!  I hope that doesn't happen again!

novella1186

dcbride86 said:

My college boyfriend's step-sister used to sleepwalk all the time, and one time she even unlocked the back door and walked into the yard.  It was REALLY scary because they had a pool, and were totally scared that she would fall in while sleepwalking and would drown.  They had to install a loud alarm so it would wake them (and her) up if she opened the back door again

I'm sorry your FI freaked you out!  I hope that doesn't happen again!

SIB

Thanks, it's kind of funny now, but it's still weird that it happened lol. We were joking yesterday that we should set up some kind of video camera so he can see what he's doing. But because of the nightmare I had, (and I have a crazy imagination) I said "But... what if we go back and watch the tape... and there's like a little alien standing next to the bed really controlling you?!" So FI said, "Ok, no video camera!" haha 

melbenso

mikenberger said:

FI sleepwalks and will pee in random places. We've never actually got to the peeing in random places scenario while we've been together, but he's told me when he was younger, he woke up outside peeing once when he was a teenager. His mom has confirmed that he's always sleepwalked.

I have a friend who used to do this in college.  But only when he had too much to drink.  The inappropriate pee count included a hotel air conditioning unit and a friend who was sleeping on the floor.  After the last one, he cut back on the drinking.

emmyk2016

My FI also has problems with talking and occasionally acting in his sleep. He often talks or yells, but a couple of times it was worse.

The first incident was one night when he was having a nightmare and thought there was someone in our room with a gun. So he started screaming and basically was pushing me down into the bed to try and save me. I of course woke up and started screaming too because I didn't know what he was acting the way he was. 

After this incident, he went and got a sleep study done. I also went to the doctor with him to explain what happened. His sleep study came back totally normal (of course he was good when they were watching him- that's how it always seems to work) and the doctor recommended that he take melatonin before bed. That seems to help a little. He has not had any more incidents that have really scared me, and I have become used to him talking or yelling and having to tell him to wake up and be quiet. 

I guess my main point is that maybe a sleep study would be good, but that I had an initial scary incident like you but nothing that bad since. Hope y'all can work this out!

classicalandedgy

My ex-husband would talk in his sleep, sleepwalk and act out.  Mostly the events correlated with times of high stress, but he did get a sleep study done after he jumped on top of me one night and tried to strangle me.  Fortunately, I'm trained in martial arts and my instinct kicked in and I was able to get him off me quickly, but boy did it scare the shit out of me, not a pleasant was to wake up!  When he woke up the next morning and I told him about it he said he was dreaming that there was a snake in the bed...apparently I was the snake, and he had to kill it.  In any event, it also turned out that he had sleep apnea,  which I guess can exacerbate the behaviors since sleep is never restful and in times of high stress, lack of sleep and the stress combination make for some bad shit. 

novella1186

classicalandedgy said:

My ex-husband would talk in his sleep, sleepwalk and act out.  Mostly the events correlated with times of high stress, but he did get a sleep study done after he jumped on top of me one night and tried to strangle me.  Fortunately, I'm trained in martial arts and my instinct kicked in and I was able to get him off me quickly, but boy did it scare the shit out of me, not a pleasant was to wake up!  When he woke up the next morning and I told him about it he said he was dreaming that there was a snake in the bed...apparently I was the snake, and he had to kill it.  In any event, it also turned out that he had sleep apnea,  which I guess can exacerbate the behaviors since sleep is never restful and in times of high stress, lack of sleep and the stress combination make for some bad shit. 

classicalandedgy said:

SIB

classicalandedgy said:

That is really interesting... I would never have even thought of something like that. 

levioosa

SO talks like crazy in his sleep and sometimes he will sit up straight or jump out of bed in the middle of the night all freaked out (but still asleep).  He's never been violent, but I just talk him down and get him back into bed.  Just hearing my voice really calms him down and he'll "fall back asleep" in like two seconds while I'm left laying there with a pounding heart because it startled me out of my deep sleep. 

I second looking at potential triggers that might have caused your FIs episode and talking to a sleep doctor.