A Best Man Snark... of sorts (UPDATE page 5)

levioosa

I read that thinking, "this is a joke.  It has to be."

Bye, Felicia.

loveislouder

FI doesn't know what to respond, but if he does come back with something else I'll keep you updated.

PurplekittenMew

Is he a creepy neckbeard?  He sounds like a creepy neckbeard.

theycallmelinz

ashley8918 said:

Is his name Brad, by chance?

I'm dying. Full blown LOL's over here.

loveislouder

PurplekittenMew said:

Is he a creepy neckbeard?  He sounds like a creepy neckbeard.

... Actually I think he does lol and serial killer hair. like, greasy and scraggly.

hellosweetie1015

Okay. I've had some time to consider this. 

I still say what even.

BUT. If he's serious, and he's not accidentally pulled too many days off his 365-day "how to be a douche to all your friends" calendar and thinks it's April Fools Day, your FI's best friend of 5 years proved how much he cares about your FI. And that's exactly correlated to how much effort your FI puts in to ensuring his gross ass can get laid. 

Ditch the fuckweasel.

And please, PLEASE, if your FI responds, come back and give us the dish. Like. Really. 

badbnagdway

loveislouder said:

PurplekittenMew said:

Is he a creepy neckbeard?  He sounds like a creepy neckbeard.

... Actually I think he does lol and serial killer hair. like, greasy and scraggly.

I mean, but that doesn't negate your obligation to present him with 40 attractive virgins for him to choose from at your wedding. Don't you know anything about wedding planning? 

Dreamergirl8812

I would post that letter right on my facebook page.

anjemon

I can't even. WTF? None of those reasons make any sense. Also, I would think it's respectful to not ask your wedding party for their RSVP's. Because you assume their agreement to join your wedding party means they're coming to the wedding. I know almost half of our wedding party hasn't RSVP'd yet and our deadline is in half a week.

And this is a stupid thing to get stuck on, but has anybody ever asked a friend if they're okay with their wedding being in such and such church? I would assume that if I was getting married in a church I would just ask my WP (who are my best friends). And they would let me know if they had a problem. Or  they might ask what kind of ceremony we're having and let us know they're not okay standing up during that kind of ceremony. 

Or do I need to be asking my BM's this weekend if they're okay with our non-denominational non-church slightly religious wedding?

novella1186

theycallmelinz said:

ashley8918 said:

Is his name Brad, by chance?

I'm dying. Full blown LOL's over here.

My first thought too, lol. Hey, Brad's in two weddings! 

But really, wtf?! This has to be a joke, right? It has to be. 

chibiyui

Bill him for this

http://itheedread.jezebel.com/for-the-right-price-the-super-troopers-will-be-your-br-1693816505/+katedries

amelisha

He sounds like some kind of idiot MRA neckbeard who needs to put down his copy of The Game, and dudes like that don't need to be in reasonable people's lives.

Bubblegum5586

OP please keep us updated! H has some pretty lame friends but nothing compared to that!

[Deleted User]

badbnagdway said:

That is all a bunch of nonsense from what I can tell. I do not understand where in the world he got the idea that you and your FI are responsible for match-making him or getting him laid. I do think it's nice to give single guests an option to bring a date, especially a WP member, but it's not required and it's not a reason to decline to be in the WP. 

Although - you did check with him on that, right? That he doesn't have a new gf? It sounds like he is truly single, like, on the prowl, so he probably doesn't but just wondering because if I was in a WP and I wasn't asked if there was a special someone I'd be annoyed. 

Wait.  I read this as he's pissed that you Allowed him to bring a guest even though he's single.  Did you give him a plus one?  You're disrespecting the fact that he's single by telling him that he can bring a friend.

littlepep

This is the most BSC thing I have ever seen. I can't even believe it's real. 

TBH though I'm really glad I got to experience this email. It's like that crazy sorority girl email from a while back. So insane that it's hysterical. 

pinkcow13

adk19 said:

That is all a bunch of nonsense from what I can tell. I do not understand where in the world he got the idea that you and your FI are responsible for match-making him or getting him laid. I do think it's nice to give single guests an option to bring a date, especially a WP member, but it's not required and it's not a reason to decline to be in the WP. 

Although - you did check with him on that, right? That he doesn't have a new gf? It sounds like he is truly single, like, on the prowl, so he probably doesn't but just wondering because if I was in a WP and I wasn't asked if there was a special someone I'd be annoyed. 

Wait.  I read this as he's pissed that you Allowed him to bring a guest even though he's single.  Did you give him a plus one?  You're disrespecting the fact that he's single by telling him that he can bring a friend.

Wait, what?

sophhabobopha

hellosweetie1015

adk19 said:

That is all a bunch of nonsense from what I can tell. I do not understand where in the world he got the idea that you and your FI are responsible for match-making him or getting him laid. I do think it's nice to give single guests an option to bring a date, especially a WP member, but it's not required and it's not a reason to decline to be in the WP. 

Although - you did check with him on that, right? That he doesn't have a new gf? It sounds like he is truly single, like, on the prowl, so he probably doesn't but just wondering because if I was in a WP and I wasn't asked if there was a special someone I'd be annoyed. 

Wait.  I read this as he's pissed that you Allowed him to bring a guest even though he's single.  Did you give him a plus one?  You're disrespecting the fact that he's single by telling him that he can bring a friend.

Wait, what?

loveislouder said:

3) You disrespect me as a
single male as you provided me with a guest spot knowing full well I am single.
(uhh….)

Love DID provide him with a guest spot. She's disrespecting his singleness by offering him a spot, because if he brings a date it's socially unacceptable to go around to all the single ladies and mounting them like the rutting stallion he is.

Yep. It's exactly as crazy as it sounds.

ohannabelle

Is it April 1st already?

drunkenwitch

What a fucking toddler. Good Lord, tell him to hire a hooker if he's that hard up.

I can't even with that email.

Ladies and gentlemen we have the found THE BIGGEST DOUCHE IN THE UNIVERSE! Huzzah! The search is over.

badbnagdway

hellosweetie1015 said:

adk19 said:

That is all a bunch of nonsense from what I can tell. I do not understand where in the world he got the idea that you and your FI are responsible for match-making him or getting him laid. I do think it's nice to give single guests an option to bring a date, especially a WP member, but it's not required and it's not a reason to decline to be in the WP. 

Although - you did check with him on that, right? That he doesn't have a new gf? It sounds like he is truly single, like, on the prowl, so he probably doesn't but just wondering because if I was in a WP and I wasn't asked if there was a special someone I'd be annoyed. 

Wait.  I read this as he's pissed that you Allowed him to bring a guest even though he's single.  Did you give him a plus one?  You're disrespecting the fact that he's single by telling him that he can bring a friend.

Wait, what?

loveislouder said:

3) You disrespect me as a
single male as you provided me with a guest spot knowing full well I am single.
(uhh….)

Love DID provide him with a guest spot. She's disrespecting his singleness by offering him a spot, because if he brings a date it's socially unacceptable to go around to all the single ladies and mounting them like the rutting stallion he is.

Yep. It's exactly as crazy as it sounds.

Yeah, I def misread that - I thought he was saying he wasn't given a guest. Not that that would be an excuse to be crazy, of course, I was just wondering. And OP verified she had asked if there was anyone he was seeing. 

I wish I would have known about the rule that the b&g have to provide their single WP members with other singles to mingle with before I met FI. 

WHERE ARE MY ELIGIBLE BACHELORS, BITCHES?

mrsdee15

That just made me laugh so hard.

My response would be:

1) Stop trying to make our bridesmaids play with your dinglehopper.

2) Now we don't want you and your fur burger to attend anyway.

3) Sorry you can't even get anyone to play with your slim jim. 

4) Even out-of-towners will see your family jewels for the costume jewelry they are.

5) Well then you and your herpes hatchet can go hang out at your church.

6) We don't want to sic your mushroom tip on any more people than necessary.

I learned so much from that other thread.

KatieinBkln

Oh dear god. 

Did he email this? Can you respond in gif form? Because: 

theycallmelinz

mrsdee15 said:

That just made me laugh so hard.

My response would be:

1) Stop trying to make our bridesmaids play with your dinglehopper.

2) Now we don't want you and your fur burger to attend anyway.

3) Sorry you can't even get anyone to play with your slim jim. 

4) Even out-of-towners will see your family jewels for the costume jewelry they are.

5) Well then you and your herpes hatchet can go hang out at your church.

6) We don't want to sic your mushroom tip on any more people than necessary.

I learned so much from that other thread.

Dinglehopper. Bahahahaha

drunkenwitch

I am now picturing this "man" stomping his foot and yelling "but I want a chick to touch my wiener WHY WON'T CHICKS TOUCH MY WIENER WHHHYYYYYY"

novella1186

I really want to know if he says anything else or if your FI talks to him. I'm dying. Because really. I'm just confused more than anything.... Like what do his religious beliefs have to do with your ceremony? And you should have invited more single guests for him? Like... he does know this is not about him, right? Or I guess not. I guess everything is about him. 

drunkenwitch

You know what? I'm not done.  If his religious beliefs are so damn important to him maybe he shouldn't be trying to stick it in every skirt that walks by.  Doesn't Baby Jesus cry whenever there is sex out of wedlock?  Or does he kill a puppy?  I never could keep that straight.

KatieinBkln

drunkenwitch said:

You know what? I'm not done.  If his religious beliefs are so damn important to him maybe he shouldn't be trying to stick it in every skirt that walks by.  Doesn't Baby Jesus cry whenever there is sex out of wedlock?  Or does he kill a puppy?  I never could keep that straight.

Agreed. He sounds like the actual fucking worst. 

"Dear Brad,

Only an asshole would write a letter like this. Goodbye. Forever.

Go fuck yourself (because no one else should),

FI & OP"

PurplekittenMew

drunkenwitch said:

I am now picturing this "man" stomping his foot and yelling "but I want a chick to touch my wiener WHY WON'T CHICKS TOUCH MY WIENER WHHHYYYYYY"

It's because they only want jerks and won't give a nice guy like him a chance; didn't you know?

novella1186

K I'm fucking bored and I don't feel like doing anymore work today (not that I have much to do anyway). So I'm gonna go ahead and respond to his bullshit: 

1) The lack of single people in your wedding party, and invited to the wedding itself and thus I will not be able to meet any new people. It's a wedding. Not match.com. Get the fuck over yourself. 

2) You have not reminded to RSVP, which indicates to me that you do not wish me to attend. You're an adult and I'm not your mom. Do you need to be reminded to brush your teeth and pay your bills too? Get the fuck over yourself. 

3) You disrespect me as a single male as you provided me with a guest spot knowing full well I am single. I'm pretty sure my brain cells just died for having read something this stupid. 

4) I am disappointed in the lack of bachelor party. Weddings are supposed to be fun. Not your wedding, not your bachelor party, not your place to be disappointed. You can go to a strip club on your own time. And you sound like a whiny bitch. 

5) You are getting married in a church and didn’t check to see if it was against my religious beliefs. Why the fuck would it matter what your beliefs are? You're not the one getting married. Get the fuck over yourself. 

6) Finally, I feel left out of all the pre-wedding parties. Just gonna repeat that you sound like a whiny bitch. 

And one last time for good measure: get the fuck over yourself. 

That was fun.