Wedding Wire Thread - Bride's Fiance Not Divorced - Oops!

TrixieJess

I just saw this in the Wedding Wire Forum. What bothered me was everyone telling her to go ahead with the wedding, that she doesn't need a piece of paper to prove she's actually married!

See for yourself Knotties:

http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/im-very-disappointed-vent/9b15f4a27a308c96.html

And I wonder why I come here for real advice...

mikenberger

It totally fucking sucks and woo. I'd be pretty pissed. But why didn't he do ANY follow up on the divorce? Like, I don't know "I didn't receive a divorce decree. Perhaps I should look into BITCH YOU DIDN'T RETURN THE PAPER?!" And go from there. Gotta take a little responsibility for your actions, here my friend. 

"I'd make my husband celebrate our wedding day and our legal wedding day!!"

ETA: Shocking how that "little piece of paper that nobody wants to see you sign and doesn't care if you signed it" can royally fuck up your day.

redoryx

Reading the comments, her birthday is on 4/20.

I think that speaks for itself.

banana468

Maybe I'm just overly cynical in nature anyway but I feel like this is exactly why you get a lawyer when you get divorced.   I've seen it happen more than once where either 1/2 the couple wasn't represented and got taken to the cleaners or 1/2 wasn't represented and therefore just assumed that the papers were filed when they weren't.     Get the lawyer!

redoryx

I'm just curious how she thinks she's going to pull this off. I mean, I seriously wonder about this with all PPDs. What do you tell the officiant when they ask for a marriage license to sign?

littlepep

"just remember that saying vows is almost more meaningful than that piece of paper. It's a spiritual thing before its a lawful thing."

Actually no. Not at all. 

marie2785

redoryx said:

I'm just curious how she thinks she's going to pull this off. I mean, I seriously wonder about this with all PPDs. What do you tell the officiant when they ask for a marriage license to sign?

They may be in more trouble than they think. Their officiant may not perform the wedding if one person isn't divorced yet since that can bring you into a legal gray area, and many wont perform it without the marriage license. The husband has YEARS of taxes to fix which will likely require a good accountant and alot of money..and UGH, I'm sure other problems too that I am not even aware of. 

I'm starting to understand why Catholics require proof of civil divorce before the annulment begins and pre-maritial work can start for the next marriage.  

Maggie0829

I find it funny how OP said that she is happy that they found out now and not years down the road after having kids that they are in fact, not really married.  Honey, I am sure that when you went to get that marriage license something would have pinged with the records stating that your FH is actually still married to his ex.

Maggie0829

And I also wonder how this is going to work with their officiant.  If they are getting married in a church I am not sure if a member of the cloth will perform a ceremony without the license.  They certainly aren't going to put on a play for this couple.  And other officiants maybe they will do more of a commitment ceremony then true wedding ceremony.

levioosa

OMG, that kristy girl advertising that it's "just a piece of paper" is the same one who thinks weddings without alcohol are BOOOO-RINNGGGG.  Seems like she found a place where  her bullshit actually flies.

flantastic

marie2785 said:

redoryx said:

I'm just curious how she thinks she's going to pull this off. I mean, I seriously wonder about this with all PPDs. What do you tell the officiant when they ask for a marriage license to sign?

They may be in more trouble than they think. Their officiant may not perform the wedding if one person isn't divorced yet since that can bring you into a legal gray area, and many wont perform it without the marriage license. The husband has YEARS of taxes to fix which will likely require a good accountant and alot of money..and UGH, I'm sure other problems too that I am not even aware of. 

I'm starting to understand why Catholics require proof of civil divorce before the annulment begins and pre-maritial work can start for the next marriage.  

Yeah. It's a huge pain in the ass, but only because we take marriage seriously and also want to be sure you have your ducks in an actual and not just an imaginary row.

TrixieJess

flantastic said:

marie2785 said:

redoryx said:

I'm just curious how she thinks she's going to pull this off. I mean, I seriously wonder about this with all PPDs. What do you tell the officiant when they ask for a marriage license to sign?

They may be in more trouble than they think. Their officiant may not perform the wedding if one person isn't divorced yet since that can bring you into a legal gray area, and many wont perform it without the marriage license. The husband has YEARS of taxes to fix which will likely require a good accountant and alot of money..and UGH, I'm sure other problems too that I am not even aware of. 

I'm starting to understand why Catholics require proof of civil divorce before the annulment begins and pre-maritial work can start for the next marriage.  

Yeah. It's a huge pain in the ass, but only because we take marriage seriously and also want to be sure you have your ducks in an actual and not just an imaginary row.

Where we live, you have to present your signed divorce decrees in order to obtain your license or you don't get it. My old boss went out one day to get his license at lunch and didn't have this little piece of paper, guess who didn't get his license that day?

redoryx

Maggie0829 said:

I find it funny how OP said that she is happy that they found out now and not years down the road after having kids that they are in fact, not really married.  Honey, I am sure that when you went to get that marriage license something would have pinged with the records stating that your FH is actually still married to his ex.

Right? This isn't fucking Jane Eyre where you have to wait for some random country solicitor to show up at your wedding.

loveislouder

I went to a "wedding" like this last year (didn't find out til after.) When they were signing the 'license" they signed a blank piece of paper and it's framed in their living room.

littlepep

loveislouder said:

I went to a "wedding" like this last year (didn't find out til after.) When they were signing the 'license" they signed a blank piece of paper and it's framed in their living room.

flantastic

loveislouder said:

I went to a "wedding" like this last year (didn't find out til after.) When they were signing the 'license" they signed a blank piece of paper and it's framed in their living room.

That's horrible. That deception is so deliberate and active.

SeaCaptainOtter

loveislouder said:

I went to a "wedding" like this last year (didn't find out til after.) When they were signing the 'license" they signed a blank piece of paper and it's framed in their living room.

You can't be for real with this... its just a blank piece of paper, with their signatures.... in a frame...

Heffalump

levioosa said:

OMG, that kristy girl advertising that it's "just a piece of paper" is the same one who thinks weddings without alcohol are BOOOO-RINNGGGG.  Seems like she found a place where  her bullshit actually flies.

When I saw the "good post" icon next to that, I died a little inside.  Up is down, left is right, good is bad--it's Bizarro World over there.

kmmssg

She says their officiant if aware of the situation but didn't really give any other details.  What officiant would go through with that and not require them to be upfront and truthful?

mikenberger

Imagine if his "wife" actually did file the papers and they are actually divorced but he doesn't want to marry this woman so ...

redoryx

kmmssg said:

She says their officiant if aware of the situation but didn't really give any other details.  What officiant would go through with that and not require them to be upfront and truthful?

Yeah, that's all she's said. They've been "made aware." That could mean something as simple as sending an email or leaving a voice mail. No word on whether or not the officiant actually, y'know, agreed to the plan.

LondonLisa

I feel like this situation is the  very definition of why a spiritual vow is meaningless.

If it was just spiritual, the fiance could just walk away. It is literally the paperwork that makes this marriage valid and hers invalid. The irony is palpable. 

This is going to be me when she finds out that assets she thinks are fiance and her communal property are actually 1st wife and Fi's communal property:

ETA- Just read the part where her "fi" and his wife were married for 20 years since they are still married!!!! It is going to be hard to not do this with her just desserts when she gets a large portion of his(and possibly their) money taken, plus spouse support, half of their house and car etc. Especially considering he is the one technically cheating. Handle your business, people!

marie2785

LondonLisa said:

I feel like this situation is the  very definition of why a spiritual vow is meaningless.

If it was just spiritual, the fiance could just walk away. It is literally the paperwork that makes this marriage valid and hers invalid. The irony is palpable. 

This is going to be me when she finds out that assets she thinks are fiance and her communal property are actually 1st wife and Fi's communal property:

ETA- Just read the part where her "fi" and his wife were married for 20 years since they are still married!!!! It is going to be hard to not do this with her just desserts when she gets a large portion of his(and possibly their) money taken, plus spouse support, half of their house and car etc. Especially considering he is the one technically cheating. Handle your business, people!

None of that is guaranteed. My friend's husband divorced his ex after 10 years of separation and neither spouse got anything that wasn't already in their (separate) houses, even though since the separation he had bought 2 houses and started a successful business. According to him it was incredibly simple, and the lawyers didn't even try to touch his assets since it was clear they accumulated after their separation. (Why he waited 10 years to do the divorce is still an issue for his now wife though...). If the guy in the OP was a little smart, he'll have proof they separated (the original divorce paperwork may be enough). 

Had they not found out about the divorce not being final, a bigamy charge could have occurred. THAT would have been bad. And ugh taxes. I know FI and I will pay more when married, so if the man was filing as single all these years and now has to fix his returns...that's gonna hurt. 

TrixieJess

marie2785 said:

LondonLisa said:

I feel like this situation is the  very definition of why a spiritual vow is meaningless.

If it was just spiritual, the fiance could just walk away. It is literally the paperwork that makes this marriage valid and hers invalid. The irony is palpable. 

This is going to be me when she finds out that assets she thinks are fiance and her communal property are actually 1st wife and Fi's communal property:

ETA- Just read the part where her "fi" and his wife were married for 20 years since they are still married!!!! It is going to be hard to not do this with her just desserts when she gets a large portion of his(and possibly their) money taken, plus spouse support, half of their house and car etc. Especially considering he is the one technically cheating. Handle your business, people!

None of that is guaranteed. My friend's husband divorced his ex after 10 years of separation and neither spouse got anything that wasn't already in their (separate) houses, even though since the separation he had bought 2 houses and started a successful business. According to him it was incredibly simple, and the lawyers didn't even try to touch his assets since it was clear they accumulated after their separation. (Why he waited 10 years to do the divorce is still an issue for his now wife though...). If the guy in the OP was a little smart, he'll have proof they separated (the original divorce paperwork may be enough). 

Had they not found out about the divorce not being final, a bigamy charge could have occurred. THAT would have been bad. And ugh taxes. I know FI and I will pay more when married, so if the man was filing as single all these years and now has to fix his returns...that's gonna hurt. 

I think it depends where you live and where you file your divorce in the States (I'm Canadian). There are communal property laws in certain States where you have to split everything obtained during all the years of marriage and others where there is a bit more leeway. I'm not an expert in American law though so if someone knows better, please correct me. In Canada, it's Provincial, so it depends on where you are. In Ontario it's 50/50, however, if both parties agree, you can walk away with what you walked into the marriage with. My parents did this.

thisismynickname2

This thread makes me really glad my own husband had his divorce papers and his annulment papers, and I read them myself. 

mikenberger

thisismynickname said:

This thread makes me really glad my own husband had his divorce papers and his annulment papers, and I read them myself. 

lol I did a court search and found FI's divorce papers before we started dating. I didn't want to get involved in some "Maybe we're getting divorced, maybe we're not." sort of thing. But in my state, you do not have to produce those papers for a license and we are having a secular ceremony (so he doesn't need to provide a divorce decree or something for the church), so I wouldn't find out if he's married until we went for the marriage license.

And I would probably hit the roof at that point if I found out he was still married.

MGP

"Oh, you had spiritual vows while he was still legally married to someone else?  No problem, I will grant you all of his assets anyways".

- said no Judge ever

larrygaga

redoryx said:

Reading the comments, her birthday is on 4/20.

I think that speaks for itself.

?????????

IrishPirate60

larrygaga said:

redoryx said:

Reading the comments, her birthday is on 4/20.

I think that speaks for itself.

?????????

420 is the code for marijuana. April 20th therefore is a popular date.

LondonLisa

MGP said:

"Oh, you had spiritual vows while he was still legally married to someone else?  No problem, I will grant you all of his assets anyways".

- said no Judge ever

QFT!

God forbid they break up, or if the house the poster lives in was bought during the previous (oops, I mean ACTUAL) marriage. She gets nothing. "Spiritual" marriage is like a verbal agreement: as good as the paper it is written on

redoryx

IrishPirate60 said:

larrygaga said:

redoryx said:

Reading the comments, her birthday is on 4/20.

I think that speaks for itself.

?????????

420 is the code for marijuana. April 20th therefore is a popular date.

This. I was pretty much implying her plan made me wonder if she was high.