Can one person/thing ruin your wedding?

BrandNewJ

I've read some crazy shit here and heard IRL about people who feel their wedding can be ruined by the wrong color lipstick, guests wearing white, estranged family member showing up, a bad attitude on anyone, and so on. 

Every time I hear/read something I try to put myself in the shoes of a bride. What would actually bother me as a bride? I feel like I wouldn't care at all with regard to guests' clothing or attitudes-- sometimes people have a bad day and might have something going on that I'm not aware of, it's okay. And on the off chance that it's malicious, then it's funny you'd come to an event centered entirely around someone you don't like. I honestly feel like the only thing that could ruin my wedding are something happening that prevents the day from happening like the groom or officiant not showing up. Just like with any day, something can happen to disturb it and it's my choice whether it affects me. 

Is there anything or anyone that can/did ruin your wedding for you? 

julieanne912

SO has a cousin whose SO is BSC.  Last time I saw her, she physically assaulted me FOR NO REASON.  It was at a music festival and she was hammered and pretty much physically attacking people.  I went over to her to see if I could calm her down and diffuse the situation (she was upset at the cousin and his adult daughter), I figured since she didn't know me as well, she would react differently.  Nope.  She pulled my hair so hard I fell to the ground. Pieces of hair came out.  She's in the 40+ age range by the way, and the cousin and her have been together 10+ years.

So  yeah, anyway, if she showed up and attacked me again I'd feel like the wedding (the party part, obviously not the actual wedding) was ruined.  She's not invited, but you never know.  I doubt she'll show.  Last time FI saw her (I wasn't there) she stayed on the opposite side of the room and wouldn't look at him.  

Otherwise, I can't imagine anything else that would "ruin" the wedding.... as long as we can say our vows, nothing can ruin it.

JaniV123

not being able to get married, something serious hapenning to FI, myself or a loved one. That's pretty much it. 

hellosweetie1015

For me, the only realistic thing that I think could ruin the day is something legitimately terrible happening. I don't even want to list off things; I'm not very superstitious, but I don't want to jinx anything. But... like. Clothes and lipstick colors and such like that don't even make the quaternary list of Things That Might Mess Up My Day.

I've said before that the church could grow eight legs and spider-walk away, so long as the minister isn't in it when it does. But... that's not likely.

littlepep

I actually had a wedding nightmare where everything went wrong. Even in my dream the only thing I cared about was guests comfort and actually getting married to FI. Nothing else matters.

CMGragain

1.  Finding out FI's divorce is not final.
2.  You forgot to get a license.
3.  The officiant doesn't show up.
4.  Your FI doesn't show up.

My own worst case:  I got an emergency call from a church.  The organist didn't show!  Could I help?  Of course, I did. Covered my garden grub clothes with a choir robe.  I didn't charge the couple, but I did give the dip shit organist a piece of my mind, and collected my fee from HIM!

jenajjthr

I can't do makeup so paid somebody to do it. I ended up looking like a raccoon. Had to fix it to the best of MY ability...which wasn't great. FI/Hubby still thought I was beautiful, still got to get married to him...so I felt terrible for a moment (long moment) but my day wasn't ruined. 

Not getting to get married to him would be mean day is ruined though. 

FiancB

I think it would take an awful lot. We had a few things go not so great:

I wanted the ceremony to be outside but it was windy as fuck and started pouring. I knew this was a possibility (because Minnesota, that's why) and thought I'd be really upset, but we just carried on inside. It made things easier, honestly. 

My dad refused to walk me down the aisle or dance with me at my wedding. I thought he might say no, so I was ready when he asked and when he started to try to explain I just flounced off to go dance with my husband. 

At the end of the night everybody was so trashed and one friend bitched another friend who then threw his drink in her face. Situation diffused, party on. 

It was still all so awesome and perfect and went by so fast. So yeah, aside from someone getting seriously hurt or H not showing up, it's pretty hard to ruin a wedding.  There were things that I thought would bother me but I seriously gave no fucks. 

flantastic

My grandmother didn't come to the wedding... because my mom and her siblings were afraid she might inadvertently ruin it, and so no one volunteered to take her. She's got pulmonary hypertension and really shouldn't travel with her oxygen, etc, and is in denial about it so she does things she shouldn't.

Everyone was afraid she'd do something she shouldn't and put herself in the hospital in the middle of the reception. I'm not sure that would have ruined it, but it definitely would have put a damper on things to have an ambulance show up.

BrandNewJ

flantastic said:

My grandmother didn't come to the wedding... because my mom and her siblings were afraid she might inadvertently ruin it, and so no one volunteered to take her. She's got pulmonary hypertension and really shouldn't travel with her oxygen, etc, and is in denial about it so she does things she shouldn't.

Everyone was afraid she'd do something she shouldn't and put herself in the hospital in the middle of the reception. I'm not sure that would have ruined it, but it definitely would have put a damper on things to have an ambulance show up.

Yeah, that would definitely ruin it if grandma ended up in the hospital.

Aside from the potential life threat and injury, I feel like family can influence ones perception of their wedding more than a guest not considered family. 

luckya23

Well, I just had my first wedding nightmare, so I guess I'll just go with that.

I lost track of time getting ready, and it was suddenly the wedding time and I wasn't dressed or anywhere near the venue, and apparently had no transportation.  So I put my dress on and started walking, but I was very worried about my hair, so I pulled Whitney Houston's daughter off the float of a passing parade and asked her to give me a quick updo, but I had to run to a nearby CVS for a comb.  Then all she wanted to do was talk about her mother and sister, so I was getting extra annoyed and I looked down at my watch and it was 4:15pm (my wedding is at 2).

So yeah, losing track of time and basically missing it would be pretty bad!

The worst part is when I told FI he said he wouldn't put it past me....

LadyMillil

BSC sis always tries to ruin important moments in my life. She tried to ruin my wedding by spilling her dinner on my dress. It sucked, but I didn't freak out and just got some help cleaning it up.

novella1186

FI keeps worrying that stuff will go wrong, and I keep telling him that if something goes wrong it doesn't matter, because as long as he and I and the officiant all show up, and the legal marriage happens, then we're golden.

I'm a neurotic worrier, so I've thought through most of the bad scenarios, like somehow the caterer doesn't show up. In which case, fine, we'll order pizza. It will make a great story. I'm kind of losing faith in my florist for several reasons so if the flowers don't show up, whatever. I don't need flowers to be married. No band? Well, we also have a DJ. No DJ? I have an iPod.

And maybe this is naive of me to say, (knock on wood) but I feel like a person can't ruin an event or crush your fun unless you let them.

natswild

Last fall when our class were on practicum (EMTs), one of my classmates responded to a grandmother having a heart attack while her granddaughter was getting prepared for her wedding (grandmother was helping her).  He and his partners worked on her for an hour, but she was declared DOA at the hospital.  Nurse was super insensitive-told the EMTs (in front of the bride's mother) that they should have just called it at the scene.  Everyone around was very flabbergasted.  That would definitely put a damper on the wedding!

hellosweetie1015

CMGragain said:

1.  Finding out FI's divorce is not final.
2.  You forgot to get a license.
3.  The officiant doesn't show up.
4.  Your FI doesn't show up.

My own worst case:  I got an emergency call from a church.  The organist didn't show!  Could I help?  Of course, I did. Covered my garden grub clothes with a choir robe.  I didn't charge the couple, but I did give the dip shit organist a piece of my mind, and collected my fee from HIM!

I had my first real wedding nightmare the other night, and this is EXACTLY what happened. And I didn't even realize we'd forgotten until halfway through the reception.

That would ruin it. For sure.

BrandNewJ

To take it one step farther, if someone did "ruin" your day, would you confront them about it?

I don't think I would. I would make the rest of the night fun, send my thank you note and not speak to the person anymore. But that would have to be something egregious to consider someone actually ruining my day. They'd probably have to knock the cake over on purpose or rip my dress off my body. 

WinstonsGirl

DH not showing up would ruin it for me.  I actually told him that if he was going to bail, he wasn't allowed to do it the day of.  Anytime leading up to the wedding, sure I'd be pissed, but I'd get over it.  If he ditched the day of, they wouldn't find his body.  He laughed and said he had no plans to bail, so we were good.  

mikenberger

I would be okay with most things. The only thing that would ruin my day was if he didn't show up. But I'll have around 100 gallons of alcohol. So I think I'll muster through.

MizLiz3

flantastic said:

My grandmother didn't come to the wedding... because my mom and her siblings were afraid she might inadvertently ruin it, and so no one volunteered to take her. She's got pulmonary hypertension and really shouldn't travel with her oxygen, etc, and is in denial about it so she does things she shouldn't.

Everyone was afraid she'd do something she shouldn't and put herself in the hospital in the middle of the reception. I'm not sure that would have ruined it, but it definitely would have put a damper on things to have an ambulance show up.

At my brother's reception an ambulance showed up because my cousin who has celiacs was served the wrong pasta and ended up very sick.  Most guests didn't even know, and my brother and SIL were left mostly out of the loop.  Now it makes for a great story (my cousin would probably disagree).

jennyleigh16

I worked a wedding a couple years ago as a banquet server where the MOB mixed alcohol with her meds, didn't eat anything all day, and the ceremony was in the hot sun on the golf course. Halfway through the main course she threw up and passed out at her table. Paramedics came, the hall was cleared and the MOB was taken the the hospital with her husband. The groom spent the rest of the reception comforting his sobbing bride who had hidden away in a another room and refused to come out. The MOB eventually came back after being cleared but most guests had left by that point.

That would have ruined the wedding.

AddieCake

Someone caused drama at our wedding, the day after our wedding, and for 3 days leading up to the wedding. She caused me to have my only meltdown 2 days before. Wedding still was not ruined.

amelisha

I haven't seen my grandmother since I was sixteen for very good reasons. If she showed it it would ruin my wedding, absolutely, because my mother would be inconsolable and my father would probably get thrown in jail for physically removing that woman by any means necessary.

jacques27

I think 99% of the things people *think* will ruin their wedding are things that will only ruin the wedding if you let them ruin it for you.  It's all about the attitude and being able to roll with the punches.  Nothing in life is perfect, but people seem to think that the laws of the universe will just magically suspend because it's their wedding day and set themselves up for disappointment when it doesn't live up to their unrealistic expectation.  Or, they don't seem to grasp that they are going to be so unbelievably busy and consumed with more important things that these things they *think* will ruin their day will hardly be a blip on their radar on the actual day.

(Or, in some cases, like lipstick, they could just be very superficial people with a tenuous at best grasp of what is really important in life.)

Fran1985

jacques27 said:

I think 99% of the things people *think* will ruin their wedding are things that will only ruin the wedding if you let them ruin it for you.  It's all about the attitude and being able to roll with the punches.  Nothing in life is perfect, but people seem to think that the laws of the universe will just magically suspend because it's their wedding day and set themselves up for disappointment when it doesn't live up to their unrealistic expectation.  Or, they don't seem to grasp that they are going to be so unbelievably busy and consumed with more important things that these things they *think* will ruin their day will hardly be a blip on their radar on the actual day.

(Or, in some cases, like lipstick, they could just be very superficial people with a tenuous at best grasp of what is really important in life.)

I think a lot of it is about attitude. A few minor things went not as planned at our wedding and it registered with me (hmm those are different centerpieces) but it was a one second of thought. What really helped was having a DOC because I didn't have to make any decisions about any blips. 

The closest superficial (not dh not showing up or medical emergency or something that actual prevents us from getting married) thing I can think of that would come close to ruining the wedding would be if someone thing happened to ruin my dress the morning of. Hair and makeup we could improvise but I am honestly not sure what we would do if my dress had been ruined. I would roll with it and get married in a black dress I packed for the honeymoon but there would definitely be an ache in my heart that my pictures wouldn't be what I wanted. I actually just got nervous thinking about it and I'm already married. 

novella1186

MizLiz3 said:

flantastic said:

My grandmother didn't come to the wedding... because my mom and her siblings were afraid she might inadvertently ruin it, and so no one volunteered to take her. She's got pulmonary hypertension and really shouldn't travel with her oxygen, etc, and is in denial about it so she does things she shouldn't.

Everyone was afraid she'd do something she shouldn't and put herself in the hospital in the middle of the reception. I'm not sure that would have ruined it, but it definitely would have put a damper on things to have an ambulance show up.

At my brother's reception an ambulance showed up because my cousin who has celiacs was served the wrong pasta and ended up very sick.  Most guests didn't even know, and my brother and SIL were left mostly out of the loop.  Now it makes for a great story (my cousin would probably disagree).

Wait, how is that a "great story" ? As someone with chronic stomach problems, I can tell you that a reaction like that is horrendous and painful and takes quite some time to recover from. And I believe that with Celaics, it's life-threatening as well. There's nothing entertaining or great about it. JFC.

wandajune6

I was a little terrified that our license was wrong. My aunt married us after marrying my uncles a few months before. She thought our license looked different, though didn't mention it until after everything. It was fine but scared the crap out of me. That would have ruined the day.

Lots of things went wrong at our wedding: a friend accidentally spilled a glass of wine on my dress, no shows, schedule issues, etc. None of it ruined anything. Though I admit that I noticed things I didn't expect to- a cousin's gf who has a thing dor DH throwing herself at him like a dog in heat, the AW friend who took endless pictures of herself at our wedding but none of us, The Kid throwing a fit when his gramma tried to get him to help her with something. I noticed everything --- but it was all comical because I was married.

thisismynickname2

My wedding nightmares centered around being late for everything. You pay all that money and can't enjoy what you're paying for because you can't show up on time and everything's pushed back. That would seriously suck, but not "ruin" the wedding. 

I just had a nightmare that my best friend's wedding ran out of food and didn't have enough chairs. It would ruin it for me as a guest, but probably not for her. 

Every worst case scenario aside from accidents and medical emergencies and death has a Plan B... or Plan C... or Plan D. 

For example, for me, I got married in close proximity to a lot of department stores. So if something happened to my dress the morning of, I'd dash to a store and buy a new dress. If someone showed up uninvited, have security remove them, and party on. PPs are right that attitude counts for a lot. 

My DJ had actually said he'd been considering getting ordained, because if an officiant didn't show up for a wedding, he could step in. I think that's super smart of him and wonder if he ever got around to it. 

My mom's wedding? Terrible weather (snow). She was an hour late to her ceremony because she literally couldn't leave the house and the village fire department went to collect her. Dad was getting drunk in the pub next door to the church. Didn't ruin the wedding and makes a great story 35+ years later. 

flutteringinfl

hellosweetie1015 said:

CMGragain said:

1.  Finding out FI's divorce is not final.
2.  You forgot to get a license.
3.  The officiant doesn't show up.
4.  Your FI doesn't show up.

My own worst case:  I got an emergency call from a church.  The organist didn't show!  Could I help?  Of course, I did. Covered my garden grub clothes with a choir robe.  I didn't charge the couple, but I did give the dip shit organist a piece of my mind, and collected my fee from HIM!

I had my first real wedding nightmare the other night, and this is EXACTLY what happened. And I didn't even realize we'd forgotten until halfway through the reception.

That would ruin it. For sure.

I've had several dreams about this. It's the day of or the day before the wedding, and all of a sudden we realize we forgot to pick up the license. And our state has a 3 day waiting period, so we wouldn't be able to pick it up that close to the wedding. That's the only thing that really would ruin it for me. I also have dreams that the caterer arranged our tables weirdly and stuff like that, and even in my dreams I'm like, "That's weird. Oh well! Not worth fussing over."

blabla89

FSIL and her H recently started an ugly family feud, and FI and I were seriously worried that she would make a scene at our wedding. It wouldn't ruin the day for us, but it sure would ruin the day for FILs if FSIL said something hateful or caused a scene and they felt like they couldn't walk away from it. I would hate for them to be in that position. We were prepared to have our DOC ask FSIL and FBIL to leave if necessary.

It sounds like they have kind of resolved it now and can be civil to each other at the wedding. So it will just be FSIL's usual AWing, and I won't be paying attention to her on shenanigans on my wedding day.

ShesSoCold

My mom was sick at our wedding so my main concern was that she'd be having a bad day. She either powered through really really well or she was having a good day. 

My MIL had done some horrendous shit leading up to the wedding so I was slightly worried that she'd do something shitty. But I knew she'd be asked to leave and that'd be the end of that. 

My SIL wore a long white dress. Somehow people were aware that I was the bride and the building did not come crashing down.

kmmssg

I think the wedding industry's never ending emphasis on having a perfect wedding adds to the problem.  I also agree that attitude is EVERYTHING.

I learned about attitude in about 2 nanoseconds with my first DD's wedding over 10 years ago.  She lives over an hour from the seamstress and final fitting is 11 days out from wedding.  She came out of the fitting room with wide eyes, no color in her face, and speechless because her dress didn't fit. 3 days before her wedding we learned that Sam's had only ordered 1/3 of the flowers we needed, and I can't remember what the third thing was now but it was big.

I remember as soon as she came out of the fitting room my calm mother self was telling her not to worry, they would get it fixed in time, yada yada.  My mind was silently saying "Holy shit!!  What are we gonna do?  I'm gonna have to see if we can get something of the rack at Davids!  Holy shit!"

When I left her I had a little bit of a meltdown in the car and decided to pray about it.  What I felt I received from my prayers was to remember that everyone makes mistakes, just like I do, so I needed to treat them well, and give them a chance to fix things.  2 days later the dress fit like a glove that was just a teensy bit tight.

With the flowers, I went to pick them up and only 1/3 of them were there.  The manager spent the rest of the day driving to other Sam's stores 100 miles away to get what they had - she was awesome.

Wish I could remember what the third thing was, but all I can tell you is that person also really worked hard to fix the issue and did.

I told all my other girls that as long as the 2 of them and the minister showed up all would be well because ANYTHING else (aside from ambulance trips and health issues) can be fixed.