No photographs during ceremony?

redheadbride15

We met with our officiant yesterday and she said she had only one rule
and that is that photographs will not be allowed during the ceremony.
This includes both the professional photographers and the guests. At
first I was a little put-off because I always imagined having photos to document the ceremony, but on thinking about it more I decided that I like the idea of being totally "in the moment" rather than "on camera" and there will be so many photos from the rest of the day that I don't really care.

Has anyone else had an experience like this? Were you bummed out that there were no photos of the ceremony? Of course we can just tell our photographers not to take any pictures during the ceremony, but the passing the words to guests is a little stickier - I've lurked on these boards long enough to know that a little sign saying "no photos" could be perceived as rude.

Ideas? Thoughts?

kaos16

redheadbride15 said:

We met with our officiant yesterday and she said she had only one rule
and that is that photographs will not be allowed during the ceremony.
This includes both the professional photographers and the guests. At
first I was a little put-off because I always imagined having photos to document the ceremony, but on thinking about it more I decided that I like the idea of being totally "in the moment" rather than "on camera" and there will be so many photos from the rest of the day that I don't really care.

Has anyone else had an experience like this? Were you bummed out that there were no photos of the ceremony? Of course we can just tell our photographers not to take any pictures during the ceremony, but the passing the words to guests is a little stickier - I've lurked on these boards long enough to know that a little sign saying "no photos" could be perceived as rude.

Ideas? Thoughts?

If it's the rule of the officiant or the location, i'd think that the officiant can make a quick announcement before the ceremony.  That's not to say everyone will listen to her.  Did she give a reason, I have never heard of this before.  When i've seen no photography ceremony requests in the past it is usually coming from the couple.

I would personally be a bit annoyed, we have some great pictures from during our vows of DH, myself and the whole bridal party for that matter!!

redheadbride15

kaos16 said:

redheadbride15 said:

We met with our officiant yesterday and she said she had only one rule
and that is that photographs will not be allowed during the ceremony.
This includes both the professional photographers and the guests. At
first I was a little put-off because I always imagined having photos to document the ceremony, but on thinking about it more I decided that I like the idea of being totally "in the moment" rather than "on camera" and there will be so many photos from the rest of the day that I don't really care.

Has anyone else had an experience like this? Were you bummed out that there were no photos of the ceremony? Of course we can just tell our photographers not to take any pictures during the ceremony, but the passing the words to guests is a little stickier - I've lurked on these boards long enough to know that a little sign saying "no photos" could be perceived as rude.

Ideas? Thoughts?

If it's the rule of the officiant or the location, i'd think that the officiant can make a quick announcement before the ceremony.  That's not to say everyone will listen to her.  Did she give a reason, I have never heard of this before.  When i've seen no photography ceremony requests in the past it is usually coming from the couple.

I would personally be a bit annoyed, we have some great pictures from during our vows of DH, myself and the whole bridal party for that matter!!

She suggests that it disrupts the sanctity of the moment and that people (including us, the guests, etc.) will not really be paying attention if they're too busy taking pictures. She seemed very set on this. I was a bit annoyed, but I really like her in all other ways and she's a family friend, so we're pushing forward. In a way I kind of like the idea now though.

ShesSoCold

redheadbride15 said:

kaos16 said:

redheadbride15 said:

We met with our officiant yesterday and she said she had only one rule
and that is that photographs will not be allowed during the ceremony.
This includes both the professional photographers and the guests. At
first I was a little put-off because I always imagined having photos to document the ceremony, but on thinking about it more I decided that I like the idea of being totally "in the moment" rather than "on camera" and there will be so many photos from the rest of the day that I don't really care.

Has anyone else had an experience like this? Were you bummed out that there were no photos of the ceremony? Of course we can just tell our photographers not to take any pictures during the ceremony, but the passing the words to guests is a little stickier - I've lurked on these boards long enough to know that a little sign saying "no photos" could be perceived as rude.

Ideas? Thoughts?

If it's the rule of the officiant or the location, i'd think that the officiant can make a quick announcement before the ceremony.  That's not to say everyone will listen to her.  Did she give a reason, I have never heard of this before.  When i've seen no photography ceremony requests in the past it is usually coming from the couple.

I would personally be a bit annoyed, we have some great pictures from during our vows of DH, myself and the whole bridal party for that matter!!

She suggests that it disrupts the sanctity of the moment and that people (including us, the guests, etc.) will not really be paying attention if they're too busy taking pictures. She seemed very set on this. I was a bit annoyed, but I really like her in all other ways and she's a family friend, so we're pushing forward. In a way I kind of like the idea now though.

I don't like this idea. At all. And I'd be pushing back with the photographer. First thing, if you have to tell people to "be fully present", they're not going to be. The people who will get all caught up in the moment and blah blah blah will do so without being told to. The other people will be hoping your bar contains grey goose or that they remembered to turn the oven off. 

There are a LOT of threads here with women talking about how their photographer took a long time to get pictures back so guest photos are all they had for a while, and even women whose photographers lost every single picture. Lots of people have said that one of their favorite pictures was taken by a guest. 

While I was walking down the aisle, my photographer, naturally, was taking pictures of my dad and I and my H. My MIL, with her phone, took a picture of my mom. She looked SO HAPPY. Seven weeks later, at my mom's funeral, my MIL gave me that picture. It's probably my favorite picture ever. Had someone told my guests not to take pictures, I wouldn't have that. 

southernbelle0915

I wouldn't agree to that! Most of my favorite photos are of the ceremony. DH and I had NO trouble concentrating on our marriage. I totally disagree that it "disrupts the sanctity" of the moment. By being able to look at my photos, I'm able to relive it all over again - it's wonderful. The ceremony photos are my favorite of our entire wedding!

Honestly, I would tell her this is non-negotiable and if she doesn't like it, you'll find another officiant. 

redheadbride15

I tend to agree with you guys - as I said, I was put-off when she first told us this. Getting a different officiant isn't really an option because this is a good family friend and it would break my parents' hearts if we didn't use her (she married my dad & stepmother 20 years ago, is the former minister of their church, and my stepmother went to great lengths to arrange this and is also paying the officiant fee as a gift for us). Plus we're only a month away from the wedding and most of the ceremony is laid out.

I really like her in all other ways and the ceremony she has laid out is really wonderful... I'm just trying to figure out how to negotiate with her. Like "we'll make the photographer promise he won't be in our face during the vows".

southernbelle0915

I think you can negotiate by telling her you plan to have your photography vendor photograph the ceremony, but that she can make an announcement about photos to assembled guests. 

Because what does she care if a hired vendor isn't "in the sanctity of the moment". I'd also have a talk with your photog before hand that if she tells him/her not to photograph, that he answers to you - not her - and that your direction is to photograph the ceremony.

ShesSoCold

I'm so sorry OP. I can't read. I read this as the photographer wasn't allowing other people to take pictures. 

But I definitely think this is something you should discuss with your officiant.  I like your idea of making sure the photographer isn't disruptive and also mention how important it is for you to have pictures of the ceremony.

Maggie0829

redheadbride15 said:

I tend to agree with you guys - as I said, I was put-off when she first told us this. Getting a different officiant isn't really an option because this is a good family friend and it would break my parents' hearts if we didn't use her (she married my dad & stepmother 20 years ago, is the former minister of their church, and my stepmother went to great lengths to arrange this and is also paying the officiant fee as a gift for us). Plus we're only a month away from the wedding and most of the ceremony is laid out.

I really like her in all other ways and the ceremony she has laid out is really wonderful... I'm just trying to figure out how to negotiate with her. Like "we'll make the photographer promise he won't be in our face during the vows".

Is your ceremony taking place in a church or other religious venue?  Typically the venue has the policy in regards to photography.  If this person is just officiating your ceremony and is not part of the actual ceremony venue then I would be saying "we understand your concern, but FI and I would like to document our ceremony with photographs."  Then I would talk to your photographer about your officiants concerns and work out a plan to have photos taken from the back of the venue and very inconspicuously.  As for your guests, you cannot tell them what they can and cannot do.  And unless your officiant specifies that it is the policy of the venue that photographs not be taken I will assume that you are acting like a speshul snowflake.

And sorry to your officiant, but when I take pictures I am more in the moment then when I am not taking pictures.  When I am taking pictures I am focusing on you and your FI and your ceremony.  When I am not taking pictures I tend to look around a lot, read over your program if you have one and look around people watch.  No offense to  you or any other couple but unless your ceremony is something very unique, I have most likely seen the same thing many times before so my attention kind of decreases.

redheadbride15

The ceremony is in a non-religious space so I agree that no one can tell my guests what they can and cannot do.

I was sort of taken aback when the officiant told us this policy yesterday so I was like "Uh, sure" but now I'm kicking myself because I really want the pictures! She seemed to be more concerned about what the professional photographers would be doing because I asked her "does this include the photographers, the guests, or both" and her response was "Ugh, definitely the professionals! They are the worst!" So I assume she doesn't want someone running around in our faces going "clicky-clicky". If this is the case then I'm sure my photographers would stand back a bit if I asked them to - they've been really wonderful to work with so far for all of our requests.

KatWAG

redheadbride15 said:

kaos16 said:

redheadbride15 said:

We met with our officiant yesterday and she said she had only one rule
and that is that photographs will not be allowed during the ceremony.
This includes both the professional photographers and the guests. At
first I was a little put-off because I always imagined having photos to document the ceremony, but on thinking about it more I decided that I like the idea of being totally "in the moment" rather than "on camera" and there will be so many photos from the rest of the day that I don't really care.

Has anyone else had an experience like this? Were you bummed out that there were no photos of the ceremony? Of course we can just tell our photographers not to take any pictures during the ceremony, but the passing the words to guests is a little stickier - I've lurked on these boards long enough to know that a little sign saying "no photos" could be perceived as rude.

Ideas? Thoughts?

If it's the rule of the officiant or the location, i'd think that the officiant can make a quick announcement before the ceremony.  That's not to say everyone will listen to her.  Did she give a reason, I have never heard of this before.  When i've seen no photography ceremony requests in the past it is usually coming from the couple.

I would personally be a bit annoyed, we have some great pictures from during our vows of DH, myself and the whole bridal party for that matter!!

She suggests that it disrupts the sanctity of the moment and that people (including us, the guests, etc.) will not really be paying attention if they're too busy taking pictures. She seemed very set on this. I was a bit annoyed, but I really like her in all other ways and she's a family friend, so we're pushing forward. In a way I kind of like the idea now though.

This is flawed logic. A photographer isn't there to partake in the sanctity of the moment. They don't care about your vows. They care about taking pictures.

It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that this is a good idea, because you don't want to upset your parents.

At the end of the day, all you will have are pictures and your memories. And you will be missing pictures from the most important part of the day.

redheadbride15

KatWAG said:

redheadbride15 said:

kaos16 said:

redheadbride15 said:

We met with our officiant yesterday and she said she had only one rule
and that is that photographs will not be allowed during the ceremony.
This includes both the professional photographers and the guests. At
first I was a little put-off because I always imagined having photos to document the ceremony, but on thinking about it more I decided that I like the idea of being totally "in the moment" rather than "on camera" and there will be so many photos from the rest of the day that I don't really care.

Has anyone else had an experience like this? Were you bummed out that there were no photos of the ceremony? Of course we can just tell our photographers not to take any pictures during the ceremony, but the passing the words to guests is a little stickier - I've lurked on these boards long enough to know that a little sign saying "no photos" could be perceived as rude.

Ideas? Thoughts?

If it's the rule of the officiant or the location, i'd think that the officiant can make a quick announcement before the ceremony.  That's not to say everyone will listen to her.  Did she give a reason, I have never heard of this before.  When i've seen no photography ceremony requests in the past it is usually coming from the couple.

I would personally be a bit annoyed, we have some great pictures from during our vows of DH, myself and the whole bridal party for that matter!!

She suggests that it disrupts the sanctity of the moment and that people (including us, the guests, etc.) will not really be paying attention if they're too busy taking pictures. She seemed very set on this. I was a bit annoyed, but I really like her in all other ways and she's a family friend, so we're pushing forward. In a way I kind of like the idea now though.

This is flawed logic. A photographer isn't there to partake in the sanctity of the moment. They don't care about your vows. They care about taking pictures.

It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that this is a good idea, because you don't want to upset your parents.

At the end of the day, all you will have are pictures and your memories. And you will be missing pictures from the most important part of the day.

This is very true. I do not want to upset my parents, and I genuinely DO like the officiant in all other ways. But I'm paying $3k for the photographer and I want my photos of the moment, dammit! Thank you all, for reassuring me that I'm not being a crazy bridezilla for wanting this. I will see if I can talk some sense into this officiant.

JennyColada

To be honest, the day was such a rush and I had so many emotions that I don't see how I could have ever felt "in the moment", and the only way that I'm really able to fully enjoy and value my ceremony IS from the pictures.

If I didn't have the pictures, and I was left to rely only on my experiences and memories, then I'd be really sad.

Maggie0829

redheadbride15 said:

KatWAG said:

redheadbride15 said:

kaos16 said:

redheadbride15 said:

We met with our officiant yesterday and she said she had only one rule
and that is that photographs will not be allowed during the ceremony.
This includes both the professional photographers and the guests. At
first I was a little put-off because I always imagined having photos to document the ceremony, but on thinking about it more I decided that I like the idea of being totally "in the moment" rather than "on camera" and there will be so many photos from the rest of the day that I don't really care.

Has anyone else had an experience like this? Were you bummed out that there were no photos of the ceremony? Of course we can just tell our photographers not to take any pictures during the ceremony, but the passing the words to guests is a little stickier - I've lurked on these boards long enough to know that a little sign saying "no photos" could be perceived as rude.

Ideas? Thoughts?

If it's the rule of the officiant or the location, i'd think that the officiant can make a quick announcement before the ceremony.  That's not to say everyone will listen to her.  Did she give a reason, I have never heard of this before.  When i've seen no photography ceremony requests in the past it is usually coming from the couple.

I would personally be a bit annoyed, we have some great pictures from during our vows of DH, myself and the whole bridal party for that matter!!

She suggests that it disrupts the sanctity of the moment and that people (including us, the guests, etc.) will not really be paying attention if they're too busy taking pictures. She seemed very set on this. I was a bit annoyed, but I really like her in all other ways and she's a family friend, so we're pushing forward. In a way I kind of like the idea now though.

This is flawed logic. A photographer isn't there to partake in the sanctity of the moment. They don't care about your vows. They care about taking pictures.

It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that this is a good idea, because you don't want to upset your parents.

At the end of the day, all you will have are pictures and your memories. And you will be missing pictures from the most important part of the day.

This is very true. I do not want to upset my parents, and I genuinely DO like the officiant in all other ways. But I'm paying $3k for the photographer and I want my photos of the moment, dammit! Thank you all, for reassuring me that I'm not being a crazy bridezilla for wanting this. I will see if I can talk some sense into this officiant.

Not going along with your officiants random request should not upset your parents.  Are your parents aware of her request?  If your parents are anything like mine were then they will want your ceremony documented so that they can look back on those pictures every now and then. But really this should have no bearing on your parents whatsoever.  I would just talk to your officiant and say "I'm sorry but we want our ceremony photographed.  I will speak with our photographer about staying in the back of the room and taking shots as inconspicuously as possible."

KatWAG

Maggie0829 said:

redheadbride15 said:

KatWAG said:

redheadbride15 said:

kaos16 said:

redheadbride15 said:

We met with our officiant yesterday and she said she had only one rule
and that is that photographs will not be allowed during the ceremony.
This includes both the professional photographers and the guests. At
first I was a little put-off because I always imagined having photos to document the ceremony, but on thinking about it more I decided that I like the idea of being totally "in the moment" rather than "on camera" and there will be so many photos from the rest of the day that I don't really care.

Has anyone else had an experience like this? Were you bummed out that there were no photos of the ceremony? Of course we can just tell our photographers not to take any pictures during the ceremony, but the passing the words to guests is a little stickier - I've lurked on these boards long enough to know that a little sign saying "no photos" could be perceived as rude.

Ideas? Thoughts?

If it's the rule of the officiant or the location, i'd think that the officiant can make a quick announcement before the ceremony.  That's not to say everyone will listen to her.  Did she give a reason, I have never heard of this before.  When i've seen no photography ceremony requests in the past it is usually coming from the couple.

I would personally be a bit annoyed, we have some great pictures from during our vows of DH, myself and the whole bridal party for that matter!!

She suggests that it disrupts the sanctity of the moment and that people (including us, the guests, etc.) will not really be paying attention if they're too busy taking pictures. She seemed very set on this. I was a bit annoyed, but I really like her in all other ways and she's a family friend, so we're pushing forward. In a way I kind of like the idea now though.

This is flawed logic. A photographer isn't there to partake in the sanctity of the moment. They don't care about your vows. They care about taking pictures.

It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that this is a good idea, because you don't want to upset your parents.

At the end of the day, all you will have are pictures and your memories. And you will be missing pictures from the most important part of the day.

This is very true. I do not want to upset my parents, and I genuinely DO like the officiant in all other ways. But I'm paying $3k for the photographer and I want my photos of the moment, dammit! Thank you all, for reassuring me that I'm not being a crazy bridezilla for wanting this. I will see if I can talk some sense into this officiant.

Not going along with your officiants random request should not upset your parents.  Are your parents aware of her request?  If your parents are anything like mine were then they will want your ceremony documented so that they can look back on those pictures every now and then. But really this should have no bearing on your parents whatsoever.  I would just talk to your officiant and say "I'm sorry but we want our ceremony photographed.  I will speak with our photographer about staying in the back of the room and taking shots as inconspicuously as possible."

This.

Jen4948

I don't understand why your parents would be upset by your telling your officiant something like, "While FI and I don't mind asking our professional photographer to stand back, we really would prefer not to tell our guests not to photograph the ceremony. We don't agree that guest photography disrupts the sanctity of the moment. It may even capture the moment better or more completely than just the professional work alone."

redheadbride15

I should clarify that I'm not at all worried about upsetting my parents by talking to the officiant about the photography. My parents know nothing about her request and they probably don't care one way or another. The point about my parents was brought up in response to a comment that one of the PPs made about the possibility of finding a new officiant. I would not want to "fire" the current officiant for a number of reasons, one of which is that it would upset my parents (the others being that we like her too!, and it's way too close to our wedding date!)

ETA Anyway, the point of the discussion was to see if anyone else had ever heard of an officiant, a family member, or anyone else making a request that photographs not be taken during the ceremony. It sounds like the answer to that is no, with the exception of ceremonies that happen within a religious space where photography is not allowed at any time.

MobKaz

There are photographers that do not show proper respect to the "sanctity" of a wedding ceremony. For that reason, some churches will only allow photographers on their list of approved vendors because they know those photographers will be respectful of the proceedings. Perhaps your officiant has experienced this situation.

However, since your ceremony is not being held in a religious setting, your officiant is overstepping her bounds. Assure her that your photographer will be discreet and respectful. Remind her that photographers have zoom lenses and other equipment that allow for photographs to be taken without disrupting the ceremony proceedings.

My daughter married in a Catholic church. Her photographer captured several moments of she and her groom while on the altar, and yet the photographer was never himself anywhere near the altar.

Jen4948

redheadbride15 said:

I should clarify that I'm not at all worried about upsetting my parents by talking to the officiant about the photography. My parents know nothing about her request and they probably don't care one way or another. The point about my parents was brought up in response to a comment that one of the PPs made about the possibility of finding a new officiant. I would not want to "fire" the current officiant for a number of reasons, one of which is that it would upset my parents (the others being that we like her too!, and it's way too close to our wedding date!)

ETA Anyway, the point of the discussion was to see if anyone else had ever heard of an officiant, a family member, or anyone else making a request that photographs not be taken during the ceremony. It sounds like the answer to that is no, with the exception of ceremonies that happen within a religious space where photography is not allowed at any time.

Well, be very firm with the officiant you have that you are not going to restrict guests' photography (unless your venue has restrictions) and that this is a closed subject.  In fact, I'd set it down in a contract with your officiant.

redheadbride15

MobKaz said:

There are photographers that do not show proper respect to the "sanctity" of a wedding ceremony. For that reason, some churches will only allow photographers on their list of approved vendors because they know those photographers will be respectful of the proceedings. Perhaps your officiant has experienced this situation.

However, since your ceremony is not being held in a religious setting, your officiant is overstepping her bounds. Assure her that your photographer will be discreet and respectful. Remind her that photographers have zoom lenses and other equipment that allow for photographs to be taken without disrupting the ceremony proceedings.

My daughter married in a Catholic church. Her photographer captured several moments of she and her groom while on the altar, and yet the photographer was never himself anywhere near the altar.

To the first bolded - I suspect that this is the history behind her request. To the second bolded - this is very helpful advice. Thanks!

CMGragain

Get a different officiant.

theartistformerlyknownas

If she's a close enough family friend that your parents would be heartbroken if you didn't use her, she should be close enough that you can tell her "nope that's crap, won't be doing this." Cuz that's all it is, crap. People wouldn't know there was anything to take a picture of if they weren't "in the moment!" They want a picture of the moment because it's so good!

I would have fired my officiant if he'd insisted on that.

climbingsingle

There's no way I would agree to that.

Cookie Pusher

There is no way, no matter how close I/DH/our parents were to the officiant, that a request like this would have been tolerated. DH and I didn't have a first look, so the only way to capture his expression when he saw me in my dress was to catch it while I walked down the aisle. Our ring bearer was absolutely adorable, and I love the shots we have of him sheepishly shuffling down the aisle. And our first kiss as husband and wife? That's a picture I look at fondly and often. Hell, we made it into a Christmas ornament! 

Maggie0829

CMGragain said:

Get a different officiant.

She has already said that she is not going to get a different officiant for a variety of reasons.  Did you not read the thread?

RezIpsa

I have been looking at wedding info for a few churches, and have seen similar "contracts" for photographers. None of them bar photography outright. What they do require is that the photogapher use no flash, a silent shutter, and not move during the ceremony. All the churches that require this also have a blurb in the ceremony portion that asks guests not to use a flash if they are taking photos.

Perhaps your officiant would be open to something like that? Definitely less impact on the ceremony, but seems like a reasonable compromise.

redheadbride15

Update: I spoke with the officiant and I think we reached a compromise. Her main issue was with photographers up at the alter or running back and forth in the first row during the ceremony, especially during the vows and declaration. And I do agree with her that this could be off-putting! I think she's clearly officiated at weddings that did not have very good photographers... So we agreed that our photographers could work as long as they stayed at the back or on the sides of the ceremony space. And she said she was fine with any photographs taken during the processional and recessional, which is good (a photo of me walking down the aisle with my dad is absolutely non-negotiable). We didn't talk about flash, but the space is open and bright, so I suspect that the photographers will be able to get away without it. I also told her that I would not ask my guests not to take photographs because I thought that would be in poor form.

So, in other words, I think it will work out. It's a stressful thing to learn about your officiant only 1 month before the wedding, however...

ILoveBeachMusic

redheadbride15 said:

Update: I spoke with the officiant and I think we reached a compromise. Her main issue was with photographers up at the alter or running back and forth in the first row during the ceremony, especially during the vows and declaration. And I do agree with her that this could be off-putting! I think she's clearly officiated at weddings that did not have very good photographers... So we agreed that our photographers could work as long as they stayed at the back or on the sides of the ceremony space. And she said she was fine with any photographs taken during the processional and recessional, which is good (a photo of me walking down the aisle with my dad is absolutely non-negotiable). We didn't talk about flash, but the space is open and bright, so I suspect that the photographers will be able to get away without it. I also told her that I would not ask my guests not to take photographs because I thought that would be in poor form.

So, in other words, I think it will work out. It's a stressful thing to learn about your officiant only 1 month before the wedding, however...

The church where we were married had the no flash rule. The most beautiful picture from the entire ceremony came from our photographer who took it from the back of the church (a Gothic style cathedral) so it wasn't brilliantly lit. I think professionals know how to deal with the lighting. I have to agree it is distracting to have people (guests) getting up and taking pictures. If they are taking pictures from their seats, that is totally different.

JennyColada

We had a really intimate ceremony (5 guests), so if my photog had been up in our space it would have been obvious. But to be honest, when I look back at the photos I honestly don't even remember him being there, so I'm SO surprised at some of the shots that he got!

Having a quality photog can make ALL the difference in the world.

charcoalandblush

If my officiant told me this, I would be finding another officiant. I would be INCREDIBLY disappointed if I couldn't have a single photo of my wedding.

pennydl

No decent photographer will be in your face. If they are doing their job right, you should barely notice that they are there. If your officiant is concerned about the flashing, with enough lighting, the photographer might not even need to use their flash.