Inviting coworkers

Knottie72988515

So, I'm stuck with a bit of a dilemma. Of my 10-15 coworkers, there are about 5 that I'd actually like to invite. The others are people that I either don't consider close enough to invite (given that I have a budget), or people I don't particularly like. However, given our workplace dynamic, every one of the people I don't want to invite would definitely be angry that they weren't invited and I'd probably be dealing with a lot of nastiness over the next several months (this pettiness is a good clue as to why I wouldn't want to invite them in the first place). I don't think there's any way to invite just a few without the others finding out. So what's the best way to handle this? Do I just do a mass exclusion of all coworkers, or do I just deal with the hurt feelings? I really want the few coworkers to come.

Jen4948

If you really want those few coworkers, and only those few coworkers, to come, I'd invite only them and deal with the hurt feelings.

Otherwise, don't invite anyone from your office.

I'd also consider looking for another job if you have to work with people who will take it personally that they weren't invited to your wedding and take it out on you.

Edited to add: Don't discuss your wedding at your office or in work-related situations.  Doing so will give people the idea that they will or should be invited to your wedding and will give them ammunition to use against you if you don't.

OliveOilsMom

Knottie72988515 said:

So, I'm stuck with a bit of a dilemma. Of my 10-15 coworkers, there are about 5 that I'd actually like to invite. The others are people that I either don't consider close enough to invite (given that I have a budget), or people I don't particularly like. However, given our workplace dynamic, every one of the people I don't want to invite would definitely be angry that they weren't invited and I'd probably be dealing with a lot of nastiness over the next several months (this pettiness is a good clue as to why I wouldn't want to invite them in the first place). I don't think there's any way to invite just a few without the others finding out. So what's the best way to handle this? Do I just do a mass exclusion of all coworkers, or do I just deal with the hurt feelings? I really want the few coworkers to come.

You could talk privately with the 5 co-workers you want to invite and ask them to just keep the wedding invitation talk to zero at work.  Also, send the invitations to their houses, don't hand them out at work.

Maggie0829

Jen4948 said:

If you really want those few coworkers, and only those few coworkers, to come, I'd invite only them and deal with the hurt feelings.

Otherwise, don't invite anyone from your office.

I'd also consider looking for another job if you have to work with people who will take it personally that they weren't invited to your wedding and take it out on you.

Edited to add: Don't discuss your wedding at your office or in work-related situations.  Doing so will give people the idea that they will or should be invited to your wedding and will give them ammunition to use against you if you don't.

All of this.

You have to make a choice.  Either invite the one's you want and deal with the hurt feelings or just exclude them all.

For me, when working with such a limited number of people, it was just easier to not invite any coworkers.  Normal people will understand that you can't invite everyone and just because you didn't invite them doesn't mean you hate them.  But unfortunately we live in a world where logic and common sense doesn't seem to exist much.

Do you hang out with these 5 individuals outside of work on a regular basis?  Because I find that there is a big difference between people I am friends with at work vs people I hang out with on the weekend and that I also work with.

NowIAmSyp

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

If you really want those few coworkers, and only those few coworkers, to come, I'd invite only them and deal with the hurt feelings.

Otherwise, don't invite anyone from your office.

I'd also consider looking for another job if you have to work with people who will take it personally that they weren't invited to your wedding and take it out on you.

Edited to add: Don't discuss your wedding at your office or in work-related situations.  Doing so will give people the idea that they will or should be invited to your wedding and will give them ammunition to use against you if you don't.

All of this.

You have to make a choice.  Either invite the one's you want and deal with the hurt feelings or just exclude them all.

For me, when working with such a limited number of people, it was just easier to not invite any coworkers.  Normal people will understand that you can't invite everyone and just because you didn't invite them doesn't mean you hate them.  But unfortunately we live in a world where logic and common sense doesn't seem to exist much.

Do you hang out with these 5 individuals outside of work on a regular basis?  Because I find that there is a big difference between people I am friends with at work vs people I hang out with on the weekend and that I also work with.

The bolded is exactly the criteria I used to help me determine who I should invite from work versus who to leave off.  I had a hard time, too, I get it.  But when I focused on who my true FRIENDS at work are (i.e.- hanging out outside of work), it helped immensely.  

And also- agree with PP's- keep wedding talk to a minimum (if not zero!) at work.  It will help.  Good luck!

peachy13

PPs have it covered. Also, not sure if you've already sent out your STDs, but if you haven't, I would suggest not sending them to any of your co-workers, even the 5 you're thinking about inviting. Just because when it's time to send out your invitations closer to your wedding, you may have totally different thoughts and may want to change your mind, whether it's to not invite anyone, or to include the others in your office. Also, with work, a lot of things can change. Someone could leave, someone new could be hired, etc.

If this helps at all, I got engaged when I was the new girl at work. When thinking about my original guest list, I wasn't close with my team at work and didn't include them. I kept quiet about wedding plans around the office as well. Now it's a year and 9 months later, and I'm way closer to my co-workers. Even though I didn't send them save the dates, they are all receiving wedding invitations. 

[Deleted User]

Would you buy these people an expensive dinner at a restaurant?  If not, they don't get bought a dinner at your wedding.  I also agree with everything the previous posters said.

groomguy87

PP's really have it covered here.  I didn't invite anyone from my work because while I get along with my co-workers hanging out outside of work really doesn't happen.

Knottie72988515

That's kinda how I decided I wanted to invite the 5. We actually do hang out and consider each other friends. The others are just people I happen to work with, and I wouldn't want to hang out with them outside of work. And I would agree with you, Jen, that I shouldn't have to work with people that act like children because I am not inviting them. But that's a different discussion

[Deleted User]

This is my personal opinion, don't mix work with your personal life.   I have work friends and sometimes we go to happy hour together after work (usually everyone is invited).  I like them all and get along with them, but I don't mix my personal life with work.    If it's going to start issues at work, then I say it isn't worth it to invite any of them.    On a personal note, my job is my livelihood and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my professional relationship with people.    Are you willing to deal with tension, backstabbing or other issues at work simply because the wrong person feels offended?  

[Deleted User]

Knottie29408529 said:

This is my personal opinion, don't mix work with your personal life.   I have work friends and sometimes we go to happy hour together after work (usually everyone is invited).  I like them all and get along with them, but I don't mix my personal life with work.    If it's going to start issues at work, then I say it isn't worth it to invite any of them.    On a personal note, my job is my livelihood and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my professional relationship with people.    Are you willing to deal with tension, backstabbing or other issues at work simply because the wrong person feels offended?  

My job is also my livelihood, but I'll quit tomorrow if working here starts to make me cry.  Just sayin'.  

Not everyone is like you, Knottie#s, some people actually become Friends with their co-workers.  I mean, more than just happy hours after work.  I'm in the same place as you.  I'm friendLY with my co-workers.  FH, however, is buddies with some of his co-workers.  We get invited to weddings, Superbowl parties, and random grill outs in the backyard.  I know every single member of one of his co-worker's families including parents, siblings, children, and In-Laws.  Therefore not inviting this Co-Worker is NOT an option because he is basically FH's best friend.

KittenMittens84

I'd say go with what oliveoilsmom said and ask them to keep it hush. That is what I will have to do when we get to that point of sending invites. Some people don't like the inviting coworkers but for my FI and myself thats not really an option as we both work in the same building but for different companies.

SP29

I'm of the camp to invite coworkers BECAUSE they are your friends, not because you feel obligated to invite your coworkers.

Send the invitations to these people to their home address.

If you think the rest of your coworkers will get snarky, then I think personally asking the 5 you do wish to invite to keep it quiet is fine, but it's unfortunate your other coworkers would act this way.