Should I forgo the +1 for work friends?

southernbelle0915

Ok, so you care about feelings and you don't want to insult people? Good!

Then you should invite their SOs. I would be insulted if I were invited to a wedding to celebrate someone's relationship and my relationship wasn't event respected enough to invite my husband. 

You may say "oh they wouldn't be offended, I KNOW them." Or "I asked them and they said it's fine." I guarantee you there are people who think I'd be ok with this (I'm not). Also, people tend to want to please the bride and groom, so they'll say "it's fine" when they don't actually feel that way. 

Do the right thing and invite SOs. If your co-workers decide to attend solo, fine. Whatever. But at least you didn't risk offending anyone or hurting feelings.

[Deleted User]

The first and only rule of etiquette is "Don'e be an asshole."  Really, that's it.  

Do I need chairs for all my guests?  Yes, because to not have enough chairs is an asshole move.  Do I need to recognize that my co-workers like attending weddings with their boyfriends/fiances/wives?  Yes, because not to do so would make you an asshole.  Do I need to give out favors?  You can if you want, up to you, not necessary.

See?

Jen4948

Knottie1427322490 said:

I am planning on having a table at my reception for all my work friends.  We are all teachers and regularly do happy hour together.  We also hang out one night a month for a late night dinner, dancing,  and drinks.  Our significant others rarely partake.  Do you think anyone would be offended if their significant others were not invited?  Our ages range from 23-45.  I haven't sent out invites yet.  Thanks.

To answer the bolded: yes.  Everyone would be offended.  So don't exclude SOs from invitations to coupled work friends.  If you don't have room for them all in your budget or the available space at your venue, don't invite anyone from work.

Edited to add: Not caring about etiquette or other people's feelings are not excuses for violating them.  You just make yourself look worse to everyone when you do...and you'll be likely to find yourself axed from lists of friends.

kvruns

a HS friend invited 3 of us to her wedding last year, it was OOT for most attendees, including the B&G who lived across the country. She sent us all an email saying we were going to be invited as a "girls trip" and she hoped we could make it. So the invites arrived and ours each said 1 space reserved to reiterate it was to only be us girls invited, and my FI and my other friend's husband were not invited.  I thought it was weird and didn't really plan to go until the other 2 girls wanted to and I figured it would be a good time for us 3 to bond.  We all agreed it was weird that our friend's husband wasn't invited (at a minimum) but we had a good time.

Fast forward to my wedding this past May, the subject came up with the other 2 girls who I went with (I did not invite the original B&G since they are across the country and honestly I don't talk to her much at all) and the one girl's husband made some comments, somewhat in jest, saying that he was offended at not being invited to the wedding last summer and how weird it was that he as her husband wasn't invited and neither was my fiancé. It was eye opening to hear that he was offended at not being invited and I think a good reminder that almost a year later it is still being talked about in a bad way. 

justsuzie

Oh, ok, thanks.

onefootinthebayou

Knottie1427322490 said:

Oh, ok, thanks.

You're welcome. Hope you actually read the comments containing good advice & do the right thing.

Knottie45547263

I invited all S/O of my work friends. Why would I not? I wouldn't attend a wedding without DH. 

huskypuppy14

I believe there are different levels of etiquette. If you violate a low level one (wearing a tux  before 6pm, using the wrong fork at dinner, using labels instead of handwriting addresses on your invitations) no one is going to care. 

But the big ones, like inviting SO (which I would argue is the most important of any of them), writing thank you notes, and hosting everything (no one opens their wallet at your wedding) are the most important. And people are going to talk about you, maybe forever.

My co worker and his wife didn't write thank you notes when my other co workers and I threw him a baby shower. We still talk about it, and that was 2 years ago.

[Deleted User]

huskypuppy14 said:

I believe there are different levels of etiquette. If you violate a low level one (wearing a tux  before 6pm, using the wrong fork at dinner, using labels instead of handwriting addresses on your invitations) no one is going to care. 

But the big ones, like inviting SO (which I would argue is the most important of any of them), writing thank you notes, and hosting everything (no one opens their wallet at your wedding) are the most important. And people are going to talk about you, maybe forever.

My co worker and his wife didn't write thank you notes when my other co workers and I threw him a baby shower. We still talk about it, and that was 2 years ago.

Exactly this.  The first and only rule of etiquette is "Don't Be an Asshole."  If you follow that rule, everything else will fall into place.

justsuzie

Oh, ok, thanks!