Spin-Off: What bad advice did you get from married people?

julieanne912

My mom has been giving me the "It's YOUR day" a lot too.  Which, on one hand is sort of good because she's helping us financially but hasn't been trying to insert any weirdness/random relatives etc to the wedding at all (even though she could if she wanted), but on the other hand, I want EVERYONE to have a good time, it's not just about me.  

ShesSoCold

We also had several people tell us to "just get married and still have the wedding". No can do, friend. 

The coordinators at both our venues were relieved when we said we were hosting the bar. Makes me sad.

WonderBride519

"You should have a jar or something for people to put money in. Or do one of those honeymoon registries! You two have been together long enough, it's not like you could possibly need much in the way of gifts."

I think I actually offended her with my vehement "NO" and the look of disgust that crossed my face. Her reply was, "Well my son did the cash jar, it's not a bad idea".

I politely replied that we did not expect gifts, but that we would do a registry of physical items for those that wanted to see one.

This same woman had a cash jar at her DILs baby shower, and DIL felt the need to post to a FB group a list of things "baby still needs", even though she had like four registries... Yeah, this woman is SO full of GREAT advice!

WinstonsGirl

Our banquet coordinator tried very hard for us to set a limit on our bar.  Apparently lots of people come in saying open bar! and are then shocked when they reach $1000 pretty quickly.  Basically, we set a limit, they let us know when we've reached the limit and we can then extend it or switch to cash bar.  We finally agreed to $2000 to get her off our backs, though we have no intention of switching if we did hit that amount.  DH specifically said that if people are paying to come see us get married they're going to get all the food and drink they want

lovesclimbing

frenchiekin said:

MairePoppy said:

My family members from MA told us that DD and SIL shouldn't have open bar at their wedding because guests would set their drinks down, forget them and order another drink. When people don't have to pay for their drinks, they're wasteful. Trust me, no booze was wasted at this wedding.

 

This.  We and our families are from/in MA and we have gotten this from EVERYONE.  Or my step-father, who told us to have open bar during cocktail hour, then switch to cash for the guests but keep it open for wedding party only for the night, because that's what he did for my step-sister's wedding.  No.  "It's such a waste of money, no one will care."  No.  "People get out of control, you don't want that at your wedding."  No.  And people get shit-hammered at bars every night.  Having to pay for their drinks isn't going to stop them.  Also, no.

"You should do one of those honeymoon funds!"

"Make sure you let the wedding party know what time set-up is the day before the wedding."

"What are you requiring for a dress code?  But what if someone shows up in jeans?"

"You're not doing a bouquet toss/real wedding cake/guest book/head table?  But that's what happens at weddings!!!"

And my favorite, "It's YOUR day!  Do whatever YOU want!" or, it's the BRIDE'S day.  This has actually started to make me angry when people say it.  No, it's not my fucking day.  My FI is also a person who is the other 50% involved in this.  The glorification of the bride makes me crazy.  And we are inviting 200 other people, the rudest thing I could do is have the mentality that, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is me. 

I honestly don't get the whole "oh the horror that is jeans" thing. Someone wore a dark jeans and flats with a nice top outfit to my wedding!

This outfit would be dressy enough for just about every wedding I go to, maybe minus the white jacket. vv 

jennyleigh16

My dentist told me last week that I should have a cash bar because bars are expensive and people won't mind as it's no different that ordering a drink at a restaurant. Thankfully his hands were in my mouth at that moment so I didn't have to worry about tactfully telling him he was utterly wrong.

julieanne912

lovesclimbing said:

frenchiekin said:

MairePoppy said:

My family members from MA told us that DD and SIL shouldn't have open bar at their wedding because guests would set their drinks down, forget them and order another drink. When people don't have to pay for their drinks, they're wasteful. Trust me, no booze was wasted at this wedding.

 

This.  We and our families are from/in MA and we have gotten this from EVERYONE.  Or my step-father, who told us to have open bar during cocktail hour, then switch to cash for the guests but keep it open for wedding party only for the night, because that's what he did for my step-sister's wedding.  No.  "It's such a waste of money, no one will care."  No.  "People get out of control, you don't want that at your wedding."  No.  And people get shit-hammered at bars every night.  Having to pay for their drinks isn't going to stop them.  Also, no.

"You should do one of those honeymoon funds!"

"Make sure you let the wedding party know what time set-up is the day before the wedding."

"What are you requiring for a dress code?  But what if someone shows up in jeans?"

"You're not doing a bouquet toss/real wedding cake/guest book/head table?  But that's what happens at weddings!!!"

And my favorite, "It's YOUR day!  Do whatever YOU want!" or, it's the BRIDE'S day.  This has actually started to make me angry when people say it.  No, it's not my fucking day.  My FI is also a person who is the other 50% involved in this.  The glorification of the bride makes me crazy.  And we are inviting 200 other people, the rudest thing I could do is have the mentality that, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is me. 

I honestly don't get the whole "oh the horror that is jeans" thing. Someone wore a dark jeans and flats with a nice top outfit to my wedding!

This outfit would be dressy enough for just about every wedding I go to, maybe minus the white jacket. vv 

FI is wearing jeans.  At our own wedding.  The horrors.  

kimmiinthemitten

"What are you requiring for a dress code?  But what if someone shows up in jeans?"

"FI is wearing jeans.  At our own wedding.  The horrors.  "

I come from the family where every wedding  one person shows up in jeans.  I could have a black tie affair and someone will show up in jeans.  I don't how they rotate who the jean offender will be at each wedding but it's never two people; always one.

ShesSoCold

I have slightly redneck-ey extended family members. Like 15 years ago my cousin got married in this beautiful country club. The redneck family had RSVPed no, but showed up right in the middle of dinner. Everyone is sitting and eating when five people, all wearing torn up jeans or sweatpants with huge T-shirts and Nascar jackets come yelling in and they're pissed that there's no place for them to sit. I was so embarrassed for my cousin and his new wife.

NowIamMrsKlein

lovesclimbing said:

frenchiekin said:

MairePoppy said:

My family members from MA told us that DD and SIL shouldn't have open bar at their wedding because guests would set their drinks down, forget them and order another drink. When people don't have to pay for their drinks, they're wasteful. Trust me, no booze was wasted at this wedding.

 

This.  We and our families are from/in MA and we have gotten this from EVERYONE.  Or my step-father, who told us to have open bar during cocktail hour, then switch to cash for the guests but keep it open for wedding party only for the night, because that's what he did for my step-sister's wedding.  No.  "It's such a waste of money, no one will care."  No.  "People get out of control, you don't want that at your wedding."  No.  And people get shit-hammered at bars every night.  Having to pay for their drinks isn't going to stop them.  Also, no.

"You should do one of those honeymoon funds!"

"Make sure you let the wedding party know what time set-up is the day before the wedding."

"What are you requiring for a dress code?  But what if someone shows up in jeans?"

"You're not doing a bouquet toss/real wedding cake/guest book/head table?  But that's what happens at weddings!!!"

And my favorite, "It's YOUR day!  Do whatever YOU want!" or, it's the BRIDE'S day.  This has actually started to make me angry when people say it.  No, it's not my fucking day.  My FI is also a person who is the other 50% involved in this.  The glorification of the bride makes me crazy.  And we are inviting 200 other people, the rudest thing I could do is have the mentality that, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is me. 

I honestly don't get the whole "oh the horror that is jeans" thing. Someone wore a dark jeans and flats with a nice top outfit to my wedding!

This outfit would be dressy enough for just about every wedding I go to, maybe minus the white jacket. vv 

Thats a great outfit! I have no problem with nice jeans! My issue is with the dirty stained ripped old jeans that tend to show up. And I know its totally over thinking it but when i see things like that (it happens in my own family) I can't help but think that that person didn't care enough about the hosts to change out of their work clothes.

charcoalandblush

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

lovesclimbing said:

frenchiekin said:

MairePoppy said:

My family members from MA told us that DD and SIL shouldn't have open bar at their wedding because guests would set their drinks down, forget them and order another drink. When people don't have to pay for their drinks, they're wasteful. Trust me, no booze was wasted at this wedding.

 

This.  We and our families are from/in MA and we have gotten this from EVERYONE.  Or my step-father, who told us to have open bar during cocktail hour, then switch to cash for the guests but keep it open for wedding party only for the night, because that's what he did for my step-sister's wedding.  No.  "It's such a waste of money, no one will care."  No.  "People get out of control, you don't want that at your wedding."  No.  And people get shit-hammered at bars every night.  Having to pay for their drinks isn't going to stop them.  Also, no.

"You should do one of those honeymoon funds!"

"Make sure you let the wedding party know what time set-up is the day before the wedding."

"What are you requiring for a dress code?  But what if someone shows up in jeans?"

"You're not doing a bouquet toss/real wedding cake/guest book/head table?  But that's what happens at weddings!!!"

And my favorite, "It's YOUR day!  Do whatever YOU want!" or, it's the BRIDE'S day.  This has actually started to make me angry when people say it.  No, it's not my fucking day.  My FI is also a person who is the other 50% involved in this.  The glorification of the bride makes me crazy.  And we are inviting 200 other people, the rudest thing I could do is have the mentality that, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is me. 

I honestly don't get the whole "oh the horror that is jeans" thing. Someone wore a dark jeans and flats with a nice top outfit to my wedding!

This outfit would be dressy enough for just about every wedding I go to, maybe minus the white jacket. vv 

Thats a great outfit! I have no problem with nice jeans! My issue is with the dirty stained ripped old jeans that tend to show up. And I know its totally over thinking it but when i see things like that (it happens in my own family) I can't help but think that that person didn't care enough about the hosts to change out of their work clothes.

That's my issue with jeans at weddings. It's not that nice jeans aren't appropriate - it's that in my circles, the type of people who would wear a cute outfit like that wouldn't wear jeans to a wedding anyway. The people in our circle who would wear jeans to a wedding would wear the jeans they wore to change the oil in their car this morning with their Bud Light t-shirt and Carhartt jacket to a 7pm dinner wedding at a 5 star hotel.

redheadbride15

charcoalandblush said:

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

lovesclimbing said:

frenchiekin said:

MairePoppy said:

My family members from MA told us that DD and SIL shouldn't have open bar at their wedding because guests would set their drinks down, forget them and order another drink. When people don't have to pay for their drinks, they're wasteful. Trust me, no booze was wasted at this wedding.

 

This.  We and our families are from/in MA and we have gotten this from EVERYONE.  Or my step-father, who told us to have open bar during cocktail hour, then switch to cash for the guests but keep it open for wedding party only for the night, because that's what he did for my step-sister's wedding.  No.  "It's such a waste of money, no one will care."  No.  "People get out of control, you don't want that at your wedding."  No.  And people get shit-hammered at bars every night.  Having to pay for their drinks isn't going to stop them.  Also, no.

"You should do one of those honeymoon funds!"

"Make sure you let the wedding party know what time set-up is the day before the wedding."

"What are you requiring for a dress code?  But what if someone shows up in jeans?"

"You're not doing a bouquet toss/real wedding cake/guest book/head table?  But that's what happens at weddings!!!"

And my favorite, "It's YOUR day!  Do whatever YOU want!" or, it's the BRIDE'S day.  This has actually started to make me angry when people say it.  No, it's not my fucking day.  My FI is also a person who is the other 50% involved in this.  The glorification of the bride makes me crazy.  And we are inviting 200 other people, the rudest thing I could do is have the mentality that, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is me. 

I honestly don't get the whole "oh the horror that is jeans" thing. Someone wore a dark jeans and flats with a nice top outfit to my wedding!

This outfit would be dressy enough for just about every wedding I go to, maybe minus the white jacket. vv 

Thats a great outfit! I have no problem with nice jeans! My issue is with the dirty stained ripped old jeans that tend to show up. And I know its totally over thinking it but when i see things like that (it happens in my own family) I can't help but think that that person didn't care enough about the hosts to change out of their work clothes.

That's my issue with jeans at weddings. It's not that nice jeans aren't appropriate - it's that in my circles, the type of people who would wear a cute outfit like that wouldn't wear jeans to a wedding anyway. The people in our circle who would wear jeans to a wedding would wear the jeans they wore to change the oil in their car this morning with their Bud Light t-shirt and Carhartt jacket to a 7pm dinner wedding at a 5 star hotel.

I think a lot of families have someone like this... My BIL wore khaki pants and a button-down shirt without a tie to our wedding ceremony and I was amazed at how put-together he was (my sister must have demanded it for the photos and they probably went out on a special shopping trip that week just for the occasion). But 15 minutes into the reception he had changed into basketball shorts and a stained t-shirt. Fortunately I love him to bits!

julieanne912

TBH, one of the reasons (aside from budget) that our wedding is on the casual side is because we both of people on our sides that are not dressy people.  Part of me would love to have a fancy wedding downtown (assuming we could afford it) as I love to dress up, but that wouldn't go over well with many in our crowd.  

FI's dad threatened (jokingly... I think) to wear his sweatpants, tshirt and crocs.  He's owns and is a driver for his trucking company so that's pretty much his outfit every day, and it switches to cargo shorts in the summer.  I'm sure he'll end up in some nice slacks and a button up shirt, thanks to FI's stepmom... but even if he doesn't, well, not really my problem, I don't care much.  

I found out yesterday that my stepdad was planning on buying a new suit for the wedding.  I was like eeesh, please don't buy a suit just for the wedding.  Just something nice with no jacket will be perfectly fine.  He'd probably be one of the only ones wearing a suit!

kaitlanmw

So I've been lurking on here for a few days and I just can't resist jumping in on this one.

I love my dad to bits, and he's paying for our reception, but holy hell - every couple of weeks he asks about my guest list (which I've shown him many a time and he's approved) and starts talking about how I should invite people who will definitely cover the cost of their plate.  I just sort of smile and nod (cause, it's my dad and he's usually awesome) but seriously - I'm inviting people because I LOVE THEM and want to see my MARRY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, not because they can help fund the party.

sarahufl

I was told that we didn't need chairs/tables for every person. No.

MIL was horrified that my dress was too casual and my veil wasn't fancy enough, but I gave zero shits. She ended up complimenting me the day of, but our entire engagement she made it seem like I would regret not buying this other BEAUTIFUL dress I tried on that was way too formal and stiff for a daytime wedding in Florida in the summer.

julieanne912

kaitlanmw said:

So I've been lurking on here for a few days and I just can't resist jumping in on this one.

I love my dad to bits, and he's paying for our reception, but holy hell - every couple of weeks he asks about my guest list (which I've shown him many a time and he's approved) and starts talking about how I should invite people who will definitely cover the cost of their plate.  I just sort of smile and nod (cause, it's my dad and he's usually awesome) but seriously - I'm inviting people because I LOVE THEM and want to see my MARRY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, not because they can help fund the party.

I had an ex coworker tell me that too.  She's like "Just invite the people you know will give you a lot of cash or a really nice gift".  

WinstonsGirl

Our local paper has a style section that highlights a weeding every week or so.  Today was a photographer who renewed her vows cos her wedding wasn't exactly like she wanted it.  Basically, she wanted a potluck wedding but her Mom talked her out of it.  So she had a potluck VR and and was quoted as saying something along the lines of 'I go to weddings every weekend.  My message to brides is that you really can do whatever you want!!'.  Ugh.  This is why there are so many SS's

kaitlanmw

@julieanne912 I know he means well, because he's not at all greedy - just very, very, VERY practical.  But I can't imagine inviting people I barely know just in hopes of getting a better gift.

anjemon

sarahufl said:

I was told that we didn't need chairs/tables for every person. No.

MIL was horrified that my dress was too casual and my veil wasn't fancy enough, but I gave zero shits. She ended up complimenting me the day of, but our entire engagement she made it seem like I would regret not buying this other BEAUTIFUL dress I tried on that was way too formal and stiff for a daytime wedding in Florida in the summer.

I find this very surprising. Your dress is gorgeous! And it doesn't really seem at all casual to me.

MegEn1

The thing that always gets me about dress code and people showing up in jeans is that the only person that will feel like a jerk for being underdressed is the underdressed person. No one else will feel weird or out of place except for that person. It is literally on their own heads and no one else's so who cares???

kimmiinthemitten

MegEn1 said:

The thing that always gets me about dress code and people showing up in jeans is that the only person that will feel like a jerk for being underdressed is the underdressed person. No one else will feel weird or out of place except for that person. It is literally on their own heads and no one else's so who cares???

Yes. I am quite confident no one in my family ever regretted their denim choice.

sarahufl

anjemon said:

sarahufl said:

I was told that we didn't need chairs/tables for every person. No.

MIL was horrified that my dress was too casual and my veil wasn't fancy enough, but I gave zero shits. She ended up complimenting me the day of, but our entire engagement she made it seem like I would regret not buying this other BEAUTIFUL dress I tried on that was way too formal and stiff for a daytime wedding in Florida in the summer.

I find this very surprising. Your dress is gorgeous! And it doesn't really seem at all casual to me.

The other dress was beautiful, very Grace Kelly- and perfect for a winter wedding in a ballroom or something. And thank you, I also thought my dress was gorgeous It was lace, but not a heavy lace- almost a jersey. 

lyndausvi

I had 2 people wear jeans.  You see they had 2 weddings back to back and wanted to wear the same outfit to both.  But we had the storm and then decided to wear jeans to our wedding so it didn't get ruined for the other wedding.

Now I didn't give a shit they wore jeans.  I did side-eye being stopped in the bathroom by the woman who felt the need to give me an explanation.   The "reason" was kind of lame, like somehow due to the storm my wedding was deemed worthy of wearing jeans.  IDK, just rubbed me wrong.  Honestly had she not pointed it out I wouldn't have noticed anyway.

AddieCake

lyndausvi said:

I had 2 people wear jeans.  You see they had 2 weddings back to back and wanted to wear the same outfit to both.  But we had the storm and then decided to wear jeans to our wedding so it didn't get ruined for the other wedding.

Now I didn't give a shit they wore jeans.  I did side-eye being stopped in the bathroom by the woman who felt the need to give me an explanation.   The "reason" was kind of lame, like somehow due to the storm my wedding was deemed worthy of wearing jeans.  IDK, just rubbed me wrong.  Honestly had she not pointed it out I wouldn't have noticed anyway.

Yeah, this would annoy me as well.

banana468

I didn't have anyone in jeans but I noticed my dad's friend in his untucked golf shirt. And I just smirked a bit to myself since he's married off two daughters in wedding factories ( think church wedding with reception at many acre place that serves prime rib as big as your face and as thick as a textbook) so it isn't like be didn't know that this is what you wear to weddings in the area.

The jeans outfit is nice but I've never seen jeans at a wedding. The most casual was a guy in shorts and sandals at DH's cousin's wedding.

luckya23

lyndausvi said:

I had 2 people wear jeans.  You see they had 2 weddings back to back and wanted to wear the same outfit to both.  But we had the storm and then decided to wear jeans to our wedding so it didn't get ruined for the other wedding.

Now I didn't give a shit they wore jeans.  I did side-eye being stopped in the bathroom by the woman who felt the need to give me an explanation.   The "reason" was kind of lame, like somehow due to the storm my wedding was deemed worthy of wearing jeans.  IDK, just rubbed me wrong.  Honestly had she not pointed it out I wouldn't have noticed anyway.

I think my guests would have been a lot happier had they brought jeans to change into!  It may have cut down on the number of guests wearing tablecloths!!