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Question about a gap.

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Re: Question about a gap.

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    MandTFebruary62011 said:

    Reading these boards I learn that I am clearly really low key... I've been to several weddings with gaps and while it's not my favorite I never get bent out of shape about it either. Usually we just go grab a drink at a bar while we wait. And you'll be in Vegas so it's not like there is nothing to do....

    That being said I know there are people who are bothered by it and get bored. We won't be having a gap because we have a lot of elderly family members and did not want to inconvenience them so we made sure our venue did ceremony/cocktail/reception all in one spot.

    I'm sure people will be fired up but even if it's not "right" I do think some of it depends on your guest list and if you have friends/family that don't mind grabbing a beverage in between.

    Sorry, but the bolded just doesn't fly in terms of etiquette. Your not getting "bent out of shape" when you are hosted improperly and left unhosted for a prolonged period of time doesn't justify doing it to others, regardless of where the wedding is taking place or who else is invited.

    The fact that the wedding is taking place in Vegas is irrelevant. People are there during those hours to attend a wedding and reception, not to go drinking, gambling, or whatever on their own dime and time between the ceremony and reception. And whether or not your crowd is okay with it is also irrelevant. Just because they're used to improper hosting and gaps doesn't mean they appreciate it, let alone justifies it being done to them deliberately.
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    Knottie94657783Knottie94657783 member
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    It's a tough thing to have two traditional things conflicting at the wedding. One is hosting your guests well by not having a gap between ceremony and reception, and the other is getting enough photo time in if you want to have the moment you walk down the aisle be the first time you see your Groom.

    Where i'm from in Canada, gaps are quite common, but usually the gap is very long (3+ hours) and most people go out for lunch with friends and family or back to the hotel to freshen up. Or the gap is shorter and turned into a cocktail event where the bar is open, and there are games or other bridal activities to do (fill in the guest book, write advice cards, an interactive food station, photo booth, lawn games..etc)

    I've been to a wedding at a golf course, where the guest had mini golf as an option to eat up time, but I've also been at a wedding where the couple did their first look and pictures in the morning, and everyone was supposed to go straight from church to reception site with no gap...but the bridal party doddle and their ended up being a 1.5 hour gap before we saw the bride and groom again anyway - and that was actually worse because there was no snack food or games, or bar and we didn't know the wait would be that long, so we didn't want to leave in case things got started and we weren't there. In that scenario I would have preferred the full disclosure that there were indeed taking a gap. Just because the venue is open doesn't mean the guests are being hosted. We would have gladly gone to eat appies near by and come back afterward - as we're very used to that format...(not saying it's good hosting, just saying it is common)


    I think the order should be:
    1. No gap - find a way to make sure guests are hosted all through the day

    2. If you absolutely have to have one, and there is no way around it humanly possible - then make sure it's fully disclosed to the guests prior to the wedding so they are not surprised - and don't be surprised if some people are annoyed.
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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    Knottie94657783 said:

    It's a tough thing to have two traditional things conflicting at the wedding. One is hosting your guests well by not having a gap between ceremony and reception, and the other is getting enough photo time in if you want to have the moment you walk down the aisle be the first time you see your Groom.

    Where i'm from in Canada, gaps are quite common, but usually the gap is very long (3+ hours) and most people go out for lunch with friends and family or back to the hotel to freshen up. Or the gap is shorter and turned into a cocktail event where the bar is open, and there are games or other bridal activities to do (fill in the guest book, write advice cards, an interactive food station, photo booth, lawn games..etc)

    I've been to a wedding at a golf course, where the guest had mini golf as an option to eat up time, but I've also been at a wedding where the couple did their first look and pictures in the morning, and everyone was supposed to go straight from church to reception site with no gap...but the bridal party doddle and their ended up being a 1.5 hour gap before we saw the bride and groom again anyway - and that was actually worse because there was no snack food or games, or bar and we didn't know the wait would be that long, so we didn't want to leave in case things got started and we weren't there. In that scenario I would have preferred the full disclosure that there were indeed taking a gap. Just because the venue is open doesn't mean the guests are being hosted. We would have gladly gone to eat appies near by and come back afterward - as we're very used to that format...(not saying it's good hosting, just saying it is common)


    I think the order should be:
    1. No gap - find a way to make sure guests are hosted all through the day

    2. If you absolutely have to have one, and there is no way around it humanly possible - then make sure it's fully disclosed to the guests prior to the wedding so they are not surprised - and don't be surprised if some people are annoyed.


    Don't be surprised if guests skip your ceremony, or your entire event because of inconsiderate hosting.

    Why would I fill a gap spending wasted time and money going out to lunch while waiting for cocktails, appetizers, and dinner? Not everyone who attends a wedding is from OOT. But even local guests sometimes have to drive enough of a distance where it is not easy to return home, nor do they have a hotel room in which to freshen up. Which, by the way, begs the oft asked question, "What is there to freshen up from?"

    PS......There is ALWAYS a way to avoid a gap. It does not take a super human feat to do so. It merely takes good hosting. And a lack of selfishness.
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    SP29SP29 member
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    While I have experienced my fair share of gaps (about 50/50), that does not mean they are OK or unavoidable.

    One can still take photos in between the ceremony and reception so that the first time the B&G see each other is walking down the aisle. This is what cocktail hour is for. And it only needs to be an hour. Many other photos can be done beforehand, and with a list and planning, the couple and group photos can be done in an hour in between.
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    lembasloverlembaslover member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    Knottie94657783 said:
    It's a tough thing to have two traditional things conflicting at the wedding. One is hosting your guests well by not having a gap between ceremony and reception, and the other is getting enough photo time in if you want to have the moment you walk down the aisle be the first time you see your Groom.
    As I said in one of my previous posts I didn't see the groom until I walked down the aisle and we didn't have a gap. The one hour cocktail hour was plenty of time. We literally have a few hundred photos from that time which included formals with family, some wedding party pics, and a bunch of just my new husband and myself. We got back and even got to enjoy the last few minutes of our cocktail hour. An hour is plenty so there's no conflict... Host your guests properly or you're just telling them that you're ok wasting their time and if you're fine wasting their time then why invite them at all...
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    Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
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    marriedhamstermom said:
    Knottie94657783 said:
    It's a tough thing to have two traditional things conflicting at the wedding. One is hosting your guests well by not having a gap between ceremony and reception, and the other is getting enough photo time in if you want to have the moment you walk down the aisle be the first time you see your Groom.
    As I said in one of my previous posts I didn't see the groom until I walked down the aisle and we didn't have a gap. The one hour cocktail hour was plenty of time. We literally have a few hundred photos from that time which included formals with family, some wedding party pics, and a bunch of just my new husband and myself. We got back and even got to enjoy the last few minutes of our cocktail hour. An hour is plenty so there's no conflict... Host your guests properly or you're just telling them that you're ok wasting their time and if you're fine wasting their time then why invite them at all...
    This. We did not have a first look. We didn't have any formal pictures taken before the ceremony. We were able to get all of our pictures done after the ceremony and made it for the last half of our cocktail hour. Just make sure you have a list of your "must have" photos to help keep you and the photographer on track.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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    anjemonanjemon member
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    Knottie94657783 said:
    It's a tough thing to have two traditional things conflicting at the wedding. One is hosting your guests well by not having a gap between ceremony and reception, and the other is getting enough photo time in if you want to have the moment you walk down the aisle be the first time you see your Groom.
    I was a wedding party member in a wedding where the bride and groom did not see each other before the ceremony. We took a bunch of pictures before the ceremony - all the ones that only included one part of the couple: the bride with her WP members, the groom with his WP members, the bride with the groom's WP members, etc. You can also do a bunch of family pictures, I took pictures of me with just my parents and one with just my sisters. All of those can be done before the wedding. It also led to a bit of fun where we were calling down halls "bride coming through" to make sure the bride and groom did not accidentally cross paths.

    That means the number of pictures you want after the ceremony is a lot lower and you can easily get them done in a cocktail hour period, even if you want a bunch of pictures. I really like the plan because it might even mean you get to enjoy your cocktail hour.
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