Vow Renewals

Vow renewal after one year anniversary?

So I have not researched yet the etiquette of vow renewals but I have seen a lot of negative things on wedding “do-overs”. Before you judge, please know that I am not wanting a full wedding do-over and there were some pretty terrible circumstances during our wedding that has led me to consider a vow renewal. Our wedding was the wedding of “whatever could go wrong, went wrong”. I do welcome honest opinions though because every time I think of our wedding I literally cry and at this point I’m not sure what to do anymore. It is causing me serious depression sometimes daily crying as I just think about all the money that was spent, all the time that we spent planning and all the people who have to be disappointed with the wedding.

 

The day of the rehearsal my mother had to go to the emergency room due to severe abdominal pain and ended up missing the rehearsal. Unfortunately, the doctors could not determine what was wrong and she still having follow up appointments to try to determine the cause. Due to this, there was already some anxiety and a lot of things that needed to be done prior to the day of the wedding did not get done.

 

On the day of the wedding, my father woke up unable to walk or talk as he was extremely dizzy. After several hours of this same feeling an ambulance was called and he was transported to the hospital emergency room. We were not sure if he was going to be able to make it to the wedding to walk me down the aisle. My father had, had a mini-stroke. Due to this, I kept pushing back pictures because I was too upset (bursting out into tears every 15 minutes) and the start time of the wedding in hopes that he would make it. My father left the hospital against doctor’s orders so he could be there. Unfortunately, he was too weak to walk me down the full aisle (my mom walked me half way and then my dad finished walking me from where the rows of seating started). He also could not do our first dance, stand for pictures or eat dinner. The pictures we do have of him you can tell he is not feeling well, no smiles. He barely remembers the wedding at all.


Due to my father being ill, everyone was in an even bigger panic to get things done as we were already behind schedule due to my mom being sick the day before.


On top of all the medical issues we also had the following problems: the flowers were wrong, things were not set up correctly (programs, etc.), the food was incorrect, the venue didn’t release people properly for dinner (the 20 minutes we were advised it would take for everyone to get to the buffet took an hour), our photographer did not get all the shots I requested, my reception shoes were missing, the “reception” (dancing/drinking) was probably only an hour and half or so due to dinner being too long and us pushing back the start time of the ceremony for my dad to get there and finally (I’m sure I am probably still missing something) the cake was wrong.

 

When I look back on our wedding day, which is supposed to be the happiest day of my life, I cry and not tears of joy. It was literally one of the worst days of my life. There was no happiness, no joy, no celebration. We didn’t get to enjoy anyone’s company or really let loose. In fact, there are a good hand full of people I didn’t even say hello to and good hand full of people I spent barely any time with (maybe only a minute or two) that included my husband’s mother and father. Our wedding was on 9/18/15 and I had hoped that after some time I wouldn’t look back on it so much in horror but would start to remember some good things that happened and maybe some fun. But the problem is every time I think about it the memories don’t get any better. All I remember is my fake smile that I put on for everyone.

 

I have been considering doing a “vow renewal” so my dad can actually walk me down the aisle properly and so my husband, my parents and I could actually enjoy a celebration of our marriage. Since our wedding was on a Friday this year it will be on a Saturday in 2016 which works out perfectly. I don’t want the whole wedding over again; just a small ceremony and vow renewal and then afterward a big party with our friends and family with drinks, hor d’oeuvres and a DJ in a rented space. No gifts. Considering the circumstances, do you think that it would be okay/I should do this? Or am I being selfish?

Re: Vow renewal after one year anniversary?

  • So I have not researched yet the etiquette of vow renewals but I have seen a lot of negative things on wedding “do-overs”. Before you judge, please know that I am not wanting a full wedding do-over and there were some pretty terrible circumstances during our wedding that has led me to consider a vow renewal. Our wedding was the wedding of “whatever could go wrong, went wrong”. I do welcome honest opinions though because every time I think of our wedding I literally cry and at this point I’m not sure what to do anymore. It is causing me serious depression sometimes daily crying as I just think about all the money that was spent, all the time that we spent planning and all the people who have to be disappointed with the wedding.

     

    The day of the rehearsal my mother had to go to the emergency room due to severe abdominal pain and ended up missing the rehearsal. Unfortunately, the doctors could not determine what was wrong and she still having follow up appointments to try to determine the cause. Due to this, there was already some anxiety and a lot of things that needed to be done prior to the day of the wedding did not get done.

     

    On the day of the wedding, my father woke up unable to walk or talk as he was extremely dizzy. After several hours of this same feeling an ambulance was called and he was transported to the hospital emergency room. We were not sure if he was going to be able to make it to the wedding to walk me down the aisle. My father had, had a mini-stroke. Due to this, I kept pushing back pictures because I was too upset (bursting out into tears every 15 minutes) and the start time of the wedding in hopes that he would make it. My father left the hospital against doctor’s orders so he could be there. Unfortunately, he was too weak to walk me down the full aisle (my mom walked me half way and then my dad finished walking me from where the rows of seating started). He also could not do our first dance, stand for pictures or eat dinner. The pictures we do have of him you can tell he is not feeling well, no smiles. He barely remembers the wedding at all.


    Due to my father being ill, everyone was in an even bigger panic to get things done as we were already behind schedule due to my mom being sick the day before.


    On top of all the medical issues we also had the following problems: the flowers were wrong, things were not set up correctly (programs, etc.), the food was incorrect, the venue didn’t release people properly for dinner (the 20 minutes we were advised it would take for everyone to get to the buffet took an hour), our photographer did not get all the shots I requested, my reception shoes were missing, the “reception” (dancing/drinking) was probably only an hour and half or so due to dinner being too long and us pushing back the start time of the ceremony for my dad to get there and finally (I’m sure I am probably still missing something) the cake was wrong.

     

    When I look back on our wedding day, which is supposed to be the happiest day of my life, I cry and not tears of joy. It was literally one of the worst days of my life. There was no happiness, no joy, no celebration. We didn’t get to enjoy anyone’s company or really let loose. In fact, there are a good hand full of people I didn’t even say hello to and good hand full of people I spent barely any time with (maybe only a minute or two) that included my husband’s mother and father. Our wedding was on 9/18/15 and I had hoped that after some time I wouldn’t look back on it so much in horror but would start to remember some good things that happened and maybe some fun. But the problem is every time I think about it the memories don’t get any better. All I remember is my fake smile that I put on for everyone.

     

    I have been considering doing a “vow renewal” so my dad can actually walk me down the aisle properly and so my husband, my parents and I could actually enjoy a celebration of our marriage. Since our wedding was on a Friday this year it will be on a Saturday in 2016 which works out perfectly. I don’t want the whole wedding over again; just a small ceremony and vow renewal and then afterward a big party with our friends and family with drinks, hor d’oeuvres and a DJ in a rented space. No gifts. Considering the circumstances, do you think that it would be okay/I should do this? Or am I being selfish?

    I don't think you're necessarily being selfish, but it does seem like you're trying to have a do-over.  Just throw a kickass party; the renewal of vows seems a bit early.
    image
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited October 2015

    So I have not researched yet the etiquette of vow renewals but I have seen a lot of negative things on wedding “do-overs”. Before you judge, please know that I am not wanting a full wedding do-over and there were some pretty terrible circumstances during our wedding that has led me to consider a vow renewal. Our wedding was the wedding of “whatever could go wrong, went wrong”. I do welcome honest opinions though because every time I think of our wedding I literally cry and at this point I’m not sure what to do anymore. It is causing me serious depression sometimes daily crying as I just think about all the money that was spent, all the time that we spent planning and all the people who have to be disappointed with the wedding.

     

    The day of the rehearsal my mother had to go to the emergency room due to severe abdominal pain and ended up missing the rehearsal. Unfortunately, the doctors could not determine what was wrong and she still having follow up appointments to try to determine the cause. Due to this, there was already some anxiety and a lot of things that needed to be done prior to the day of the wedding did not get done.

     

    On the day of the wedding, my father woke up unable to walk or talk as he was extremely dizzy. After several hours of this same feeling an ambulance was called and he was transported to the hospital emergency room. We were not sure if he was going to be able to make it to the wedding to walk me down the aisle. My father had, had a mini-stroke. Due to this, I kept pushing back pictures because I was too upset (bursting out into tears every 15 minutes) and the start time of the wedding in hopes that he would make it. My father left the hospital against doctor’s orders so he could be there. Unfortunately, he was too weak to walk me down the full aisle (my mom walked me half way and then my dad finished walking me from where the rows of seating started). He also could not do our first dance, stand for pictures or eat dinner. The pictures we do have of him you can tell he is not feeling well, no smiles. He barely remembers the wedding at all.


    Due to my father being ill, everyone was in an even bigger panic to get things done as we were already behind schedule due to my mom being sick the day before.


    On top of all the medical issues we also had the following problems: the flowers were wrong, things were not set up correctly (programs, etc.), the food was incorrect, the venue didn’t release people properly for dinner (the 20 minutes we were advised it would take for everyone to get to the buffet took an hour), our photographer did not get all the shots I requested, my reception shoes were missing, the “reception” (dancing/drinking) was probably only an hour and half or so due to dinner being too long and us pushing back the start time of the ceremony for my dad to get there and finally (I’m sure I am probably still missing something) the cake was wrong.

     

    When I look back on our wedding day, which is supposed to be the happiest day of my life, I cry and not tears of joy. It was literally one of the worst days of my life. There was no happiness, no joy, no celebration. We didn’t get to enjoy anyone’s company or really let loose. In fact, there are a good hand full of people I didn’t even say hello to and good hand full of people I spent barely any time with (maybe only a minute or two) that included my husband’s mother and father. Our wedding was on 9/18/15 and I had hoped that after some time I wouldn’t look back on it so much in horror but would start to remember some good things that happened and maybe some fun. But the problem is every time I think about it the memories don’t get any better. All I remember is my fake smile that I put on for everyone.

     

    I have been considering doing a “vow renewal” so my dad can actually walk me down the aisle properly and so my husband, my parents and I could actually enjoy a celebration of our marriage. Since our wedding was on a Friday this year it will be on a Saturday in 2016 which works out perfectly. I don’t want the whole wedding over again; just a small ceremony and vow renewal and then afterward a big party with our friends and family with drinks, hor d’oeuvres and a DJ in a rented space. No gifts. Considering the circumstances, do you think that it would be okay/I should do this? Or am I being selfish?

    I am sorry, but none of the circumstances you have given are good reasons to have a vow renewal.  Vow renewals are not second weddings.  The etiquette is completely different.  Fathers do not walk the wife down the aisle.  The wife does not wear a bridal gown because she is not a bride.

    Who told you that your wedding day was supposed to be the happiest day of your life?  It isn't for many brides.  It certainly wasn't for me.

    How lovely that you father was able to walk you down the aisle, even half way!  Mine died years before my wedding.  I would have given anything to have him present at my ceremony, much less walk me halfway down the aisle.  You should cherish that memory, not complain because it didn't fit your vision.

    All of your other complaints may have been annoying to YOU, but I doubt if they bothered your guests much.  They are not a good reason for a vow renewal.  You cannot recreate the wedding you didn't have, and you are bound to be disappointed.  You only get one wedding day, and you have had yours.

    What you can do is to have a wonderful anniversary party.  That would be fine.

    Good reasons for vow renewals:
    1.  A significant time has passed in your successful marriage, 25 years, 50 years, and wish to celebrate with your children and friends.
    2.  You have overcome difficult problems in your marriage.  (Separation, substance abuse, problems that require professional counseling to resolve, etc.)

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    randomslovewink0erinInLoveInQueensScottishSarah
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    So what happens if you plan this vow renewal and party and then something else bad happens right before or the day of? What will happen then if you don't get your perfect day? Another party the next year and the next until you are finally satisfied?

    Listen, you JUST got married. Let a little more time pass. You need to focus on the good. Your parents were both able to be there for your wedding. You are married to the person you love.

    Here's a list of things that went wrong at my wedding:

    The DJ was late, causing the ceremony to start late.
    The PA system stopped working multiple times during the ceremony.
    I flubbed the lines during our vows.
    My entire cake fell onto the ground as my guests were walking into the dining room.
    My dress ripped.
    The DJ didn't have my song list that I spent hours putting together.
    I didn't get half the posed shots I wanted.

    But it was still the most special day of my life so far, because I'm married to the man I love. Our loved ones were there to celebrate.

    There's no such thing as a perfect day. Lots of other posters here have stories of many things that went wrong on their wedding day. You need to move on and let this go. Focus on the good. Maybe plan a vacation. Do something. But don't sit around and obsess about what went wrong. You're doing yourself no good.

    CMGragainwink0erin
  • well, there was a lady on here a bit back and her DH had somehow stabbed her with a sword just before the ceremony.

    THAT sucked.

    Parental illness and rain hardly classify a tragedy, kwIm?

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    So I have not researched yet the etiquette of vow renewals but I have seen a lot of negative things on wedding “do-overs”. Before you judge, please know that I am not wanting a full wedding do-over and there were some pretty terrible circumstances during our wedding that has led me to consider a vow renewal. Our wedding was the wedding of “whatever could go wrong, went wrong”. I do welcome honest opinions though because every time I think of our wedding I literally cry and at this point I’m not sure what to do anymore. It is causing me serious depression sometimes daily crying as I just think about all the money that was spent, all the time that we spent planning and all the people who have to be disappointed with the wedding.


    It sounds to me as if the person most disappointed was you.  Plans did not go as thought, money may have been wasted.  You did end the day married.  It seems illogical to "fix" a mood depressed by wasted time and money, by wasting more time and money.  There is no guarantee that the second time around will fare better.

     

    The day of the rehearsal my mother had to go to the emergency room due to severe abdominal pain and ended up missing the rehearsal. Unfortunately, the doctors could not determine what was wrong and she still having follow up appointments to try to determine the cause. Due to this, there was already some anxiety and a lot of things that needed to be done prior to the day of the wedding did not get done.

     

    On the day of the wedding, my father woke up unable to walk or talk as he was extremely dizzy. After several hours of this same feeling an ambulance was called and he was transported to the hospital emergency room. We were not sure if he was going to be able to make it to the wedding to walk me down the aisle. My father had, had a mini-stroke. Due to this, I kept pushing back pictures because I was too upset (bursting out into tears every 15 minutes) and the start time of the wedding in hopes that he would make it. My father left the hospital against doctor’s orders so he could be there. Unfortunately, he was too weak to walk me down the full aisle (my mom walked me half way and then my dad finished walking me from where the rows of seating started). He also could not do our first dance, stand for pictures or eat dinner. The pictures we do have of him you can tell he is not feeling well, no smiles. He barely remembers the wedding at all.


    As a wife versus a bride at a vow renewal, it is no longer appropriate to be escorted up the aisle by your father.  I would think your first dance would be with your spouse, and not your father. 


    Due to my father being ill, everyone was in an even bigger panic to get things done as we were already behind schedule due to my mom being sick the day before.


    On top of all the medical issues we also had the following problems: the flowers were wrong, things were not set up correctly (programs, etc.), the food was incorrect, the venue didn’t release people properly for dinner (the 20 minutes we were advised it would take for everyone to get to the buffet took an hour), our photographer did not get all the shots I requested, my reception shoes were missing, the “reception” (dancing/drinking) was probably only an hour and half or so due to dinner being too long and us pushing back the start time of the ceremony for my dad to get there and finally (I’m sure I am probably still missing something) the cake was wrong.

     

    When I look back on our wedding day, which is supposed to be the happiest day of my life, I cry and not tears of joy. It was literally one of the worst days of my life. There was no happiness, no joy, no celebration. We didn’t get to enjoy anyone’s company or really let loose. In fact, there are a good hand full of people I didn’t even say hello to and good hand full of people I spent barely any time with (maybe only a minute or two) that included my husband’s mother and father. Our wedding was on 9/18/15 and I had hoped that after some time I wouldn’t look back on it so much in horror but would start to remember some good things that happened and maybe some fun. But the problem is every time I think about it the memories don’t get any better. All I remember is my fake smile that I put on for everyone.

     

    It is unfortunate that you could not get past some of the calamities and medical urgencies and focus on the fact that the actual goal of the day, getting married, did in fact occur.  That alone should have afforded you a genuine smile that could not be erased.


    I have been considering doing a “vow renewal” so my dad can actually walk me down the aisle properly and so my husband, my parents and I could actually enjoy a celebration of our marriage. Since our wedding was on a Friday this year it will be on a Saturday in 2016 which works out perfectly. I don’t want the whole wedding over again; just a small ceremony and vow renewal and then afterward a big party with our friends and family with drinks, hor d’oeuvres and a DJ in a rented space. No gifts. Considering the circumstances, do you think that it would be okay/I should do this? Or am I being selfish?


    I don't see it as selfish as much as pointless to have a vow renewal after only one year of marriage.  As others have noted, have a great first year anniversary party if you want to spend an evening with friends and family.  Of course, no one else will necessarily view this event with the same amount of import as you, so don't expect to receive the same amount of enthusiasm, interest, or attendance to your event as you did your wedding day.


  • Calling @lyndausvi ;   Didn't you have the wedding that was hit by a major hurricane?
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary
    mod
    OP,  I think you have it in your head that your wedding has to be this fairy tale perfect day and you're willing to keep trying to get that. That's not how it works. Something will ALWAYS go wrong and very rarely do weddings happen 100% as planned. If you do have this vow renewal, I think you still won't be satisfied. Something else will go wrong to "ruin" your "perfect" day. Where does it stop? Not only do I think it's inappropriate to have vow renewals so early in a marriage and without reasonable purpose (like CMGr listed above), but I think your reasoning of "I want a re-do to fix my imperfect day" is just going to set yourself up for failure again.

    My "dream" wedding was cancelled 40 days before it was scheduled because my mom was dying. We slapped together a half assed wedding in 13 days. Was it what I wanted? No. Was it awesome because my mom was there and healthy and I married my husband? Yes. That's all that matters. 


    image
    CMGragainScottishSarah
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    Vow renewals, to me, are times where a couple has overcome a major issue in their relationship or have been together for so long (think 50 years) where they want to have a huge party and restate their vows to each other that have kept them together for so long.

    To me, it sounds like you want a do over.  You got married on your wedding day.  Did the day and all the events occur suck?  Sure.  But are you happily married?  If so, then the day was a success.

    I am sorry that your parents had medical issues the day before and the day of your wedding.  I am sure that was very hard.  But just because your flowers weren't right, the food was wrong, the photographer didn't get all our "must have shots," your reception shoes went missing (What the hell?  Are you serious with this one?  This is really something that added to your day being ruined?), etc, etc is not a good enough reason to have a vow renewal.

    Shit happens.  Things go wrong.  Not everyone is lucky to have a smoothly run wedding day.  I am sure if I had a wedding day like yours I would be very disappointed.  But, life moves on.  You may have been disappointed in your wedding day, but you really need to move on.  Since it has been a year and you still literally cry every time you think about your wedding I think counseling may be needed more so then another party.

    ShesSoColdOliveOilsMom
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator 5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mod

    I agree with PPs and I agree that you can have a nice anniversary party as well. However, it almost sounds like you care more about fixing the wedding issues than the fact that your parents were very ill. If you really want to be able to celebrate your marriage with your parents, who I am assuming are now well, then I recommend just having an intimate get together with them on or near your anniversary. Take them out for a nice dinner and let them know how much they mean to you and how wonderful it is that they are able to celebrate your anniversary with you.

    I eloped and did not have any type of larger celebration when we got home. However, we did choose to take my stepdaughters out to a very nice dinner to celebrate our marriage. They are adults, so it's not like we left kids behind in the dust of our elopement, but it was nice to have that special, private time with them even though they did not witness the wedding. In my world, doing things on a more simple, personal level have more meaning and depth than having big, blow-out events.

     







  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    Did you marry your H?  Are you happy in your marriage?  Then that should be your focus right now.  Your wedding is still really fresh in your mind as its only been a month and a half.  Let more time pass.  For now, focus on your marriage.  If you feel your depression continues, seek out help for yourself.

    No wedding is perfect.  The wedding industry has set up so many brides to feel exactly the way you do now. The wedding industry is all about spending money so every little thing will be perfect.  But the problem with the wedding industry is that this build up doesn't correlate to the real world.  The real world contains the human factor - people forget things, certain flowers may become unavailable, a vendor has employee turnover that changes some details. 

    Besides your parental health issues, it sounds like many of the things that went "wrong" would have gone wrong anyway.  So those issues are out of your control and you need to find the best way you can, to let that go. 

    If you really want to have a vow renewal, I think that it should be done privately with just your H and you.  No extra guests.  Maybe go somewhere fun for vacation and have your vow renewal there.  Hire a photographer to take pictures, get a pretty dress, carry a bouquet, but keep it to just the two of you.  Then have a romantic dinner somewhere.  But don't have this big to do, even if the majority of your guests won't attend the actual renewal. 

    MairePoppy
  • Did you marry your H?  Are you happy in your marriage?  Then that should be your focus right now.  Your wedding is still really fresh in your mind as its only been a month and a half.  Let more time pass.  For now, focus on your marriage.  If you feel your depression continues, seek out help for yourself.

    No wedding is perfect.  The wedding industry has set up so many brides to feel exactly the way you do now. The wedding industry is all about spending money so every little thing will be perfect.  But the problem with the wedding industry is that this build up doesn't correlate to the real world.  The real world contains the human factor - people forget things, certain flowers may become unavailable, a vendor has employee turnover that changes some details. 

    Besides your parental health issues, it sounds like many of the things that went "wrong" would have gone wrong anyway.  So those issues are out of your control and you need to find the best way you can, to let that go. 

    If you really want to have a vow renewal, I think that it should be done privately with just your H and you.  No extra guests.  Maybe go somewhere fun for vacation and have your vow renewal there.  Hire a photographer to take pictures, get a pretty dress, carry a bouquet, but keep it to just the two of you.  Then have a romantic dinner somewhere.  But don't have this big to do, even if the majority of your guests won't attend the actual renewal. 

    I agree with all of this and was going to suggest the exact same thing.  I think it would be lovely to go away for the weekend with your DH.  Pick someplace romantic, recite vows to each other and have a great dinner, maybe a nice bottle of wine.  Think of all of the good of the past year together and toast to the future.  Your wedding was just a day, your marriage is what you should be focused on!!
    MairePoppy
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    I understand feeling sad on missing out of some of the important father-daughter moments at your wedding because your dad was so sick. I absolutely disagree with a PP that you shouldn't dance with him if you decide to have a party. There's no reason you can't dance with him whenever the two of you want - at a party, whether a big anniversary party or an intimate party, or in private, for as long as the two of you are alive. Maybe throw a Christmas party, or some other formal party, or even an anniversary party as suggested above, and dance with him then. 

    I would not make it a spotlight dance (have everyone else watch you dance), but a special dance to a song that means something to the two of you. Just because you won't be wearing your wedding dress doesn't mean it won't be a meaningful moment. Depending on the type of event, you could hire an event photographer and have the dance photographed. I think that would go a long way to assuaging your disappointment.

    For the rest, I do agree with most of the PP's. That stuff is disappointing, but not worth being upset over in the scheme of things, especially the programs and reception shoes! And at your anniversary or other party, you can redo a lot of the disappointing things, like having an awesome caterer with better time management, a cake that meets your expectations, and a longer dancing and drinking session, without having to redo the things that are specific to wedding days.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Re-doing your wedding doesn't make the first one go away. And honestly, I would side eye a renewal at one year. There is no expiration date on vows. It's not like a driver's license.

    Was there something incorrect in the vows you said six weeks ago? Did your relationship with your husband change so drastically in the last six weeks that those vows are no longer applicable? If the answer to both if those questions is no, then you need to be honest with yourself that you are trying to have a redo under the guise of a vow renewal (you shouldn't even have to say gifts aren't expected because they are never required and you shouldn't have been expecting them the first time).

    What happens if things don't go perfectly at this next party? Do you just keep redoing it until it meets your fairytale dream or people die, whichever comes first?

    All the stuff that wasn't correct at the reception is superficial. No one except you cared about the shoes on your feet. As long as people had food to eat, the don't care that it was supposed to be chicken Kiev instead of chicken tarragon. Buffets usually do take a while to go through for large crowds, so their estimate was off, but also general experience would have also told you that. As long as you didn't run out of food and everyone got to eat, that's all your guests care about. Ditto with the cake and flowers. Pretty much all cake is delicious and all flowers are pretty and not being the exact ones you ordered did not affect your guests enjoyment of then one bit. The party was shorter than you wanted, but the still got some dancing and drinking in. And if people were still in the festive mood they could have taken the party to a bar or club or someone's house and kept on partying. So basically you want to spend a lot of money, have your friends and family get dressed up and travel again, so your guests can have another shot at dancing and drinking for three hours instead of 1.5?

    As for the other stuff, yes, it sucked that both your parents had health issues that stressed you out. But you have no guarantee something like this won't happen at your redo, or that their health conditions won't get worse. Honestly, I think you need to focus on the present and be grateful for all that you do have and take time to create celebrations and memories with your loved ones. Why does it have to all be associated with your wedding? If you want pictures smiling with your dad, go to a portrait studio, get family portraits done, and go out for a nice dinner afterwards. If you want to dance with your dad, go find a song and dance with him. Or find a fancy supper club that has dancing, get dressed up for a fancy meal and then dance with him. Or does it only count when others are looking at you in a wedding dress? Invite the in-laws, too since you didn't get to spend much time with them. Host a dinner party and invite some of the people you wish you had spent more time with. There is no law that says you are only allowed to spend time with people, celebrate things, or make memories in the context of your wedding.

    I realize this sounds harsh. I get that it sucks to have something you built up end up disappointing you in the end, but truthfully, most of these seem like non-issues as far as the enjoyment of your guests are concerned, which is what the party is for to begin with. For the other stuff, both parents were there, they both walked you down the aisle (is the extra 50 ft your dad didn't walk really a deal breaker), and both of them are still here in your present. Personally, I would focus on my marriage over a party and work on being present for my family and friends for as long as I have them instead of chasing after perfecting the past. Find other kick ass ways to have fun and celebrate with your family and friends all year round.
    ShesSoColdholyguacamole79OliveOilsMom
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