So I have not researched yet the etiquette of vow renewals but I have seen a lot of negative things on wedding “do-overs”. Before you judge, please know that I am not wanting a full wedding do-over and there were some pretty terrible circumstances during our wedding that has led me to consider a vow renewal. Our wedding was the wedding of “whatever could go wrong, went wrong”. I do welcome honest opinions though because every time I think of our wedding I literally cry and at this point I’m not sure what to do anymore. It is causing me serious depression sometimes daily crying as I just think about all the money that was spent, all the time that we spent planning and all the people who have to be disappointed with the wedding.
The day of the rehearsal my mother had to go to the emergency room due to severe abdominal pain and ended up missing the rehearsal. Unfortunately, the doctors could not determine what was wrong and she still having follow up appointments to try to determine the cause. Due to this, there was already some anxiety and a lot of things that needed to be done prior to the day of the wedding did not get done.
On the day of the wedding, my father woke up unable to walk or talk as he was extremely dizzy. After several hours of this same feeling an ambulance was called and he was transported to the hospital emergency room. We were not sure if he was going to be able to make it to the wedding to walk me down the aisle. My father had, had a mini-stroke. Due to this, I kept pushing back pictures because I was too upset (bursting out into tears every 15 minutes) and the start time of the wedding in hopes that he would make it. My father left the hospital against doctor’s orders so he could be there. Unfortunately, he was too weak to walk me down the full aisle (my mom walked me half way and then my dad finished walking me from where the rows of seating started). He also could not do our first dance, stand for pictures or eat dinner. The pictures we do have of him you can tell he is not feeling well, no smiles. He barely remembers the wedding at all.
Due to my father being ill, everyone was in an even bigger panic to get things done as we were already behind schedule due to my mom being sick the day before.
On top of all the medical issues we also had the following problems: the flowers were wrong, things were not set up correctly (programs, etc.), the food was incorrect, the venue didn’t release people properly for dinner (the 20 minutes we were advised it would take for everyone to get to the buffet took an hour), our photographer did not get all the shots I requested, my reception shoes were missing, the “reception” (dancing/drinking) was probably only an hour and half or so due to dinner being too long and us pushing back the start time of the ceremony for my dad to get there and finally (I’m sure I am probably still missing something) the cake was wrong.
When I look back on our wedding day, which is supposed to be the happiest day of my life, I cry and not tears of joy. It was literally one of the worst days of my life. There was no happiness, no joy, no celebration. We didn’t get to enjoy anyone’s company or really let loose. In fact, there are a good hand full of people I didn’t even say hello to and good hand full of people I spent barely any time with (maybe only a minute or two) that included my husband’s mother and father. Our wedding was on 9/18/15 and I had hoped that after some time I wouldn’t look back on it so much in horror but would start to remember some good things that happened and maybe some fun. But the problem is every time I think about it the memories don’t get any better. All I remember is my fake smile that I put on for everyone.
I have been considering doing a “vow renewal” so my dad can actually walk me down the aisle properly and so my husband, my parents and I could actually enjoy a celebration of our marriage. Since our wedding was on a Friday this year it will be on a Saturday in 2016 which works out perfectly. I don’t want the whole wedding over again; just a small ceremony and vow renewal and then afterward a big party with our friends and family with drinks, hor d’oeuvres and a DJ in a rented space. No gifts. Considering the circumstances, do you think that it would be okay/I should do this? Or am I being selfish?