Military Brides

Long Engagement vs. being apart for first 8 months of marriage?

Hey all,

Me and my Coastie just got engaged, and we're trying to figure out the best course of action as far as the date of our wedding goes.

I'm currently in school, and he's stationed about 3 hours north of me.  We were originally talking about getting married once I got out of school (another 2 1/2 years) so that I could move up to where he is stationed and start my life with him once I graduate.  But as we've been engaged for a couple of months now, we're thinking that this long engagement isn't really the best.  I find myself wishing away the rest of my college career so I can get married, and I don't really like that I'm doing that.  We discussed getting married the summer before my last year of school, but then we would be apart for a good portion of our first year as a married couple.

Does anyone have experience with this or advice as far as which way to go?

Thanks so much!

Re: Long Engagement vs. being apart for first 8 months of marriage?

  • You will be a better partner for him through the years if you finish your education and prepare yourself for your future together.  How would getting married earlier change your relationship?  You sound very young.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    STARMOON44BostonLilly12wink0erinNotMyMonkeys
  • Sammy0709Sammy0709
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its
    member
    edited November 2015
    My best advice would be to finish school and then get married. Don't wish away your college education, focus on it as it is important. We lived apart as a married couple for about 6 months while he was stateside and we were long distance prior to being married so I do have some experience with what you're feeling. Of course I wanted to marry him as soon as he asked but I think that waiting to marry til after I finished school has given us a lot more success in life, careers, and our marriage. I know you just want to move on with your life together but, honestly, when we were separated while married I still didn't feel like we were going anywhere as a couple. We were at a stand still. It made it hard and it made me sad and I quit a really good job I probably should have hung on to for another 6 months because I just couldn't do it anymore. I can sympathize with you wanting to marry sooner but, what does it change for the positive? If the answer isn't that it will increase the strength of your bond, I would wait and really a tradition of exchanging vows and rings won't really make a difference in the bond you have. Communicating and enjoying your lives together whether you're married or not, far away or living under the same roof is the only thing that makes a difference in that. So, after all that being said, my advice is to wait. Get married when you can really be with him and start building the next chapter of your life together. It will be that much more special for you.
    image
    STARMOON44CMGragaincharlotte989875kyrgyzstan
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    How does your FI feel about getting married sooner than you both had originally thought? Is there a school near him that you could transfer to that would be a wise decision and not de-rail the work you have done so far? 
  • lc07 said:

    How does your FI feel about getting married sooner than you both had originally thought? Is there a school near him that you could transfer to that would be a wise decision and not de-rail the work you have done so far? 

    I disagree with it not derailing what you've done so far. Moving and learning how to live together in your first few years of marriage are challenging it their own right. It will likely be difficult to focus on your college education the way you should if you move. Also, there's a good possibility that at least some credits won't transfer (been there dealt with that) so you'll be adding time to your education.

    image
  • Being married wouldn't change anything about the situation.  You'd still be apart.  I'd finish school and save what you can for the wedding you want to have.


    image

    Military Newlyweds FAQ Button
    CMGragainBlue_Bird
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards