Time of Reception?

tigerlily6

Hi all,

Wanted to get thoughts on what time block seems best for my reception. I am having my ceremony at a church at 1pm -- it is a full Catholic mass, so it will last around an hour to and hour and a half -- and so it should probably be finished about 2:30. The reception will be at a separate location about a 10 minute drive away.

We are not doing a first look before the ceremony, so the photos with us and the wedding party will take place afterwards, but before the reception. The church has told us we need to have those finished by around 3:30, as there is a general mass at 4:30 and they want time to set up for that.

The reception hall is booked for our date already, but the time block we have it for is not set in stone yet. The one rule is that we get 6 hours. I was thinking the first 30 min to hour would probably be cocktail time, and then the wedding party would enter. What block seems most guest-friendly and reasonable? 4:00-10:00? 4:30 to 10:30? Or 5:00 to 11:00? 

Also, nearly all of our guests will be from out of town. I realize the proposed times above will still mean that our guests will have a few hours to kill in between the ceremony and reception. I've been to a few weddings where this has happened before, and I was fine with it is a guest since it gave me a little space to go to my hotel and rest before partying, but what is the general consensus? I could have the reception start as early as 3:00, but that means we would have to have it wrap up by 9pm, which seems early to me. 

ShesSoCold

tigerlily6 said:

Hi all,

Wanted to get thoughts on what time block seems best for my reception. I am having my ceremony at a church at 1pm -- it is a full Catholic mass, so it will last around an hour to and hour and a half -- and so it should probably be finished about 2:30. The reception will be at a separate location about a 10 minute drive away.

We are not doing a first look before the ceremony, so the photos with us and the wedding party will take place afterwards, but before the reception. The church has told us we need to have those finished by around 3:30, as there is a general mass at 4:30 and they want time to set up for that.

The reception hall is booked for our date already, but the time block we have it for is not set in stone yet. The one rule is that we get 6 hours. I was thinking the first 30 min to hour would probably be cocktail time, and then the wedding party would enter. What block seems most guest-friendly and reasonable? 4:00-10:00? 4:30 to 10:30? Or 5:00 to 11:00? 

Also, nearly all of our guests will be from out of town. I realize the proposed times above will still mean that our guests will have a few hours to kill in between the ceremony and reception. I've been to a few weddings where this has happened before, and I was fine with it is a guest since it gave me a little space to go to my hotel and rest before partying, but what is the general consensus? I could have the reception start as early as 3:00, but that means we would have to have it wrap up by 9pm, which seems early to me. 

Nope. Any gap is rude. You need to start your reception (cocktail hour) immediately after your ceremony (minus travel time, receiving line times, etc).

lyndausvi

Immediately following the ceremony is ideal.   I would say 2:30pm - 3 at the latest.

I really do not understand why so many people think 9pm is too early?   A 6 hour party is still a 6 hour party.  Do you really think ending at 11pm makes a better party?  Sorry to say, but it doesn't. 

People will care more about having to find something to do (often drinking for some people) for a few hours then having a party end at 9pm.  

MyNameIsNot

tigerlily6 said:

Hi all,

Wanted to get thoughts on what time block seems best for my reception. I am having my ceremony at a church at 1pm -- it is a full Catholic mass, so it will last around an hour to and hour and a half -- and so it should probably be finished about 2:30. The reception will be at a separate location about a 10 minute drive away.

We are not doing a first look before the ceremony, so the photos with us and the wedding party will take place afterwards, but before the reception. The church has told us we need to have those finished by around 3:30, as there is a general mass at 4:30 and they want time to set up for that.

The reception hall is booked for our date already, but the time block we have it for is not set in stone yet. The one rule is that we get 6 hours. I was thinking the first 30 min to hour would probably be cocktail time, and then the wedding party would enter. What block seems most guest-friendly and reasonable? 4:00-10:00? 4:30 to 10:30? Or 5:00 to 11:00? 

Also, nearly all of our guests will be from out of town. I realize the proposed times above will still mean that our guests will have a few hours to kill in between the ceremony and reception. I've been to a few weddings where this has happened before, and I was fine with it is a guest since it gave me a little space to go to my hotel and rest before partying, but what is the general consensus? I could have the reception start as early as 3:00, but that means we would have to have it wrap up by 9pm, which seems early to me. 

Gaps are extremely rude. Leaving your guests with time to kill is not acceptable.

If you ceremony ends at 2:30 (which is unlikely, a mass wedding is usually less than an hour) and there's a 10 minute drive, your reception should start no later than 2:45. Realistically, your ceremony isn't going to exceed an hour and you'll want to start cocktail hour at 2:30.

Your guests will attend cocktail hour while you finish up photos. Then you start the remainder of the reception once you arrive.

Maggie0829

If your ceremony ends at 2:30 then your cocktail hour should start no later then 2:45 (taking into account for the drive time).  So that means the main reception should begin no later then 4pm (extending cocktail hour by 15 minutes).

JediElizabeth

I'd look at it this way: ending at 9 pm means the afterparty can start by 10, and the partying can continue at whatever bar is nearby.

(edited because of my endless war with iPhone autocorrect)

tigerlily6

Excellent. Thanks, all! Like I said, I have seen some weddings with those time gaps, but I felt in my gut that it maybe wasn't right. Thanks for confirming. 

I am pretty sure the ceremony will last over an hour. Regular masses with this priest are generally an hour long, plus we will be adding the wedding ritual on top of that. The wedding coordinator for the church advised me to plan on about an hour and fifteen minutes to an hour and a half. 

lnixon8

Your guests don't need time to rest at the hotel. They (hopefully) didn't do manual labor- they sat in the car to get to your wedding and then they sat, stood, kneeled (knelt?) and sat some more for your ceremony. 

If you really want a later reception take pictures somewhere other than the church and have your ceremony go from 2-3 so you'll be out of there by 3:30.

tigerlily6

@Inixon8, I sadly cannot change the time of the ceremony. Our church has been non-negotiable about that. 1pm on Saturdays is the only time they have weddings. 

That being said, I can definitely change for an earlier reception time, and after getting the 411 here, I am going to see if I can get the reception started around 2:30 or 2:45. I liked @JediElizabeth's point that anybody still up for partying after 9pm can go to an afterparty at a local bar. That seems pretty reasonable to me.

tigerlily6

I really, really appreciate everybody's advice. I know some newbies can get really touchy when their ideas are admonished, but I am so grateful for the honesty, because I know I'm clueless and probably stumbling around considering poor planning choices, so it is nice to get the direction. And it is so hard to get advice straight up!

I have asked several friends and family members opinions about my planning ideas, and while I love them, the response I keep getting is "It's YOUR day, you decide." This answer has come to be the bane of my existence in wedding planning.

If my wedding was really just "my day", then I would elope, and it wouldn't matter. But I consciously want friends and family there to celebrate, and their presence is a huge gift to FI and me, since it has been their influences across our lives that have helped us get where we are.

There's been a lot of times where I sit there, frustrated, because I know in my gut that there has to be ettiquette to follow, but I just keep being asked what I want. Ha! I want to be a good friend and family member, and make my guests feel welcome properly! Thank you all for honesty and believing that weddings are much more than just a "me" day for brides. It is a message that is hard to find, but I agree firmly with it.

End rant. 

[Deleted User]

tigerlily6 said:

I really, really appreciate everybody's advice. I know some newbies can get really touchy when their ideas are admonished, but I am so grateful for the honesty, because I know I'm clueless and probably stumbling around considering poor planning choices, so it is nice to get the direction. And it is so hard to get advice straight up!

I have asked several friends and family members opinions about my planning ideas, and while I love them, the response I keep getting is "It's YOUR day, you decide." This answer has come to be the bane of my existence in wedding planning.

If my wedding was really just "my day", then I would elope, and it wouldn't matter. But I consciously want friends and family there to celebrate, and their presence is a huge gift to FI and me, since it has been their influences across our lives that have helped us get where we are.

There's been a lot of times where I sit there, frustrated, because I know in my gut that there has to be ettiquette to follow, but I just keep being asked what I want. Ha! I want to be a good friend and family member, and make my guests feel welcome properly! Thank you all for honesty and believing that weddings are much more than just a "me" day for brides. It is a message that is hard to find, but I agree firmly with it.

End rant. 

You're awesome!  I like you!  Ask more questions, we love to help!!!!!

lyndausvi

I said this in another thread, but it's worth repeating:

What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 


Would I express to a couple that I hate gaps and think they are rude?   No.  Do I think more highly of a couple when there isn't a gap?  You bet your bottom dollar I do.

tigerlily6

Okay, last question on this topic. On the invitations, what is the proper way to word info about a reception? First, should it be on the actual invitation, or the guest info card that will be added? And second, do I say the cocktail hour starts at 2:30, and the reception at 3:30, or do I just say the reception begins at 2:30?

tigerlily6

Okay, nevermind question one -- just checked the wedding board on invites and found the answer. But as for whether to say the reception starts at 2:30, or the cocktail hour, which is the correct and/or preferred way?

lyndausvi

I feel like the cocktail hour is still part of the reception.  So just putting that time is good enough.

NowIAmSyp

tigerlily6 said:

I really, really appreciate everybody's advice. I know some newbies can get really touchy when their ideas are admonished, but I am so grateful for the honesty, because I know I'm clueless and probably stumbling around considering poor planning choices, so it is nice to get the direction. And it is so hard to get advice straight up!

I have asked several friends and family members opinions about my planning ideas, and while I love them, the response I keep getting is "It's YOUR day, you decide." This answer has come to be the bane of my existence in wedding planning.

If my wedding was really just "my day", then I would elope, and it wouldn't matter. But I consciously want friends and family there to celebrate, and their presence is a huge gift to FI and me, since it has been their influences across our lives that have helped us get where we are.

There's been a lot of times where I sit there, frustrated, because I know in my gut that there has to be ettiquette to follow, but I just keep being asked what I want. Ha! I want to be a good friend and family member, and make my guests feel welcome properly! Thank you all for honesty and believing that weddings are much more than just a "me" day for brides. It is a message that is hard to find, but I agree firmly with it.

End rant. 

Whoa....  are you, like, real?  Lol.  Awesome.  Welcome to TK!

tigerlily6

After talking with parents (who are paying), bridesmaids and groomsmen, and several invited guests, so far everybody wants the reception to go later, until 10:30 or 11pm (my parents are especially for this, since later receptions are typical in the area they are from [where gaps are common, and why I wasn't quite sure about whether they were appropriate or not]). I have explained clearly that, due to etiquette and concern for our guests, I don't want there to be a gap for our guests. One friend has suggested reserving another room in the same building as our hall (it is a large student union) and using that as the cocktail hour space before moving everybody down the other room for the reception. FI and I may end up paying for this on our own, since I'm not sure my parents understand that gaps are an issue, but I think we can save up a bit and do so. Is this acceptable, or should I say no? 

LondonLisa

tigerlily6 said:

After talking with parents (who are paying), bridesmaids and groomsmen, and several invited guests, so far everybody wants the reception to go later, until 10:30 or 11pm (my parents are especially for this, since later receptions are typical in the area they are from [where gaps are common, and why I wasn't quite sure about whether they were appropriate or not]). I have explained clearly that, due to etiquette and concern for our guests, I don't want there to be a gap for our guests. One friend has suggested reserving another room in the same building as our hall (it is a large student union) and using that as the cocktail hour space before moving everybody down the other room for the reception. FI and I may end up paying for this on our own, since I'm not sure my parents understand that gaps are an issue, but I think we can save up a bit and do so. Is this acceptable, or should I say no? 

Just so I am clear, this means (roughly)

1:00 Mass
2:30 end mass
2:45 cocktail hour 
3:45/4 reception starts
4:05 Intro, 1st dance
4:15 food served
5:45 cut the cake
6: speeches over cake/dessert
6:15 dancing starts
9:45/10 reception ends

Since the cocktail hour will be in the same building as the reception, I think that is fine. However, this is cocktail HOUR not cocktail hourS. 

You get 1 hour (maybe 1:15 to accommodate the group changing rooms, finding their seats and getting settled). So this means your reception still runs 4-10pm. It might be a better compromise but you cant have a 2 hour cocktail hours to push your end by 11. Trust me, it stops the party dead when everyone just wants to sit down and eat real food. Nothing kills the party mood like waiting around and forced mingling past everyone's comfort limit (which is usually around an hour). 

But if I am honest, if I have been at mass since 1:00 and drinking since 2:30-I am exhausted by 9 anyway.

It is your call, but you know your crowd.-Do you think yo you may be waisting money bu essentially hosting them for an extra hour, only to have them leave an hour early into the reception? do they regularly dance for 3.5- 4 hours?

artbyallie

I'm sure your reception hall will allow you to pay an additional fee for an extra hour or two. Have you asked them?

Maggie0829

LondonLisa said:

tigerlily6 said:

After talking with parents (who are paying), bridesmaids and groomsmen, and several invited guests, so far everybody wants the reception to go later, until 10:30 or 11pm (my parents are especially for this, since later receptions are typical in the area they are from [where gaps are common, and why I wasn't quite sure about whether they were appropriate or not]). I have explained clearly that, due to etiquette and concern for our guests, I don't want there to be a gap for our guests. One friend has suggested reserving another room in the same building as our hall (it is a large student union) and using that as the cocktail hour space before moving everybody down the other room for the reception. FI and I may end up paying for this on our own, since I'm not sure my parents understand that gaps are an issue, but I think we can save up a bit and do so. Is this acceptable, or should I say no? 

Just so I am clear, this means (roughly)

1:00 Mass
2:30 end mass
2:45 cocktail hour 
3:45/4 reception starts
4:05 Intro, 1st dance
4:15 food served
5:45 cut the cake
6: speeches over cake/dessert
6:15 dancing starts
9:45/10 reception ends

Since the cocktail hour will be in the same building as the reception, I think that is fine. However, this is cocktail HOUR not cocktail hourS. 

You get 1 hour (maybe 1:15 to accommodate the group changing rooms, finding their seats and getting settled). So this means your reception still runs 4-10pm. It might be a better compromise but you cant have a 2 hour cocktail hours to push your end by 11. Trust me, it stops the party dead when everyone just wants to sit down and eat real food. Nothing kills the party mood like waiting around and forced mingling past everyone's comfort limit (which is usually around an hour). 

But if I am honest, if I have been at mass since 1:00 and drinking since 2:30-I am exhausted by 9 anyway.

It is your call, but you know your crowd.-Do you think yo you may be waisting money bu essentially hosting them for an extra hour, only to have them leave an hour early into the reception? do they regularly dance for 3.5- 4 hours?

All of this.  Especially the bolded.

scribe95 said:

This is really odd to me. What does it matter when the reception ends? 

And this too.  I mean, if your parents and others want to continue partying it is called going down the street to a local bar.

tigerlily6

I know. Talked to FI's family, and it was the same. This is a weird fumble I had not anticipated. *headdesk*
I do think there will be guests (we have about thirty 20 somethings on our guest list) and even some of the older guests like parents and aunts and uncles who are hardy partiers, and will go to at least 10pm, so it probably will be worth the money. And thankfully the student union, where the reception will be, has a hotel attached to it where I have reserved a block of rooms, so guests won't have to drive anywhere. I like the proposed timeline by @LondonLisa, which would take us to 10pm. I think I would probably modify it slightly, to adjust for some time for parent/child dances, and also, in lieu of a garter toss (not a fan of this), I was going to do the Shoe Game. I saw a friend do this at her wedding and it was really fun and also nice for me as guest who didn't know her husband at all beforehand -- gave me a chance to learn a bit about him. So probably it will look more like this?

1:00 Mass
2:30 End Mass
2:45 Cocktail Hour
3:45/ 4 reception starts
4:05 Intro/ Shoe Game
4:30 Food Served
6:00 Cut the Cake
6:15 Speeches and Toasts
6:30 First Dance/ Parent-Child Dances, Longest Couple Dance
6:45 Dancefloor Open
9:45 Bouquet Toss/ Exit

I'm also going to do some price checking to see just how much adding an extra hour on the hall we already have reserved would cost. But does this seem feasible? Again, thank you all for your insights! 

Maggie0829

@tigerlily6 - if you are going to do the shoe game please do it when people can eat or something.  I know that you enjoyed it at your friends wedding, but I would have been bored senseless.  To me forcing everyone to watch you play this game is just as bad as doing a choreographed dance or some other AW thing.  I personally don't know many people who would be enthralled to watch this, especially if we have to wait for our dinner for you to play it.

banana468

scribe95 said:

This is really odd to me. What does it matter when the reception ends? 

FWIW, it was really important to me to have a reception that went into the evening hours.   If it didn't, the group thought was "after party at the MOB and FOB's house."   It's what had been done in my family for generations.   And because we're a loud Irish Catholic group, we yell and make assumptions and show up expecting booze.   And because we're in Connecticut, we have blue laws that make it impossible to procure said booze basically once you need to turn on a light in the summer.  So we made sure that the party ended well enough into the evening that no one thought to keep the party going anywhere other than a bar. 

thisismynickname2

As someone who has attended numerous weddings with gaps just so the party can go late into the evening (headdesk!), I am thrilled with what you're planning. With the gaps, I have stayed at the reception until 10 or 11 because I'm tired from being at the ceremony at 1 or 2pm. There are so many hours we can function, mythical resting time during the gap or not. 
So, people like me get to go wedding, reception, and to bed. Yay! People with lots of energy get to go to wedding, reception, and to an after party. Yay!

Take as many photos as you can before the ceremony, by the way. That way you only have portraits and full-party / immediate family photos to take after the ceremony. 

LondonLisa

Maggie0829 said:

@tigerlily6 - if you are going to do the shoe game please do it when people can eat or something.  I know that you enjoyed it at your friends wedding, but I would have been bored senseless.  To me forcing everyone to watch you play this game is just as bad as doing a choreographed dance or some other AW thing.  I personally don't know many people who would be enthralled to watch this, especially if we have to wait for our dinner for you to play it.

Truth!

Please don't make me sit through nearly 30 minutes of asinine questions when we have already sat through a nearly 2 hour mass. At least do it when I can eat something. 

tigerlily6

@Maggie0829, good to know! Thank you! I was not sure about the best place to put that, but I can move it around. 

And @banana468, yeah, our relatives are a mixture of both German/Irish Catholics, and Polish Catholics from the midwest. Among some of the regular musical fare, there will be polka, bluegrass, and square dances on the playlist. Lots of dancing and booze will be expected. 

Cookie Pusher

My wedding reception ended at 9pm (it was in the summer, so it had just gotten dark). We started the bar crawl/after party at 10pm once everyone got a chance to check into the hotel and/or change clothes. We were out until almost last call (2am). I have no idea why people ever make a big deal about when a reception ends. Oh, it ends early but you have a sitter for little Susie for another few hours? Great, that's enough time to hang out at a bar or go see a movie or do some other activity you don't get to do much of!

glasgowtolondon

Wtf is the shoe game and why does it belong in a wedding timeline?

tigerlily6

https://www.theknot.com/content/shoe-game-wedding-reception-game-questions

I'm not set on it completely, but it is something I have considered, since I've seen this or similar other things at weddings and I personally always liked them, especially when I didn't know much about the groom/ bride (and we have a number of friends on both sides who haven't met one of us). However, I may be a bit of sap that way. Given the negative feedback, I am also considering nixing it altogether, now. I think I'll poll a few family members and trusted friends, and see what they think. 

SP29

If your families want a long party, I would see how much it would cost to extend your reception an hour or two; start the reception right after the ceremony and add the time to the end of the night. 

As for cocktail hour(s) while I am "OK" with a longer cocktail hour if it is hosted, it is still not ideal.

One of my friends had a 2 hour cocktail "hour". Everything was at the same venue, so no travel, open bar, apps then dinner later- generally very well hosted. But 2 hours was WAY too long. Even with passed apps, I and some other guests were still hungry for dinner (it was a Friday wedding, ceremony at 5pm, dinner not served until 7:30). As I hadn't eaten since lunch that day, I was getting pretty hangry . So if you consider your guests would have to eat well before 1pm to accommodate travel, guests are going to be hungry if you have a long cocktail hour and push back dinner too much. 

At my own wedding, our cocktail "hour" was 1.5 hours, and I even felt that was too long. Our ceremony started at 3:30pm, and even though the cocktail hour was 1.5 hours post ceremony + receiving line, by the time guests get seated, the WP gets seated and the first course hits the table, it was a bit after 6pm. I found towards the end of the cocktail hour guests stopped mingling as much and began seating themselves- guests wanted dinner! And so did I! 

spockforprez

tigerlily6 said:

https://www.theknot.com/content/shoe-game-wedding-reception-game-questions

I'm not set on it completely, but it is something I have considered, since I've seen this or similar other things at weddings and I personally always liked them, especially when I didn't know much about the groom/ bride (and we have a number of friends on both sides who haven't met one of us). However, I may be a bit of sap that way. Given the negative feedback, I am also considering nixing it altogether, now. I think I'll poll a few family members and trusted friends, and see what they think. 

FWIW, I really love the shoe game. We won't have it because FH refused, lol, but I don't think it's really that awful. I think it's really funny and can be cute! Maybe doing it during dinner service, before the cake cutting?